Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[multiverse]

Jolene convinced Tess to take Bowie to Disney on Ice. Of course, she took the opportunity to flaunt her motherhood front and center while Jo did the actual parenting. Anyone who doesn't know these people and saw them IRL would assume Jo is the mom, and Tess the bawdy aunt. Also, Tess knows nothing about the event and assumes it means Bowie will ice skate.


If someone else could embed the video: it shows Bowie being shy of Goofy, then warming to him as he imitates Goofy's ice spin. Tess laughs and points as Bowie wildly falls to the ground. Jo smiles the first time, then moves to stop him hurting himself by repeating the performance. Bowie gets up the courage to approach the character for a high five. Tess moves behind him as if she'll do it for him. When Bowie finishes, he ducks his head and runs back to Jolene.

I'm glad he has a maternal figure, but it's going to break his heart when Ryann and Jolene eventually have a falling out. Jo is doing all the work and probably supporting them via her other nannying client; Ryann is a drunken narc mess and waiting on a narc hand and foot 24/7 will make anyone snap.

 

[SnarkySperg]

Jolene convinced Tess to take Bowie to Disney on Ice. Of course, she took the opportunity to flaunt her motherhood front and center while Jo did the actual parenting. Anyone who doesn't know these people and saw them IRL would assume Jo is the mom, and Tess the bawdy aunt. Also, Tess knows nothing about the event and assumes it means Bowie will ice skate.
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If someone else could embed the video: it shows Bowie being shy of Goofy, then warming to him as he imitates Goofy's ice spin. Tess laughs and points as Bowie wildly falls to the ground. Jo smiles the first time, then moves to stop him hurting himself by repeating the performance. Bowie gets up the courage to approach the character for a high five. Tess moves behind him as if she'll do it for him. When Bowie finishes, he ducks his head and runs back to Jolene.

I'm glad he has a maternal figure, but it's going to break his heart when Ryann and Jolene eventually have a falling out. Jo is doing all the work and probably supporting them via her other nannying client; Ryann is a drunken narc mess and waiting on a narc hand and foot 24/7 will make anyone snap.

How the fuck did she lift him? I know she didn't pick him up herself, but I'm surprised she had him in the air for any period of time.

 

[multiverse]

How the fuck did she lift him? I know she didn't pick him up herself, but I'm surprised she had him in the air for any period of time.

She doesn't have the dexterity to move him over her arms, agreed. She could have bent down and had him climb up; hoisting and extra 30 pounds when you weigh 400 is no big deal. Or Jo lifted him so Tess could get a photo for the 'gram. Bowie is too young to get upset about her constant need for attention online.

 

[Exhausted Always]

Seriously who bakes with their tits out like this? Apparently the diet is old news. Another childless night for absentee mom Tess

 

[theriddler3]

If someone else could embed the video: it shows Bowie being shy of Goofy, then warming to him as he imitates Goofy's ice spin. Tess laughs and points as Bowie wildly falls to the ground. Jo smiles the first time, then moves to stop him hurting himself by repeating the performance. Bowie gets up the courage to approach the character for a high five. Tess moves behind him as if she'll do it for him. When Bowie finishes, he ducks his head and runs back to Jolene.

I'm glad he has a maternal figure, but it's going to break his heart when Ryann and Jolene eventually have a falling out. Jo is doing all the work and probably supporting them via her other nannying client; Ryann is a drunken narc mess and waiting on a narc hand and foot 24/7 will make anyone snap.

 

[multiverse]

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Poor little baby, your mom is a dick.

 

[thejackal]

Poor little baby, your mom is a dick.

momma couldn't be there (literally) 'cause she's more concerned about the 'Gram and wearing heels at 400lbs. Hopefully the poor kid has better attention at intersections. Or a leash I guess.

 

[Candidae]

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Minor nitpick considering Tess but you'd think if she's able to get all glammed up that she'd be able to dress her son up at least moderately nice. I know most boys clothes aren't that nice at Walmart or Target and he doesn't look like an poor orphan or anything but it's just so weird to see a mother so much more dressed up than her own child who is wearing just basic cheap clothes

She looks like she's a d-list celeb there as a brand ambassador for the event while Jo looks like the real mom out with her kids. That must confuse the poor kids growing up

 

[rocknrollmartian]

Bowie is a cutie. So sad his mom is a neglectful asshole and his dad abandoned him on a quest for Aussie cock.

 

[melty]

>your president

What, is he not hers just because she doesn't like him? News flash, Tess: You live in the US, he's your president. Get over it.

Also, why the fuck is 'billionaire' in quotes? Hate him all you want, whatever, but you can't deny he's fucking rich.

Stop pandering, Tess. It makes you look even more obnoxious.

Even better is "president" being in scare quotes. He's literally the president, it's not some kind of questionable claim he's making.

And the scare quotes are left open in one of the captions. Literally Boomer tier. Left can't meme, very low energy. Sad!

 

[multiverse]

More pics from her most recent night of drinking and eating crap with friends. It seems she knows a baker who was kind enough to allow her to stir things and put stuff in the oven.

So this is how they act when invited to someone else's house. Tess smugly informs us that she bakes holiday cookies every year like a giant fat Betty Crocker, while stuffing her face with pasta. She did not make the food and I doubt she cleaned up. They got drunk and decided to flash Instagram...


... but what's this? Oh, the children were there while they were drunkenly pulling up their shirts? I'm sure your teenage son was thrilled to be a part of this. It seems he was charged with Bowie's care while mommy got trashed and trashy. What a lovely holiday memory.

 

[LetThemEatCake]

Who is the tit flashing supposed to impress? Your teenage son, Tess? It's like she goes out of her way to make his life a misery.

 

[Water-T]

... but what's this? Oh, the children were there while they were drunkenly pulling up their shirts? I'm sure your teenage son was thrilled to be a part of this. It seems he was charged with Bowie's care while mommy got trashed and trashy. What a lovely holiday memory.

"Tyree, sweetie - be a dear and keep an eye on your brother while I get drunk, binge eat, and flash my massive mammaries to total strangers on the internet, OK!? Aren't I the bestest mom!?"

 

[AprilRains]

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aww god that fuckin' arm

 

[MathildaLeon]

What bothers me is all the people in her comments praising her with "yas queen!" "Go off girl yass!" Like really? I'm sure this has brought up before but why is it ok to have fat acceptance shoved down your throat but having an eating disorder or being underweight is not? Why is there any difference? It's literally the same things. Both lifestyle choices are bad for you.

 

[IBrokeBob]

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Tess, you shouldn’t be throwing stones at glass houses, considering your own track record. Here’s what we have about you:

• You call yourself “body positive”, but use excessive hair styling, makeup, angles, and filters to fit the beauty standards you supposedly detest
• You call yourself a “philanthropist”, but you had a t-shirt scam (in which you kept all the money instead of donating the amount you said you would)
• You call yourself “real”, yet the stories you wrote of yourself in high school were fabricated
• You call yourself a “size 22”, but we all know that’s a lie
• You claim to have been a “good wife”, yet you cheated multiple times on your spouse
• You claim to be a “good mom”, but you rarely make time for your kids
• You call yourself a “celebrity”, when really you’re a has-been

Lol, her lil collage says trump is a philanthropist who scammed charities.

Umm gee, who do we know that scammed a domestic violence charity by selling nonexistent shirts and blocking those who complained?

 

[rocknrollmartian]

Lol, her lil collage says trump is a philanthropist who scammed charities.

Umm gee, who do we know that scammed a domestic violence charity by selling nonexistent shirts and blocking those who complained?

A lot of Trump hate is straight-up projection.

Remember, Tess is a "successful model" who has to crash in her friend's shitty apartment to Trump's "billionaire who hides his tax returns." Nick was a "businessman from Australia" aka broke unemployed loser to Trump's "businessman who bankrupted a casino." Tess is a "queer bisexual" who only fucks men to Trump's "playboy who pays for sex." I'm sure there are even more parallels.

 

[LetThemEatCake]

Remember when Tess posted a picture on Instagram of herself dolled up in some kind of slutwear in a random hotel corridor, spitting fury about how - and bear in mind this was while she was with Nick - men only want to 'fuck the fat girl, they don't want to date them'?

Tess cheated on Nick quite as much as Nick it seems cheated on her, and sometimes got mad enough or desperate enough for attention as to announce it on social media, so I'm not sure where she gets off taking the moral high ground about sexual propriety.

Also, did she even graduate high school?

 

[multiverse]

Also, did she even gradudate high school?

No.

 

[SnarkySperg]

No.

Really? Why? What happened? This is news to me. I know plenty of people who graduated high school who are idiots so I just figured we could blame her 'Wal-mart building high school' for her shitty education.