Operation Chris Eater commences

[Da Big Staw]

In the case you cite, the facts were that "Bolton sprayed the manager with a chemical identified as "mace." The substance caused the manager's eyes to burn and water and made the manager cough." 550 S.E.2d 342 at 343 (2001).

And further, "Bolton does not contest that the evidence proved an injury." Id. at 344.

OPL's case can be distinguished by the fact that he didn't get a direct hit, and there clearly was no lasting impact on the Ass Manager (TM).

Also, as a general rule, absent significant real damages (broken bones / anything requiring a hospital visit), I have never seen someone without a serious record doing time for something like this (regardless of what statute it was charged under / what level of offense it was charged as).

A suspended sentence, maybe. Community service. Possibly. An anger management course. Probably. A stern finger-wagging. Definitely.

But no time.

Thanks for posting this.

All the "Chris is gonna go the jail!" posts have made this forum almost unreadable. Despite the fact anyone with knowledge/experience in the criminal justice system will tell you it's not gonna happen.

 

[TL 611]

Spoiler: fixed 14BC curtesy of rammspieler

Don't think it's been posted yet.

 

[Saul Goodman]

Second case says that bodily injury covers literally any bodily pain. I'm not saying that he's going to the slammer. I'm a lawyer too though, and while I don't practice in VA I think around here they would at least make him do a weekend of shock time in county. That's barring his status as half a exceptional individual though which makes things more difficult to perdict. Mostly, I disagree that the higher charges will get dismissed, I think the judge will just use his discretion to give a lesser sentence or Chris will get talked in to pleading it down.

Fair enough. A weekend of, as you put it, "shock time" is not out of the realm of possibility. But I think we can both agree that all these scenarios of 30 days + of jail time and having the tugboat sail away aren't at all realistic.

PS. Just to sperg, the second case you cited says that while any bodily pain *may* be found to constitute "bodily injury," whether or not it actually does so is a question of fact for the jury under the "ordinary meaning" of the term. That said, we both know this is never going to a jury.

 

[Coldgrip]

Anyways, since the next one is on April 2, do you think there is a chance Chris would do something stupid in the weeks between February and April because as far as I remember, a few days after a being detained by police last December, he trespasses into Wal-Mart with the same pepper-spray he used in the GameStop incident and made a scene there.

I think we all know that Chris has a difficult time keeping his head down and avoiding trouble so I'd say it's a safe bet that he will do something stupid. The more time he spends away from home the higher the chance he'll try something dumb.

Here's the thing though, will he get caught and will the JERKops get there in time before he scurries away? Given the fact that Chris has very slowly learned over the years that he can't win against mallcops and his history of running away when it looks like security is going to be called I'd say that, while he probably will tard out, he won't likely face consequences for it.

 

[Honeyrabbit]

Preach it Dyn, Jesus I thought there had been updates.

MAJOR UPDATE! It's just been confirmed that Chris is very narrow-minded, and some long-time Christorians are speculating that his body is probably in poor condition due to inactivity and poor diet.

 

[Poor Choices]

Preach it Dyn, Jesus I thought there had been updates.

Buh where will we sperg out if not here? You can't cage this autism.

 

[Sammy]

Bullshit.

It's the real Saul Goodman.

How's things at the Omaha Cinnabon?

Bob Odenkirk is obviously just another false identity for Saul Goodman.

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

Godspeed you glorious bastard. We, who sincerely wish we could be at your side, salute you.

 

[Blueberry]

@skyraider91 probably has some good trash digging tips while you are out there @Rammspieler

 

[MrsFrizzle]

Ban everyone but Rammspeiler from this thread, ugh, jfc you guys are spergs. Twenty pages of nothing.

Nah, Zeonista's post is the most informative thing in the thread. No offense to Rammspieler, whose posts have been entertaining as hell, though.

 

[lisaface]

OPL's case can be distinguished by the fact that he didn't get a direct hit, and there clearly was no lasting impact on the Ass Manager (TM).

The video we've seen only has a few seconds of footage after the pepper spray is released. I've had my eyes burn from being in the same subway station as pepper spray was released, long after the situation was over. We don't know if the person sprayed or anyone around him felt the effects of it or not, but I'd be surprised if nobody felt any effect at all.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Don't think it's been posted yet.

Aside from the stuff on the yard, it doesn't look that bad... for now.

If they had a garage to put the cars in, cleared out the clutter in the yard, and actually took care of the yard, it would look pretty good.

 

[Phil Collins]

Anyway, Chris WAS wearing women's clothes, but didn't look like as much of a disaster as usual. He was wearing a black cardigan and long dark-blue skirt with white stripes, along with dark-blue leggings and a pair of tan boots. His hair still looked pretty terrible, pretty much the same as it was in his mugshot. Barb was with him, wearing what looked like a red wool coat.

Well I'll be, here I thought SOMEBODY was going to force Chris to dress normally, as per appropriate court attire. He must've had a difficult time getting in the courthouse, to say the least.

Spoiler

I really should've seen this coming.

 

[Jewelsmakerguy]

its another sign of him filling the shoes of Bob. Their relationship has always,it seems been a bit odd, that time she forced him to sit down while she cut his hair was strange, and of course the sleeping together. But it seems since Bob died she has her claws deeper into him now.

Hmm. Was certain for a bit there that it was probably just a Beach Boys reference given Chris' taste in music and all.

Hell, are sure that this isn't the case?

 

[walkingstickman]

Second case says that bodily injury covers literally any bodily pain. I'm not saying that he's going to the slammer. I'm a lawyer too though, and while I don't practice in VA I think around here they would at least make him do a weekend of shock time in county. That's barring his status as half a exceptional individual though which makes things more difficult to perdict. Mostly, I disagree that the higher charges will get dismissed, I think the judge will just use his discretion to give a lesser sentence or Chris will get talked in to pleading it down.

Spoiler: Spoiler

It's mostly about playing the waiting game at this point. But I wouldn't doubt the "slap on the wrist" rulings at this point. Though if he does get "shock time" in the itty bitty jail, he'd probably treat it like some kind of conspiracy fueled sega illuminati shit happend for getting the sentence.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

Ban everyone but Rammspeiler from this thread, ugh, jfc you guys are spergs. Twenty pages of nothing.

He says providing nothing.

 

[EI 903]

He says providing nothing.

He does have something of a point, though. We have a megathread for trial speculation, and people are getting pretty bad about turning every other thread into trial speculation anyway. If there was no place for it to go this would make sense, but because there is a provided thread handy, it is just laziness and autism.

 

[CWCissey]

it is just laziness and autism.

Appropriate considering the subject!

 

[KakaSentYa]

Ban everyone but Rammspeiler from this thread, ugh, jfc you guys are spergs. Twenty pages of nothing.

Forum Rules

• If you need to tell people you're better than someone, you're probably not.

 

[Optimus Prime]

Spoiler: fixed 14BC curtesy of rammspieler

Don't think it's been posted yet.

*slow clap*

Amazing. They only cleared the crap out of the font yard so they could drive the fucking van right up to the door instead. Truly they have attained their final form as redneck trailer trash now (final mega evolition form would entail them actually moving into a shitty Streamliner pulled by that van).

Also of note: the BMW looks like it got slammed into that tree at this angle (rear wheels appear slightly higher than the front ones, and I doubt BMWs come with that kind of jacked suspension) and corruption has taken root so far in 14BC that the ground itself does not support grass and all the trees are dead.

Yeah, sure, its winter, but given how there is clearly grass and healthy tree foliage all over the place except on the 14BC plot of land, you have to wonder...