Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Muttnik]

You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

Unless Disney buys you. Then you're not allowed to die at all.

 

[Tsusaba109]

I'm just giddy about the fact that fucking Jumanji might make more money than the end of THE STORY THAT DEFINED A GENERATION, THE END OF THE ICONIC 40 YEARS OLD SKYWALKER SAGA.

I mean looking at youtube trailer it has more views than TROS , a lot more likes, and last Jumanji was a lot better received than TLJ. It has a shot of happening.

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

I'm raking my brain and I can't seem to come up with a term fitting for that in German. I mean, not even the ridiculous specificality of the German language could foresee the necessity for such an expression.

I suggest we create a new word for this, a word befitting of the idea that all hope, joy and love in all the universe has died and we should just minecraft ourselves.

I suggest Exogol for this word.

 

[verissimus]

You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

Unless Disney buys you. Then you're not allowed to die at all.

No one's ever really gone, ha ha ha....Any one want a pizza roll? Email me, if you want a pizza roll.

 

[AverageAnimeWatcher]

them . . . and the animation studio had to make a TV show around these designs and did such a great job, these blatant commercials have become beloved IPs.

Indeed. There are literally thousands of people (between fans up to professional writers) that love Star Wars and would kill to have a chance to write amazing Star Wars stories. Yet Disney gave the keys to people that couldn't care less about the fans or telling a good story.

Kathleen is only concerned about her political agenda, Ryan Johnson only cared about being a special snowflake that subverted expectations and JJ is a plagiarist.

In this thread alone I'm willing to bet most of us could do a better job than they ever did.

Why Disney gave so much power to incompetent people, that's something I imagine we all want to know.

it all comes down in the end to a shitty fucking Korra wannabe plotline shat out by an uncaring media monopoly

You have no idea how happy it makes me people being critical about Korra. I thought I was going crazy with me thinking she was a poor substitute to Aang (just like Rey is to Luke Skywalker) .

Edit: Korra had it's moments, but it also started a trend of badly written "strong female characters" I'm not a fan off.

 

[verissimus]

Man you guys really hate Korra. I certainly will admit that show (and character) definitely does have problems, but the way I hear you and others described it makes me think of how much people eviscerated the prequels. And just for the record, I have watched the show. Hek, I've lately been re-watching part of it though I have no intention of watching past season 2 because that's when the show really bombs for me.

On another note, what is this confirmed leak that @GeneralFriendliness is referring to?

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

Why Disney gave so much power to incompetent people, that's something I imagine we all want to know.

Because in a megacorp like Disney, who gets to the top is determined by who's best at office politics. Creativity, vision, willingness to take risks- those are all things that take away time from shmoozing with the bigwigs and squeezing your employees just that tiny bit harder so you can get that performance bonus.

 

[AverageAnimeWatcher]

Agreed.

Honestly, the more horror stories I heard about big companies screwing creators, and having other writers ruining all your work, the more I think that if you have a cool story it's best not to sell out.

Laugh all you want at J.K rowling and her silly tweets, she owns a huge franchise and she can do whatever she wants with it. How many others can say the same?

 

[Uranus Pink]

You have no idea how happy it makes me people being critical about Korra. I thought I was going crazy with me thinking she was a poor substitute to Aang (just like Rey is to Luke Skywalker).

I have not seen that much of Korra; but what I have seen and read on it LoK turned adult Aang into a holier-then-thou cunt in his quest to restart the Airbender tribe or something.

Edit: Korra had it's moments, but it also started a trend of badly written "strong female characters" I'm not a fan off.

That got started long before LoK and Tumblr existed. Earlier examples in anime, manga, game and animeque got called out and eviscerated like is done with their male counterparts. Western examples on the other hand got protected with the BS boilerplate "it's just a [insert medium]" by brain dead normies.

 

[BR55]

Jesus, if these leaks are indeed true, then it'll be the perfect cherry ontop of the shit sundae that has been this franchise since The Rat took over.

I cannot fucking wait for this turd to drop. This could wind up being the Battlefield Earth of this decade.

"Battlefield Earth of the 2010's..."
There is only one problem with this comparison.
This is The Mouse we're talking about here.
This film will have dickriders not just in the absolute joke that is the critic community but plenty of everyday whores and shills as well.
Millions of mindless consumers who'd eat a bucket of shit if it had a Marvel or Star Wars logo on it.
MovieBob will rave about the "True end of a 40 year saga".
Dobson will tell us all about how he clapped when Rey in true empowering fashion effortlessly crushes Palpatine and puts a final end to Trump's America the Sith and the Empire.
Get ready to be told how we're all just a bunch of Incel, Alt Right, Russian bots for disliking this absolute garbage transformative and stunning work of true art.

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

In this thread alone I'm willing to bet most of us could do a better job than they ever did.

I 100% promise I can re-do Solo to be the perfect Chewie/Han Origin Story with 3 words.

Ripoff The Transporter.

"Han"(Can't use Han Solo as his real name in this plot) is a Young but highly skilled and decorated Imperial Pilot grew up a poor kid in a backwater planet, He gets a Mission to Transport "Rebel Agent" Chewbacca to Coursant. This is his big break if he does this well he can get into officer classes. Doesn't like the job..but It's his chance to drag himself out of being poor for the rest of his life.

On the way, The Transport gets attacked by Space Pirates who got a Grudge with Our Young Hero..Maybe they shot down his father, shit maybe he had sex with their mom that could be a good levity moment. Space Battle ensues..transport gets Damaged..Han has to land, if he has other imperials with him..they die in the fight. Either way Han is left alone with Chewie, and has to free the Wookie for them both to survive.

They become Friends, fight off the Space Pirates. End of the Movie The Pilot has a choice. He can take the guy who just saved his life to be executed, or he can let the guy go and give up his dream. He Blows up his Transport faking his death and the pair steal one of the pirates last ships. movie ends with the line. "What? No we aren't going to Alderaan that place is full of uppity rich folks, I know a guy who can get us a job under the table."

There, simplest god damn story possible but It would be a good story that reinforces what we know about Han and Chewie.

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

That got started long before LoK and Tumblr existed. Earlier examples in anime, manga, game and animeque got called out and eviscerated like is done with their male counterparts. Western examples on the other hand got protected with the BS boilerplate "it's just a [insert medium]" by brain dead normies.

Thing is, anime and manga have so many strong and independent (and I mean actually strong and independent) female characters. Pretty much every female protagonist Kota Hirano (Hellsing, Drifters) or Rei Hiroe (Black Lagoon) have ever made.
Then there's Motoko Kusanagi from Ghost in the Shell, Balsa from Guardian of the Sacred Spirit and so on. For being the most misogynistic medium in the most chauvinistic nation, there's no shortage of awesome heroines that kick ass and take names.

 

[PeeveTheSheev]

I'm raking my brain and I can't seem to come up with a term fitting for that in German.

As someone who speaks the language (although not natively), neither can I.

However, I do believe TROS to be the Endlösung der Mauskriegfrage. No Flammenwerfer needed to set it all ablaze.

 

[Ihavetinyweewee]

Whew lads.

I ain't go much else to add. Technically waiting on JJ talking about Exogol to be confirmed somewhere other than *chan green text. But when I search my feelings, I know it to be true.

Alright, I feel left out. Outside of "Exogol" being a lazy name that literally means "dark place", is there some other joke I'm missing?

 

[PeeveTheSheev]

Alright, I feel left out. Outside of "Exogol" being a lazy name that literally means "dark place", is there some other joke I'm missing?

It's not so much a joke as it is a case of Exogol being a name that has popped up only in leaks that have so far been bang on in predicting things like Babu Frik. Ergo, if Empire Magazine or another official source mentions the planet's name, we can more or less lock in the leaks as being >80%/90% correct.

 

[Ihavetinyweewee]

It's not so much a joke as it is a case of Exogol being a name that has popped up only in leaks that have so far been bang on in predicting things like Babu Frik. Ergo, if Empire Magazine or another official source mentions the planet's name, we can more or less lock in the leaks as being >80%/90% correct.

I get it, yeah with the leaks: I still think it 's 60-70 percent. We seem to be getting some debate between leakers now.

Apparently, the "force flash" stuff may be back on.

So, the third act, and chunks of the leaks can be a bit off....

Still, that's the skeleton of the movie, I think. At best it's going to be mediocre(if certain things change)or an absolute dumpster fire(if completely accurate)...

Personally, I don't have much hope. But then again, I never did....

 

[Dom Cruise]

Imagine it. Game of Thrones and Star Wars--two of the biggest geek franchises in popular culture--both completely creatively eviscerated the same goddamn year.

It's pretty bleak, isn't it?

The 2010s is ending on an interesting note, that's for sure.

What the fuck is the 2020s going to be like?

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

Alright, I feel left out. Outside of "Exogol" being a lazy name that literally means "dark place", is there some other joke I'm missing?

@GeneralFriendliness compiled the available leaks and wrote them down on page 709:

I'll tell you the ending then, but first here are the rest of the leaks. Combine this with the last two leaks I posted on the last few pages and you now have the whole movie minus three parts.

Considering what we know now, we can safely say that not-Tatooine takes place before the the snow planet's scenes as 3PO doesn't have his Rambo shit on him and therefore hasn't been changed by Crazy Frog yet.

1: This one isn't a complete leak but one I've pieced together based on previous leaks that match up with the valid one. We already know how the movie starts. It starts off on a forested planet where the not-Rebels are hiding out after suffering major losses. Rey is on a remote part of the planet training with Leia who turns out to have been trained by Luke. The FO's attack forces Rey and her gang and Leia to retreat on the Falcon. Leia sends them on a mission to find a Resistance informant that could help change the tide of battle somehow despite the Not-Rebels having dwindling resources and whatnot. She then hugs Rey and its goodbye. I personally assume the forest planet is the Galaxy's Edge park's planet, which is called Batuu.

2: This is also pieced together. The gang arrives at not-Tatooine to meet with their informant at Burning Man which serves as this film's "Cantina scene". They then find that their informant been murdered with a sith dagger, which he stupidly leaves behind. The assassin is believed to be a Knight of Ren, as the Knights appear on not-Tatooine. Apparently the FO knew they were coming and so proceed to raid the planet, leading up to the chase scene on sand skiffs, Rey and Kylo's first fight and Knights of Ren appearing for the first time. A giant sandworm monster also appears and attacks them (I'm not sure if this is before or after Burning Man, I assume its before since the FO is what scares them off sand planet 3). After a battle with it, its revealed that Rey has the power to heal... One other unrelated rumor claims she can revive things...
View attachment 953026
3: This is another pieced together collection of leaks since they accurately follow the same Zorry Bliss/Droid Factory/Sith Dagger shit as the legit leak from earlier. After Zorry Bliss becomes buddy-buddy with Poe and the gang and decides not to turn them in, it turns out there's a second bounty hunter character who was following Zorry who decides to follow through on the plan and sell everyone to the FO. Zorry will be serving as an anti-hero while this guy serves as a minor villain. He was supposedly seen in a private screening of the film I talked about months ago which also confirmed that Rose Tico was no longer a major player. The bounty hunter in question is described as being like the big green dude from Guardians of the Galaxy but with cyborg bits which has led to people calling him Cyborg Drax ("Look guys! We have Guardians in SW! You like those right?! Please come to our movie..."). Drax ends up calling the FO which results in many troopers showing up, most of which are remodeled snowtroopers which are already confirmed to exist via toys (they look like the snowtroopers from TLJ even though it was a salt planet...). During the attack on Kijimi, Zorry helps the heroes escape via Y-Wing which is also confirmed in lego sets. Also did I mention GotG x SW crossover?!! OMGZ!!!
View attachment 953055
"MAX HYPEAGE!!!"

4: This one is dubious but it has been referenced by different leakfags. It claims that C-3PX apparently does not become Rambo, he simply holds Chewbacca's stuff after Chewbacca's fake out death. Talk about cheap cop-out.

5: After arriving on Endor after Rey's vision because of the sith dagger, they are confronted by Finn's sister Jannah. We later find out Finn's sister's backstory... She is a former stormtrooper just like him who was in a different part of the FO. She escaped too and ended up on Endor. How convenient. She thinks Finn and the gang are part of the FO. Hence why she attacks them. We later find out that she and Finn were both kidnapped as kids but separated. She's been forced to live off the land, hence why she looks wild and primitive. We don't find out their siblings until much later, hence the whole love triangle shit going on with Finn, Rose, Rey and his sister. One unrelated rumor claims she was raised or trained by Ewoks but take that with a grain of salt.
View attachment 953061

6: Sis takes them to the Death Sea where the Death Star is. There Rey goes alone and find the Wayfinder thing. I already explained the rest of this leak in detail on the last page.

7: Rey "accidentally" uses Force Lightning in the film against Kylo but I'm not sure if its during their confrontation on sand planet or Endor. Also Rey and Kylo's battle on Endor is NOT the final battle of the film.
View attachment 953113
8: The past rumors about Kylo Ren going to Dagobah to meet the spider Oracle have yet to be confirmed in any of the new valid leaks, and all the ones that have been right so far thanks to Force Friday and SW Celebration haven't made any reference to the Oracle. Which makes me suspect that leak was fake. Only valid thing about is that Kylo ends up meeting Palpatine as he searches for his Wayfinder, but I don't know at what point this is. Could be before or after the sand planet. FYI the film alternates between Rey and Kylo's stories.

9: Finn and his sister (supposedly alongside Rose later on) are then sent on a suicide mission with some troops to destroy General Wyte Pryde's Star Destroyer and they kill him.

10: This is a blank point that has yet to be leaked. IE how they find Palpatine, how they meet Lando, how Leia supposedly dies and how Chewbacca's fake out death plays out. But its at this point where the Sith Troopers aka the 105th first appear and the Knights of Ren play their most important part.

11: They arrive Palpatine's storm planet which is named Exogol and is the true location of the final battle. Palpatine's private Storm Planet in the Unknown Regions which is a do not steal version of Byss, Palpatine's secret capital from the Dark Empire comics (which is still canon under Disney but they're not using it).

12: The final fucking battle. Big stupid ship battle using every ship from the franchise (OT, PT and nu-EU) over Palpatine's planet. They then shit themselves when they see the massive fleet of Super Star Destroyers. Meanwhile, Rey goes to confront the Emperor herself, with his new throne room being a recreation of shit from the Ralph McQuarrie artwork for ROTJ as in big fancy throne surrounded by lava and spikes.
View attachment 953082
Palpatine looks the same but he now wears Red-hued robes with a belt. Here is an artist's impression of the true final battle in IX based on what others describe and a rough sketch by someone who did see it... Rey wields two sabers. One belonging to Anakin and the other belonging to... Leia... ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!
View attachment 953087View attachment 953103
Its a repeat of ROTJ's final climax... BUT BETTER OMGZ! Palpatine defeats Kylo Ren and absorbs his power to rejuvenate himself, then transforming into what he looked like in ROTS. He then throws Kylo Ren down into the "Abyss" to mirror his father's death, leaving Rey to fight him alone as she's completely torn up and weakened over Ren's death.
View attachment 953111
13: The entire stupid fucking battle which is from fucking LEGEND OF KORRA! E;R knew the truth all along! Rey unleashes MAX-SUENESS and becomes empowered by the spirit of every jedi ever including Kylo Ren to defeat Palpatine. Rey then unleashes such a powerful Force lightning burst akin to Yoda's in TLJ which completely disables the Super Star Destroyers, locking them in place and making them unable to attack, allowing the not-Rebels to destroy them. Finn, his sis, plus Lando in the Falcon and a whole fleet of reinforcements from out of nowhere arrive and destroy the the FO and Sheev's forces. Palpatine and Rey then have their final battle. Palpy unleashes a full electric KAMEHAMEHA which Rey deflects back at him, destroying him once and for all while I puke.
View attachment 953112
14: The only seemingly valid leak so far regarding the ending (and the most recurring one) is that it finishes on Tatooine with Rey and presumably her "friends" looking out into the twin sun horizon to mimic Luke after burying items belonging to Luke, Han and Leia near the Lars homestead. Rey is then seen by a local who asks that "its been a long time... since I've seen anyone here... Who are you?" She answers: "Rey... Rey Skywalker."
View attachment 953036
I have a very VERY bad feeling about this...

EXOGOL IS THE KEY WORD HERE! If that name pops up, this is 100% the plot of the film. Screencap this shit.

There was another post, where he covered a few other moments that miss in this version.

I think there will be a few minor differences between what leaks we have and what will happen. As of now, we mostly have a few "hotspots", connected by guess-work and some of the hotspots themselves will be off a little, since the leakers don't have all the facts at hand or some already revised scripts and least we forget: Reshoots are happening as we speak. But the general idea of the plot and its beats will be something along these lines.

If we post these spoilers on various media (and apparently /tv/ is in on the fun already), we can effectively take away a few emotionally manipulative twists from this movie, so they no longer woo what few enthusiastic viewers it will still have. It's not en par with "Dumbledor dies", but still...

It's pretty bleak, isn't it?

The 2010s is ending on an interesting note, that's for sure.

What the fuck is the 2020s going to be like?

SJW-dom going the way of the dinosaur and becoming a laughingstock like Hippies are nowadays.
SJW-dom has always thrived on virtue signalling and people pretending to be Rosa Parks for tweeting about 72 genders from their local starbucks, but it's become harder and harder to really stand out with that as time moves on, so I expect the next hot topic to be "climate change" and we've seen the transition from SJW to Climate Change recently.
My hunch is that the hanger-ons of the SJW movement will move on to climate change, once that takes off a bit more.

 

[Ihavetinyweewee]

@GeneralFriendliness compiled the available leaks and wrote them down on page 709:



There was another post, where he covered a few other moments that miss in this version.

I think there will be a few minor differences between what leaks we have and what will happen. As of now, we mostly have a few "hotspots", connected by guess-work and some of the hotspots themselves will be off a little, since the leakers don't have all the facts at hand or some already revised scripts and least we forget: Reshoots are happening as we speak. But the general idea of the plot and its beats will be something along these lines.

If we post these spoilers on various media (and apparently /tv/ is in on the fun already), we can effectively take away a few emotionally manipulative twists from this movie, so they no longer woo what few enthusiastic viewers it will still have. It's not en par with "Dumbledor dies", but still...

No, I know. I'm very up to date on the leaks to this shit show...

I was curious if Exogol had any other meme cultural refrence...

Like I said: 60-70 percent of the leaks are more than likely dead on. So we have the skeleton for sure. It's context, reshoots, missing beats, misunderstandings etc etc account for probably the rest...

 

[Miller]

Even the name Exogol doesn't sound like a Star Wars location. It's more like a cream that you spread on the unknown regions.