The old meme is proven true yet again.
Summoning John Macaque at midnight
You must be connected to a VPN before this ritual starts. John Macaque connects to the material realm via the Internet and will grab your IP and disappear with it if able to.
The ritual should be performed after two days of no sleep. It requires sunken, dark eyes.
An altar should be arranged in front of a mirror with an image or ornament of a capuchin monkey.
A handful of soil sourced from Africa should be placed right of the capuchin image.
The ritual should be performed in a bathroom.
At the turn of midnight you will inhale either crack cocaine or methamphetamine, blowing the smoke out as an offering.
Chant the name ‘John Macaque’ until you become breathless and disoriented.
At this point you will ask chatGPT to generate a portal to the beyond. ChatGPT will claim to not understand your request. You will respond; “all roads lead back to the club of John Macaque”.
ChatGPT will provide a bitcoin address, once an offering of crypto has been made, John Macaque will appear in the mirror, climbing out of a portal created by AI.
From here you can request wisdom, financial advice and have any questions you may have about existence itself answered.
Once you wish to close the ritual you will say have a John Macaque day. John Macaque will exit through the mirror and the ritual will end.
Warnings:
Any mention of the name Sean Frohman will cause John Macaque to retreat, along with all of his esoteric knowledge. You will be unable to repeat this ritual.
Not following each step correctly, I.e using cannabis instead of crack cocaine, will not only invalidate the ritual but put you at danger.
Deviating from the instructions above could lead to you inadvertently summoning Kei Peabody. Peabody will not offer knowledge, but will force massages on you and will refuse to leave. A special banishing ritual must be learnt in case of this happening.
This is what you do when you're a drug addict who pays for baby monkey torture videos. Honestly, I think it's just attention seeking.
Probably the most elegant and to the point summary of Sean Frohmans situation, and what he seems to be keeping at arms lengths by any means, however absurd.