DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell - General Discussion

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Well said. I adhere to the Babylon 5 mantra, myself.

I don't know how to apply it to Phil, yet, but I'll find a way. Maybe the lung-part combined with Phil's snorting.

(edit: No, I did not consciously mimic 'well said' - it just seems that borderline psychotics who are barely holding onto their sanity watching Phil think on the same wavelength)

Phil would last about 6 seconds before Ivanova just straight bitchslapped him. No words, no witty comment, just 6 seconds of listening and PHWOMP. Delenn would have trouble with Phil. And to dig deeeeeeeeep into 90's sci-fi, it might look a little like this:


Men come out of R'lyeh with more of their sanity intact versus witnessing this genius.

“In his house at Renton dead Cthulhu waits snorting.”
H.P. Lovecraft, The Call of Cthulhu

Why was Phil shit at Sea of Thieves? “We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.”
H.P. Lovecraft, The Call of Cthulhu

Phil: “Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn, ack ack snort! Scuse me."

I. Am. Sofa. King. Old.
 
Phil would last about 6 seconds before Ivanova just straight bitchslapped him. No words, no witty comment, just 6 seconds of listening and PHWOMP. Delenn would have trouble with Phil. And to dig deeeeeeeeep into 90's sci-fi, it might look a little like this:




“In his house at Renton dead Cthulhu waits snorting.”
H.P. Lovecraft, The Call of Cthulhu

Why was Phil shit at Sea of Thieves? “We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.”
H.P. Lovecraft, The Call of Cthulhu

Phil: “Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn, ack ack snort! Scuse me."

I. Am. Sofa. King. Old.

You win this nerd-off, hands down. Kudos.

But I'll at least try to make amends with a little something.


EDIT: Welp, looks like streamable crapped its pants - oh well. I'll just leave a direct link here under the embed, in case it works better for some people, for whatever reason: https://streamable.com/jn7vg
 
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B-but...games do this? Now, if one skips/talks over those instructions, one has to resort to the only option left: ask chat.
the game has to do it all the time everytime.
if there isn't an instruction on the screen at all times, phil is lost
the game HAS TO KNOW that phil was giving witty commentary over the cutscenes explaining everything so it should know full well it needs to show the prompts for every action until the game is over


phil might as well watch a movie and pretend to play it.. but then again he might rage quit that too
 
the game has to do it all the time everytime.
if there isn't an instruction on the screen at all times, phil is lost
the game HAS TO KNOW that phil was giving witty commentary over the cutscenes explaining everything so it should know full well it needs to show the prompts for every action until the game is over


phil might as well watch a movie and pretend to play it.. but then again he might rage quit that too
Phil playing a movie: "What? My character died? This is stupid dood."
 
B-but...games do this? Now, if one skips/talks over those instructions, one has to resort to the only option left: ask chat.

Yes. Games explain themself through multiple ways, some more direct, some more indirect. And sometimes in a way you don't expect. Well, I'm not really familiar with Bloodborne or the new God of War but these types of games usually share the same designs. Designs used by many developers over many years because they simply work. Good developers usually know how to direct the player to do a specific thing, but what they can't do is to pimpslap the player to fucking listen, to fucking open their eyes or to show any interest in just learning the game. They can't change when the player throws his axe against a solid wall, which normally implies that this strategy is wrong, and still proceeds with his tactic. At least that's the beauty of games, you can play it the way you want - until the harder difficulty sets in because it usually lessens your options. And Bloodborne or Soul games in general demand these adaptations.
Which is ... not really Phil's strength.

In all fairness, streaming isn't really work, but it's also not easy because it demands psychological multitasking which makes you play more poorly than usual. It's something you can learn to fix if you don't stress yourself too much or take yourself too serious.
Which is ... not really Phil's strength.
Phil wants to finish his games fast because the market won't wait for him, which is honestly quite natural in the pool of competing streamers (not a "cold war" but there is a psychological competition to be the very best - if you take yourself too serious). Many people get unwatchable as soon as livestreaming becomes their income because they don't stream to have fun, but to make money and it's easy too see that difference as a viewer. And Phil is just the embodiment of this behaviour, the golem made of greed.
Which is ... not really Phil because he was never enjoyable. But at least he had some energy and spirit to play the games. All gone.

DSP won't dive into a game and just enjoy it, he speeds up, won't look around and watch out for some details, won't listen, won't even try to understand the game (As he even stated himself in Bloodborne: He never fully learned the basics. It's like he cheated his way to the top, right?). His mind is so addicted to the helpful chat which makes everything easy and fast, he can't function without it. I wouldn't even call that "interaction" with the chat. The audience watches a lazy dood who reads instructions, no "thank you for helping" whatsoever except when someone throws money at him.
When he talks about the games he only talks in technical terms: Oh the attack pattern, oh the buttons, oh the delay, oh the design decision of this developer. I can't really remember a moment where he just took a game as art and says: "That's beautiful, I enjoy that, let us get lost in this fantasy world made for us, oh this is sad, I'm very sorry for what happened there".

But I digressed.

And fixed a little bit grammar and stuff, well.
 
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the game has to do it all the time everytime.
if there isn't an instruction on the screen at all times, phil is lost
the game HAS TO KNOW that phil was giving witty commentary over the cutscenes explaining everything so it should know full well it needs to show the prompts for every action until the game is over

Ah! Now I understand why he badmouths so many game developers.
Don't those silly developers know they should be paying attention to Phil? I mean, he's just one of the guys watching him - people who will wait until he finishes a long awaited game so he can tell them if it's worth buying. (But then, how can they help him if they haven't played yet?)

This post brought to you by Sarcasm TM. Sarcasm TM goes great with your morning coffee.
 
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In all fairness, streaming isn't really work, but it's also not easy because it demands psychological multitasking which makes you play more poorly than usual. It's something you can learn to fix if you don't stress yourself too much or take yourself too serious.

Which is ... not really Phil's strength.

You are right. What pisses me off though is that even when you say, ok, let's give the benefit, let's play devil's advocate and adjust for inflation and carry the 2... nope Phil is still a motherfucking scrub.

You win this nerd-off, hands down. Kudos.

But I'll at least try to make amends with a little something.


Yassssss. I take huge pride in my DeepTrek 5 geekery. I think your linky might not be valid here in Foreign Lands, but I shall assume it was hilarious and in fact, a delight.
 
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Phil: “Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn, ack ack snort! Scuse me."
Guys, are you seeing this? The walls are like, not even straight and they're folding in on themselves or something! Bugged 3D rendering! *snoooort* Now my guy's saying it smells like dead fish in here? Reminds me of Leanna's cooking, ACK ACK ACK! Man I'm glad she's gone. All right, I'm heading into the cathedral or whatever it is... wait, why am I heading away from it? It's like my feet are on backwards or something. Piece of shit, this island sucks. OK, opening the door and WHUUOOOOTTTT? I'm getting eaten by some squid face thing! Shoutout to QueenSwaggins who tipped $50 and says "it's called cath.... Cut-flu-h..." how was I supposed to know THAT? Guys, I'm still getting eaten by the squid face, what do I do?
 
When he talks about the games he only talks in technical terms: Oh the attack pattern, oh the buttons, oh the delay, oh the design decision of this developer. I can't really remember a moment where he just took a game as art and says: "That's beautiful, I enjoy that, let us get lost in this fantasy world made for us, oh this is sad, I'm very sorry for what happened there".
Real talk, guys.

The only times I have ever heard Phil talk about what amounts to beauty is in DSP Tries It. That's heartbreaking. I really am getting feels here. He doesn't even do them anymore.

And, sadly, I have spent a lot of time training autism vision beams on Phil; his face very, very rarely shows any real emotion. I really think empathy with the characters is actually beyond him. Other than in GTA or Leisure Suit Larry or some shit.

Guys, are you seeing this? The walls are like, not even straight and they're folding in on themselves or something! Bugged 3D rendering! *snoooort* Now my guy's saying it smells like dead fish in here? Reminds me of Leanna's cooking, ACK ACK ACK! Man I'm glad she's gone. All right, I'm heading into the cathedral or whatever it is... wait, why am I heading away from it? It's like my feet are on backwards or something. Piece of shit, this island sucks. OK, opening the door and WHUUOOOOTTTT? I'm getting eaten by some squid face thing! Shoutout to QueenSwaggins who tipped $50 and says "it's called cath.... Cut-flu-h..." how was I supposed to know THAT? Guys, I'm still getting eaten by the squid face, what do I do?

"This was that DSPcult, and the payprisoners said it had always existed and always would exist, hidden on distant Twitch channels and in dark places all over youtube until the time when the great priest DSPthulhu, from his dark loveseat in the tax-free city of R'Nton under the waters, should rise (along with views and participation) and bring the earth again beneath his swaying on the sofa.”
 
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Real talk, guys.

The only times I have ever heard Phil talk about what amounts to beauty is in DSP Tries It. That's heartbreaking. I really am getting feels here. He doesn't even do them anymore.

And, sadly, I have spent a lot of time training autism vision beams on Phil; his face very, very rarely shows any real emotion. I really think empathy with the characters is actually beyond him. Other than in GTA or Leisure Suit Larry or some shit.



"This was that DSPcult, and the payprisoners said it had always existed and always would exist, hidden on distant Twitch channels and in dark places all over youtube until the time when the great priest DSPthulhu, from his dark loveseat in the tax-free city of R'Nton under the waters, should rise (along with views and participation) and bring the earth again beneath his swaying on the sofa.”

Oh jeezus, you are right! The only time he shows feelings is when he talks about food.
That's really depressing. Wow.

(Does Kat still count?)
 
Oh jeezus, you are right! The only time he shows feelings is when he talks about food.
That's really depressing. Wow.

(Does Kat still count?)

As food?

His tells are ENORMOUS though when he does have a feel. Sometimes his face goes ghostly white. I mean, his blood pressure tanks. When he gets really upset, good and proper and is nearly crying, his nostrils start flaring and I just threw up a little in my mouth.
 
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Speaking of games teaching the player how to play as you go. Could you imagine Phil playing Minecraft? Without stream chat? OMG he would be so fucking lost.

"Why is that cactus chasing me?"
HHHHiiisssssss
*BOOM*
"Dude that fucking cactus just killed me!, Nothing I could do! Fuck this game, fuck Notch!"
 
The poll might be for when Kat shows on stream but I'm curious how long it will take her to appear at all across all the DSP medias.

I figure most likely is the next staycation. Maybe she'll be seen in a reflection in the hotel window.

Or he'll sneak her hand or a bit of her dress into frame during a picture of food. But I honestly think she told him to knock that shit off.

He doesn't even really mention her in passing either. Remember how before she moved in it was constant MY GIRL talk from him?

It makes you think.

Edit: Speaking of polls i can't wait til MHW wins his patreon choice just for the salt meltdown. Even if he declares the game done at the end of low rank (instead of at least getting past the elder dragons) I can just imagine him sullenly trudging along, a soulless and joyless husk of a man trying and failing to not shit on the game of the year too hard.
 
It makes me think that he severely overestimated his powers of persuasion to get her to appear on his channel. Add the tepid, at best, reaction that the reveal video got and there's probably no reason for her to change her mind. Also, most of the video was them (usually DSP) talking about the haters and meme-this and detractor-that. What's the point of a reveal video if they don't talk about her except to say she exists.

At first I thought the time frame for the poll might be too expansive to say that she wouldn't appear in the next 2 months, but given Phil's largely antagonistic responses to questions/concerns about Kat and I think it's much more likely he's salty about her consistent refusal to integrate with his Internet presence, such as it is.
 
Speaking of games teaching the player how to play as you go. Could you imagine Phil playing Minecraft? Without stream chat? OMG he would be so fucking lost.

"Why is that cactus chasing me?"
HHHHiiisssssss
*BOOM*
"Dude that fucking cactus just killed me!, Nothing I could do! Fuck this game, fuck Notch!"
He did play Minecraft. Even with stream chat, he still got stuck in a lake for like 10 minutes.
 
It makes me think that he severely overestimated his powers of persuasion to get her to appear on his channel. Add the tepid, at best, reaction that the reveal video got and there's probably no reason for her to change her mind. Also, most of the video was them (usually DSP) talking about the haters and meme-this and detractor-that. What's the point of a reveal video if they don't talk about her except to say she exists.

At first I thought the time frame for the poll might be too expansive to say that she wouldn't appear in the next 2 months, but given Phil's largely antagonistic responses to questions/concerns about Kat and I think it's much more likely he's salty about her consistent refusal to integrate with his Internet presence, such as it is.

Let's be real: this woman is plotting her escape from the Gout Palace. I'd give her until September/October before she's out of there.
 
Speaking of games teaching the player how to play as you go. Could you imagine Phil playing Minecraft? Without stream chat? OMG he would be so fucking lost.

"Why is that cactus chasing me?"
HHHHiiisssssss
*BOOM*
"Dude that fucking cactus just killed me!, Nothing I could do! Fuck this game, fuck Notch!"

When he did play it, it took him eight minutes to figure out how to get out of a pond.
Then, he joked about how the character's hand looked like a dick.

It's gotten to the point where he's almost too cringe to watch. There's no enjoyment at all.
He's been whoring himself out so long he no longer can even pretend to have fun.
I'd say it's a sad life, but he brought it on himself through his own choices. He's more of a lesson on what not to do at this point.
 
Ludwig is today, wonder how long he's gonna be stuck on this, if he cheeses this boss it will be a shit show.
 
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