Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Amateur musician, YouTube Streamer, wandmaker, and self-proclaimed "sexy goth badboy". Perpetually circling the drain.

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I remember this guy.

(Warning, slight:powerlevel:)

A few of us in the local metal scene here used to follow this guy a lot because he reminded us of a lolcow without an internet presence that is involved in our local scene. The only significant difference being that our local autist actually had good taste in heavy metal. Thanks for this blast from the past.
 
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I'm probably gonna get a fuck load of :islamic: and :horrifying: ratings for uploading this, but Josh recently recorded some vocal covers of "Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)" by Journey, "No One Like You" by The Scorpions, "Simple Man" by Shinedown, "Runaway" by Bon Jovie, and "Send Me an Angel" by The Scorpions. He's also got an echo effect going on to make it seem like a concert or some shit, I guess.

A couple of takeaways:

- 0:27 in the 3rd vid has this fucking genius quote from The King himself. "It's about to get wicked up in here; you're about to enter the pussy wetting zone."

- He doesn't even sing to "Runaway", just lipsyncs. Or he was being reeeeeeally quiet. At 3:49 he screeches and sings a little.

- In the final video, he waves a staff around to summon a thunderstorm while looking like one tarded out metalhead of a shaman.









 
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Josh does more vocal covers. First up is "Last Man Standing" by Hammerfall aka one of the first power metal bands I listened to back in middle school, so fuck you Josh for ruining it. :( Anyhoo, back on track. Second up is "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake. Thirdly is Disturbed's cover of "Sound of Silence". Up next is "Moving On" by Asking Alexandria. Finally is "And The Snakes Start To Sing" by Bring Me the Horizon. I'm a little surprised he didn't try to claim it as his theme song.

Notes time!

- He smokes filterless cigarettes in these videos, Pyramid brand.
- Drinks Monster energy drinks through the side of his mouth.
- Something I noticed is that when it seems like he's just lip-syncing, he really is singing. The song is either too loud or his voice is too high pitched. Seems like he has trouble finding the right pitch and just settles for either his regular voice at the lowest or really high pitched at his highest (ala Chris Chan).
- Want a good jump scare? Skip to 5:00 in the video for "Last Man Standing".
- He also does that wispy "AAAAAH" at 6:12 in the Whitesnake video. I legit though it was supposed to be some kind of derpy snake hiss at first until he made it clear that it was supposed to be an audience cheering.
- "Sound of Silence" started out alright, but he began to botch it up pretty bad as it went on.
- I'm not sure if it's just me, but he starts to sound a little winded by the time he sings "Moving On". Not sure if because of health or because he was smoking.
- "Sexy Goth Stud King Cobra". Goddamn, he's really doubling down on the whole "I'm a sexy rock star" shit.






 
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Another cooking video from Josh. He's really lovin' that echo effect.

Here are some highlights:

-Funny thing about this video? It's not him eating that grossed me out. It's the fact that he POURED THE FUCKING BACON BURGER GREASE ALL OVER THE GODDAMN FRIES. Happens around 9:35 for those that wanna see that shit.
- He does the creepiest fucking laugh at 15:26.
- 16:52 He calls it the "perfect snack for date night, yo". Sure, maybe if I was dating Pixyteri.
- 17:33 "I'm sure the idea has crossed your mind to melt cheese on curly fries." ...No, not really. Other Kiwis' mileage may vary, though.
- 20:30 The feast begins...


 
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Ho' boy, got a couple of new videos from Cobra today!

In this first one, the King rants about a downie that got shot in Sweden for wielding a toy gun. Josh mourns for his fallen brother in arms, admitting that he has "high functioning retardation" aka Aspergers. He also goes on to talk about how police shootings happen all over the world and it's not just an American thing. On a much more serious note though, Josh does sound very humble in this video. He brings up that a lot of people have no idea what's gonna happen next, fear for their safety, and a toy gun could set someone off.

He also has a cap gun (8:32).




Are y'alls hearts warmed up now? Good, because now it's time for a serious change in tone with another one of his infamous food videos.


 
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CIA Nigger said:
Haven't seen this posted in the thread but here's a gem: Cobra's homie has problems:
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Great ass fucking Moses, that's the first time I've seen Josh lose it. o_O If he brought that kind of energy to his vocals whenever he sings, then damn he'd actually be pretty good.

KillThemCrackasBabies said:
Christ, how big of an exceptional individual is Scottie to sit there and keep going after his actual friend is sitting there literally screaming at him to stop.
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He's Scumbag Scotty, man. I'm unsure if he's really even Josh's friend. Like yeah, Josh sees Scotty as his friend, but it seems like Scotty just continues to take advantage of Josh.
 
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Broseph Stalin said:
I don't think he's truly blind. But legally blind? Well, he might have pulled some Trailer Park Boys tier fraud to make that shit happen.
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No I know he's not completely blind, but I am he's sure not legally blind either. I mean he doesn't even wear glasses. Legally blind people usually have glasses like (hey imagine that ) Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys. Doubtful he wears contacts either, with how dirty all these people are he'd have eye infections left and right. I guess we have our very own TPB except they all live in crappy studio apartments. Anyway everything Homeboy Scotty screams user scumbag. Josh is pretty much the only person who can't see that.
 
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I've been busy IRL and haven't had time to comb through all of Josh's videos that he's recently uploaded (I'll be sure to get on that soonish). But he did a vocal cover of one of my favorite songs by God himself, aka Dio so I had to watch that shit ASAP. Josh was....mediocre. Not too many notes other than him randomly lighting up a smoke during the song and doing some weird shit with the remains of his hairline.


 
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Broseph Stalin said:
I've been busy IRL and haven't had time to comb through all of Josh's videos that he's recently uploaded (I'll be sure to get on that soonish). But he did a vocal cover of one of my favorite songs by God himself, aka Dio so I had to watch that shit ASAP. Josh was....mediocre. Not too many notes other than him randomly lighting up a smoke during the song and doing some weird shit with the remains of his hairline.


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Josh has been doing a lot of vocal covers as of recent on Facebook. While Josh and his actual singing abilities aren't the greatest, the covers sure are fun to watch!

 
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Josh essentially looks a lot like a down and out version of the Klingon raider Klaa in Star Trek V:

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