This horrific opus is going in the "Chantal Highlights" gallery I think.
-Chantal berates Shhhham in her Pazuzu voice for a cold open
-Cut to the great outdoors. Peetz is filming. Chantal is in white (Chantal, no) with her Amber sumo bun and her drag queen glasses, which are approaching the status of a holy relic.
-Chantal speaks inaudibly and Peetz lisps drivel in response (this is a consistent theme throughout the video)
-Chantal is swinging her arms while walking as if she's jogging
-Peetz tells us about an exciting Twitter thread that nobody cares about. Chantal obviously doesn't care but Peetz is too autistic to stop boring her.
-Chantal needs a rest after about 60 seconds of moderately paced walking
-Peetz is still blathering on about cartoons despite the blatant uninterest displayed by Chantal
-Cut to some dirty canal. We hear about Chantal's idyllic childhood spent next to filthy streams
-Cut to Peetz looking obese. Some dialogue transpires about stupid tv shows but if you think I'm going back to listen to it and notate the content you're fucking crazy
-Cut back to Chantal doing the arm-swing turbo-waddle. The dialogue is flower-witheringly awkward and unfunny. So far precisely zero (0) interesting things have transpired
-Peetz sounding like air escaping a beta male balloon. His voice is like camp gay male except there's no charisma. He's talking about guys with shitty annoying voices. The irony is blood-curdling
-In a moment of breathless adrenaline, Chantal thinks she sees a bird and Peetz doesn't see it
-Peetz shit-talks Patriot for censorship when all he does all fucking day is sit on twitter and screech about how wrongthink must be censored
-More unbearable drivel from Peetz, mostly about "Nazis on Twitter" (lmao) while Chantal gives bored one-word responses
-Peetz saw a squirrel and didn't even manage to film it. Chantal is one again seated, recuperating. Peetz says all he can think about are squirrels and Chantal, in a bitchy but deserved jab, says "yeah, that and social media stuff"
-Something stinks. It's Chantal's piss. Chantal pissed in the woods and is telling Peetz and the viewer about it. She did it near enough to Peetz that he smelt it. This really happened, and it smells rank. It must be all the celery you've definitely been eating gorl!
-More shit about squirrels because Peetz is too spergy to think of anything else. Peetz is consistently churning out stupid dialogue, with Chantal grunting answers, because he unlike she can walk at a moderate pace without almost having a coronary
-They get to some shitty lake. If the vlog weren't exciting enough already, they think they see a duck on the lake! I for one had to lie down for a while after that much excitement. It turns out to have been a piece of ice but the thrill was unmarred. Make sure you're sitting down for this one:
-Chantal talks about how shocking and outrageous it would be if she went in the water. Better not, Chantal; that might actually create some interest for the viewers
-They head back. Chantal is moaning like a ghoul from the effort
-Chantal blames her strenuous movement on her short legs. Yep, that's gotta be it
-We are treated to a description of Peetz's hirsute posterior
-More complete drivel that you can't even hear because Chantal is facing away from the camera. Great vlogging Chantal
-After walking less than 100 metres, Chantal collapses and looks like fat Elvis taking his final, deadly dump
-Chantal bitches about the pain of walking when you're morbidly obese. Oh well, I guess it's part of life and there's literally nothing you can do about your weight
-"I don't want (Shhhham) to get chubby" I think that hulkship might have sailed bitch
-Tedious, tedious dialogue between two charismaless people
-Peetz talks about what an abject failure of a man he is and Chantal cackles while thinking about food
-Chantal accosts a dog and this leads to a reminisce about a "big dog" that the viewer never saw and Peetz can't even fucking remember. Sad trombone
-Peetz makes a Star Wars reference Chantal doesn't get. This video has been edited
-Another gasping hiatus punctuated by mirthless cackles. Chantal is so sweaty that it's fogging up her Elvis glasses
-Peetz says Amber messaged her phone to ask how she's doing. Chantal claims they're going through "similar things". They're totally sisters in arms because they're both fat trainwrecks and Chantal wants e-fame
-Boring garbage about Chantal's pill-popping
-More stupid stories from the past and Chantal showing her totally real bachelor of English with honours by using "whenever" incorrectly. Peetz also doesn't remember this anecdote either
-Chantal breathlessly tells us the video is over, and is smug about taking 45 minutes (at least) to walk a <2km "long walk"
-FIN-
