Stephanie Cianfriglia / Sapphire Crimson Claw / Yarrow Brown / the-ghost-fucker / transmascdruid / anarchoenby77 / darktwistedpussy / Druid of Endicot - Xe/xyr ghost-fucker, womb wizard, hand sanitizer sommelier, trans-boomer, violently abuses her elderly parents, has sexual fantasies about raping children

[Polexia Aphrodisia]

My cat has so many actual beds, but one day I dropped a cereal box on the floor on the way to recycling and he immediately jumped on it. It is now his favourite bed. I swap it out with a new cereal box every so often. Some cats are just tramps.

My sweet cat passed away last week. I will miss her inspecting my online purchases by sitting on the unopened boxes. It was one of her favorite things. (Opened boxes were no good) Sometimes I'd delay opening an Amazon order that wasn't immediately needed so she could keep cat-loafing on her cardboard throne.

She did have a few plush beds over the years that she liked, but she loved a nice cardboard box. She also loved to sleep on suitcases.

That said, having a litter box lid upside-down and full of reusable shopping bags is just idiotic to begin with. You take the biggest bag, you put the other bags in that bag, you hang it on a doorknob. Good lord.

 

[Sailor Swift]

My cat has so many actual beds, but one day I dropped a cereal box on the floor on the way to recycling and he immediately jumped on it. It is now his favourite bed. I swap it out with a new cereal box every so often. I'm not even allowed to flatten it, it has to be fresh. Some cats are just tramps.

Kind of sad that outside loving Siggy won't get another shot at the leash. Get one she can't escape from and let her go out for walks with you, supervised. It could be such a bonding experience for them.

I came here to dunk on ghostfucking nerds not to slutshame a cat and that's that!

 

[Aunt Carol]

I should have read more about how to secure it properly before testing it out. I took her out on the porch, only to have her severely spooked by the arrival of a neighbor. She jumped from my second floor balcony and broke free!

Whoa, this is a big change to the story. First draft: Stephanie was trying to apply harness outside, cat ran off. Now: harness accidentally wasn't fastened, cat jumped from the second floor.

Is this Stephanie trying to make herself look better? The first part, downplaying her idiocy with the harness, makes me think that. And then she swapped in a jump from the second story to heighten the drama... but you can tell it's fake because she just ends with the cat coming back, not any kind of update on whether the cat was OK after that drop.

How come the cat doesn't get to try the harness again just because Stephanie screwed up? That doesn't seem like it's the cat's fault. Try it inside! I'm also curious how the cat is going to get into a tent, from an apartment, transported by a dipshit.


fake edit: other than fixing cow ailments and making your neighbor stop gossiping about you, folk magic is huge on spells for finding lost things. Odd-not-odd that Stephanie's first impulse wasn't to put one of Sigyn's dropped whiskers on the threshold and draw runes around it. Does she believe herself or not?

I will miss her inspecting my online purchases by sitting on the unopened boxes. It was one of her favorite things. (Opened boxes were no good) Sometimes I'd delay opening an Amazon order that wasn't immediately needed so she could keep cat-loafing on her cardboard throne.

My cat likes rubbing on unopened boxes, but my mom's cat LOVES packing material. If I get anything packed with kraft paper or newspaper, I bring it over for him to roll around and smell the smells of far-away lands. Then he tears strips off with his little teeth, chews them until they're spitty, and leaves them all over the house.

Neither of them are allowed to chew on the plastic bubble wrap that they crave, because I am a fascist.

You take the biggest bag, you put the other bags in that bag, you hang it on a doorknob. Good lord.

We already did this thread's sex demographics; with posts like this, we don't really have to ask about age.

Based upon my initial results, I had believed that I was Eastern Slavic (i.e., Ukraine, Russia), but in fact, I’m Western (Poland, Romania, Hungary). The differences are subtle, yet I still will do my due diligence to make sure I correct my knowledge gained thus far.

It's strange to me how magick and SJW intersect with DNA tests.

A private company emailed Stephanie a new infographic, so now she has to apologize to the totally-real deities she was completely having two-way conversations with, and tell them she can't worship them the same way she for-real was because otherwise Tumblr will get mad?

Wouldn't the ancestor spirits have been able to smell her blood quantum, and eaten her soul about it, or at least told her "ur Swedish, lol" when she started doing Russian rituals?


HER CULTURE IS NOT A COSTUME

 

[brooky]

There's nothing particularly fascinating about being an American and having Old World ancestry. I don't get her obsession with it.

It's because she's a turbo racist.

I've never seen a white person this obsessed with their genetic background who wasn't a white supremacist.

And I've never seen a POC from a diaspora who was learning about their ethnic background for the first time be THIS obsessed with it, either.

 

[Pillar Of The Community]

I enlisted the help of family. Two strangers from the nearby building, one a shelter volunteer, also helped. This, unfortunately, only made her even more reluctant to come inside. Once it fell dark, I was told to go back inside and try to calm down. To my outrage and horror, I was even told that if she never returned, I could simply be provided a new cat. I would not let this stand.

Read: "I had a massive tantrum and made my elderly parents and literal strangers do all the work for me" aka a regular tuesday in staphland. "I could simply be provided a new cat" is interesting phrasing - she has a tendency to use flowery prose on her blog, but it sounds like her dad saying "i'll just buy you a new one lol" if she isn't just exaggerating. I like that she was told to get the fuck out of the way and go cry and scream inside.

Perhaps she will take to using a tent as once did Pete.

WHY DIDN'T SHE DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Ancestry

>no irish to speak of
>shares ancestry with those damn dirty europeans

 

[BoobWhiskers]

It always has to be 'my ancestors were Vikings, my ancestors were Visigoths'; your ancestors were probably covered in cow shit like everyone else, girl, chill.

 

[JanuaryViolet]

How come the cat doesn't get to try the harness again just because Stephanie screwed up?

Yeah, I think this whole thing is fiction. Put a harness on a cat for the first time and for the next while it thinks it suddenly can't walk. You have to convince them that their legs still work. Once they realize that, they're fine. But no cat that has never been in a harness before sees daylight and bolts.

 

[moorhen]

Remember when she was super Irish? I don’t think she does, at all.
So much for being a really cool Celtic Druid. It’s almost as if she’s waffling shite and her ancestry means nothing to her outside of a prop she’s using to look cool to the internet void.

 

[Aunt Carol]

But no cat that has never been in a harness before sees daylight and bolts.

See, this is why I believe Stephanie's first version of the story, the one where she put the harness on the cat for the first time while they were both outside, and the cat ran off because Sigyn is a lot quicker on the uptake than Stephanie and analyzed the situation instantly.

Stephanie is that dumb. This is the same experienced cat-owner who's said before that she "let" her cat on the porch/walkway, and then was surprised that the cat started to take off. Everyone else on the planet knows that cats don't operate like that, but Stephanie doesn't, and she has poor theory of mind, so she told social media like it would be a funny cat story.

I've had cats who were only slightly annoyed the very first time I put a harness on, and then got hyped about going outside on a leash. I've also had cats like you said, whose muscles deactivated when I put a harness on them, let alone a novelty Christmas sweater. Cats are cats; humans gotta use our resource hog of a brain to think through the scenario beforehand, if we ever want to come out ahead.

The Womb Wizard(tm) part of this story is trying something new with a cat outside of a controlled environment. There's also the part where the cat doesn't have a manager she can complain to, so she went to the second phase of her problem-solving algorithm and called her parents.

I agree with @Pillar Of The Community that it's likely her dad, after dealing with an hour or two of tard-wrangling and cat-looking, said something like "and if she doesn't come back we can look for another cat." Stephanie likes to use the passive voice and not specify who she's talking about when she's grasping for oppression; otherwise it'd be "my dad came out to help but he could have been more sympathetic," which is so not punk rock.


Complete subject change: having checked out the Kelly Lenza thread for the first time in ages, after it was featured, I realize that we're really lucky Stephanie is too chickenshit to make good on her FetLife posturing--and also that she's a terrible photographer. Middle-aged lady with abdominal obesity taking testosterone and wilding out: image spoilers are accurate in their description.

 

[it's pronounced gif]

Isn't her apartment complex for the old and speddy only one story? We've seen it because she loves phonebooking herself. What second floor balcony, Staph.

 

[Cereal Killer]

Complete subject change: having checked out the Kelly Lenza thread for the first time in ages, after it was featured, I realize that we're really lucky Stephanie is too chickenshit to make good on her FetLife posturing--and also that she's a terrible photographer. Middle-aged lady with abdominal obesity taking testosterone and wilding out: image spoilers are accurate in their description.

Oh, goddam, why did I click on that? I forgot I stopped following that thread because I didn’t have the stomach for it.

That said, I was starting to wonder if Staph was letting Sig out on the balcony because, I have to admit, it can be hard to keep an older cat who was an outdoor cat previously inside if they’re deadset on going out, especially if they’re getting 0 enrichment inside. It still boggles the mind that she didn’t test the harness indoors before venturing out.

I think she is on the second floor which is why she might have thought it would be safe to test the harness out there, especially if that was Siggy’s outside hangout.

 

[Polexia Aphrodisia]

It's because she's a turbo racist.

I've never seen a white person this obsessed with their genetic background who wasn't a white supremacist.

And I've never seen a POC from a diaspora who was learning about their ethnic background for the first time be THIS obsessed with it, either.

It's another trans-boomer thing.

A lot of white boomers reach a point where they become obsessed with genealogy. My own father hit this point a while back - every time I saw him, he would update me about whatever relative he'd found and what they'd done in whatever piece of their life he'd tracked down. Lot of nodding and smiling on my part. I guess you could go with "a lot of white boomers are also indeed racists," but I dunno if that has to do with it.

I could see how Staph, an adopted child, could be looking to learn about where she came from. It's not like she's in contact with her biological family to learn, and it's certainly understandable for someone who was adopted (and seems also somewhat socially isolated) to be looking for a sense of identity. But she's also trans boomer and racist. Perfect trifecta!

 

[Pillar Of The Community]

In her story, she mentioned one of the volunteers helping her was a shelter worker. Does she live near an animal shelter? Was it a neighbor she’s identifying by their profession for some reason? Did she call the animal shelter for help? Matter of fact, why didn’t her FTM neighbor whose name I don’t remember help, did she even ask? Staph lets her sleep in her apartment.

 

[Aunt Carol]

A lot of white boomers reach a point where they become obsessed with genealogy. My own father hit this point a while back - every time I saw him, he would update me about whatever relative he'd found and what they'd done in whatever piece of their life he'd tracked down. Lot of nodding and smiling on my part. I guess you could go with "a lot of white boomers are also indeed racists," but I dunno if that has to do with it.

You bring up an important point, though: other than that one cousin whom she invokes to win arguments, Stephanie isn't doing the true boomer thing and adding distant relatives on Facebook, sharing family trees and old photos. She's just seeing what folk beliefs she's "allowed" to have based on what DNA profiles say about her ancestors.

A lot of older people get that genealogy phase, but they're uploading photos, tagging great-aunts so the next generation will know who was who, going to local cemeteries as a favor to ElvisFan52 who isn't a relative but her great-grandpa was buried down the road so let's go take pictures.

Stephanie's motivation and practice, as usual, are hollow and superficial.

 

[Polexia Aphrodisia]

A lot of older people get that genealogy phase, but they're uploading photos, tagging great-aunts so the next generation will know who was who, going to local cemeteries as a favor to ElvisFan52 who isn't a relative but her great-grandpa was buried down the road so let's go take pictures.

You've met my father?!

 

[Spangled Drongo]

It's another trans-boomer thing.

A lot of white boomers reach a point where they become obsessed with genealogy. My own father hit this point a while back - every time I saw him, he would update me about whatever relative he'd found and what they'd done in whatever piece of their life he'd tracked down. Lot of nodding and smiling on my part. I guess you could go with "a lot of white boomers are also indeed racists," but I dunno if that has to do with it.

I could see how Staph, an adopted child, could be looking to learn about where she came from. It's not like she's in contact with her biological family to learn, and it's certainly understandable for someone who was adopted (and seems also somewhat socially isolated) to be looking for a sense of identity. But she's also trans boomer and racist. Perfect trifecta!

Also from what I've seen around here and in the broader English speaking world, there's a certain sort of 20/30-something who'll grow up on family stories from boomer relatives and internalise it like "if we were originally from X country, that must be what I am". Pops up a lot in dudebro dating profiles where they see having Irish/Scottish/Scandinavian ancestry as a flex, and get the requisite tattoos. If you didn't grow up eating the food, speaking the language, celebrating the holidays etc., and your only real link to that culture is genealogical records from many generations ago, it's LARPy IMO. Also LARPy when Staph brags about her Swedish grandpa cause she was adopted, never met him, and any Swedish cousins still around would tell her to beat it if she came at them with "I'm a Viking, I worship Loki".

I agree with @Pillar Of The Community that it's likely her dad, after dealing with an hour or two of tard-wrangling and cat-looking, said something like "and if she doesn't come back we can look for another cat."

She's probably still holding out for an orange cat. Not like she'd treat it any better than Siggy, but our Yarbles adores the "lol orange boi, one brain cell" meme and wants a Peetie replacement.

 

[Pillar Of The Community]

She's probably still holding out for an orange cat

A cruel thing about her. Not liking Siggy as much because she isn’t le heckin orange or ebin witchy black cat. Think she picked out Sig, or her dad did? I could see her bitching at him because it wasn’t the right one (I recall her posting about a black cat she wanted instead during the zoo saga, but not sure). I think she even said she wanted another boy cat. Crackpot theory, but perhaps her tantrum was less about losing Siggy and more about the humiliation of fucking up. But that would require shame, which…

 

[Aunt Carol]

Crackpot theory, but perhaps her tantrum was less about losing Siggy and more about the humiliation of fucking up. But that would require shame, which…

Or the insult of not being obeyed, of the world not reacting to Stephanie like the ArchDruid Witch Edgelord Mxtrx that she is.

Like someone dropping a glass of milk in the kitchen, except they're upset at the milk for not knowing how special they are, and daring to fall when let go of.

 

[often puzzled]

She's probably still holding out for an orange cat. Not like she'd treat it any better than Siggy, but our Yarbles adores the "lol orange boi, one brain cell" meme and wants a Peetie replacement.

Not liking Siggy as much because she isn’t le heckin orange or ebin witchy black cat. T

She wanted a black cat and had one picked out, but that was the one she couldn't get because someone contacted the shelter and told them about the things that she actually said. She only wanted a black cat for the aesthetics and would be completely unprepared for the Black Cat Experience (they are the best, but they are a handful). She should've stuck with lazy orange boys, and I don't know why she didn't-- she really does love the orange cat meme, and she'd be better off with a cat who prefers napping in the sun to exploring.

Or the insult of not being obeyed, of the world not reacting to Stephanie like the ArchDruid Witch Edgelord Mxtrx that she is.

Like someone dropping a glass of milk in the kitchen, except they're upset at the milk for not knowing how special they are, and daring to fall when let go of.

Right, because cats are just the perfect pet for people who want to be obeyed. After all, they're famously obedient and pliable. You know, real people-pleasers.

I'd say she should get a pet rock, but she's too lazy even for that, and she'd probably manage to kill and/or sexually assault it.

 

[vanilla_pepsi_head]

Genealogy spergs in the thread, have fun with this information.

Conclusion: Staph is still, and will always be, a fatass American. If you were brought up by parents or grandparents from the old country whose cultural traditions actually influenced your life, identifying with your heritage to some degree is one thing. Being an embarrassing plastic Paddy retard is another. Staph takes it a step further and is just indulging her pastime of writing delusional self-aggrandizing fanfiction. She seems to think some haplogroup data in support of her being a scattershot Euro-mongrel (you don't say) and some dent head ideas about ancient history lend a veneer of legitimacy to this particular larp, but it's not much different than creating an imaginary pantheon of God-demons and dead serial killer fairies that exist for her to boss around and have sex with.

The extra chromosomes might be further throwing off her ancestryDNA results anyway lmao

Is this Stephanie trying to make herself look better? The first part, downplaying her idiocy with the harness, makes me think that. And then she swapped in a jump from the second story to heighten the drama... but you can tell it's fake because she just ends with the cat coming back, not any kind of update on whether the cat was OK after that drop.

The most obvious contradiction I noticed was that the people actually attempting to find Staph's cat for her while she threw a fucking tantrum sent her inside to calm down (people can't catch the fucking cat and indulge your attention seeking at the same time Staph, you were likely on their last nerve, and carrying on like that probably had the cat so freaked out that nobody could get near her.) Yet Staph then claims she was eventually the one to spot Siggy in the dark because of her "glowing turquoise eyes", pick her up and carry her inside fairly easily. Holding X on my turbo controller lol

Failing to attach the harness correctly *before* allowing your cat out the door into an unsecured area, when you are well aware of her tendency to try and fuck off at any opportunity, then throwing a shit fit when she does exactly that is inexcusably retarded in any case and the details don't even matter. Some indoor cats can be trusted not to venture further than the porch, hallway or balcony without supervision even if the door was open all day, others are squirmy little shits who hear the call of the wild and long to roam the neighborhood because they don't know what a car or a coyote is. It's a cat dude, they're not that hard to figure out,

Neither of them are allowed to chew on the plastic bubble wrap that they crave, because I am a fascist.

Lol, my cat loves to knead bubble wrap with her paws and roll around on it. She doesn't try to eat it, so I allow this. I get some from work for her when I can, but everything we get is usually packed with honeycomb kraft paper now instead. Lame.

I've never seen a white person this obsessed with their genetic background who wasn't a white supremacist.

You're right. Back in the day Stormfront of all places actually used to have a lot of really good information and quality discussion about population genomics, biological anthropology, archeogenetics, ethnogenesis, cultural anthropology, historical race concepts, etc that I could appreciate as a history/anthropology/life science sperg even though I'm not a white supremacist.

Spoiler: off topic

Search engines would usually direct me there anytime I tried to look up some autistic detail about genetic variation between ancient European ethnic groups or something. I don't know what happened but the last time I wound up on Stormfront (2020? I was looking for uncensored covid conversations) all the informative posts or worthwhile discussion had been wiped and the forum was reduced to an incredibly shitty ghost town sparsely populated by functionally illiterate methed out retards spewing incoherent nonsense. Probably bots and glowniggers shit it up on purpose to render it completely unusable, 4chan degenerated into a pile of hot garbage in exactly the same way and around the same time. I'm curious to know whether Staph has ever wound up obliviously interacting with White Pride-ish circles on social media while looking for fellow spergs discussing haplotype groups that historically existed within the glorious hwhite race.

And I've never seen a POC from a diaspora who was learning about their ethnic background for the first time be THIS obsessed with it, either.

It's not a diaspora but some of the worst offenders for this are people who discover they're like 4% Native American. But usually the other 96% of them is white so your point stands.