Lolcow Phenotypes - Noticed lolcows that resemble each other? Let's classify

  • 🐕 I am attempting to get the site runnning as fast as possible. If you are experiencing slow page load times, please report it.

Arbiter

Is the more delulu
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Apr 24, 2025
What would you call this phenotype? It makes me instantly wary and distrustful of otherwise seemingly benign men (like the Stay Flexy guy, for instance).
83a63c61-fc64-454a-823d-c8530b5e2fd0-profile_image-300x300.webp63576542.webpjoshua-weissman-1024x587.webpjorobe-banned-1627078735686.webp53765274.webp
Examples: Kevin Gibbes, Joshua Weissman, Jorobe, MovementByDavid

It's characterized by
- Thin and wispy blond/dirty blond hair, usually somewhat balding
- Light, patchy mustache and chin beard
- Glasses
- Small, squinty, light eyes
- Small nose
- Large, round or square-shaped head
- Big, broad forehead
- Annoying voice, sort of bordering on gayvoice
 
Last edited:
Thats what all the men in Wisconsin look like. They are squat with lil stubby legs with wide calfs. Most of their ancestry is German so maybe there is something to explore there. Kind of a Philip Seymour Hoffman/Jim Gaffigan type look.

There is def something to the beady eyes thing. Many cows have these types of eyes - Chantal, Idubbz, Anisa, Hasan, Anna OBrien, Wingz, AmberLynn, Jude, Becky, Virgie, Kelly Lenza, Corissa, Rekieta, DSP, PPP. There's def something to explore there, perhaps having small eyes makes its harder to express and mimic emotion leading to an inability to empathize.
 
The beard and glasses combo. If you have a beard and glasses, you need to pick either one or the other because people with this look are not to be trusted, especially if they have dark hair. Sometimes people with light hair (like Pewdiepie) can get away with it, but dark hair, beard, and glasses is like an unholy Venn Diagram. The hipster redditor trifecta. Usually goes along with dead eyes, pseudo-intellectualism, soy, and sex-pestery.

1747100771034.webp1747100794346.webp1747100812316.webp1747101003864.webp
Ex.) Matt Walsh, Vaush, Mr. Girl, Phil Fish
 
The beard and glasses combo. If you have a beard and glasses, you need to pick either one or the other because people with this look are not to be trusted, especially if they have dark hair. Sometimes people with light hair (like Pewdiepie) can get away with it, but dark hair, beard, and glasses is like an unholy Venn Diagram. The hipster redditor trifecta. Usually goes along with dead eyes, pseudo-intellectualism, soy, and sex-pestery.
It kind of reminds me of a craft beer hipster from the 2010s, if he gave up on all his kinda annoying but morally harmless artsy hobbies to let being "edgy" and provacative about politics consume him. I wonder if that group is really where these people stem from since that genre of hipster seems to have died out.

I had a professor who looked exactly like this. He would cuss like a sailor despite the professional setting and overshare to us about stuff like how his "partner" (girlfriend that he won't ever marry or have children with) was a "bad bitch with a PhD", or how he wishes he could be fully atheist but can't entirely shake off his Catholic upbringing and belief in God, and try to debate us with devil's advocate hot takes like "free will isn't real, what d'you have to say about THAT!" or "strippers and masochists are the dominant ones in the power dynamic, actually" only to get disappointed when most people just reacted with "yeah, ok, I guess if you say so" because although his true passion was philosophy, they stuck him with teaching a basic low-level required English course full of freshmen who couldn't be bothered.

Would otherwise be an insufferable genre of person based on his values but him being a professor redeemed him since you could just watch him screw around theatrically for attention or debate him on random stuff for the whole class, so he was paradoxically pretty likeable in that regard. Nothing against the man, he was a genuine person even if it meant being genuinely annoying and he was a teacher who really tried to engage with his students instead of just regurgitating a textbook. Hope he recovers from his trash opinions for his own sake.
 
"strippers and masochists are the dominant ones in the power dynamic, actually"
I've had professors like that, but that topic would have made me super uncomfortable and suspicious lmao why would he bring that up to you guys. Agree about the hipster thing. Someone put these men in a coffee shop/microbrewery/prison where they belong.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Prostolurk
I've had professors like that, but that topic would have made me super uncomfortable and suspicious lmao why would he bring that up to you guys. Agree about the hipster thing. Someone put these men in a coffee shop/microbrewery/prison where they belong.
I don't think he really believed it, iirc it was a discussion about what "power" is and he was bringing up some degenerate famous philosopher's dubious take to provoke us to participate and fight back. He would acknowledge that sometimes he gets un-PC and to let him know if he's gone too far off the rails for you, so he came off more as super immature and spergy with no filter. Still weird but in a different way. I did respect that although he was clearly quite leftist, unlike other liberal profs I had who'd police and sanitize discussions and word use, he wasn't into censorship and any view was fair game if you could back it up.

Now that I think about it, often times a lot of why that genre of person is usually annoying is because of their nitpicky, micromanagey, and huffy and puffy tendencies. The reddit janny mindset kills likeability no matter who you are. Even someone with dumb views and interests redeems themselves a bit if they're able to take it in stride and have good humor when you call it out as dumb, and even someone who's right falls from grace if they can't stop spouting steam from their ears. I knew a guy who I mostly had similar opinions as, but he was so chronically MATI that it was awful to talk to him since he'd even turn and get mad at you for "not agreeing enough" if you weren't as visibly angry as him.
 
I have found another phenotype. Usually these guys are slim and somewhat athletic/fit, cardio-focused. Blue eyes, often creepily blue with a soulless, intense look. Big smiles that show gum, and with teeth that are straight and sometimes white to an unnatural degree. They typically have short, dark, mousy hair. Usually have stubble. Strong jaw. They are more conventionally attractive than most lolcow phenotypes, but there is something about their appearance that gives them away as being "off". I can't quite pinpoint it, but it's there. You can just see in their face that they are insane underneath or something (of course it's completely apparent with ones like Jeffery who present it proudly). Tend to have manipulative, fake personalities. Even their voices are similar in a way.
Examples: Jeffrey Marsh, Channon Rose's husband Travis, and the adulterer-turned-relationship guru Jimmy on Relationships (he isn't a know lolcow, but I don't trust him).

1751981779008.webp1751981812393.webp1751981870757.webp
 
Lolcow culture is strongly centered in the American Midwest, American pacific northwest, upstate new York, and the Toronto metro area, so most of the people we hate on are white people. Men are more fun to dunk on as individuals so most of the people we hate on are men.

There's only so many ways people can look, amd since we're all autistic here its even harder for us to tell them apart.
 
I call this one the MovieBlob Phenotype, Fat, wears glasses, has shit sense of style, balding if they haven't gone bald already, staunch feminists and SJWs, loves to troon chase alongside being a creep, usually has a beard because they don't shave good, heavily obsessed with 90s Nintendo cause they grew up with it, constantly wish death upon their enemies, and are heavily obsessed with what the younger generations are doing.
Examples of this would be MovieBob himself, Andrew Dobson, and Cory Anotado.
CnP_08072025_203754.webpCnP_08072025_203818.webpCnP_08072025_235255.webp
 
I call this one the MovieBlob Phenotype, Fat, wears glasses, has shit sense of style, balding if they haven't gone bald already, staunch feminists and SJWs, loves to troon chase alongside being a creep, usually has a beard because they don't shave good, heavily obsessed with 90s Nintendo cause they grew up with it, constantly wish death upon their enemies, and are heavily obsessed with what the younger generations are doing.
Examples of this would be MovieBob himself, Andrew Dobson, and Cory Anotado.
View attachment 7620068View attachment 7620072View attachment 7620678
Yes! This is a good one. There's a lot of these egg-headed guys. Do you think people like MundaneMatt and Cooking with Jack fit in this group, or are they in a separate but related one? The fat, glasses (usually square and thin), round head, goatee combo is such a powerful lolcow recipe. The Al from Toy Story 2 archetype.
1752066069382.webp1752066056245.webp1752066081872.webp
 
Yes! This is a good one. There's a lot of these egg-headed guys. Do you think people like MundaneMatt and Cooking with Jack fit in this group, or are they in a separate but related one? The fat, glasses (usually square and thin), round head, goatee combo is such a powerful lolcow recipe. The Al from Toy Story 2 archetype.
View attachment 7621754View attachment 7621753View attachment 7621755
yeah they'd fit under that too. A bit different in their ideals but same phenotype
 
  • Like
Reactions: Arbiter
Back