Samantha Violet Bushart and the Sammieverse - Fat, Illiterate Perpetual Pregnancy Faker and the Various Trash and Tards Surrounding Her

[AbraCadaver]

I would honestly start paying for cable solely for that. Legit. If someone got a bunch of Lolcows on a trivia show, I would pay big money for that.

I’d watch it just to see video proof of Chantal go an entire hour standing up at a podium without snacking.

 

[Whatthefuck]

I honestly thought I was fluent in redneckese until I stumbled on this thread. Don't get me wrong, Sammie is the most entertaining cow I've seen come out of nowhere and I'm grateful for her contributions, but I'll be damned if I can decipher her musings sometimes. Now, we know she spells how she pronounces words and never the twain shall meet, but even as the good southern belle I am I can't for the life of me understand how she comes up with the spellings and correlated pronunciations.

 

[JuniperFalls]

My Sammie-to-English translator must be on the fritz today because I cannot make any sense of this gibberish. In her first post, was she trying to say that Skylar told Sammie that her niggo of the week doesn’t claim the baby?

Based on the context, I think she meant to say "He doesn't call me and the baby" (since her very next complaint is that he DOES text "my cuzin Audrianna" all the time.)

 

[Pony Horn]

Ok, I think i have it figured out. She's saying that the theoretical male is in contact with her cousin, Skylar. Skylar told Sammie that the theoretical male is not claiming (Sammie and) the theoretical baby as his.

But the theoretical male is frequently texting her other cousin, Adrianne, about her and the theoretical baby and is showing interest. So she's pissed off at Skylar.

She's also pissed off at other unnamed people ("everyone"). The last part is harder to decipher. It is either because early on in the theoretical relationship (and "early on" is relative here) they were all trying to get them to break up or because they actually did cause them to break up for awhile.

 

[simulated goat]

Ynohtna for real? How do you even pronaunce it?

Everyone knows him as 'Nancy'.

 

[Whatthefuck]

Everyone knows him as 'Nancy'.

Well, when you're in prison you go with the name you're assigned by your fellow inmates. I bet Ms. Nancy is the Belle of the Ball.

 

[Muscle Bra]

Ok, I think i have it figured out. She's saying that the theoretical male is in contact with her cousin, Skylar. Skylar told Sammie that the theoretical male is not claiming (Sammie and) the theoretical baby as his.

But the theoretical male is frequently texting her other cousin, Adrianne, about her and the theoretical baby and is showing interest. So she's pissed off at Skylar.

Oh, dear GodBear, I don't know how you managed to make sense of that but it actually sounds logical (well, by Sammie's standards, I mean)...

So cuzin Skylar is allegedly making up lies about the niggo of the week and talking shit on him, and Sammie sees that as Skylar trying to break the two of them up. Now ... back in the real world, there's a very good chance the theoretical male (love that term, BTW) does not actually exist, which means that Sammie is either (a) posing as him on Facebook to text her cuzins or (b) is just making shit up about him texting her cuzins. Either way, that means Sammie is creating drama where none exists.

I do so love this cow...

 

[Miss Misery]

Well, when you're in prison you go with the name you're assigned by your fellow inmates.

Ehhh, not necessarily. Sometimes you end up nicknamed by the cops. Sometimes you get lucky enough to name yourself or your crew calls you something decent. A lot of times they're "ironic". Like a 6'3" nigga called Baby.

Ynohtna (one of the younger ones; I don't remember which and I don't care enough to look) has at least one IEX, so you're probably right about him being someone's Miss Fancy Nancy. Or someone's punching bag. Or both.

 

[cuddle striker]

I'll never get over the twins Faux (pronounced Fox) and fancy.

Have a relative who works in l&d. One lady named the baby after the doctor, who let's just say was named Curry

Literally
first name:doctor
middle name: curry

I hope this happens to me one day. Not having a kid with that name, but someone naming their kid (my title) (my name) that I'm not even related to

 

[Miss Misery]

I hope this happens to me one day. Not having a kid with that name, but someone naming their kid (my title) (my name) that I'm not even related to

I hope Sammie names one of her imaginary miscarriages after me. Ol' Dirty Bastard BigShart.

 

[feelingabitemu]

I thought she and the latest one broke up after he got out of jail for the weekend and saw his baby momma rather than Sammie, which makes a lot more sense than "my cousin said he doesn't care about me and our totally real baby"...

Thing is, from the OP I'm guessing Sammie can get carry a bundle of cells long enough for a pregnancy test to show positive, but not long enough for it to cause any actual pregnancy symptoms. I'm willing to believe that the black man of the week she's banging would maintain some sort of interest in the possible child, but only the dumbest would continue to believe Sammie is pregnant when ... well, nothing happens.

I'm even willing to believe some of them will tell her they're going to get married, if the area Sammie is in is anything like the area I grew up in then proposals are thrown around to try and convince the wench you're banging that there's some legitimacy to your relationship. She doesn't need to know you're also engaged to Melessa, Shaniqua, Jazzmyn, and Diamond.

 

[Miss Misery]

Sammie doesn't even have positive pregnancy tests. She has negative tests that she lets sit around for longer than 10 minutes so the second line shows up faintly. It's called an evaporation line. All tests do it. Sammie is just too stupid to read the damn instructions.

 

[cuddle striker]

is there a running total of pregnancies to date?

 

[Miss Misery]

Someone did one several pages back, I'll go find it (because it's better than doing laundry).

Edit: Okay @Tiny Clanger did this list of Baby Daddies that includes pregnancies, but it's not specifically about them.

I swear there was a list of pregnancies though...and if there isn't? My autistic ass is gonna go through this entire thread and make a one. With a spreadsheet and everything.

Edit 2.0: Fuckit who am I kidding. I'm just going to go straight to the spreadsheet. Mmmmspreadsheet.

 

[Muscle Bra]

I'm willing to believe that the black man of the week she's banging would maintain some sort of interest in the possible child ... I'm even willing to believe some of them will tell her they're going to get married

If you were talking about normal people (with jobs, residences, and the like) I might be inclined to agree with you but the folks Sammie is shacking up with are literally unemployed, homeless crackheads. They don't give a shit about Sammie, the theoretical baby, or the theoretical marriage -- all they care about is having a hole in which to stick their dick, a source of money for their next hit, and maybe a dry place to sleep for a night or two.

Sammie doesn't even have positive pregnancy tests. She has negative tests that she lets sit around for longer than 10 minutes so the second line shows up faintly. It's called an evaporation line. All tests do it. Sammie is just too stupid to read the damn instructions.

While I agree with you that Sammie is too stupid (or incapable) to read the instructions, she may have noticed that the "I'm pregnant" line magically shows up some time after she takes the test. Since it gives her the result she wants and allows her to make more Facebook posts, I doubt she thinks too hard about how the test first said no, then later said yes.

 

[Rabbit Bones]

is there a running total of pregnancies to date?

Keep in mind, she's been doing this since before this thread started. When I met her, she claimed to have 21 kids. It turns out, back then, she just pretended her cousins were her children, which led to some awkwardness when she posted pictures of people in their late teens, when she was in her early 20s, claiming she missed being pregnant with them.

 

[Miss Misery]

Oh also I wanted to say this the entire time I was lurking and then I got an account and got all swept up in the fun!

Regarding Sammie's Capitalization Of Every Single Word.

People with dyslexia are often taught to do this in sped classes to help them learn to read/read things more easily/write things more easily/etc. and they tend to continue to do it if they are severely dyslexic/LD.

The capitalization thing, plus her tendency to switch letters around, makes me think that she's definitely dyslexic and most likely has a few other learning disabilities. And that the high school diploma was definitely a Good Job You Tried participation award, rather than a real diploma.

Edit: This in no way excuses or explains any of her other behavior. Plenty of people with dyslexia and/or other learning disabilities have fulfilling and productive lives and aren't loser white trash fuckbags whose only dream is to shit out a bunch of sped kids just like them and then give them to their mommy to raise while they run off and fuck homeless criminal drug addicts. Okay going back to my spedsheet now.

 

[cuddle striker]

Keep in mind, she's been doing this since before this thread started. When I met her, she claimed to have 21 kids. It turns out, back then, she just pretended her cousins were her children, which led to some awkwardness when she posted pictures of people in their late teens, when she was in her early 20s, claiming she missed being pregnant with them.

yeah that high number at the start is why I wondered if there was an updated list

 

[eternal dog mongler]

The capitalization thing, plus her tendency to switch letters around, makes me think that she's definitely dyslexic and most likely has a few other learning disabilities. And that the high school diploma was definitely a Good Job You Tried participation award, rather than a real diploma.

Yeah, just a few. She gets SSI for something and you don't get SSI for having fifty imagined ghost babies crawling around your womb.

If she's on SSI for developmental delays then, well, the IQ cap for that is 70. Draw your own conclusions.

 

[Miss Misery]

So uh... I'm only on page 5 of the thread for the baby spergsheet and I'm kind of getting a little too autistic with it so it might be a little while. Sorry about that...

But speaking of her "diploma", my sperging, and the blessed work of the farmers in this thread going back and digging through her old shit, I've found some thunk-provoking stuff.

Sammie starts taking about being pregnant in early February 2015. She actually turns out to be pregnant with Bently later that year. But based on birth date, Bently would have been conceived around the 27th of March.

However, on June 11, 2017, she posted a picture of herself at graduation saying she was 5 weeks pregnant with Bently at the time, so either she graduated the last week of April, or Bent was premature. Given his slightly below average size at birth, I'm voting for the latter, especially since the doctors wouldn't let her give birth a month prior, meaning he was more likely conceived around the middle of April.

Or she has no fucking clue how pregnant she was when she grajiated (although since she was Actually Pregnant the doctors would have given her a due date so then it's a matter of simple math aaaaaaaaaaaaahahaha!). Or it's a mix of all goddamn three, because from what I can figure, her high school has its commencement ceremony the third Thursday in May, so she'd have been 9 weeks pregnant at the time if Bent was born full-term, or he was a month premature.

And I am way overthinking this. I wish I found laundry as interesting as data analysis.