Containment What If?

Meeko said:

I imagine it turning out a lot like Castle Freak. Eventually everyone would believe Chris to be dead and Cole would come out to investigate the property so he can change his title to LORD "Smartest Film Critic in the World". Then out pops Chris.
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Ha! Castle Freak... I'm amazed anyone even remembers that movie. Its the third Stuart Gordon movie (loosely) based off the works of H.P. Lovecraft and staring Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton. They were... well entertaining. And Jeffrey Combs was awesome in those, especially the Re-Animator one. Incidentally, this reminds me that I've previously claimed Chris could pass for some sort of unspeakable Lovecraftian horror. What do you guys think? A Ghoul? Mi-Go? Deep One? One of the inbred Martenses? Even dread Cthulhu himself? Or Azathoth, the Blind Idiot God?

Personally, I'm leaning towards the Martenses, because they live in a hoarder house (well, mansion, but the Lurking Fear describes their home as having degenerated to the level of 14 Branchland Court, pre- or post-fire), they're an inbred old New Amsterdam family (much as Chris claims convoluted little genealogy goes back to Anne Boleyn, but undoubtedly snakes back over into itself a few times...), and they've reverted to a feral state (exactly like Barb and Chris). More importantly, they also possess Chris' much vaunted heterochromia... thanks to inbreeding incidentally.
 
Alan Pardew said:
Featuring the Sonic totem, Kimmi and the other toys trying to escape the 14BC house fire.
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I think the Sonic totem escaping 14BC would count as a horror movie. Perhaps the most terrifying horror movie of all time. I could see it going on a killing spree, slicing up horny teenagers in some small town, because why not? Really, that thing is just downright unsettling...
 
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How will Chris die? I'm putting it at 43% suicide, 44% health issue (heart attack, diabetes, accident due to shoving things up butt, ect.), 3% chance of gay sex accident, 2% chance of getting killed by cops, 4% murdered by Barb, 1% chance God just gives in and smites him. Feel free to debate or add in new theories.
 
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Randall Fragg said:
How will Chris die? I'm putting it at 43% suicide, 44% health issue (heart attack, diabetes, accident due to shoving things up butt, ect.), 3% chance of gay sex accident, 2% chance of getting killed by cops, 4% murdered by Barb, 1% chance God just gives in and smites him. Feel free to debate or add in new theories.
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Shitting himself and do nothing that lead to his death due to high amounts of boredom. :briefs:
 
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Randall Fragg said:
How will Chris die? I'm putting it at 43% suicide
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While our hero has a demonstrated arsenal (i.e. Son-chu, Megatron pistol and fangs), none of these things offer a significant capability to allow Chris to bump himself off, at least under normal circumstances. I can only imagine how our hero could manage to turn these things on himself.

If you class Chris being flattened by Son-Chu after neglecting to put on the parking brake or choking on plastic toy parts or dying from cavities as suicide, then I suppose there are some possible scenarios.

Randall Fragg said:
44% health issue (heart attack, diabetes, accident due to shoving things up butt, ect.)
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Although Chris has shown himself to take atrocious care of his body, I tend to doubt the notion that one issue will silence him. Instead, I believe he will fall to a multitude of problems.

At this moment, one can argue that Chris has already set himself toward such an end. His consumption huge amounts of "food" from greasy spoons like McDonald's and gallons upon gallons of sugary soft drinks like Coke without adequate excercise or supplement, coupled with general refusals regarding visits to doctors and dentists and his stonewalling on reforms spell continued problems, if he is lucky to only experience that much.

That being said, I would say it is likely an affliction of some sort or another will be what falls Chris.

Randall Fragg said:
3% chance of gay sex accident, 2% chance of getting killed by cops, 4% murdered by Barb, 1% chance God just gives in and smites him.
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Unless Chris mistakes a Liquid Carlos Chantor for a woman, comes out of the closet and attracts a girlfriend-free boy or is incarcerated, I doubt Chris will find an opportunity to die in a gay sex-related fashion.

Dying at the hands of police is not uncommon, but Chris will probably never pose a significant enough threat to an officer for he or she to decide to draw their weapon on him. Now, if Chris and gravity were working together that might be different story, but I digress.

While Barbara is known to be unstable and volatile, there is little reason to believe she could or would kill Chris. Ineptitude in driving (a la October 28th, 2011), perhaps, but beyond that she has very little to hurt Chris with.

Because I decline to incite problems, I will simply say the likelihood of Chris being harmed by God is unlikely given the apparent inaction on the latter's part in shielding the former from his poor upbringing and the now apparent repercussions of that upbringing.

I believe that my responses address each point reasonably well.
 
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IwegalBadnik said:
While our hero has a demonstrated arsenal (i.e. Son-chu, Megatron pistol and fangs), none of these things offer a significant capability to allow Chris to bump himself off, at least under normal circumstances. I can only imagine how our hero could manage to turn these things on himself.

If you class Chris being flattened by Son-Chu after neglecting to put on the parking brake or choking on plastic toy parts or dying from cavities as suicide, then I suppose there are some possible scenarios.



Although Chris has shown himself to take atrocious care of his body, I tend to doubt the notion that one issue will silence him. Instead, I believe he will fall to a multitude of problems.

At this moment, one can argue that Chris has already set himself toward such an end. His consumption huge amounts of "food" from greasy spoons like McDonald's and gallons upon gallons of sugary soft drinks like Coke without adequate excercise or supplement, coupled with general refusals regarding visits to doctors and dentists and his stonewalling on reforms spell continued problems, if he is lucky to only experience that much.

That being said, I would say it is likely an affliction of some sort or another will be what falls Chris.



Unless Chris mistakes a Liquid Carlos Chantor for a woman, comes out of the closet and attracts a girlfriend-free boy or is incarcerated, I doubt Chris will find an opportunity to die in a gay sex-related fashion.

Dying at the hands of police is not uncommon, but Chris will probably never pose a significant enough threat to an officer for he or she to decide to draw their weapon on him. Now, if Chris and gravity were working together that might be different story, but I digress.

While Barbara is known to be unstable and volatile, there is little reason to believe she could or would kill Chris. Ineptitude in driving (a la October 28th, 2011), perhaps, but beyond that she has very little to hurt Chris with.

Because I decline to incite problems, I will simply say the likelihood of Chris being harmed by God is unlikely given the apparent inaction on the latter's part in shielding the former from his poor upbringing and the now apparent repercussions of that upbringing.

I believe that my responses address each point reasonably well.
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Damn, I forgot to put "Darwin" as a factor. I suppose Chris could hang himself for suicide. Or OD on pills or something. Cavities would be a health issue. You made a very valid point with the health issues. I intended the smaller percentages to be mostly tongue-in-cheek. I though the gay sex accident would be something along the lines of "Chris gets wasted, drunkenly breaks out of the closet, and then forgets the safeword. I could see a cop tasering Chris to death if he had another fit of tard rage in a public place. Barb has been slowly losing her sanity and might kill Chris for trying to dump her hoard. Or just to channel Ed Gien and add his corpse to her crap piles. As for act of god, well you never know...
 
Randall Fragg said:
Damn, I forgot to put "Darwin" as a factor. I suppose Chris could hang himself for suicide. Or OD on pills or something. Cavities would be a health issue. You made a very valid point with the health issues. I intended the smaller percentages to be mostly tongue-in-cheek. I though the gay sex accident would be something along the lines of "Chris gets wasted, drunkenly breaks out of the closet, and then forgets the safeword. I could see a cop tasering Chris to death if he had another fit of tard rage in a public place. Barb has been slowly losing her sanity and might kill Chris for trying to dump her hoard. Or just to channel Ed Gien and add his corpse to her crap piles. As for act of god, well you never know...
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:alog::alog::alog:

IwegalBadnik said:
While our hero has a demonstrated arsenal (i.e. Son-chu, Megatron pistol and fangs), none of these things offer a significant capability to allow Chris to bump himself off, at least under normal circumstances. I can only imagine how our hero could manage to turn these things on himself.

If you class Chris being flattened by Son-Chu after neglecting to put on the parking brake or choking on plastic toy parts or dying from cavities as suicide, then I suppose there are some possible scenarios.



Although Chris has shown himself to take atrocious care of his body, I tend to doubt the notion that one issue will silence him. Instead, I believe he will fall to a multitude of problems.

At this moment, one can argue that Chris has already set himself toward such an end. His consumption huge amounts of "food" from greasy spoons like McDonald's and gallons upon gallons of sugary soft drinks like Coke without adequate excercise or supplement, coupled with general refusals regarding visits to doctors and dentists and his stonewalling on reforms spell continued problems, if he is lucky to only experience that much.

That being said, I would say it is likely an affliction of some sort or another will be what falls Chris.



Unless Chris mistakes a Liquid Carlos Chantor for a woman, comes out of the closet and attracts a girlfriend-free boy or is incarcerated, I doubt Chris will find an opportunity to die in a gay sex-related fashion.

Dying at the hands of police is not uncommon, but Chris will probably never pose a significant enough threat to an officer for he or she to decide to draw their weapon on him. Now, if Chris and gravity were working together that might be different story, but I digress.

While Barbara is known to be unstable and volatile, there is little reason to believe she could or would kill Chris. Ineptitude in driving (a la October 28th, 2011), perhaps, but beyond that she has very little to hurt Chris with.

Because I decline to incite problems, I will simply say the likelihood of Chris being harmed by God is unlikely given the apparent inaction on the latter's part in shielding the former from his poor upbringing and the now apparent repercussions of that upbringing.

I believe that my responses address each point reasonably well.
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:alog::alog::alog::alog::alog:
 
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The only way cops would kill Chris is if he pulled out the Megatron gun and aimed it at them. By himself, he's not much of a threat, and can you imagine the media storm that would be created if the cops beat/tazed an unarmed 'tard like Chris to death?
 
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cahoots said:
The only way cops would kill Chris is if he pulled out the Megatron gun and aimed it at them. By himself, he's not much of a threat, and can you imagine the media storm that would be created if the cops beat/tazed an unarmed 'tard like Chris to death?
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"And so the suspect drew back and yelled 'Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha.' Believing to be a necromancer of considerable skill, giving his appearance other characteristics we have seen from other necromancers such as disheveled hair, melting facial features, and talking to invisible entities, we were in a position where we believed it was us against a force who stood against God's holy creation. To that end, we were forced to pull our firearms and fire upon the suspect."
 
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TrippinKahlua said:
http://cwckiforums.com/threads/fear-and-loathing-in-casa-de-chandler.3680/#post-229313

Because this thread was a let-down based on the thread title, I want to now ask

What if Chris was Hunter S. Thompson?
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I think Chris has enough mental problems and delusions as it is that he wouldn't need drugs. However, Chris doesn't really have a grasp on English. That being said, without the drugs or the witty sense of humor, it would basically just equate to normal Chris wandering around aimlessly in a desert while having :briefs: every so often.

Speaking of Hunter S. Thompson, Chris really is one of those "Too weird to live, too rare to die" kind of people, isn't he? For as bizarre and dysfunctional as he is, there's something strangely captivating about his personage. :P
 
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What if Chris had been born 100 years earlier, about 1882?
 
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