DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell - General Discussion

[The Colonel]

Phil definitely votes fiscally conservative Republican:

https://twitter.com/Drgnkiller/status/901564059035856896

"Taxes are theft, dood! *snort*"

Will he claim to be a sovereign citizen next?

 

[Le Redditeur Part Deux]

So, I know I'm late. But I just came across the fact the played Hearthstone. And if it's not everything I ever imagined. Someone mentioned earlier that his Fighting Games losses get him saltiest these days because the chat can't help. And, now we have the opposite. And he's still so fucking awful at it. Like Hearthstone is the easiest card game. There's no timing issues to worry about. You just find a linear path and take it, and sometimes you have to switch tracks. But, he can't build a deck, with help. He can't play this fucking jank. And gets pissed off at chat for not helping him with this shitty situation.

Like, I get the idea of wanting to watch this moron be bad at video games. But why would stay when he constantly calls you worthless? Like, that's not even fucking up your "personality" as a streamer. I don't think any of them ever consider their audience to be worthless. It's not like he's being honest and real. He's just showing he's a goddamn child, that can't be bad at anything. And I'd really like to know, who wants to be part of that willingly.

To be fair to Phil here, card games do require a certain level of knowledge before you really start winning - card advantage, tempo, meta knowledge, etc. You watch someone like Strifecro playing HS, he can sometimes predict exactly what the opponent is going to play next, because he knows the opponent's deck as good as he knows his own. There's definitely a learning curve, even if it doesn't seem so; the game isn't just "play the bigger card and faceroll the opponent", quite the contrary.

Someone did make a TIHYDP Heartstone, and I remember people called Phil dumb because he did stuff like playing a 2 mana 3/2 minion on turn 2 without using its effect fully, during an Arena run. But if you ever watched Trump (the HS player, not the president) play Arena, you would know that he recommends that you play "on curve" (which means, play the card that cost the ammount of mana you have), so Phil's play was perfectly reasonable by a pro player's standard (even if it was completely by chance). Of course Phil got completely wrecked on the following turn because the opponent had exactly the card that would completely fuck him (a Coghammer, an epic-rarity card, so it isn't even that common to specifically get it in the Arena draft), because I guess the Universe has to balance out his amazing cockroach luck somehow.

 

[Gordon Cole]

Will he claim to be a sovereign citizen next?

He can be the Best Korea of micronations. He already isolates himself from the outside world.

 

[Takayuki Yagami]

From what I can understand he is using cable internet (HFC). I used to have a similar connection a while ago.

Basically the modem gets tied to a DOCSIS profile by the ISP and its extremely convoluted. Your DOCSIS profile says what speed you can have, what services you can have and such.
You can't just reset the modem and get a new DOCSIS profile, it'll get the same one provided by the ISP which is FIXED to your MAC address.
If you go and buy a modem off the shelf, then it probably won't work unless the ISP knows your MAC address.
It might be because he has a business connection that he is allocated a static IP. I assume with a consumer connection your IP would change from time to time.

Keep in mind DOCSIS and HFC/cable was invented for cable TV and not internet access. That's why its complicated and boring. It's basically "old technology" now and most modern places use fiber.

But Phil, having a job that is completely dependent on internet access, of course didn't want to spend the time and effort to find an area with a preexisting fiber internet network and so now has to pay a fortune each month just for the internet he has.

If all the information is true that he is paying like $400 a month for internet, then I can find an internet provider on Google for Seattle who gives 1 gigabit fiber for $75 a month (https://www.centurylink.com/fiber/plans-and-pricing/seattle-washington/)

From my research Phil moved to Washington about 3 years ago.
That means he has paid $14,400 for internet access.
Fiber would have cost $2700
Difference is $11,700

Phil's kahndo in CT is listed as being worth $67,000

Phil has needlessly spent about 17% of the entire worth of his kahndo in CT just on internet access because he is lazy.

Phil spends so much money just on his internet connection that he could easily afford 3-4 fairly decent dedicated servers for the same amount:
View attachment 269046

Keep in mind, although a dedicated server has cheaper bandwidth, you're still paying full price for the hardware, for the power and backup options.

So, basically he was dumb enough to take the modem that the cable provider gives if you're too stupid to get one yourself, and its making his clownshoes setup even worse.

 

[DiabeticSP]

Just finished Madden Longshot.

It is by far the best sports story mode so far, it's honestly really touching and well written.

I'd love Phil to play it and just hate it and be miserable while everyone tried to explain how he was playing the simplified moments wrong and how he'd despise good characterization.

 

[Keystone]

https://twitter.com/XModxArceusX/status/901569015423705088 (http://archive.is/OZbRI)

Disappointed there's no *SNORT* option there, but it's still funny.

 

[Brother Wind]

To be fair to Phil here, card games do require a certain level of knowledge before you really start winning - card advantage, tempo, meta knowledge, etc. You watch someone like Strifecro playing HS, he can sometimes predict exactly what the opponent is going to play next, because he knows the opponent's deck as good as he knows his own. There's definitely a learning curve, even if it doesn't seem so; the game isn't just "play the bigger card and faceroll the opponent", quite the contrary.

Someone did make a TIHYDP Heartstone, and I remember people called Phil dumb because he did stuff like playing a 2 mana 3/2 minion on turn 2 without using its effect fully, during an Arena run. But if you ever watched Trump (the HS player, not the president) play Arena, you would know that he recommends that you play "on curve" (which means, play the card that cost the ammount of mana you have), so Phil's play was perfectly reasonable by a pro player's standard (even if it was completely by chance). Of course Phil got completely wrecked on the following turn because the opponent had exactly the card that would completely fuck him (a Coghammer, an epic-rarity card, so it isn't even that common to specifically get it in the Arena draft), because I guess the Universe has to balance out his amazing cockroach luck somehow.

I mean TIHYDP can be wrong. And I think one misjudged play isn't fair to hold against anyone. :powerlevel: I play Magic tournaments. Even place from time to time. And I say this because once you kind of get to that level of skill, then there isn't much more skill to acquire. It becomes a matter of knowing the match-ups. The difference between me and a pro is knowing what cards are best when. We both know all the tricks, and the rules, all the timings. But, I'm only capable of knowing the plays I've ever seen. If that makes sense? Which is why having people say anything during these games is a huge no-no. I mean, Pros tend to be in "teams" so they can put their vast experiences in one place. That's how helpful having someone tell you what the correct line of play is.

And he can't do that. He's got a room full of people telling him the right line of play, and I don't think I've seen him gain one single rank. I can usually get the card back every season, and I've never spent a dime. I mean, I know we all know it. But this man is an incompetent buffoon. And I hate it so much. How does someone play Video games for 10 years never learn a fucking thing?

 

[Meta Junglira]

That's because he's done it so long that he just wants to rush through it, get money for it, and go on to the next thing.

 

[kebab4you]

He doesn't.

I agree with you that someone that knows how to market Phil could make some money from him, though - I could see him being in some shitty "reality" show where the audience is supposed to hate him. Every episode could be Phil forced into social situations far outside his comfort zone and entertainment would be derived from the ensuing train wreck.

I'd actually watch it.

Phil as a contestant in one of those Big Brother series would be interesting to watch.

 

[Accel_Rider]

Phil as a contestant in one of those Big Brother series would be interesting to watch.

You mean as the guy everyone tries to get rid of first because they can't stand him?

 

[wavefunction]

Phil as a contestant in one of those Big Brother series would be interesting to watch.

"That Tracy, okay, she's uh, she's such a [snort] bitch. She keeps bringing up shit from over two days ago. [haw haw haw] Two days. Grow up, okay? What an idiot. Anyways, uh, did you, uh, see the way she took that last [snort] hamburger patty during the barbecue? I wasn't doing anything. [clears throat] Okay? So, she just fucking grabbed that thing while I was getting, uh [snort], while I was getting a [belch] drink, and now I don't have any dinner. Nothing I could do."

 

[BrunoMattei]

This thread took a hard right turn with Magic the Gathering talk and "LOL Phil should be on Big Brother!" So to get back on topic a little bit:

In the first match it looks like he's fighting a Japanese guy. Connections to Japan in fighters are almost always terrible so why Phil accepted the match and thought it would actually be playable is anyone's guess.

 

[RIP_SANITY]

Elaborate. If you can give me counter evidence to anything I've written below, please do so.

Let's just consider the skills he could technically have fostered given his current profession:

Charisma
Phil has always operated with a kind of negative charisma value, but when he was younger this negative charisma was backed with a kind of vigor that was edgelordy and resonated with a few other sociopathic people. Now he's got weak negative charisma coupled with apathy, lethargy and depression. This cocktail is great for generating ironic fans (and likely accounts for some of his "relevance") but it's a deathblow to actual fans looking for some "teeth".

Hosting /Commentating
This could be a skill he could potentially leverage in specific situations, but unfortunately he's a terrible host and provides far below average commentary. Phil has no sense of pacing or audience engagement. He rambles and spends far too much time redundantly giving his opinion on ancillary topics or side comments. The stream is just Phil's soliloquy interrupted occasionally by the reading of bits/donations above a certain threshold. He rambles, he stammers, and he belches/snorts/aggressively clears his throat even though he knows this disgusts most well-adjusted adults. He doesn't provide meaningful commentary -- he's too busy personally reacting to what's happening to him. Tell the audience why you're going for a particular strategy or why you made that last decision, speak in coherent sentences (interjections and repeatedly swearing aren't funny or informative), find a way to integrate the chat while you're playing, and so on. Please show me a segment on any actual broadcast that isn't involved with Eric Andre where Phil would fit in and have a positive impact.

Playing Video Games
I realize it's difficult to consider this as anything other than sarcasm, but seriously, this is what he has done fulltime for nearly a decade. Given the fact that he's a variety streamer, he should be a fast-learner and able to pick up new games and their core mechanics quickly (i.e., in relation to the common consumer).

The reality is, though, that he's below average at every game he plays. He's deeply confused and becomes anxious whenever games show even a sliver of complexity, he refuses to actually read directions (unless it's his stream chat), and he refuses to change his playstyle when it's proven ineffective (heyo, metaphor for his stream!). By the way, this is also proof that Phil has never actually played any game at a very high level (yes, even Mall Tekken), because those three traits I described are the first ones culled by any serious player.

Assessing Video Games
As a person who has spent a majority of their professional life playing and (theoretically) evaluating games, we would expect that Phil would at least be able to quickly parse out what makes a game good or bad in an in-depth manner. He should be able to discuss the merits/demerits of mechanics, narratives, aesthetics (in some capacity), player to player interaction, feedback loops in a manner that's at least something close to a game journalist. Please show me evidence where Phil does this -- I have yet to see it. His evaluations are pedestrian at best -- sometimes completely inaccurate -- and his subjective tastes are included far too often in his evaluations. To qualify that "inaccurate" bit -- Phil's complaints about game pacing and difficulty are completely skewed due to his inability to distinguish between personal failure (execution&mechanics) and unfair gameplay challenges.

Video Editing
Just like his videos, there's nothing here.

Running a Business
Since Phil is the proud CEO and CFO of DSP Enterprises, we should expect that he's learned how to keep his business cutting edge and flirting with hipsters of all backgrounds. In reality, though, we can easily see that he's learned almost nothing from the past decade. Everything he does is either made by someone else or actual boilerplate. He doesn't collaborate with anyone on anything (who would?), so even his resume for his non-job is empty too. When he sells a product he just uses the most generic, third-party website service he can find. Motherfucker won't even put a border around his facecam overlay. Hey, segue...

Twitch Stream Setups / Emotes
Ever the innovator, Phil's bold layout is a love letter to minimalists and Justin.tv fans everywhere. Just to keep things modern, there are a few poorly cropped and awkwardly placed animations that are fan-made, I'm assuming. Seriously, though, there could be some money in this for Phil. If he had spent the time actually building a stream he could do some coaching/advising young stream upstarts for under the table cash. If he could actually design them, he could sell the designs. The problem, though, is that to do anything really nice you need a tiny bit of development understanding, so I know that won't happen.

Graphic Design
Most YT stars outsource this, but since Phil is a one man army he's had an opportunity to teach himself some good graphic design skills to help with his banners, thumbnails, splash screens, stream overlay, and so on. Again, he's chosen to squander this opportunity.

Surviving as a Cockroach
This is the one skill Phil's put his time, money, and metaphorical soul into. The question is how can one person squander every potential development opportunity and still survive? That's the only talent that seems ineffable, at this point. We know how he survived at the start: by exploiting early Youtube's sorting algorithm when expectations for content quality were nearly as low as Phil's. That momentum propelled him into some limbo low-tier "fame" status that had far more reach than many would have predicted. How is he surviving now, though? I think it's due to two primary factors: a complete lack of shame and the histrionics of his catastrophic failure. Phil's lack of shame allows him to beg consistently and "convincingly" enough to somehow scrape enough together to pay the bills. But that's still not enough to explain how he's dodged so many bullets.

The other factor is that Phil is a complete and total package of failure. If you pick any aspect of his life, it's completely fucked up and likely beyond repair. He's a dramatic, tragic whirlwind of regret and wasted potential. If he was slightly likeable, had an ounce of shame and reduced his begging, and had anything going for him in his life he'd likely dry up and be forced to live with the parents or get a job.

The thing is that Phil is a supermassive black hole of total ruin, and as a result you get two parties rushing to the edge of the event horizon: medics and marauders. Marauders are the ironic fans just looking to loot and exploit what we can before it's too late. Medics are those insufferable martyrs who in order to mollify their own internal self-loathing must aid literal, instantiated tragedies. They don't care about people in slight need -- they only help those with the most visible need whether it's real or not. If Phil were mediocre in his downfall he'd be eclipsed by the other implosions around him. Instead, though, the meteoric quality of his death spiral is exactly why he can use it for so much leverage. Some day I think Phil will likely be owned by one of his medics, and whenever guests arrive the medic will begin each introduction with "He's a rescue, you know..."

Slight correction, he DID successfully play SSF2T (actual SSF2T, not PS1 SSF2T) and HSF2 at a high level and won, albeit regionally only.
Problem is, Phil's own toxic attitude in the FGC days + the fact he still blamed everything BUT himself for his failures meant he eventually got stuck in a rut when it came to developing his SF2 skills as he refused to learn from his mistakes. (and if he did, it sure took a long ass time, considering what was and still is his way of thinking)
2005-07 represents his best when it comes to SF2, and he never came close to a period like that again.

 

[TheGoutinator]

First off, he doesn't realize that most people went out to sports bars and/or got together with friends where they all say split it throwing in say 10 bucks each.

Secondly, I enjoyed the fight (much more than I've enjoyed any of Phil's kahntent). It had the obvious outcome but Conor did much better than most expected him too. It was super-compelling to watch.

Anyway, just another case of him being an idiot and salty that people put that 100 bucks towards something that wasn't his fat pocket.

 

[Rupin]

First off, he doesn't realize that most people went out to sports bars and/or got together with friends where they all say split it throwing in say 10 bucks each.

Secondly, I enjoyed the fight (much more than I've enjoyed any of Phil's kahntent). It had the obvious outcome but Conor did much better than most expected him too. It was super-compelling to watch.

Anyway, just another case of him being an idiot and salty that people put that 100 bucks towards something that wasn't his fat pocket.

I watched that shit for free on youtube.

 

[JamFlowMan]

First off, he doesn't realize that most people went out to sports bars and/or got together with friends where they all say split it throwing in say 10 bucks each.

Secondly, I enjoyed the fight (much more than I've enjoyed any of Phil's kahntent). It had the obvious outcome but Conor did much better than most expected him too. It was super-compelling to watch.

Anyway, just another case of him being an idiot and salty that people put that 100 bucks towards something that wasn't his fat pocket.

Maybe back in the day this would have been an event Phil would have gotten with John and Howard to have a fun night, but he fucked all that up and things like this are a reminder of that, even if it is just subconscious. Just like his hatred of team based shooters like The Division deep down he hates them because he has no one to play with, so he just dismisses it as a waste of time.

This tweet itself makes no sense. Does he think people wasted their money because Floyd won? The people got a 10 round fight it was not like it was an instant knockout, not that it would have been a waste if there was one. How did people play themselves? How did he read that tweet as buyers remorse? What the fuck is he talking about?

 

[Keystone]

Funny video, and a good look at Phil and the phantom button mashing inputs he whines about in every fighting game he ever plays:

 

[James Smith]

View attachment 269330

"One of my teammates knows this hack. Of course he's a dumb kid who had no idea how to play."
Translation: Someone knew this hack but wouldn't tell me how to do it and I'm butthurt.

So I got to ask phil why he won't remove BSV on tigers podcast. What a fucking response.

"DOOD I DON'T PAY HIM IT'S NOT MY FAULT IF HE TOUCHES KIDS" even the Tiger host told him "it sound like thearmestoast is trying to help u bc this BSV guy is running around using ur name to act out criminal behavior". DSP blows my fucking mind. He will not denounce pedo behavior as long as his staff pays him well

Do you have a link to that? That's a quote for the history books.

Phil definitely votes fiscally conservative Republican:

https://twitter.com/Drgnkiller/status/901564059035856896

"Taxes are theft, dood! *snort*"

The government at least attempts to make it look like they're spending money on things that benefits those it comes from. It's never outright said "The governor has two mortgages, okay, and property taxes for both condos are coming up so we need your taxes, okay."

"Let people spend their own money. Stop being an asshole." "Buyer's remorse is a bitch, ain't it?"
> "Let people donate their money to me if they want to. Stop being an asshole" "Spending above your means is a bitch, ain't it."

 

[Freshtodeath]

Dsp does that all the time. If there is a big event like superbowl he gets salty that people watch it instead of him.

 

[JamFlowMan]

So I got to ask phil why he won't remove BSV on tigers podcast. What a fucking response.

"DOOD I DON'T PAY HIM IT'S NOT MY FAULT IF HE TOUCHES KIDS" even the Tiger host told him "it sound like thearmestoast is trying to help u bc this BSV guy is running around using ur name to act out criminal behavior". DSP blows my fucking mind. He will not denounce pedo behavior as long as his staff pays him well

You know whats fucked up? This is the exact response everyone knew Phil would give. He did go a bit further and said if someone has proof go to the police. The truth is nobody has definitive proof, but there is far more circumstantial evidence then anyone would ever want out there. The fact is it is not easy to just dig up internet posts to make a person look like a pedophile.

However, this is a lead mod on your chat that you know is largely kids under 18. Then again if you are the kind of person who doesn't think twice about accepting a 13 year old's birthday money your moral code is obviously skewed, but skewed enough you don't care a person could potentially be using your chat to get in touch with underage kids online because they give you money is screwed up. What couldn't you pay Dsp to brush off as no big deal?