💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

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When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 17 1.1%

  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.2%

  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.4%

  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 2.8%

  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 16.6%

  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 252 16.2%

  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 901 57.9%
  • Total voters
    1,555
Tiresome said:
Even in his senior picture, he wasn't really visibly porky, but as soon as he figured out how to marry women with full time jobs, it was all aboard the FUD train for Fatso.
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Oh, I agree. Jack in high school was definitely on the chubbier side (Jim said friends and family noticed as he became "heavy") but he wore it well enough and in no way did it betray this morbidly obese future state of his, where he looks like Monstro Elisasue from the southernmost tip possible of Italy's boot.
 
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Slavic Patronym said:
He wasn't, but not for lack of trying. His brother Jim revealed that Jack always wanted multiple servings of dinner but wasn't allowed because there wasn't enough food and they were too poor. (Yet Jack still managed to get fat, as people noticed as soon as high school.)
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It will never cease to amaze me that the only Scalfani sibling who isn't an absolute faggot is the actual gay one.
 
a terminal posture said:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=U2prZhcovF8
Grown man salivates over pictures of processed-meat sangwhiches which inevitably will look nothing like the delivered product.
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2:40 "i added twice as much meat" because of course you did.

3:50 disgusting. This is the kind of advertising you'd pay not to air. If I were a franchisee I'd give jack a sandwich in an unmarked bag and tell him to fuck off.

5:16 MAN OVERBOARD THIS IS NOT A DRILL

5:50 that sandwich owes him money

6:35 "jalapenas" so he got the diacritical tilde over the n but still misspelled it. has to be intentional.

7:43 or for pentuple-stroked invalids with one hand, one ball, and no brains.
Of course your shit's gonna fall apart everywhere. You bit into the sandwich from the side instead of the ends, you thrice-damned fool. You bit into it three times without rest like a pig at a trough. You even got your snout dirty.

He gave it an A. I give this an F-. The video is titled HOW ITALIAN IS ARBY'S ITALIAN BEEF but doesn't remotely discuss its Italian...ness. This video is an answer no one wanted to a question no none asked. It is the midichlorians of fast food reviews.

sfdgtswrgt.jpg
 
a terminal posture said:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=U2prZhcovF8
Grown man salivates over pictures of processed-meat sangwhiches which inevitably will look nothing like the delivered product.
Click to expand...
"I'm kinda fimming at a weir angul becuz Igobeheretherezaligh Igoheretheresalight there'slikelightseverywheretotallyscrewinubmycamrah"

I had to listen to that 3 times before I understood what the fuck he said, initially I assumed he might have been having another stroke mid-sentence. Gee, I don't know, maybe don't film in a fucking parking lot at night if you don't like the lighting?

"beef bites are gone" what the fuck are these though bubbles? If you're there for a stupid italian beef sandwich, what the fuck does it matter if they don't have "beef bites" anymore?

Giardiniera, claims to be italian, can't pronounce an italian word. "I mess up the word worcestershire I feel like I've got a mouthfull of socks" Worcestershire doesn't have anything the fuck to do with giardiniera, and who the fuck says "mouthfull of socks"? Also once again he's called ahead to a fucking fast food restaurant testing the patience of the staff there trying to understand what he's grunting into the phone. And we're not even a minute into this mess.

Gets distracted by the rest of the menu. Lets us know he's going to show us the "hollypeenyo bites" they've had for fucking decades.

"that's the horsey sauce, I believe it's horseradish mixed with cream it's not straight horseradish" no fatty, it's not horseradish mixed with "cream" it's mayo with the slightest fart of horseradish added to it.

Tells us he'll have Tammy rate the jalapeno bites, as if we didn't just see they ordered 2 sides of the fucking things in place of the fries for their meals. Still on his stupid carnivore larp I guess? As if eating a sandwich with a bunch of bread and vegetables is carnivore at all. Didn't know what Tammy even ordered for herself until she told him. Whines that he'd have put more produce on a sandwich.. bullshit.

Uber Driver Reviewer already got it in an image above. Who the fuck eats a sandwich sideways like that? And then again with the thought bubble, but he can put the tilde about the N but manages to spell it as jalapenas? wtf? Bitches more about them not putting enough produce on his sandwich... he ordered double meat not double veg so of course it fucked the ratio up. Complains about the bread being soggy because he dipped it in liquid and bit into the sandwich sideways like a retard instead of dipping the end and just biting that. How do you manage to fuck up eating a sandwich? "don't dip a lot, I dunked it, maybe just dab it" yeah... dip the part you're going to be biting retard.
 
the khat quaffer said:
2:40 "i added twice as much meat" because of course you did.
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His voice is like a retarded death rattle. How many days does he have left?
p1138 said:
Giardiniera, claims to be italian, can't pronounce an italian word. "I mess up the word worcestershire I feel like I've got a mouthfull of socks"
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More like a mouthful of cocks.
 
Slavic Patronym said:
Oh, I agree. Jack in high school was definitely on the chubbier side (Jim said friends and family noticed as he became "heavy") but he wore it well enough and in no way did it betray this morbidly obese future state of his, where he looks like Monstro Elisasue from the southernmost tip possible of Italy's boot.
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The stroked out gibberish was foreshadowing.
 
We are inching towards March 2026 and he's still not dead yet. Still eating slop too. Incredible.
 
a terminal posture said:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=dQWkmSc_Dgk
I've baked some greasy pizzas in my time but I've never had one sitting in its own pool of grease after coming out of the oven.
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Nigger cuts off the end of his own intro, wastes perfectly good jalapeño brine, gets out of breath shaking seasoning onto the pizza, dumps an entire bag of wood pulp shreddy cheese on the pizza, says the pizza looks like a bird pooped on it and it sucks, makes more disgusting chewing noises and cuts himself off at the end. Gud/10
 
a terminal posture said:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=dQWkmSc_Dgk
I've baked some greasy pizzas in my time but I've never had one sitting in its own pool of grease after coming out of the oven.
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"We're gonna make a Mexican themed pizza"

*starts with Taco Bell sauce*

Yeah that sounds about right for this.

Since I can't be fucked to autopsy this pile of greasy shit, I'm going to instead just babble on how I'd make my own take on a Mexican version of pizza instead.

1. Make cornmeal dough. The reason we're doing this is because for all northern mexico does use wheat, corn is more common in the south. It also works surprisingly well in deep dish pizza bakes due to its ability to hold form and crunch.
2. For the sauce, make a basic bitch pizza sauce, but instead of italian seasonings like basil and so on, go for a taco or barbacoa mix. In this case cumin, ancho, a dash of jalapeno, garlic, and mexican oregano for it. Make sure it's a bit thick; refried beans added into it might or might not help in this regard.
3, For the cheese, use Oaxaca or Monterrey Jack if you can't get the latter to apply to the dough.
4. Topping choices vary, but I'd go with a mix of chorizo, onion, a bit of pepper of your choice

Cook as you would a Chicago deep dish. And there you go, something that will make Italy and Mexico weep because it's like a shit empanada or something.
 
Hungry Homeless Handjob said:
Nigger cuts off the end of his own intro... and cuts himself off at the end.
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It's an improvement.

Adamska said:
"We're gonna make a Mexican themed pizza"

*starts with Taco Bell sauce*

Yeah that sounds about right for this.

Since I can't be fucked to autopsy this pile of greasy shit, I'm going to instead just babble on how I'd make my own take on a Mexican version of pizza instead.

1. Make cornmeal dough. The reason we're doing this is because for all northern mexico does use wheat, corn is more common in the south. It also works surprisingly well in deep dish pizza bakes due to its ability to hold form and crunch.
2. For the sauce, make a basic bitch pizza sauce, but instead of italian seasonings like basil and so on, go for a taco or barbacoa mix. In this case cumin, ancho, a dash of jalapeno, garlic, and mexican oregano for it. Make sure it's a bit thick; refried beans added into it might or might not help in this regard.
3, For the cheese, use Oaxaca or Monterrey Jack if you can't get the latter to apply to the dough.
4. Topping choices vary, but I'd go with a mix of chorizo, onion, a bit of pepper of your choice

Cook as you would a Chicago deep dish. And there you go, something that will make Italy and Mexico weep because it's like a shit empanada or something.
Click to expand...
It's a near carbon copy of his philly cheesesteak pizza. Store bought dough. dumps sauce or some shit on it like an utter mong. rains down half a bag of -gasp- NOT Great value shreddy cheese. Drops some toppings like hot rocks, then re-blankets with the other half of the bag of wood cheese. Then he lets Jesus take the wheel in his oven, and pulls out a pizzur pie that offends multiple cultures at once.

His AI-generated thumbnail once again misleads the audience, only slightly though.

7:56

He gave it a rather generous 6.5, confessing he'd never make it again, and mentioning how he'd give it to Jr. and the dogs. Those are some lucky dogs. He "accidentally" picked up medium heat instead of mild. Jack if you wanna keep Tammy away just say so. Stop being a bitch and step your scoville game up, keep your woman in check.
 
Adamska said:
. And there you go, something that will make Italy and Mexico weep
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If I wanted to go shitty American tex-mex that would nonetheless be damn tasty, I'd take a big flour tortilla and oil-fry the sucker flat until crisp like a chimichanga shell, then pile on carnitas, onion, cilantro and monty jack, under the broiler for a minute until just melty, then anoint all over with fresh pico, guac and sour cream. It'd still be ludicrous but at least more worth eating than Jack's abominations.
 
Tiresome said:
If I wanted to go shitty American tex-mex that would nonetheless be damn tasty, I'd take a big flour tortilla and oil-fry the sucker flat until crisp like a chimichanga shell, then pile on carnitas, onion, cilantro and monty jack, under the broiler for a minute until just melty, then anoint all over with fresh pico, guac and sour cream. It'd still be ludicrous but at least more worth eating than Jack's abominations.
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Or you know, just make a quesadilla and call it a Mexican pizza.

But Fatty always finds a way to make his food look inedible.
 
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