Id love the farms thoughts on this, stealing things may be black but so is making me be my own diddly dang cashier and whose to say I know how to work the machine, ive never had formal cash register schooling or even a intro course, whose to say what gets rung up as a banana by accident, this is why you pay professional checkout girls with recently certified credentials to prevent just such banana related mishaps at the checkout.
truly one of the ideas of all time for corporate America
"Alright people, great quarter but this next one needs to be even better, we arent leaving this confrence room until I get a good idea that will get our bottom line higher, think big, our C suits are pushing hard on whatever this new idea will be and are ready to put real fuel to this engine, IE, operations budget is limitless and the bonus budget only slightly less so. So come on what do we have? Yes Jenkins?"
"uhh sir our biggest loss other than our costs of operation that are fixed beyond our domain is just that, loss, theft sir, Im thinking we use this "blank check" as you put it to do a nationwide corprate funded hiring of loss prevention boots on the ground, its a win in more ways than it seems, LP is a Federally recognized prior felon(in good standing) approved position with the accompanying tax incentives so lucrative they border on the definition of sheer tax breaks, all our franchise owners both large and small benifit from this, there is no scaling issue, everyone no matter size or traffic volume will appreciate resources in this department ESPECIALLY when they dont need to pay out of there own pocket, long term its more money in there pocket witch just comes to us. I havent even gotten to the best part, we couple this with a huge ad campaign about highlighting our commitment to stand up against crime in all forms while also very clearly highlighting our intention to use this opportunity, not to use those who might have been guilty of similar mistakes in the past as a mascot to be ridiculed but as a shining example of how those who make the right decsions will be given the opporuntites and trust to sucseed even after being apart of the problem previously, heck based on these mock ups I have in this presitation on my thumbdrive the goodwill generated alone will account for a 13% YoY revenue increase (with a 3 year standard deviation) in our stroes located in areas afflicted by high larceny rates, clinical trials as well as our own data shows people shop longer and more frequently and spend noticably more in a store they feel is devoid of crime. If youll allow me to get to the projector I can show you exactly what I mean!"
"Jenkins your fired, Chad what do you got for me?
"uhhhhh, shit what if we made the people buying our shit also like, idk figure out how much it all costs and just handle all that shit themselves, we cut cashiers in 2,500 stores thats 2.5 billion savings IN THE FIRST MONTH that will give us the best quarter since this company was founded not some gay bullshit that takes like a year just to go up a little bit"
"Chad your a motherfucking genius, get the interns drafting it and when those group finish fire and black ball them and get another group, little more naive this time, to do the leg work then rinse and repeat. CYTHIA, send jeninks a bag of cocaine as a serverence package and order our usual post buisness genuis strippers and ketamine"
5 years later
"Chad people are stealing shit, you dident say anything about them stealing shit, fuck it, hire the loss prevention employees, its worst of both worlds but hey its not my money and I already got my bonus from 5 years ago, besides im about to golden parachute to go work for the SEC anyway"
