Dear Mr. Burnell
We gentle souls of Kiwi Farms have been plagued by some time by members of your Let's Play community, both fans and detractors. They are, to put it as gently as possible, an intolerable plague unto our house. They are obnoxious, delusional, obsessive, unintelligent and unfunny. They are a constant irritant, like sores in the roof of our mouth, like scratches under the base of our fingernails, like siliciate grit embedded in the sockets of our joints. They grind our gears, Mr. Burnell.
But one of your people has proved to be an intolerable nuisance to us. His name is Vidar Viking Elvi. He blights us, Mr. Burnell, with death threats and harassment, he doxes people, he contacts people's workplaces, he impersonates people's significant others, he goes out of his way to bring our attention to you and your brand. Eventually, Mr. Burnell, it was inevitable that somebody would clap back.
The problem, Mr. Burnell, is that Vidar is a broken, hopeless man with very little to lose. He is very likely mentally ill. He clearly does not care about his own reputation, or his future employability, or legal consequences for his actions. All he cares about is you. In the short time he's been supporting you he's gone from a well-groomed, smiling, professional butler to an unhinged alcoholic park-bench insane person. In the absence of any other leverage to apply to him, we are unfortunately compelled to appeal to your good nature, to ask you to take your errant fan in hand and persuade him to stop his lunatic behaviour. We ask this most humbly of you, with our hats in hands.
As you have not yet done so, we can only assume you've been completely oblivious to his actions. People have previously attempted to inform you of his behavior many times and been met with silence. I'm sure you must have just missed those messages, which is perfectly understandable. You're a famous and busy man, after all. Your fans, however, they're not so famous and busy, at least, not yet. So we now feel the only way to ensure you fully understand what your insane monkey butler is doing is to inform your fanbase and hope that they'll pass our message on to you. If you want to turn a blind eye to his actions and pretend they're not happening, that's understandable. But naive innocent souls such as we are, all we can do is assume you haven't yet heard our complaints about Vidar, and with dogged persistence we'll continue to seek out fans of yours so that we may tell them.
I want to make it clear that we don't hold you personally or morally accountable for Vidar's actions. Every man makes his own choices in life. Vidar chose to come here and set your house on fire. That's his choice. But now you need to make a choice of your own, do you want to put the fire out, or do you want to pretend it isn't happening?
So now, Mr. Burnell, it's time you put your screeching monkey butler on a fucking leash. We want you to acknowledge Vidar's actions in public. We want you to acknowledge that he's been doxing people, sending death threats, rape threats, dog-skinning-alive threats, contacting workplaces, contacting relatives, contacting significant others, contacting ex-girlfriends, attempting to intimidate prostitutes, attempting to intimidate moderators. All in your name, Mr. Burnell.
We're not going to try and dictate to you how you deal with him. If you want to denounce his actions and expel him from your community, that's okay. If you want to stand up and say "I'm 100% aware of Vidar's actions and I support him and think that's okay" then that's also fine. But until we can confirm that you know exactly what he's doing on your behalf, we cannot remain silent. We will seek out your fans, one by one, day by day, to ask them the very simple question ; "What do you think of Vidar's actions?".
No matter what you do, the days of being able to pretend you don't know what's going on with your gibbering psychotic paypig are over. Everyone will know that you're being bombarded with panicked warnings from your fans over this. Everyone will know that you know exactly what Vidar is doing. Now they're just waiting to see how you choose to react. If you choose to ignore it, in callous disregard for the wellbeing of your fanbase and community, it will be taken for what it is. A choice. Every man makes his own choices. Every man stands accountable for them.
Kind Regards,
Kiwi Farms
