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Goofy Logic said:
Fun fact - British weapon laws basically say it is up to the discretion of the arresting officer to determine if you possess an item for a (un)lawful purpose. You cannot ever possess any item for self-defense, because then that is a weapon and weapons are illegal, mate.

That is why you see the British police doing these "ridiculous" weapon haul posts - anything can be a weapon if you squint hard enough.
Click to expand...
It gets "better".

Sometimes, at the completely arbitrary discretion of the government, you can be subject to "fast-track justice", which aims to take you from arrest to multi-year prison sentences in days. This was employed after the Southport and Manchester riots, basically any time the establishment feels under threat. Under these circumstances, you do not have time to secure any legal representation so you must either rely on the "Duty Solicitor" or represent yourself at trial. You may not delay the trial to secure yourself representation.

The Duty Solicitor is under no obligation to provide you with an effective defence, and you cannot instruct them on how to question witnesses, or whether to question witnesses at all. They are protected against any claims that they may have provided you with an ineffective defence. Whereas if you represent yourself, you are not allowed to question witnesses at all. This "reform" was sold to the public as a way to stop rapists interrogating their victims, but applies to all violent crime and all witnesses - including Police officers (just in case you intimidate a policeman). In cases of rioting or Hurty Words, the only witnesses are almost always Police officers, who can make up anything they want. You can't question them, and the government-appointed lawyers you are forced to have represent them are under no obligation to question them either.

Dozens of people were sent down for up to 10 years for rioting on the say-so of a single Police officer who was not cross-examined.

On a related note, here are some memes that sum up how being British makes me feel:
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