Inaugural Reveal of First Lady of Gout (Speculation Station)

[Numer54321]

My initial response to this was "imaginary" but upon reflection I'm going to perhaps alter that to "mail order bride", "former convict" or "simpleton from middle of nowhere allured by the big city lifestyle"

My guess is still former convict.

 

[Sparkletor]

Phil and his "girlfriend" have a lot in common. Let's look at what we know about Phil.

• Lazy
• Fat
• Doesn't shower/change clothes for days
• Didn't know how to do laundry until he was 35 years old
• Can't cook anything more complex than eggs
• Doesn't leave his house unless absolutely necessary
• Eats fast food way too much
• Poor decision making skills
• Poor financial decisions
• No irl friends
• Little to no contact with family
• Greedy
• Homophobic, racist, sexist
• Not responsible for any of his own actions

If they really have a lot in common this is going to be a hell of a show

 

[ZehnBoat]

My guess is still former convict.

my bet, no girlfriend. it's literally just some woman who works at whatever greasy burger joint phil waddles too who is nice to him and says she "recognizes him"

 

[GnomeofDoc]

I am of the belief that we got ourselves a grill who lives out side the us and is looking for that sweet easy marriage to residency path.

 

[Xenomorph]

I bet she works at Walmart or Target. Im sure shes no older than 23 at MOST.

 

[Rupin]

I bet she works at Walmart or Target. Im sure shes no older than 23 at MOST.

Phil is not as big on Youtube as he used and is now regarded as a joke. And he is far from rich. A 23 year old would look at him as a dumpy old man unless she is as fat and nasty as he is.

 

[neger psykolog]

I bet she works at Walmart or Target. Im sure shes no older than 23 at MOST.

Well...
Mysterywoman claimed "Tiffany" worked at Target I think, but I'm not sure if that came up after someone mentioned the only kind of job that pays so low that you can transfer is either Walmart/Target.

But yeah I was very curious about what kind of shit paying job actually lets you transfer to another state, and supposedly Walmart/Target are two such companies.

 

[Trans Fat 41g]

I actually had a dream, not fucking around here, that the FLOG just up and appeared on Twitch, and turned out to be Phil Burpell's long lost sister living on his couch for a while.

Skipping dinner makes you dream weird shit.

 

[wagglyplacebo]

Even if DSP does have a girlfriend, he's still culturally single.

 

[HG 400]

Even if DSP does have a girlfriend, he's still culturally single.

That's an excellent point, Phil does not have the empathy or caring to truly be part of a loving relationship so even if he has a girlfriend he's still culturally single and we should remind ourselves of this every time it makes us feel hurt and lonely that Phil has a girlfriend and we don't.

 

[Sparkletor]

I found a picture of his future girl. She loves to cook and clean and only needs interaction 1 major day a week

 

[Xenomorph]

I found a picture of his future girl. She loves to cook and clean and only needs interaction 1 major day a week

Rosie is too smart to put up with Phils antics.

 

[Fayt]

That's an excellent point, Phil does not have the empathy or caring to truly be part of a loving relationship so even if he has a girlfriend he's still culturally single and we should remind ourselves of this every time it makes us feel hurt and lonely that Phil has a girlfriend and we don't.

What does culturally single mean? It's going to suck hard when he reveals her and we find out she's 18,she's skinny, and she's beautiful. That's what I'm worried about

 

[KingjadVCMP]

What does culturally single mean? It's going to suck hard when he reveals her and we find out she's 18,she's skinny, and she's beautiful. That's what I'm worried about

You should not be worried because it has nothing to do with you or any of us. The entertainment with Phil is watching him screw himself over from a winning situation - machinima, YouTube in general, for example. The moment you begin to let it personally affect your own feelings, when you become emotionally invested like that, is when to take a step back IMO.

 

[HeadbuttEnthusiast]

What does culturally single mean? It's going to suck hard when he reveals her and we find out she's 18,she's skinny, and she's beautiful. That's what I'm worried about

Yo, you need to get laid.

 

[firestoopscience]

Personally I think we can believe that Phil's new gf can either be some Anti-DSP Mole or she really is an innocent woman who has yet to sink in the internet rabbit hole. Or you know, she's from a Slav country. Expect high-maintenance.

Because for one, does Phil even have fangirls? Like legit female DSP fans that are legit women and not bait accounts. Because it does feel a little suspicious to me.

 

[Sparkletor]

If Phil couldn't keep a chair sponsorship for 1 day, what chance does he have with the girl?

 

[Pubic Enemy #1]

DSP's almost certainly lying about some aspect of this, whether he's doing it deliberately to throw detractors off or he genuinely can't help himself I don't know. Looks at what he's said. EVERYTHING is contradictory.

-she has no internet presence and doesn't want any but wants to appear in his videos
-she lives thousands of miles away but met Phil "randomly", presumably without the internet
-has a job, but will need to look for a job in WA, now is "transferring"
-needs a new work uniform, clothes, shoes etc despite having a life and a job already
-needs a phone but is still talking to Phil daily

I don't think Phil is smart enough to play the misdirection game so he's probably just lying, doing the old Phil trick of saying whatever sounds best in the moment regardless of truth.

One thing that is clear is Phil is gaslighting the fuck out of her, using all the textbook plays, mainly lovebombing. When I say textbook, I mean it. Read any book about this shit and the examples they give will be clear. "I love you," "You're my soulmate," "I've never felt this way before," and so on. Assuring the girl she's special and it's nothing like his past relationships, lowkey dissing your ex to build up the new girl. Phil's done all this PUBLICLY, so who knows what he's like in private. It's like a beginner's guide to gaslighting. I've never seen it be so blatant. The only difference is these people usually keep their endgame quiet, while Phil is explicitly saying he's only doing it so she can help with bills and be his maid.

Where I'm going with this is all this means one of two things.

Phil is lying because the girl is vulnerable - young, drug addict, abuse victim, whatever - and he's trying to cover up the fact he's trolling for damaged goods so he can manipulate them. Or the girl is smart enough to recognise all of this and is lying to Phil and he's too dumb and too focused on getting a maid to realise he's being taken for a ride. This would explain the contradictions, if the girl suddenly says she needs new clothes and a new phone etc to move in because she knows she can get what she wants from this dumb economic illiterate.

 

[Kermit the Frog]

The relationship is already TAHXIC before it's ever really gotten started. They're using each other, or at the very least one side is taking advantage of the other: Phil wants someone to cook and clean for him and to be a shoulder to cry on, the girl wants a sugar daddy and/or shoulder to cry on. This will work out fine for a while, but eventually one side is going to get frustrated with the other for not upholding their end of the deal. Would not be surprised if this new girl cheats on Phil like Leanna did.

 

[Sparkletor]

New theory: Phil's girlfriend was going through a rough time late 2017. This is the same time a beloved celebrity sadly passed away leaving their soulmate all alone and in mourning thousands of miles from where Phil lives. This girl has no clothes or phone and has a job working at the zoo. I suspect that Phil's girlfriend may be Grape-kun's ex.