Favorite Lolcow traits?

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I'm not sure if this is just Chris, but lolcows seem to not get the definition of parody.

Like if a lolcow watches an animated parody in which a certain character dies, they tardrage. Hell, I used to do that back in my "cringe" days. Autism is one hell of a drug.
 
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I'd like to say, for me personally, the best lolcows believe they are omniscient and omnipotent. That they are above everyone in power and know everything about everything. Chris is a really extreme example of this.
 
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When they rage about minor trivial shit and refuse to let it go. People were mad at Sega because Sonic Boom was a broken and bland game. Chris got mad over blue arms and actually committed crimes over it. Bronies and other diehard fans of things also fit this example. It's nothing to do with the quality of the media they like but the minor things in it that suddenly bring them screaming over Twitter.
 
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Has any one noticed a running trend with a awful lot of Cow's is "No middle gear", it's either the best thing in the world or the worst thing in the world never any "meh, I don't dig it but some will". I know a awful lot of this is down to being fans of a series but a awful lot of Cows are defined by a franchise.

Zorceror44 said:
I'm not sure if this is just Chris, but lolcows seem to not get the definition of parody.

Like if a lolcow watches an animated parody in which a certain character dies, they tardrage. Hell, I used to do that back in my "cringe" days. Autism is one hell of a drug.
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To Quote Homer;

"YOU MADE THEM CANCEL PLATYPUS MAN! THAT SHOW HAD LIMITLESS POSSIBILITIES!!!!!!"
 
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Ravenor said:
Has any one noticed a running trend with a awful lot of Cow's is "No middle gear", it's either the best thing in the world or the worst thing in the world never any "meh, I don't dig it but some will". I know a awful lot of this is down to being fans of a series but a awful lot of Cows are defined by a franchise.



To Quote Homer;

"YOU MADE THEM CANCEL PLATYPUS MAN! THAT SHOW HAD LIMITLESS POSSIBILITIES!!!!!!"
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I actually meant something else. Remember when Chris saw that one hotdiggedydemon video and tardraged because Sonic died in it despite the fact that it was a non-canon parody video on the Internet? Basically that.
 
Zorceror44 said:
I actually meant something else. Remember when Chris saw that one hotdiggedydemon video and tardraged because Sonic died in it despite the fact that it was a non-canon parody video on the Internet? Basically that.
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It was a joke, Homer Simpson raged on a TV critic in much the way you described, it's a good line.
 
It's all about the attitude.

You can have people who are absolutely insane, who do things beyond all logic or understanding, but they just won't be funny without the narcissism and lack of self-awareness. Ulillillia and the guy thinks he's a menstrual pad come to mind. They may be batshit nuts in their own ways, and fascinating to read about, but you can't really laugh at them because they know they're weird and are just content to stay in their own little spheres of existence, not bothering anyone.

But when you get a guy willing to mace someone over a video game character's arms changing colour, when you get a guy who is willing to come to a forum and defend his misogynistic views for WEEKS STRAIGHT, when a girl who's not even really ugly spams the internet with horribly unflattering photoshoots despite everyone giving her advice because she can't let go of her weeaboo delusions... it is only then that you have the perfect lolcow.
 
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It's almost like lolcows have to maintain some equilibrium between being stupid and crazy. Chris, for example, is about equal parts of both. TJ Church is reasonably grounded in reality, but UNBELIEVABLY stupid. Brad Watson is of average, perhaps very slightly above average intelligence... but is off-the-charts loony.
 
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For me, it's less the (typically) poor skill of a lolcow's chosen medium and moreso that they exhibit no real love for said medium. Dobson and comics; Wu and video games; et cetera, et cetera. It makes you wonder why they keep at it.*

*In terms of feeling, not :tugboat:
 
Henry Bemis said:
For me, it's less the (typically) poor skill of a lolcow's chosen medium and moreso that they exhibit no real love for said medium. Dobson and comics; Wu and video games; et cetera, et cetera. It makes you wonder why they keep at it.*

*In terms of feeling, not :tugboat:
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They think its easy and they can make money doing it would be my guess.
 
Smoked Sausage said:
They think its easy and they can make money doing it would be my guess.
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I think that may be it. They don't want to Create; they want to Have Created.

Yes, you made a hat where there never was a hat and all that, but now make a hat that people want to wear, or least start a dialogue about.
 
I'm not sure if this is a "favorite" trait, but one thing I've noticed is that in addition to being mentally similar, many lolcows are physically similar to each other as well. Lolcows tend to be...

* White.
* Not just white but flat-out pasty, like they never get any sun.
* Plump, but not outright obese.
* Have brown hair.
* Many wear glasses.

Chris, ADF, A-Log, Sick Nick, Deeker, Vade... all fit this general description.

Is there some sort of meaning to this trend? I have no idea.
 
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Obliviousness is a very common trait. Lolcows may be aware they're being laughed at, but they generally don't know why. They consider their behavior normal and will admit to shockingly cringeworthy things as if anyone would react with anything but horror. Chris drawing atrocious porn of his love interests and sending it to them in completely inappropriate circumstances would be on the mild end of this spectrum, and at the far end, you have outright repulsive monsters like Nick Bate.
 
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Pinball Lizard said:
I'm not sure if this is a "favorite" trait, but one thing I've noticed is that in addition to being mentally similar, many lolcows are physically similar to each other as well. Lolcows tend to be...

* White.
* Not just white but flat-out pasty, like they never get any sun.
* Plump, but not outright obese.
* Have brown hair.
* Many wear glasses.

Chris, ADF, A-Log, Sick Nick, Deeker, Vade... all fit this general description.

Is there some sort of meaning to this trend? I have no idea.
Click to expand...

Interesting point about race. Most lolcows we observe are American (US culture doesn't hammer down their impulses, and most Kiwis speak English exclusively, so it's hard to find goofballs in other languages), the majority of Americans are white, and the majority of whites have brown hair, so that's not much of a surprise.

I have met black weeaboos, so lolcow traits are certainly not confined to one skin color. It's a compelling hypothesis that a suburban (read: white) upbringing is more sheltered, and Chris Chandler was described on the CWCki as having a lack of "Street smarts", take that as you will.

The rest of those traits stem from their ineptitude: They're fat because they have no impulse control, and wear glasses as they're cheaper and easier to maintain than contact lenses -Chris and Connor have publicly admitted they can't keep themselves clean, they'd come down with eye infections constantly with contact lenses. Lolcows don't get any sun -the world outside their room is unpredictable, a little bit of vitamin D isn't worth the risk.
 
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