💪 Tough Guys Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

[RollingRock2]

If you enjoyed Josiah 3, consider Fat Rick VS Andrew Nadolski, who challenged real life tough guy Pat to a fight and drove 5 hours to Hooligan's bar only for Pat to hide in the half hovel and soil his fart couch. Pat then tried to get a restraining order against someone he had never seen, never spoked to, and who lives in a different state.

 

[McMitch]

The final Josiah tape is a certified hood classic, but for me the funniest thing isn't any of the severely hilarious lines themselves, but the fact a clearly middle aged man is SEETHING at a snotty teenager/young man. Way to let some sprat absolutely chap your ass fatso.

If forced to pick a favorite line, I'm going to have to go with: "Your problem, child, is that we already figured that out", "You figured out that you are a fat faggot with bitch tits?"

That is some fucking Happy Gilmore "I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast/you eat pieces of shit for breakfast" tier comedy.

For me it’s the “Shut your fucking mouth!” followed by a flat “anyway” as a segue which is such a fucking Midwest Gen Xer thing to do, more indicative of the generation than “whatever” ever was, despite Fatrick being solidly a millennial. Honestly, in retrospect, it most certainly comes from him selling insurance: insurance sales seems to be the only thing Gen Xers managed to shutter out in the same way Boomers shuttered out every other industry.

 

[Useful_Mistake]

After reading your post, I looked up the video to which you were alluding. It's the first time I've heard Patrick speak, and I'm surprised by how effeminate he sounds. He has such a schlubby, five-o'-clock-shadow, hamburger-chompin' look, but he speaks with the vocal equivalent of a raised pinky.

Is it any surprise given how his father speaks?

💪 Tough Guys Post in thread 'Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5'

Dec 13, 2024

Call from Thomas Tomlinson dated 08/02/2022
Dispatch_1_2022_08_02_15_02_05.wav

Regarding the swatting doc I released earlier, particularly where a Sargent and a Deputy claim there were more swattings at Patrick's family;

This is preliminary, but I am informed that no record of any such events exist. I have someone looking into it again, but it is interesting to note.

A final update. "I have checked for any further swatting incidents for the address on CTH Z as well as under all names at this residence and have located none."

• Useful_Mistake

Reactions: x 37 x 22 x 11 x 3

 

[AnOminous]

That is some fucking Happy Gilmore "I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast/you eat pieces of shit for breakfast" tier comedy.

Happy Gilmore is one of Sandler's chief achievements. It says a lot that that line, which sent my sides into orbit, is the second best scene in the movie. This obviously being the first.

 

[Sneedfully and Peacefully]

I just can't believe he actually talks in, "No, child. Enjoy prison."-speak in real life. I really can't believe it. It never even occurred to me that Patrick's deranged idiolect would extend beyond social media.

Big effort post.

I am of the opinion that he has some extremely weird or mild form of DID. Or something close to it. The way he's so unbelievably sassy is a cut above his other moments heard speaking such as when he was at that protest in his pink "I'm here to help" shirt (he also no childs in that but it's not sassy and smug), his court appearance, and the various parts of his victim tour where he's playing the victim and being very mild.

This leads me to believe that he knows how to play to an audience, but Josiah was a step too far. The fact he hangs up and calls back shows how fucked up he's gotta be to realize he fell for such an obvious troll. He was expecting to be HEARD, to have a 500 word article or whatever the fuck Josiah promised for HuffPo about him, and then to be called FFWBT broke his brain so hard that on the next exhale left Patrick, and on the following inhale came in Mama Raven. He's heard enough disciplining of little twerp bullies from when his mom did it to his bullies (and him) that he knew just how to handle this 20-something CHILD.

This framing of him adopting the countenance of Mama Raven is also why I think he flips so hard at when Josiah mentions him doing this to his teachers at school (SHUT YOUR. FUCKING. MMMMMOUFFFTHTH). Besides being talked over, which annoys him at every point in the call, he's making Pat recall his school years; the shame, the bullying, and having to run to his mom the school psychologist. That's why I think he flips extra hard. Truly, I want to force his body to be donated to science so we can analyze the sections of his brain for defects, and to see just how fat those bitch tits really were.

 

[femoralcanal]

Is it any surprise given how his father speaks?

Holy shit. I just realized Tommy "The Vaccum" Tomlinson had to tell dispatch (who doesn't know his family at all) that Pat is "my older son", instead of simply saying "my son".

Is this where that chromossomically-challenged faggot got the autistic need to always say "my little brother Kyle"?

Huh... the plot fattens.

 

[Summer of George]

I am of the opinion that he has some extremely weird or mild form of DID

I suppose it would be sensible for him to have multiple personalities, given that his body is the size of multiple people.

Holy shit. I just realized Tommy "The Vaccum" Tomlinson had to tell dispatch (who doesn't know his family at all) that Pat is "my older son", instead of simply saying "my son".

Is this where that chromossomically-challenged faggot got the autistic need to always say "my little brother Kyle"?

Huh... the plot fattens.

Another possibility is that Kyle has had a rap with the local Sheriff at some point in the past. Insofar as Tommy thought it necessary to clarify whom he was referring to.

 

[Bias Judge.]

Big effort post.

I am of the opinion that he has some extremely weird or mild form of DID. Or something close to it. The way he's so unbelievably sassy is a cut above his other moments heard speaking such as when he was at that protest in his pink "I'm here to help" shirt (he also no childs in that but it's not sassy and smug), his court appearance, and the various parts of his victim tour where he's playing the victim and being very mild.

This leads me to believe that he knows how to play to an audience, but Josiah was a step too far. The fact he hangs up and calls back shows how fucked up he's gotta be to realize he fell for such an obvious troll. He was expecting to be HEARD, to have a 500 word article or whatever the fuck Josiah promised for HuffPo about him, and then to be called FFWBT broke his brain so hard that on the next exhale left Patrick, and on the following inhale came in Mama Raven. He's heard enough disciplining of little twerp bullies from when his mom did it to his bullies (and him) that he knew just how to handle this 20-something CHILD.

This framing of him adopting the countenance of Mama Raven is also why I think he flips so hard at when Josiah mentions him doing this to his teachers at school (SHUT YOUR. FUCKING. MMMMMOUFFFTHTH). Besides being talked over, which annoys him at every point in the call, he's making Pat recall his school years; the shame, the bullying, and having to run to his mom the school psychologist. That's why I think he flips extra hard. Truly, I want to force his body to be donated to science so we can analyze the sections of his brain for defects, and to see just how fat those bitch tits really were.

Good synopsis, there is certainly some weird Mama’s Boy energy going on. She probably “No child”ed Pat and Kyle when they were kids. Could be a bit of the ‘tism also, CWC had mommy issues (to say the least).

Tard Rage on Josiah 5 (great book title, btw) is epic because he lets the mask slip. The performative, lispy sci-fi guy persona disappears and we see a deeply disturbed pig full of rage. It’s hilarious.

Pat needs to be put into a straight jacket and heavily dosed with shrooms. Thats the only way to break through his pig-headed ego and bring the man peace.

 

[IsaacShraeder]

So, what's the over/under on Pat heading down to Chicongo in full Brewers/Packers gear to fight Trump's Gestapo, like he promised?

 

[The Taco Santo!]

View attachment 7887880
So, what's the over/under on Pat heading down to Chicongo in full Brewers/Packers gear to fight Trump's Gestapo, like he promised?

Almost zero chance, but I wish he would. Maybe he could find a Chubby Cheesesteaks to get robbed at by illegal alien childs.

 

[FinnSven]

View attachment 7887880
So, what's the over/under on Pat heading down to Chicongo in full Brewers/Packers gear to fight Trump's Gestapo, like he promised?

Unless he find a protest/pressure group of mostly old ladies to join, he won’t.

In true actual tough guy fashion, he has to have a back up of old dears, so he can antagonize a “right wing Nazi white supremacist” but allow himself a get out clause of being dragged away by old ladies.

While having a police escort for the safety of others is something he can reasonably lie about in a courthouse, even he knows that when it’s people on the streets during a potentially explosive situation, the police will side against the aggressor.

Plus he can also soothe his ego knowing he at least is probably the strongest person in his group, not just the heaviest. Or gayest.

Doesn’t Chicago have fairly restrictive, for the US, gun laws?
If he can’t take his gun for risk of violating a local bylaw, I am sure he won’t go.
He will undoubtedly come up with an excuse of having to defend his home as stalker children may take advantage of the unrest to steal his new barrel.

 

[Rekeita's Kidneys]

I just can't believe he actually talks in, "No, child. Enjoy prison."-speak in real life. I really can't believe it. It never even occurred to me that Patrick's deranged idiolect would extend beyond social media.

Sure fucking does bud lmfao

(If ANYONE has more IRL "childing", please do upload, it's kino)

 

[YouTube Autist]

The final Josiah Tape should be in the opening post of the thread directly under his name in giant colorful bold font with flashing arrows pointing to it.

It’s absolute required listening if you follow Fatrick.

NoooooOOOOOOooo little tiny baby. Nooo. Shh sh sh. We already covered that. We agreed that you are insane and that you are wrong in every way. NOOOO no no no no no you little eeny teeny baby doll.

fatrick irl child.mp4

Sure fucking does bud lmfao

(If ANYONE has more IRL "childing", please do upload, it's kino)

I've really been reading, "No, child. Enjoy prison," wrong in my head. I always heard it with a deep, authoritative intonation. How the hell else would you say these things, anyway? It's not like, "You are insane," or "Enjoy prison," are friendly suggestions. Patrick sounds much more like Chris Chan than I would have guessed.

 

[Lei Wulong's Left Leg]

I've really been reading, "No, child. Enjoy prison," wrong in my head. I always heard it with a deep, authoritative intonation. How the hell else would you say these things, anyway? It's not like, "You are insane," or "Enjoy prison," are friendly suggestions. Patrick sounds much more like Chris Chan than I would have guessed.

I can't unhear the Null version, like Fat is an obese princess intoning his words from the back of a departing yacht to the masses of Stalker Children on Prison Island.

 

[OffTopic]

fatrick irl child.mp4

Sure fucking does bud lmfao

(If ANYONE has more IRL "childing", please do upload, it's kino)

The full video of this is really hard to watch. Everyone involved - the Maga twerp, fat-titted backwards hat Rick in his pink shirt - are just such faggots.

I really do empathize with the police there having to chaperone this IRL keyboard warrior meetup. You can see the exasperation on the cop's face while these two dorks document each other's faggotry.

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

After reading your post, I looked up the video to which you were alluding. It's the first time I've heard Patrick speak, and I'm surprised by how effeminate he sounds. He has such a schlubby, five-o'-clock-shadow, hamburger-chompin' look, but he speaks with the vocal equivalent of a raised pinky.

I just can't believe he actually talks in, "No, child. Enjoy prison."-speak in real life. I really can't believe it. It never even occurred to me that Patrick's deranged idiolect would extend beyond social media.

Most lolcows (and hell, most regular people) come across differently in text than they do while speaking. The fact that Fatrick is such a sped he sounds and writes like the fat impotent lispy queer with bitch tits is what cements Fatrick as a top lolcow, at least in my opinion. I'm glad my post inspired you to check out the final Josiah Tape and brought you so much mirth.

The final Josiah Tape should be in the opening post of the thread directly under his name in giant colorful bold font with flashing arrows pointing to it.

It’s absolute required listening if you follow Fatrick.

I think it's required listening if you follow lolcows period. Few other lolcows have a single piece of media that perfectly encapsulates why they're such a massive joke in the first place without any context needed, for many others you have to learn a bit of lore to "get" why they're such lolcows. Only legendary ones like CWC or Gunt can surpass that but that's because you can choose from multiple clips that encapsulate their cowdom.

 

[Sneedfully and Peacefully]

Most lolcows (and hell, most regular people) come across differently in text than they do while speaking. The fact that Fatrick is such a sped he sounds and writes like the fat impotent lispy queer with bitch tits is what cements Fatrick as a top lolcow, at least in my opinion. I'm glad my post inspired you to check out the final Josiah Tape and brought you so much mirth.


I think it's required listening if you follow lolcows period. Few other lolcows have a single piece of media that perfectly encapsulates why they're such a massive joke in the first place without any context needed, for many others you have to learn a bit of lore to "get" why they're such lolcows. Only legendary ones like CWC or Gunt can surpass that but that's because you can choose from multiple clips that encapsulate their cowdom.

I propose we get high school kids in on a new class for their curriculum. Social Media Literacy and Online Hygiene. Instead of the basic information you get in grade school about not talking to strangers, passwords, safe browsing, etc, it's about your presence online, how to have good accounts that don't tie to your personal, and how to not be ridiculed because inevitably kids are gonna use social media.

Introductory section includes the basic definition of a lolcow, polling the class with current zeitgeist lolcows from TikTok and similar (I bet you most high schoolers probably know about Tophiachu or whatever the fuck she's called) before showing archetypal lolcows and their core issues and what you can do to avoid them.

Introduction: modern laughingstock, historical lolcows and contemporary historical lolcows (IE CWC)
Section 1: being terrible at what you do and not recognizing it (DSP, Yandev, Mald [leads into...])
Section 2: being obscenely abrasive and having an ego/being a narc (more Mald, Fatrick, Moviebob)
Section 3: being a problem because you're a seething tranny online (Yaniv, LFJ, Caraballo)
Section 4 (conclusion): pride before the fall, or turning into a lolcow in real-time (gunt, rekieta)

I think it would be a fun and enlightening course for juniors/seniors because they're going to be adults and won't have the protection of being a dumb teenager anymore. Plus it'd be really funny.

 

[Useful_Mistake]

PR 101 - don't make posts like these. There's no way to come out of it looking good



https://x.com/stealthygeek/status/1964489954882736558 (https://megalodon.jp/2025-0910-0117-28/https://x.com:443/stealthygeek/status/1964489954882736558)

 

[Law]

It's the first time I've heard Patrick speak, and I'm surprised by how effeminate he sounds. He has such a schlubby, five-o'-clock-shadow, hamburger-chompin' look, but he speaks with the vocal equivalent of a raised pinky

I was the same way! I always imagined "no, child" to be barked out, gruffly, the way you might say "fuck you". I thought he'd sound like an angry, thwarted man who makes driving a truck his entire personality and is kinda rude to people in drive-thrus, the classic, chest-puffed-out, tough guy. Instead he sounds like Snagglepuss and it is such a mindfuck.
I think Fat, like many lolcows, is trying to be his version of what a cool/competent/admirable person is, but - because he's a lolcow - his version of that is just completely bizarre. On the Josiah tape, he wants to be the clever, gay-coded villain who's telling the hapless heroes that they've just walked into a trap, Dio-style.

I am of the opinion that he has some extremely weird or mild form of DID.

Like many other fat, delusional idiots on Twitter who desperately want to be special, Pat is a system with several alters.
Currently Known Pat-sonalities:

The Witty No-childer: effete, arrogant idiot who purrs about terrible things happening to those stlaker children who dare cross him. This Patsonality forcibly fronted and took over the system to call Josiah back.

Torque Wheeler: incompetent car-guy blogger. Curiously, this Patsonality is a is around a decade older than the others, claiming to be born in the early 1970s. He hails from a parallel universe where automobiles work considerably differently than they do here on Earth.

Author Rick: a somewhat meeker and more relaxed Patsonality that wants to write books but is really bad at it, as he is lazy. Often wears a backwards baseball cap. Seen at Gen-Con.

Gym-rat Pat: takes lots of selfies, attempts to run marathons, cheats. Is not, and never was, fat, and is constantly surprised at his host body. This Patsonality is recognizable by his sweaty sheen and wide, sideways smile.

Rage-pig: a flustered, red-faced, and easily angered Patsonality that appears as a primal pig-spirit. This Patsonality will front when the other alters feel threatened by a stalker child.

Pat needs to be put into a straight jacket and heavily dosed with shrooms.

That's the origin story of a pig-kaiju that stomps the shit out of Milwaukee

 

[Sneedfully and Peacefully]

Currently Known Pat-sonalities:

What about General Fatton and Healthcare System Pat? Although they can all be wrapped under the umbrella with Torque Wheeler alongside others as Polymath (or Polyfat) Pat. He's the great dabbler, succeeded at every interesting line of work and has insightful military knowledge too. Don't you know them boys would fly in the mud over his house??? Of course he knows his shit in regards to anything military that flies and drops bombs! He also knows what it's like for people to lose their coverage and what open heart surgery takes, he cold called seniors to peddle insurance!