Does intervening when a child is bullied do more harm than good?

[RG 448]

How else is society supposed to deal with nerds?

 

[DangerousGas]

If you do this in England you'll get mugged by the bully's dad for 'ruining the banter' tbh

This shitposter speaks truth.

 

[Existential Crisis]

I think it also depends on how old the kids are. One day 10 year old little Timmy will push Bobby around, the next they'll be playing together like normal. However, if you catch teens beating each other up you might want to separate them for a while.
Ultimately making friends is the best solution to bullying. Either you'll get people that protect you, or you can hit them up every night to talk about that girl who called you a bitch that day. Either way the bully will be discouraged. Lonely kids = easy targets.
Teacher intervention is mostly useless now that slapping a kid is considered child abuse.

 

[Johnny Bravo]

I think it depends on the kid's age. Younger kids may need adult help, especially if the bully is bigger or older than them. Once they reach the age of ten they should definitely start learning to fend for themselves. Of course, they should also be given the tools to defend themselves early on so that they know what to do when the time comes. This is why kids need guns.

 

[ICametoLurk]

You should join in on the bullying.

Document it and post it online if it isn't already so it will always exist for all to see no matter what the kid does.

Best possible outcome would be that the little faggot kills himself.

 

[AnOminous]

It really depends. If it was a one-time thing (or if it happens like two or three times), then you shouldn't intervene.
If it's persistent, and happens over the course of months or even years - even if the victim stands up for themselves somehow - then someone should step in.

You also really have to take into account what kind of retaliation will occur. Now, the kid will be considered a snitch even if they didn't and adults stepped in on their own, and possibly you'll end up just intensifying the bullying.

"Bullying" also covers a lot of behavioral ground, some of it well within normal behavior and some extreme behavior of the sort that would be felonious for an adult.

 

[Joan Nyan]

When they can face actual consequences whether from the school or their parents (even the authorities, if they're old enough) for being jackasses, they eventually back off.

Agreed but it needs to be emphasized that we're talking about people in actual positions of authority over the children. The situation in the OP of a random stranger stopping a fight between two kids is unlikely to effect any long term change.

 

[ArnoldPalmer]

No, I am in the camp that unironically believes that bullying builds character.

I'd say intervene around the point where it's 12 kids in a circle around two kids beating the shit out of each other, but if it's just verbal, or minor violence, then who gives a shit.

 

[Slowboat to China]

I think it depends on the situation. If your kid comes home distressed because someone other kids are talking shit about him, then you sit down with him, help him work through it, remind him that the other kids are just assholes and perhaps give him a few pointers.

If it's schoolyard scuffling with a few punches thrown, see how your kid's handling it and give him some self-defense help. Intervene if/when blood is drawn.

If the other kids are actively trying to murder your kid, shut that shit down with full fire and fury.

If it's an adult doing the bullying, indulge your inner ten-year-old and swirlie that son of a bitch until he apologizes and gives you his lunch money.

Also, speaking as a girl who was bullied by an older, stronger boy--drawing blood can be a great way to escalate the conflict and get a bully to GTFO. Pushing girls in the schoolyard wasn't so much fun when he ended up with claw marks on his face. Fucker went crying to the yard monitor.

(Then, three years later, he started asking me to the junior high dances. It was weird.)

 

[Sable]

It's one of those situations where I think it's a matter of scale.

It wouldn't do any good to step in for every little thing that might harm a child, whether it's physical or insults- that's how you end up with children who can't deal with conflict.

If it's really bad however it's probably better to step in.

 

[Sure Thing Idiot]

Bullying is an ugly necessity in my opinion. You'd probably have a hard time finding someone who wasn't bullied in some way or another as a child or young adult, and I'm not saying it's morally right because of that, only it's just sort of an ugly prerequisite to growing up. My parents were never the bullying is wrong type. Getting bullied isn't a sign of weakness but a kind of stark face-off with a human nature - that some people are just fucking mean and you have to learn, within reason, to hold your own and stand up to it. I think it's important for kids to learn that at a young age, that sometimes, people are just assholes. Doesn't matter if you're 10 or 32. People can be legitimately mean for the sake of being mean and I think that's important to be honest about with children.

If someone is being beat to hell everyday for six months at school then yeah you should step in or speak up, to someone. Violence that isn't school yard bullshit fighting but actual, continuous targeting and violence or hazing should be addressed because if you should teach kids the unfortunate reality that bullies exist you also have to teach bullies there are consequences to their actions. If I saw a kid being teased I probably wouldn't do anything because the absence of intervention or help can be significant to personal growth and it's not my business, but if I saw some kids stomping the shit out of another kid on the sidewalk I would intervene because one does not automatically cancel out the other. Bullying or teasing are one thing and then there's a step up which is torturing and harassment and violence and those situations I think need to be snuffed out when you see them happening.

 

[jewelry investor]

The answer to op's question:

 

[GreenJacket]

The child needs to do what I did: I became my bullies' bully.

 

[MW 002]

Nah, I think that unless it's escalated into violence that the kid needs to learn how to fend for themselves. Or at the very least, give the bully a reason to fear them.

Bullies left me alone in junior high after I joked about how ineffective guns are committing massacres- just mix a bunch of household cleaning products if you want to kill a shitload of people (in theory) if you're going for the high score. The teacher laughed it off, but the bullies started being nice to me afterwards.

 

[Captain_Asshole]

Unless in insignificant cases, I think that if one can intervene (especially if in a position of authority), they should. Yes, children should learn how to stand up for themselves, but bullies also need to learn that rules exist for a reason and that actions have consequences. Children can be taught to stand up for themselves after the conflict is resolved. I also think that the opinion that bullying builds character or self discipline or whatnot is a rather half assed way of viewing the matter. People react differently to the same stimuli, some build character, others build aggression (maybe even unwarranted), and in some more extreme cases, make revenge fantasies a reality. If you want kids to build character or discipline, introduce them to reasonably serious duties or honest work.

 

[Nazi vegeta]

If youre a bully youre not allowed to go to school.
If you are too much of a pathetic nerd, youre not allowed either.

problem solved. No more bullying in schools.

 

[Monika H.]

Nah, I think that unless it's escalated into violence that the kid needs to learn how to fend for themselves. Or at the very least, give the bully a reason to fear them.

Bullies left me alone in junior high after I joked about how ineffective guns are committing massacres- just mix a bunch of household cleaning products if you want to kill a shitload of people (in theory) if you're going for the high score. The teacher laughed it off, but the bullies started being nice to me afterwards.

I too was bullied in highschool for having long hair and being skinny. I remember hiding in the bathroom and avoiding them in the corridors.
Then I stabbed another guy and suddenly they started to avoid me and hide from me. I remember encountering one of the in the bathroom after the thing: he didn't look at me, washed his hands and tried to clumsily dry them before huffing out.

 

[escapegoat]

If it's a one and one thing, they should probably learn "conflict resolution."

If it's multiple kids ganging up on one kid? I have no problem being the terrifying adult. Most kids these days aren't used to anyone saying boo to them, so if a grown up stranger does it they freak out. It's highly entertaining.

 

[Captain_Asshole]

I too was bullied in highschool for having long hair and being skinny. I remember hiding in the bathroom and avoiding them in the corridors.
Then I stabbed another guy and suddenly they started to avoid me and hide from me. I remember encountering one of the in the bathroom after the thing: he didn't look at me, washed his hands and tried to clumsily dry them before huffing out.

While I honestly think it was good for you to have gotten rid of your bullies, the way it happened was far from how such things should be resolved in a supposedly civilized society. No, I am in no way blaming you personally. I am not simply talking about morality or being the ''greater'' person, I am talking about the possibly very real prospect of you having gotten in trouble for the stabbing, even if the circumstances gave you no alternatives. That is also why faculty and staff with the appropriate authority should take action before escalation occurs.

 

[Some JERK]

I was bullied when I was very young, and then I was the bully when I got older. As it's been said, it's basically a spectrum, and you have to draw a finer definition on what is and isn't acceptable. In general, I think that moderate, 'normal' bullying is a social function that weeds out and corrects aberrant behavior through peer-pressure, public humiliation, and in some cases, minor violence. But there are definitely kids who aren't doing anything but hurting people because they like hurting people, and those kids are little psychos who need their own aberrant behavior checked.