Products to fancy up your vagina - because it's not good enough on its own

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Vajazzling and merkins are weird, but in a much less offensive way than some other stuff that's out there. Those two aren't saying there's something wrong with your actual vagina, they're just offering you decoration. It's a less permanent version of piercings and tattoos in the "I don't necessarily get it, but everyone's just trying to have fun I guess" category. If you're having fun playing around with different wigs, I guess a matching merkin isn't that much of a logical leap.

Stuff that dyes your vagina pinker because yours is boring and plain is a depressing horrible product that shouldn't exist.

Stuff that makes your vagina taste different is offensive for the same reason, with the added drawback of just being a terrible idea. Some flavors just shouldn't be mixed, and even the most sex positive people would probably agree that anything you're doing with your mouth mostly involves trying not to think about your taste buds at all. Adding in a fruit flavor to anything down there is just making it harder to ignore.

And anything that involves shoving glitter inside of you is just preying on the ignorant.
 
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Slowboat to China said:
By the way, let's add that jade egg thing that was mentioned in the GOOP thread. A hunk of porous rock up your snatch? Sure! Because ancient Oriental mystic sexual energy and crystals.
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"Kegel like". It's a fucking kegel, and one without a string so have fun digging around in your vag for it. It'll certainly build up those kegel muscles as you squat and re-enact birth while you try to push it back out. Because it's a kegel.
Taily Puff said:
Stuff that makes your vagina taste different is offensive for the same reason, with the added drawback of just being a terrible idea. Some flavors just shouldn't be mixed, and even the most sex positive people would probably agree that anything you're doing with your mouth mostly involves trying not to think about your taste buds at all. Adding in a fruit flavor to anything down there is just making it harder to ignore.

And anything that involves shoving glitter inside of you is just preying on the ignorant.
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Eh, I'm okay with flavored lube so long as it tastes reasonably good and is water based. I usually do prefer it elsewhere than the genitals too however because...yeast infections.

But I can't believe Amazon hasn't caught this yet:

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Cripple said:
Eh, I'm okay with flavored lube so long as it tastes reasonably good and is water based.
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It's certainly not as insulting as insisting it's the wrong color, I just feel like most people don't expect sex to taste delicious no matter what your personal preference really is. I'm sure the..

Does it taste like cake?
No it tastes like cake and vagina.
...Is that good?
No you need to go shower right now.

..conversation has happened to more than one person in the modern day and age.

Cripple said:
Why does the myth vaginas get looser with age and/or births persist? :c
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Post birth is the most interesting one. I suppose I understand the idea that when something big goes through something small, the small thing gets messed up. But bodies tend to heal up after trauma, ya know? I can't speak for the world at large, but in my case it seems like post birth there's a lot more "caution, narrow path" spots than there were before.
 
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Want to go around all day smelling like your vag? Of course you do.

For The Internet said:
I wonder if it's by the makers of vagina beer. They also like calling it a yoni.

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Da'fuck? How would that even make it past the FDA?


I'm guessing some of the people that buy these products are the same ones who think that a.) vaginas are supposed to smell like fish and/or b.) that women pee from their vaginas. Hint: if your naughty bits smell like fish, get thee to a doctor, STAT.
 
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Mrs Paul said:
Want to go around all day smelling like your vag? Of course you do.



Da'fuck? How would that even make it past the FDA?


I'm guessing some of the people that buy these products are the same ones who think that a.) vaginas are supposed to smell like fish and/or b.) that women pee from their vaginas. Hint: if your naughty bits smell like fish, get thee to a doctor, STAT.
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My favourite part is how they want to expand the range so neckbeard permavirgins can buy beer made from the extracted vaginal yeast of brunettes, blondes and redheads.

I guess in theory it's nice that those guys believe vaginal yeast is natural and not disgusting, but making a strain of yeast from a vaginal swab and then using that yeast in a beer is gag-inducing.


WARNING: :horrifying::islamic:
Speaking of things that should never go inside your vagina:


I'm sorry.
 
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Skeealator said:
Sounds like it would chafe, but on the other hand, how awesome would it be if you get done fucking and your dick is all sparkly.
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Damn, I coulda made my name Sparklepud!
I feel left out. What can I do to enhance my taint and foreskin? Maybe neon cockpaint?
 
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