Stupid things you thought as a kid - we were all dumbasses when we were kids

[ToroidalBoat]

I once thought color didn't work in space for some reason.

I thought then that you needed air to see color.

 

[Count groudon]

Some kid told me that if you drew a triangle in the sand and left it there overnight aliens would show up and fuck with you while you were asleep. Literally panicked any time I saw something even vaguely triangular in the sand and would furiously kick the everloving shit out of it until it was gone.

Same kid told me that if you held your eyes open for too long your eyeballs would roll out and his brother totally did it and he’s blind now. Little cunt didn’t even have a brother.

 

[NoFeline]

I thought if a place had graffiti you would get raped there.

I heard the rhyme "snitches get stitches and wind up in ditches", and then a woman was found in a ditch just a block over, so I thought it was true and she must have tattled on someone.

I was scared to sit on the toilet too long because there was a toilet monster that looked remarkably like Randall from Monsters Inc before that was a thing that would slither through the pipes to pull you into the sewers and drown you in poop water.

I thought the same thing but the monster looked like the janitor from The Willies. I didn't get a good look at him as a monster so over time my idea of what he looked like morphed into a terrifying red degloved skull.

 

[RumblyTumbly]

As a kid, I believed that my dad knew everything because he told me that he knew everything. Then 2nd grade rolled around and I got assigned to write a haiku and I asked him for help and he was all like "What's a haiku?". Innocence destroyed, lol.

I believed that rats were carnivores that would eat me while I slept...which is probably why I developed a phobia that persists to this day.

 

[grumble_bum]

On Halloween day about 15 years ago, I was playing dawn of war on my brothers PC. When he told me there were two girls asking to talk to me, I told him to tell them to wait about about 20 mins, and when I checked there was no one there. I never thought about it again until this week, but it was just my brother wanting me to get off his computer. At least I called his bluff for twenty minutes.

 

[ZeCommissar]

I'm sure this has been posted before, but the ol standard "Chocolate milk comes from brown cows"
Its not my fault that they put brown cows on the milk carton!

I thought communism was pretty cool in middle school (thank god that got out of the way early) because equal everything? What's the worst that could happen?

 

[Marco Fucko]

When I was a kid I thought life had meaning and wasn't just some absurd accident tbh.

 

[オウム 2]

When my mom would give me a cookie I'd ask for two so she'd she take it from me and break it in half and then give it back and I thought I was getting two.

 

[Vlinny-kun]

For the longest time I took the euphemism of sleeping with someone literally. I knew it was an intimate thing you did with a partner, but I thought sex in itself was a separate thing entirely and while it didn't always occure, it still happened 90% of the time. In the 11th grade I randomly pondered this and if I had been wrong this whole time, but still couldn't decipher its meaning and only ended up more confused than before, so I asked my best friend at the time and she couldn't believe I didn't know it was a euphemism. Really made me feel like a dumbass.

 

[Recoil]

I used to think that my parents had told the babysitter it was okay to hit me, so I never mentioned it to them.

 

[UntimelyDhelmise]

Like several here I thought women gave birth through the ass, but I had a different reason. From birth I have always been around animals so I had a general understanding of reproduction from the get-go. But human reproduction was still a mystery to me, and given that we had chickens I assumed human females were like birds and did everything through one hole and they were just "blank" at the front.

Also like others here I grew up with the ever so wonderful Rapture scare and would have panic attacks every time I was alone in the house for more than an hour. Still get on my parents to this day about all that needless childhood trauma.

Finally, I was always told to never, ever look at naked women. So fast forward a several years to my first unsupervised excursions on the internet where I inevitably came across porn. As I was told, I avoided conventional porn like the plague, but looked at gay porn because I figured it was okay to look at naked guys since they never said anything about that. Surprise surprise, I ended up gay.

 

[Argh My Cigar]

When I was 3 thought everything happening on TV was real and that there was a channel for everyone’s life. I kept trying to find mine by doing things like entering my house number, landline number, etc.

 

[Barnard]

This is minor, but I completely misread an astronomy handbook and for a long while thought that Uranus is a dry, craterized world like an overgrown Moon, rather than the gas/ice giant it actually is.

No Uranus jokes plz.

 

[Big Nasty]

I thought that "lesbian" was an insult.

 

[AltisticRight]

Oj dindu nuffin
Israel wants peace

 

[Migraineur]

I thought my mom knew everything.

I also thought that if my blanket didn't cover my toes/feet a monster would eat them.

 

[Jason Wynn]

I thought that if a guy had a tattoo, he was one tough SOB. You don't want to piss off a guy with a tattoo, he'll fuck you up.

I wonder how 7 year old me would react to seeing the hipster jackasses today with weeb and vidya tattoos now...

 

[Applejack]

My dumbass didn't like reading so I pronounced word like plague and hyperbole like "plagoo and hyperbowl" but the worst of all follows me to this day: breast. I always forget how to spell it because breast looks like BEAST with an R.

 

[Shibaru]

I Legit used to think A "Sex Tape" was a black and white vhs film of 2 people fighting WWE Style.

Don't ask how i thought that, I just saw the words "Sex Tape" somewhere on the internet one day and somehow my brain conjured that up.

 

[Recoil]

I thought alcohol was a consequence free drug until college.