- Joined
- Feb 14, 2015
حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker
- Thread starter Null
- Start date
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2014
After seeing the name Trace I was totally expecting Josh to be called Jyce instead.
- Joined
- Oct 1, 2014
Shit, I totally should have done that!
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2013
Looking at this, I'm now in awe that he ever started a story that wasn't about him or a poorly-disguised him.
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2013
When was that? Because in his magnum opus, you have:
Eva: Gets the chance Connor probably dreams of every single day, having a deus ex machina turn him into an attractive superbeing (but definitely not something like the Hulk or Ben Grimm because not glamorous). Parent figures absent (mother) or inadequate (father); Connor perceives both of his as the latter and would love to tell them off the way Eva does Holden in at least one version of this.
Klaus the Warrior: Is a sociopath, which Connor thinks is le cool. Has killed somebody, which I suspect Connor also fantasizes about on the daily. Pseudointellectual (a sign of this is thinking he's cooler than everyone else because he's figured out that Pachelbel isn't that fascinating). And because he's in jail/corporate property, he never has to go to high school again, even to track down a serial killer who thinks red is really good camouflage.
Eva: Gets the chance Connor probably dreams of every single day, having a deus ex machina turn him into an attractive superbeing (but definitely not something like the Hulk or Ben Grimm because not glamorous). Parent figures absent (mother) or inadequate (father); Connor perceives both of his as the latter and would love to tell them off the way Eva does Holden in at least one version of this.
Klaus the Warrior: Is a sociopath, which Connor thinks is le cool. Has killed somebody, which I suspect Connor also fantasizes about on the daily. Pseudointellectual (a sign of this is thinking he's cooler than everyone else because he's figured out that Pachelbel isn't that fascinating). And because he's in jail/corporate property, he never has to go to high school again, even to track down a serial killer who thinks red is really good camouflage.
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2013
Well, I never really read Redesigning Eva, but I got the impression she wasn't supposed to be 100% Connor.
Even if she is, and my statement was discredited as far as Redesigning Eva goes, there are those Godzilla fics he wrote about.
Even if she is, and my statement was discredited as far as Redesigning Eva goes, there are those Godzilla fics he wrote about.
- Joined
- Jun 19, 2014
I only read the sporkings and even then there were points where I just had to stop reading Connor's writing and go straight to the spork because it was so rage inducing.
What's hilarious to me is how easily he shook off @Meowthkip's story flow and just went straight back to him and his problems. I didn't think I'd hit the mark as close as I did with "pet the ghost dog and walk away".
I don't know what Connor thought he'd accomplish by bringing his illusioned issues into the story other than possibly hoping if he offloaded all this to someone he perceived as sympathizing with him, you'd argue on behalf of him and bring us all around.
What's hilarious to me is how easily he shook off @Meowthkip's story flow and just went straight back to him and his problems. I didn't think I'd hit the mark as close as I did with "pet the ghost dog and walk away".
I don't know what Connor thought he'd accomplish by bringing his illusioned issues into the story other than possibly hoping if he offloaded all this to someone he perceived as sympathizing with him, you'd argue on behalf of him and bring us all around.
Implying you ever finish that resume.
E
EI 903
Guest
kiwifarms.net
His writing in that story is just a cringeworthy excess of "write what you know," which is a dubious rule in the first place.
- Joined
- May 31, 2014
A big off topic, but i'm in love with James spader. I loved him in the secretary. Connor, you for once made a good choice.
- Joined
- Nov 28, 2014
Oh my God, I laughed so hard at Connor's parts. I love how he would go off on a tangent (such as dedicating an entire paragraph to his mother's sleeping habits) and Meowthkip would have to rein him in. But my absolute favorite part was when Connor tried to make himself the target of an elite group of assassins and Meowthkip retconned them into a bunch of dumb college kids with paintball guns who are just pranking Connor because he's fucking weird.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2014
To Connor, the reason why the thread started about him is apparently mysterious in the story. I don't know if it's already been posted, but it seems that IRL, he can't see how the public postings of odd obsessions and apparent misogyny and hating on adoption, as well as his apparent reactions to scrutiny, are what attracted the attention of the Farms, among certain other reasons. It's sort of like how CWC doesn't understand why he's disliked by some "for reasons beyond his full understanding".
Last edited:
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2014
I prefer "Josh." Makes it feel like Null has somehow become directly involved with Deagle Nation ops. It's fun to imagine the string of bad decisions that ended with him in the woods that night, surrounded by speds with airsofts.
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2014
That's totally what I was thinking, too. I thought Null had actually made a cameo, but it never crossed my mind that @Meowthkip probably just picked a generic dudebro name.
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2013
Credit to @Mauvman Shuffleboard
"Bitch, you crazy" the school nurse exclaimed. Her tone of voice was sassy enough to let everyone know that she was black and that I was racist in just three words.
Dr. Meme spiritually adjusted the bifocals of his mind to try and see what the nurse's fucking problem was. "Dude I'm just a memer." Using his supernatural meme-related powers, he contorted his face into one of those shitty ass rage comic faces.
"What the fuck's the matter with you? You sick?" The nurse hadn't seen anyone make a face like that since her five children from different fathers were brutally injured in an accident at the hood's annual rap music, booty shaking, and gang violence festival.
"I'm not sick I've just got a bunch of le sick memes from le Reddit." Dr. Meme memed gently in the nurse's direction, awaiting upvotes.
The nurse backed away from the aspiring memer. "Get the fuck out of my office or I'll get my man to beat your ass."
Although he was disappointed he hadn't received any upvotes from the nurse, Dr. Meme knew that the nurse's man was probably replaced by a gorilla in this story so he did as she said and sadly memed into the hallway. He felt many feels, and most of them were mild disappointment in himself.
The hallways in the Kiwi Academy for the Autistic were covered in shitposts as usual. They had to get rid of their only janitor because they were overstaffed so what else could you expect? Dr. Meme set out toward the Top Secret Inner Circle where all the cool kids could act like spastics freely, the nurse couldn't stop his sick memes there.
Suddenly, an extra large shirt enveloped Dr. Meme's head along with most of his body. It smelled like death so he removed it like a kebab and took a look around. Just as he suspected there was a shirtless fat man who had no business being shirtless coming his way, his moobs jiggling like jello getting jiggy.
"I love you Molly!" Fatty Ding Dongs wheezed as he approached. Behind the fatty was a crowd of people loudly reminding one another that they were not fat and were also better than him.
"I'm better at appreciating Molly than Fatty!" Someone I don't care about shitposted verbally.
Fatty gave Dr. Meme a tender squeeze, engulfing the memer within his rolls. "I write about writing books about you but people don't like it because they hate me and because I don't actually write books as much as I write about writing them. Will you be my gf on Club Penguin?"
"You're fat and bad at books! I don't like you very much! Why are you making this about you and not me? Pay attention to me instead!" The nameless background character continued to exist loudly.
The now sweat drenched Dr. Meme squirmed free from the tyranny of Fatty's squishy flab fortress. "What? XD" He memed memely.
Fatty gently rubbed the Dr. Meme's belly and tried gazing longingly into his eyes, but could not do so without his bifocals. "Molly I'm gonna put you on a meathook and do the sex on your belly button. It will be the best day of our lives, even though I don't believe in happiness because I'm so cynical and jaded."
"My meathook fetish is perfectly reasonable! Unlike Fatty I don't want to do anything stupid like belly button sex, I just want to hang a dog on the wall with a hook and shit my pants while rubbing one out!" The new Halal Kiwi leaked spaghetti from every pore and delighted the crowd.
Dr. Meme slithered away in silence, hoping that Fatty wouldn't notice because he's fat and also stupid like everyone else says. He was right.
With Fatty out of the picture Dr. Meme opened his locker and found a mysterious can of Coke Zero that he didn't put there and was clearly tampered with. He then drank it. "Mmm, this beverage sure is nice and refreshing, like a cool glass of memes." He flapped his hands in delight and nothing bad happened.
Except now on the night of a full moon he turns into a werenull.
And he was a skeleton all along.
And the skeleton was you.
He was Peppy too.
Dr. Meme spiritually adjusted the bifocals of his mind to try and see what the nurse's fucking problem was. "Dude I'm just a memer." Using his supernatural meme-related powers, he contorted his face into one of those shitty ass rage comic faces.
"What the fuck's the matter with you? You sick?" The nurse hadn't seen anyone make a face like that since her five children from different fathers were brutally injured in an accident at the hood's annual rap music, booty shaking, and gang violence festival.
"I'm not sick I've just got a bunch of le sick memes from le Reddit." Dr. Meme memed gently in the nurse's direction, awaiting upvotes.
The nurse backed away from the aspiring memer. "Get the fuck out of my office or I'll get my man to beat your ass."
Although he was disappointed he hadn't received any upvotes from the nurse, Dr. Meme knew that the nurse's man was probably replaced by a gorilla in this story so he did as she said and sadly memed into the hallway. He felt many feels, and most of them were mild disappointment in himself.
The hallways in the Kiwi Academy for the Autistic were covered in shitposts as usual. They had to get rid of their only janitor because they were overstaffed so what else could you expect? Dr. Meme set out toward the Top Secret Inner Circle where all the cool kids could act like spastics freely, the nurse couldn't stop his sick memes there.
Suddenly, an extra large shirt enveloped Dr. Meme's head along with most of his body. It smelled like death so he removed it like a kebab and took a look around. Just as he suspected there was a shirtless fat man who had no business being shirtless coming his way, his moobs jiggling like jello getting jiggy.
"I love you Molly!" Fatty Ding Dongs wheezed as he approached. Behind the fatty was a crowd of people loudly reminding one another that they were not fat and were also better than him.
"I'm better at appreciating Molly than Fatty!" Someone I don't care about shitposted verbally.
Fatty gave Dr. Meme a tender squeeze, engulfing the memer within his rolls. "I write about writing books about you but people don't like it because they hate me and because I don't actually write books as much as I write about writing them. Will you be my gf on Club Penguin?"
"You're fat and bad at books! I don't like you very much! Why are you making this about you and not me? Pay attention to me instead!" The nameless background character continued to exist loudly.
The now sweat drenched Dr. Meme squirmed free from the tyranny of Fatty's squishy flab fortress. "What? XD" He memed memely.
Fatty gently rubbed the Dr. Meme's belly and tried gazing longingly into his eyes, but could not do so without his bifocals. "Molly I'm gonna put you on a meathook and do the sex on your belly button. It will be the best day of our lives, even though I don't believe in happiness because I'm so cynical and jaded."
"My meathook fetish is perfectly reasonable! Unlike Fatty I don't want to do anything stupid like belly button sex, I just want to hang a dog on the wall with a hook and shit my pants while rubbing one out!" The new Halal Kiwi leaked spaghetti from every pore and delighted the crowd.
Dr. Meme slithered away in silence, hoping that Fatty wouldn't notice because he's fat and also stupid like everyone else says. He was right.
With Fatty out of the picture Dr. Meme opened his locker and found a mysterious can of Coke Zero that he didn't put there and was clearly tampered with. He then drank it. "Mmm, this beverage sure is nice and refreshing, like a cool glass of memes." He flapped his hands in delight and nothing bad happened.
Except now on the night of a full moon he turns into a werenull.
And he was a skeleton all along.
And the skeleton was you.
He was Peppy too.
- Joined
- Oct 1, 2014
That's totally what I was thinking, too. I thought Null had actually made a cameo, but it never crossed my mind that @Meowthkip probably just picked a generic dudebro name.
I didn't know Null was named Josh. I just picked "Josh" because I knew several suburban white dudes named Josh who were dumb and obnoxious.
But I like the idea of it being Null better now.
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2013
If there is or ever was a God in Heaven @Mauvman Shuffleboard will write my eulogy.
Also I snorted really loudly and my coworker asked if I was ok, thanks Obama.
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2014
I'd say that Redesigning Eva actually has three self inserts:
- Eva: Who is essentially Connor during one of his "depression" moments, except that she's also Molly Ringwald so that Connor can masturbate and imagine Molly as she looked thirty years ago playing Eva in the movie that will never happen.
- Klaus: Who is essentially the smart, respected, sophisticated young figure he so desperately wishes he could be. He also has a bit of Hannibal Lector thrown in because Connor isn't particularly creative and he wishes he could be Lector.
- Brian: Who is essentially Connor, down to his incompetence and inability to act like an ordinary person would in many situations.
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2014
Dammit Connor, find a hobby and stop turning potentially interesting stories into more Connor Threads, please 
- Joined
- Jul 24, 2013
Good morning Nugs and Nuggettes, we're going to be looking at Part 2 of NaNoWriMo in just a second!
But first - this series is going on brief hiatus following all the images stored on the server getting deleted in last weeks attack. That also means any fanart you guys uploaded here instead of somewhere like imgur are also gone which makes me unbelievably sad.
@BOLDYSPICY! talked me down from the ledge but what this means is I'm going to be spending some time going back and re-capping as many of the Wrong Planet series as I can so newcomers to the thread don't see a ton of broken images and think Connor isn't worth discussing. Let me tell you, he is. As a rich roided up scumbag sociopsychopath I don't feel emotions like "love" or "respect" or "mirth" but he makes me feel things that could technically be described as that or as heart burn.
Anyway, just an FYI your intel. Let's get on to the show!
Yet more wishcasting. This one is worth posting though, because Connor throws in even more inappropriate casting choices AND his thread is locked immediately.
A thread titled "Plot credibility problems" starts with the sentence "I'm nearing ten thousand words, and I'm starting to get very concerned about the logic of my novel's plot".
(big image lots of words)
You can't get writers block during NaNoWriMo THAT'S ILLEGAL!!!!
Okay that IS IT! STOP DESCRIBING RESIDENT EVAL AS A JOHN HUGHES MOVIES.
John Hughes has 8 movies to his name. I doubt Connor is familiar with his writing works on shit like Home Alone, Dennis the Menace and the Beethoven movies so those are left out...
Oh ghost_person321, you are so naive...
Connor with the classic jams
Discussing power levels. Also, who thinks Connor actually has diagnosed PTSD or if he's just picked up the term from the television?
But first - this series is going on brief hiatus following all the images stored on the server getting deleted in last weeks attack. That also means any fanart you guys uploaded here instead of somewhere like imgur are also gone which makes me unbelievably sad.
@BOLDYSPICY! talked me down from the ledge but what this means is I'm going to be spending some time going back and re-capping as many of the Wrong Planet series as I can so newcomers to the thread don't see a ton of broken images and think Connor isn't worth discussing. Let me tell you, he is. As a rich roided up scumbag sociopsychopath I don't feel emotions like "love" or "respect" or "mirth" but he makes me feel things that could technically be described as that or as heart burn.
Anyway, just an FYI your intel. Let's get on to the show!
Yet more wishcasting. This one is worth posting though, because Connor throws in even more inappropriate casting choices AND his thread is locked immediately.
A thread titled "Plot credibility problems" starts with the sentence "I'm nearing ten thousand words, and I'm starting to get very concerned about the logic of my novel's plot".
(big image lots of words)You can't get writers block during NaNoWriMo THAT'S ILLEGAL!!!!
Okay that IS IT! STOP DESCRIBING RESIDENT EVAL AS A JOHN HUGHES MOVIES.
John Hughes has 8 movies to his name. I doubt Connor is familiar with his writing works on shit like Home Alone, Dennis the Menace and the Beethoven movies so those are left out...
- Romantic Comedy - 2
- Comedy Drama - 4
- Comedy - 2
Oh ghost_person321, you are so naive...
Connor with the classic jams
Discussing power levels. Also, who thinks Connor actually has diagnosed PTSD or if he's just picked up the term from the television?
Last edited:
- Joined
- Sep 27, 2014
LMAO, John Hughes. Yep, Uncle Buck and National Lampoon's Vacation sure make me think of gritty dystopias. You know the only reason he mentioned John Hughes is because of The Breakfast Club, and we all know the reason he likes that movie (and it's not because he's seen it).