Historical Lolcow General

[cypocryphy]

Yes,they've always been around.

Here's a fine example: Emperor Norton.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton

 

[Vincent]

Here's another one: Elagabus, AKA the ADF of the Classical World

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elagabalus

And a second one, Nicholas II, he was well-meaning and cared for his family but his reign was full of lolcow decisions and made the Russian Empire into the laughing stock of Europe in the 1900's before dooming it in 1917

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicholas_II_of_Russia

 

[sparklemilhouse]

The "senator, you are no Jack Kennedy" remark made by Lloyd Bentsen to Dan Quayle during the 1988 Vice Presidential Debate:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Senator,_y ... ck_Kennedy

(Quayle was being the lolcow btw)

 

[bradsternum]

Diogenes was pretty lulzy. I guess he was more of a troll, though.

 

[Judge Holden]

Yes,they've always been around.

Here's a fine example: Emperor Norton.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton

Emperor Norton was fucking insane but far from a lolcow. Is Chris beloved by the citizenry of ruckersville or charlottesville to the point of being able to eat for free at their finest resteraunts? Would a psycho brony ever put himself in the path of a lynch mob to protect innocent people? will lolcows like pamperschu be fondly remembered over a century after their deaths?

Norton is the shining example of an anti-lolcow. No matter what insane shit he did or believed, you cant help but love and root for him all the same, and neither could his neighbours at the time, and while Chris and his ilk will fade into oblivion within a year of snuffing it, those glorious bugfucking crazies like Norton will never be forgotten

 

[sparklemilhouse]

I thought George HW Bush being "amazed" by a supermarket price scanner was a real story, and I was going to nominate that as a historical lolcow moment, but turns out it was a fabricated story:

http://www.snopes.com/history/american/bushscan.asp

 

[sparklemilhouse]

Bruce Ivans, the guy who did the anthrax attacks in 2001 killed himself ... by ODing on Tylenol.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bruce_Edwards_Ivins

you'd think he'd you know ... use anthrax.

 

[NoDarkies]

Bruce Ivans, the guy who did the anthrax attacks in 2001 killed himself ... by ODing on Tylenol.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bruce_Edwards_Ivins

you'd think he'd you know ... use anthrax.

That would make too much sense.

 

[Springblossom]

Bruce Ivans, the guy who did the anthrax attacks in 2001 killed himself ... by ODing on Tylenol.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bruce_Edwards_Ivins

you'd think he'd you know ... use anthrax.

If I remember correctly, anthrax is both painful and survivable.

 

[DykesDykesChina]

Yes,they've always been around.

Here's a fine example: Emperor Norton.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton

How fecking dare you

Emperor Norton was fucking insane but far from a lolcow. Is Chris beloved by the citizenry of ruckersville or charlottesville to the point of being able to eat for free at their finest resteraunts? Would a psycho brony ever put himself in the path of a lynch mob to protect innocent people? will lolcows like pamperschu be fondly remembered over a century after their deaths?

Norton is the shining example of an anti-lolcow. No matter what insane shit he did or believed, you cant help but love and root for him all the same, and neither could his neighbours at the time, and while Chris and his ilk will fade into oblivion within a year of snuffing it, those glorious bugfucking crazies like Norton will never be forgotten

This! Emperor Norton rules.

 

[Golly]

Forgive the necro, but I felt this was better put here than in it's own thread.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florence_Foster_Jenkins
Florence Foster JenkinsJinkies (aka the woman in my current avatar). She was a notorious so-bad-she's-hilarious opera singer from the early 1900s. She was able to pick up a following from her ridiculously bad performances, which consisted of her wearing ridiculous costumes and singing pieces way beyond her ability.
Examples:

[youtube]6h4f77T-LoM[/youtube]

[youtube]w8kiMCeudLg[/youtube]

Apologies for the early recording sound, but I'm not sure if a remastered recording would do her any justice. I do, however, give her serious credit for the balls she had to keep singing.

 

[PhilPickleman]

I'm surprised no one has mentioned William McGonagall yet. He was a terrible poet who refused to listen to others when they told him how terrible he was and was basically a laughing stock because of it. He's also thought to have been autistic, but thats all speculation, I suppose.

His poetry is really bad. Just check out his most famous piece, the Tay Bridge Disaster.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_McGonagall

 

[champthom]

This guy would come up in similar threads on /cow/:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_J._Guiteau

Pretty much this guy thought he was solely responsible for getting James Garfield elected (though the speech he wrote in favor of him was just a speech he wrote support Ulysses Grant and changed it to Garfield after Garfield got the Republican nomination) and demanded that he receive an ambassadorship (first in Vienna, but he later settled on Paris). Of course they rejected him over and over to a point that the Secretary of State told him personally to get lost. So, this guy decides to assassinate Garfield, he even bought a gun with fancy ivory handles so it would look good in a museum exhibit about the assassination.

Apparently during the trial, he asked Garfield's successor, Chester A. Arthur to set him free in return for raising Arthur's salary by making him the new president.

The wikipedia article goes into a bit how kooky he was.

 

[Golly]

Ooh, Guiteau! One of the better of the subjects from Sondheim's Assassins, if I do say so myself. Here's some theatrical interpretation, accompanied by a pretty catchy song with the just as catchy Neil Patrick Harris. :mrgreen:

[youtube]i8omQpWati8[/youtube]

 

[RP 520]

Guiteau seems like he was the king of attention whores and considering the time period, I'm surprised as to why they didn't haul his ass off to an insane asylum which could have prevented the assassination.

"After the guilty verdict was read, Guiteau stepped forward, despite his lawyers' efforts to tell him to be quiet, and yelled at the jury saying "You are all low, consummate jackasses!""

Also according to the Wiki article, (If what it says is true) he was smiling and waving as he was led to his execution and danced up to the gallows and recited a poem before being hung. He also wanted an orchestra to play but was denied that.

 

[sparklemilhouse]

Guiteau reminds me of Hinkley a little.

I forgot to mention Francesco Schettino the Costa Cocordia captain as a historical lolcow. His actions during the disaster are lolcow on historical proportions. He sailed off the course to do a unscheduled "salute", he was on the ships phone, he hit the reefs, he tried to keep on sailing like nothing happened, he ordered dinner shortly after the crash, and left ship before all the passengers evacuated.

 

[CalmMyTits]

I agree, Emperor Norton was not a lolcow. Weird, sure, but he had a good heart and wasn't a lolcow.

Emperor Nicholas... I feel bad for him. He was never intended to be Tsar, but his older brother died, and his father also died when Nicholas was in his 20's, he admitted that he was unprepared to be Tsar. If his father had lived longer, then perhaps Nicholas would have fared better. Many of Russia's problems were not his fault, he was just a handy scapegoat. Many rulers who were blamed for shit were actually scapegoats, it's always easier to just blame whoever was ruling at that time.

Many times troubles in a country had been there for a while, before the ruler took the crown (sometimes the troubles were started by previous rulers and gained momentum) Such as Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette, France's financial troubles started well before their reign but they got their heads lopped off for it, or in other cases, it was the advisors, ministers, nobles, or bureaucrats in court who were responsible for troubles rather than the royalty itself.

Yes, I'm a history nerd.

 

[Chairman Meow]

Guiteau reminds me of Hinkley a little.

I forgot to mention Francesco Schettino the Costa Cocordia captain as a historical lolcow. His actions during the disaster are lolcow on historical proportions. He sailed off the course to do a unscheduled "salute", he was on the ships phone, he hit the reefs, he tried to keep on sailing like nothing happened, he ordered dinner shortly after the crash, and left ship before all the passengers evacuated.

Oh man, Schettino...he's kind of a short-term lolcow, but boy did he bring the lulz. In addition to everything else, he also whined like a bitch to the Italian coast guard and had to be ordered back on board...repeatedly:

Schettino: So, the ship right now [inaudible]

De Falco [Italian Coast Guard]: Speak in a loud voice! Put your hand by the microphone to cover it and speak up! Is that clear?

Schettino: So, right now the ship is tilted…

De Falco: I understand that. Listen to me, there are people that are getting off using the rope ladder on the stern side, you go back there and you go up that ladder the opposite way, you go onboard the ship and you tell me how many people [are there] And what they need. You tell me if there are children, women or people that need assistance and you give me a number for each one of these categories is that clear? Look Schettino, you may have saved yourself from the sea but will put you through a lot of trouble it will be very bad for you! Get back on board for [expletive]‘s sake!!!

Schettino: Officer, please.

De Falco: There are no “pleases”! Get back on board! Please assure me that you are going back on board.

[...]

De Falco: What? Are you refusing to back on board?

Schettino: No, I am not refusing to go back. I am not going because the other rescue boat stopped.

De Falco: Get back on board! This is an order! You don’t need to make any other assessment. You have declared that you have abandoned ship, therefore I’m in command. Get back on board right now is that clear?

[...]

Schettino: Do you realize it’s dark out here and we can’t see anything?

De Falco: What do you want to do ? Do you want to go home? It’s dark so you want to go home? Get on the stern of that ship climb the ladder and tell me what can be done, how many people are there and what they need. Right now!

And lately he's been heroically taking responsibility, as a ship's captain should, by blaming everything on his Indonesian second officer.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-24210522

 

[SlowInTheMinds]

I'm surprised no one has mentioned William McGonagall yet. He was a terrible poet who refused to listen to others when they told him how terrible he was and was basically a laughing stock because of it. He's also thought to have been autistic, but thats all speculation, I suppose.

His poetry is really bad. Just check out his most famous piece, the Tay Bridge Disaster.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_McGonagall

There is as much proof for his autism as there was for Einstein's assburgers. Which means he definitely has autism.

Which makes him the 1800s Chris-chan.

 

[RP 520]

I'm surprised no one has mentioned William McGonagall yet. He was a terrible poet who refused to listen to others when they told him how terrible he was and was basically a laughing stock because of it. He's also thought to have been autistic, but thats all speculation, I suppose.

His poetry is really bad. Just check out his most famous piece, the Tay Bridge Disaster.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_McGonagall

There is as much proof for his autism as there was for Einstein's assburgers. Which means he definitely has autism.

Which makes him the 1800s Our Pet Lolcow.

He's 2/3's, since he got china (multiple times, since he was married and had quite a few kids) and could have held a relatively stable job doing weaving had he not tried to be a poet. His July 1878 60 mile walk to try and recite poetry for the queen reminded me of Chris's Ohio trip.