JAN'S SPEECH STARTS: SHE LOOKS AT THE CAMERA AND GIVES AN "APPLAUSE" MOTION TO THE AUDIENCE. AUDIENCE COMPLIES AND GIVES SHORT APPLAUSE:
It is my turn. As you can tell, I have a big ego. I needed a clap before I came up here. What I am about to say is supposed to be lighthearted. Let me be honest, I have no filter whatsoever so please come up at your own risk.
I don’t know why, I love to public speak. This is easy for me but being in a room, actually having to talk, that’s hard, I don’t know why, that’s hard for me. So where do I begin?
I would say how I met Jackie but I kinda don’t want to start there. I’m going to say what I meant to her. So if you don’t know I also have some illnesses as well. Uuuhhh, So I go in and out of the hospital, she goes in and out of the hospital. Whenever I was in the hospital somebody would ask her, “Well, who are you to her?” I would say first “Best friends”, done. “No, sister” she would always say that, even when I was at her state. Best friends.
We got a call Sunday morning, three in the morning, saying she wasn’t doing so well. I didn’t believe it, I really didn’t. I was like “she pulls through all the time, how many visits have I done with her?She’s got this. Uhhhhh she’s got this.” So we’re driving, we get there, They asked me who are you to Jaquie? In my head I’m thinking, “I’m just the best friend. I’m not really important here. I shouldn’t even be here.” It’s like four in the morning now I just couldn’t leave and suddenly I said, “Sister.”
Now let me tell you, whenever she said sister, she had this smug, arrogant look on her face, like she was right, irritating me. So when I finally said “Sister,” I just pictured her face, the pure arrogance of the smile she would have on, and I’m like leave me alone, please. So I am her best friend, but she would say sister.
And I’ll be honest I didn’t know what I was gonna say when I got up here. I was just... I did give someone a signal if I talk too much he will cut me off… please - I’m doing good? Thank you. Clearly I prepared myself for this. So, I did, was going to do a vlog but my health got in the way of it and I had to take it easy. She would be yelling at me about that.
Oh, just in.. you guys know, I told them to play this song. It cheers me up, hopefully it cheers you guys up. I feel like ‘just’ the best friend. I don’t think I have a place in here: but she would tell me that’s not true, shut up, just keep doing what you are doing.
Ok- so I had a vlog ready for you guys bc I also do vlogs. Couldn’t do it. So I’m going to be looking at faces and just remembering things. So let’s start....
Ricky's the first person here. I was gonna say, the first time I met you, I have to say, you're an amazing father. You had a stuffed animal just to take pictures for your daughter. I, that really broke my heart, I was like, whoa, wow. If you ever need me, I'm here. We're family. Judd would say that, it's an inside joke, we're family. Okay. I got it Judd, like I'm putting that in my head. So, I know I have a place to stay when I go over there. I got you.
Lauren, if you guys haven’t noticed, we are wearing the same outfits. And I have to apologize to my mother. She is a clean person. So I came up here with no shoes. I could not wear those shoes man - could not wear those shoes. We are wearing matching dresses because we were her bridal party - maid of honor, bridesmaid, sister.
Uhhh, Lauren - I fought for Lauren that day cause Jaquie wanted me to sign for her witness. Cause she signed, she was my maid of honor - I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, I just thought it was a tradition. I would have asked anybody else. And she was just screaming i tried to convince her for you. She was just screaming. “No you’re going to do it; you did it/I did it for you, you are doing it for me!” I’m like...ok. Now, someone, I need like a lawyer - since she signed for mine, does this mean I’m half divorced?
Is that how it works? This is honestly how I thought.
Alright next person. Belle-Ann, my mom. I love you. To both my mothers out there - I have to say sorry, I will not be spending Mother's Day with you. I'm going to take her (gestures to Jaquie's mother) out to do her nails, we're going to go to church. It's just going to be a me and you day. I think we need that.
I remember going the first time I met you. I don't even remember, it's been so much. My best memory is Jaquie's wedding. We were getting our nails done, I was so happy spending time with you. And the other day you were so understanding of my illnesses and it moved me, I loved it.
Richard, I know you thought you were going to avoid this. No, everybody's in danger, I'll be honest. It's like...you have been so there. Concerned for me and I feel like I don't deserve it and I love it. And even before, out there he gave me a kiss. And if you guys didn't know, I'm antisocial. So I was amazed by that, I was like okay, sure, why not, let's do this, we got this. Family. Oh I'm going to be saying that a lot. Family's a key word.
Danny. Daniel. Jaquie's cousin. I call him Danny 'cuz that's what Jaquie called you. I'm sorry, if you want me to change that, let me know. Her family's amazing, her side of the family. Still haven't gotten to know them. We'll talk to them, though. Daniel is a physicist. What? That's mindblowing to me. Other favorite cousin over here, Isabelle? She's a director/producer, as if that's a downgrade. She said "I'm a producer" (Jan makes tsk tsk noise) Still.
Jaquie was a Youtuber, influencer. Had almost 1,000 followers, which equals out to 700 videos. I don't know what happened, they're popping out these kids with amazing jobs, careers, and it's mindboggling. I'm so happy I met you guys. Now I can say I know a producer and a physicist. Like I will literally brag that around.
Don't worry other family I'll get to know you. I'm talking to you guys, each and every one. I told one of her cousins, I think - I'm giving you eye contact, yeah you, yeah you - told him that he had straight teeth. It's like I'm sorry, I'm brutal, your teeth are fabulous. Invisalign, I'll do that, don't worry, I got you. Who else?
I'm trying to keep this peppy, honestly, and it's really hard. I've had multiple panic attacks. I didn't know what a panic attack was until I met Jaquie. She knew with me you had to peel those layers. I thought of an onion. What's inside an onion? A core? A pit? She was very close to that pit. I've never had anybody that close to my pit. That didn't sound right, sorry guys.
And I met her friends. It killed me that she made, it didn't really kill me I was happy that she made other friends. Savannah and, oh, I'm like forgetting names, Sydney, don't worry I've been telling, reminding, everybody else your name, I'm surprised I just forgot. You got me, am I over time? Yeah, no, I'm good? Okay. She's helping me out here still.
Jaquie definitely would have wanted me to meet them. I know she's screaming at me, she's screaming, everything she's saying is more screaming, be friends with them, you need them. And it's so hard to be friends with other people. If I'm gonna get this feeling, I just wanna close back up. Just don't wanna talk. But I can still do this, oddly, I don't know why.
Can I get another round of applause? Come on, guys. My ego's pretty big. Thank you, thank you. Who else? There's a lot. I'm avoiding people.
Ann. She just, she just looked at me like "oh snap." I said no one, uh, was immune to this. She would tell me how much she hated hugging you. It was ridiculous, I told her I love Ann's hugs, please, I will hug her all the time. And that's all she's been giving me. I need a little bit more hugs, though, just a little bit, just a reminder.
Chip. Oh, he knew. Yeah, he knew, please. She would be happy I was getting along with you. She would, it's just honest truth. And I am telling her I like him, I really do like him. I still like to call him Mr. Blake, he's told me to call him Jeffery. It's so awkward, I don't know why, I'm so, I was raised very proper, so you have my heart. I could never replace Jaquie whatsoever, but I'm always there for you. And you live 15 minutes away, you have me all the time. I think, if it's okay with you, I could check in on you once a week. I'll get that final answer.
Judd, I don't want you crying. I don't know why you're crying, stop being a crybaby please. I'm sorry, that was brutal. I wanted to read something because I felt like she'd want me to read it. So let me tell you, if these slideshows were going me and Paul are in the background taking them, I didn't know how many pictures we were taking.
You guys remember for their military ball, she asked me to go help pick out a dress and I was like okay, I got you. And I look at that picture, that was me there. I don't know, there was more outfits there I was looking through and like I had memories, but I will always say we were there in the background.
So let me read what I want to read, it's on my phone. Give me a minute guys, sorry. (IS HANDED HER PHONE. SINGS ALONG WITH MOANA SONG) It cheers me up, guys, if it doesn't cheer you up, you're hollow inside.
I have horrible memories, this grief is really hitting me hard. I'm almost done, guys, almost done, sorry. I know, Janeice, shut up. Here we go, see if I can read it.
To Judd, don't cry, please don't, this is supposed to cheer you up. It is, honestly. To the world, you may just be one person, but to me, you are the world.
You know, it's really hard to read this, because it was disgusting, their love, I'm sorry. They never fought, I'm saying it, they never fought. And me and my husband are over here, like, how is that possible? They must have secret fights. No. I remember they did have a fight. It was pretty bad, she was screaming at everybody. That's not Jaquie, she's very calm and collected. And it was for Judd about to be deployed and she was unhappy. And I thought this was a good memory because it's only, they were fighting.
She was being snappy and he just put her in her place. And I was like "wait, that's it?" And I'm waiting for Jaquie to just go back off on him and nothing. Maybe a minute goes by and she says "we're good, we're gonna go take a date right now." The date they did was just a walk down a dirt road. And she literally turned like this, we're going on a date now, I'm not lying about that, that made no sense, I could not go walking down a dirt road with my husband, but she made it work, she made everything work.
It's crazy how much her memories are my memories and I feel like every little memory I have is her. That's how close she got to me and it annoys me. I'm like, ugh.
So let me finish. I gotta get through this and I gotta shut up. So, this was about their deployment. She made these words up by herself, I don't know how she did it, I can't do it. Whenever I had a homework assignment, I just brushed it off on her. We have to be careful with editing because I don't want all my classes to fail me for that.
*NOTE: THIS IS JAQ'S WORD'S SHE'S RE-READING TO THE AUDIENCE* Okay, so, this deployment is not going to break us. It is going to make us stronger. As you have said before, it may tough in the short-term but it will be better in the long-run. I am so excited to be here for that long run. For this adventure and all that will follow, I will be with you, to the ends of the earth. Where I cannot follow, I will always be faithfully and patiently waiting for you, waiting for your return. What we share is stronger than anything life will throw out our way, so long as we face it together. I love you endlessly, yours always, Bub. (BUG?)
(BACK TO JAN'S OWN WORDS) Ugh, reading this makes me feel better. If that doesn't make anyone else feel better, I don't know what to tell you. I failed at the speech, honestly. Judd's still crying. Dangit. I failed.
So you guys, I got the signal, shut up. I hope you enjoyed everything. We enjoyed all these flowers, thank you, and I want to thank all her followers for everything they have done.
Applause, please.
JAN LEAVES THE STAGE
