It's an awful unspoken truth that almost every transsexual woman who dates other women has at least one uniquely horrific & harrowing story of how she was sexually assaulted or sexually abused by a transgender person.
I've been afraid to talk about this for years, but with how many of my TS sisters I've seen discussing this recently, I feel like it's my time to talk.
When I was 21 years old, I met a 'trans woman' at a local LGBT group. We quickly became friends, & started dating. They were in a bad family situation. I let them move in with me to get out of it. They weren't on HRT yet & I helped them find a psychiatrist & paid for their appointments out of pocket because they had no health insurance.
I had had some questions about their identity before this point. They had said some contradictory things that confused me, but when their psychiatrist recommended them for HRT, my doubts were dispelled.
I assumed they had been held to the same standards I had been when I was diagnosed. I chalked up some of the strange contradictory things they said to the fact that they were early in transition & struggling.
The reality was that relaxed gatekeeping standards put me into this situation, & the fact that I was young & naive & a hopeless romantic made it worse.
After we moved in together, they told me that they had 'decided' they didn't want to pursue SRS for themself, but were glad that I was pursuing it. I was confused by this, but tried to meet them where they were at, & accept them for who they were.
This person was not a trans woman. This person, to put it frankly, was a chaser who was so obsessed with transsexual lesbians that they were willing to lie to gain sexual access to us. From what I can tell, they seem to have detransitioned since we finally broke up, six years ago.
This is an extremely common pattern among the transgender cohort.
For 5 1/2 years, they raped me on average 2-3 times a week. They fetishized my incongruent genitals & forced horrifically dysphoria-inducing sexual acts on me, often while I was unconscious or only semi-conscious. There were numerous times that I woke up with their semen splattered across my face & body.
They pretended to do research for me & lied to me, claiming that the health insurance I had at the time would not cover SRS. They maintained this lie until I eventually lost access to health insurance.
They manufactured problems that I had to sink money into to help them, so I would be unable to save for SRS.
They subjected me to what cannot be described as anything but conversion therapy practices to try to convince me to 'accept' my incongruent anatomy.
Cissexual coworkers saw that something was drastically wrong in my relationship & tried to help me. This person convinced me not to accept that help, saying I should never trust cis people.
I tried repeatedly to get help from other trans people, & I was called a liar, told that I was punching down (because I passed better than them), told that I was making the trans community look bad, that I was lying 'for clout', that I was a racist (this person was half-Japanese), etc, etc.
In the end, I only got out of that relationship because my abuser got tired of me & decided to go after another woman, who was younger than me. (Fortunately, from what I can tell, they were not able to gain access to this other woman, but I don't know for certain.)
For so many years, I've been so afraid to talk about these experiences, but as the nightmare becomes more distant (& as I get closer & closer to finally receiving SRS), it's gotten a little easier to talk about it.
I've been silent far too long, & for my sake & the sake of all of my transsexual sisters, I feel like it's time for me to speak up.
We need a #metoo movement of our own. This cycle of abuse & sexual trauma we are all subjected to by the fetishistic men of the transgender community needs to end.
We all deserve so much better than the treatment we receive.