It’s tripping me out how different she’s begun to look the last couple months. Her new jowls make her look like a comepletely different human being, and she’s delevoping that fat lisp. I’m not sure why it only just now hit me how fucked she looks lately but it’s seriously alarming the kind of damage fat can do to your face, and her hair looks like garbage, it used to be really shiny and looked at least a little bit healthier, but she’s pale and yellow and dul looking... so what has really changed from last year to this year?
I mean really, can anyone think of why this year was so particularly bad for her? Was it Becky being a part of her life and she was finally equipped to evolve into her ultimate final form? Was it the money from the views she had gotten this year? I really want to know if this year was significant for her in some way or if she never really gave a shit about her life and she’s just drifting, never really finding a reason to fight to live longer? Maybe food for her and the happiness she feels when she eats is worth more than the feeling of losing weight and ultimately living a healthier lifestyle, saying no to food is her saying goodbye to the only real happiness she gets in her life. Becky doesn’t make her happy, her animals don’t make her happy, her audience doesn’t make her happy, the only thing that can make Amber truly feel happy with the world and in her life is food. It’s there for her when she’s alone, when she’s sad, when she’s happy, when she’s angry... Food is her only real friend. She has no one. She must know deep down that Becky, Ricky and Eric are not really her family, not even really her friends. Friends don’t sit quietly and watch as someone they care about kamikaze’s their meaningless life right in front of them.
Maybe it’s also because Amber knows even if she lost weight her life would still be meaningless. If Amber lost weight, she’d still be unattractive, her legs are beyond fucked up and her loose skin would be really hard to deal with, and she’s almost 30 with no degree, she has almost no education and can’t even speak with semi decent grammar. She’s... like an actual idiot, so she won’t be able to get a job, and she wouldn’t even have food to turn to as a comfort or she’d gain the weight back.
And she doesn’t even think she’ll lose the weight, whenever she talks about her goals she always says something like “If I ever reach my goal weight,” or “I don’t think I’ll ever get there,” which just shows how she herself doesn’t even think she can do it. If she did, she’d say “WHEN I reach my goal weight.”
Her life is actually meaningless, which is weird to think about. Pretty soon, even if Amber continues to be fat and never lose weight for more months and maybe even years, the ALR fad will pass pretty quickly and she’ll be mostly forgotten until she either loses weight or dies. Even if she loses weight how “inspirational” will she be? If she published some word-salad novel it simply would not be successful, nobody who wants to be inspired to lose weight would buy a book by some Pensacola trash named Amberlynn Reid. Does she already know all of this though? I wonder how self aware she really is, like when she’s looking at herself in the mirror, I really want to know what she thinks about her life. If she is satisfied with her life and her accomplishments right now, then that is bananas.
I don’t know, that’s all I can really think of that might have sent her into this spiral, cause it didn’t seem like anything significant at all happened this year. I really don’t know how we got here.