Food You're Not Really Sure Anyone Even Buys

[Pocket Dragoon]

People like Beavis and Butthead?

Nah, they'd definitely be Four Loko & Clamato/Bud Lite drinkers by now.

 

[StrawberryDouche]

Pre-cooked shelf stable pasta in a bag. I had no idea such an abomination existed until I saw Amberlynn Reid rave about how they were amazing for busy people like her.

It can't be vacuum sealed because it would pulverize the pasta. Is it floating in liquid? Just bobbing around in air if you shake them? Is there goo? I don't know man, but it's fucking with my head.

So to answer the question who buys this shit: 600 pound scootypuff pilots.

 

[MAPK phosphatase]

Pre-cooked shelf stable pasta in a bag. I had no idea such an abomination existed until I saw Amberlynn Reid rave about how they were amazing for busy people like her.

It can't be vacuum sealed because it would pulverize the pasta. Is it floating in liquid? Just bobbing around in air if you shake them? Is there goo? I don't know man, but it's fucking with my head.

So to answer the question who buys this shit: 600 pound scootypuff pilots.

I looked it up. The whole package is cooked. Apparently it's shelf stable because when the package is cooked it kills all the bacteria on the inside, like with canned goods. But videos I found of it coming out of the bag there's no extra liquid, it's just the wet pasta. What the fuck? Do they add just enough liquid for the pasta to soak up? Do they drain it while it's still hot and before sealing it? This answer only begets more questions.

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

Pre-cooked shelf stable pasta in a bag. I had no idea such an abomination existed until I saw Amberlynn Reid rave about how they were amazing for busy people like her.

It can't be vacuum sealed because it would pulverize the pasta. Is it floating in liquid? Just bobbing around in air if you shake them? Is there goo? I don't know man, but it's fucking with my head.

So to answer the question who buys this shit: 600 pound scootypuff pilots.

That looks like something people with emergency food stashes buy. The shelf life is about 9 months, so not bad if you live somewhere with harsh winters.

 

[StrawberryDouche]

That looks like something people with emergency food stashes buy. The shelf life is about 9 months, so not bad if you live somewhere with harsh winters.

I guess so. There are just so many better emergency food stash options. If you buy that in fall just in case, and you don't use it, then by spring you either have to eat 9 month old pasta in a bag or toss it. Even with something gross like canned ravioli, the shelf life is about two years and it has a decent amount of protein vs just straight refined white carbs.

We do a fair amount of natural disaster food stashing and that isn't something I would ever consider.

 

[Ex Cummunicated Sasser HD]

A lot of the stuff mentioned here is what I used to call caravan or camping food back in the 80's.

Fray Bentos pies in a tin are definitely in that category.

 

[Stoneheart]

German, ready-made jell-o, vanilla sauce included.
I don't think I've ever seen anyone buy it or seen it in anyone's fridge.

i only have a couple of them in my fridge. but the good one and without sauce.

I honestly have no idea if any sane country is using it to flavor their food and how to translate it to English.

Epic Taste? best flavor?

Having worked at a grocery store...we mostly sold them to single men, presumably with no cooking skills. Lotsa old widowers and the like; also homeless dudes that presumably ate them cold. I suppose they're practical, being shelf-stable and all. I've tried them and they're not horrible; not something I'd eat regularly, but not bad.

We have pretty good stuff like that in germany. 2 mins in the microwave makes the currywurst yummy. perfect snack.

If you handed me a plate of canned meat after it had been cooked idk if I could tell the difference between that and fresh.

It depends on the kind of Meat that was canned.

 

[Disheveled Human]

This awful Italian soft drink sold in many pizza stores is the worst tasting shit found in a 355ml can

 

[Large]

 

[soft breathing]

i only have a couple of them in my fridge. but the good one and without sauce.

Oh my god. I've found the chosen one.
You really like that stuff? The consistency? Everything? Wow. I'm floored. And slightly disgusted.

Epic Taste? best flavor?

I can really only stomach it in ice pops.
Maybe that's just me. Some people but it in beer and other alcoholic drinks, just doesn't work for me.

 

[Stoneheart]

You really like that stuff? The consistency? Everything? Wow. I'm floored. And slightly disgusted.

I like It better if i make it myself, but i would just eat the whole bowl and feel bad about my life choices so i changed to the small premade ones.
The Cola one is also nice.

I can really only stomach it in ice pops.
Maybe that's just me. Some people but it in beer and other alcoholic drinks, just doesn't work for me.

Its disgusting in beer, but very good with white wine.

 

[Mad Asshatter]

Souse. I've seen it ages ago in a grocery deli, have yet to see any store even stock it at all. It's basically head meat from a pig 'glued' together into a loaf with rubbery meat gelatin.

I strongly suspect souse is old people food.

 

[1Tonka_Truck]

Aside from that... who the fuck buys that Cherry Mash stuff?

I buy a few when I can find them. One of those things I picked up from my dad.

And Rip It......

I don't know how, but I read that as Ripped Fuel and immediately got the jitters.

 

[Pocket Dragoon]

Rip It

I don't know how, but I read that as Ripped Fuel and immediately got the jitters.

You ain't wrong.

Ever seen anyone hallucinate from being tweaked on Red Bull? Neither have I.

Those Rip Its are fucking brutal, especially after more than two of those little tweaker can grenades.

And yes, they do fit in standard grenade pouches.

Souse. I've seen it ages ago in a grocery deli, have yet to see any store even stock it at all. It's basically head meat from a pig 'glued' together into a loaf with rubbery meat gelatin.

I strongly suspect souse is old people food.

I love that shit; and yes, I'm a little old.

The secret to souse is the seasoning, using real fresh aspic, and ground with a decent uniform texture. Shouldn't be rubbery at all, and it's found with fresh meat/hamburger in good delis. None of that sealed name-brand shit that looks like mutant bologna, and has a shelf life longer than a week.

A slice of souse on dark bread, a sprinkle of salt, with a light smear of mayo and/or horseradish, makes for an awesome workday lunch sandwich.

 

[StrawberryDouche]

I strongly suspect souse is old people food.

I strongly suspect souse is made of old people.

 

[NERF or NOTHIN']

Corned beef hash in a can or bag.

Durian. I know it's supposed to taste very good but the smell. The smell...

 

[AbyssStarer]

onion crisps, jars of mayo, spicy mayo , canned tomato sauce, tomato juice, v8 100% vegetable juice

Hey, it's food you don't think anybody buys, not what you don't like.
Onion Chips are tasty, mayo jars is nothing unique, spicy mayo usually goes on clifornia rolls (it's good), canned tomato sauce is for people who are lazy/don't have processors, tomato juice is used for making Bloody Mary's, and V8 is good if rather salty. It needs to be shaken well before drinking but don't bother chilling it.

smh at all the people who said baloney. Maybe you didn't grow up with it but it has a unique flavor and goes well in scrambled eggs. And people obviously buy it.

 

[Bass]

my

Chicken in a biscuit crackers are so good, why wouldn’t someone like those?

Someone mentioned capers too. I always throw those into salad if I have them, they’re also great with smoked salmon as someone else said.

As for what I’ve seen at the store that I wonder who’s buying it, I guess mostly just weird canned/instant meal stuff like this:

View attachment 1088129

Seriously looks like dog food.

My dad eats the hell out of Dinty Moore stew. He adds ketchup to his to make it taste like it's got a tomato based gravy. I think it is mostly older men who can't be bothered with cooking anymore food.

 

[saralovesjuicyfruit]

my

My dad eats the hell out of Dinty Moore stew. He adds ketchup to his to make it taste like it's got a tomato based gravy. I think it is mostly older men who can't be bothered with cooking anymore food.

Yeah, I guess it is just basically the same thing as canned soup like Campbell's Chunky or something. The logo and packaging just make it look like it's been on the shelf for 40 years and reminds me of fancy wet dog food.

 

[1Tonka_Truck]

Those Rip Its are fucking brutal, especially after more than two of those little tweaker can grenades.

And yes, they do fit in standard grenade pouches.

Wait. What was the powdered stuff you were supposed to mix in water, but nobody did? Didn't it have a low dose of ephedrine in it?