Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

[Pitere pit]

In my, idk how to translate it to English, former "vocational college", alcoholic beer was available, they just put a non_alcoholic beer label on the tap. Best_without counting ma's_ potatoes omelettes I've ever had.
Another one is when I was in high school, this happened before I was into it, some kiddo died because he was stabbed by some gang, in his memory they planted an olive on the garden.

 

[Ginger Piglet]

The Weird Kid by the standards of other weird kids. We'll call him John Frederick Englefield because that wasn't his name.

Now, I was a weird kid in that I liked heavy metal and D&D and computery things and Magic the Gathering (the latter of which I gave up when I got to university because I couldn't find a game anywhere and the cardboard crack ate into my valuable drinking budget. Got even harder into the heavy metal though) and all my friends were weird kids as well. I have, (un)fortunately, lost contact with them by now. One of them got a job in Shoreditch and then went full hipster and then full SJW and blocked everyone who voted leave on all platforms after the Brexit referendum. Another had his egg hatched in 2015 and he is now a she. A third works for some far left groupuscule that agitates for Corbynite and/or Communist party politicians. (The latter two of these went to Oxford by the way, as did my alcoholic ex which just proves that Oxford turns you nuts.) But then there was John Frederick Englefield. Oh, now he was weird even by our standards.

John Frederick Englefield (JFE) was deeply myopic and wore really thick glasses. Fair enough. Can't fault him for that. Someone people are just cursed from birth with shit eyes. He also had a harelip which had been not very well repaired and as such spoke as if his tongue was too large for his mouth. He also went everywhere wearing this aged blue fleece that smelled faintly of piss. He used to attempt to rules lawyer horrifically, and I think he was clearly an autist in retrospect, and he had this weird secret language he made up and sometimes blurted out things in which seemed to be standard English but with the consonants all munged. But he seemed on the level a lot of the time and he had a really filthy sense of humour.

This all went slightly wrong when I found myself a gf. We'll call her Ramona because that wasn't her name. She wasn't one of the weird kids and later turned out to be what animu types would call tsundere, but I was young and dumb and full of come and she had a really, really, nice pair of boobs. Well, I introduced her electronically over AIM ('member AIM?) to the rest of the gang and JFE took a shine to her and started bombarding her with strange love poetry. And then when she did meet him after much insistence from her (I still don't know what brought that on to be honest) he basically raped her, she told me.

Once I found out about this I offered to go right over to JFE's place and beat him to within an inch of his life but she wasn't having it, and besides he'd skipped town anyhow. Ramona semi blamed me for introducing me to him and it went tits up from there. The last thing I heard from him was something about how you people don't understand what happened when he basically raped Ramona and there were forces at work that would blow our tiny minds.

I have completely failed to find JFE since then. Absolutely no matches whatever on any social media for his real name which are clearly him (there are people who share a name who aren't him that I've found) or any of the handles he used to use. Also been unable to find anything about him anywhere or anything on 192.com or other services like that. It's like he vanished off the face of the fucking earth. I can only hope he an hero'd out of guilt. However I suspect he's still out there, posting madly on incel boards about how the filthy foids won't give him time of day.

 

[Big Nasty]

Used to know a kid in elementary school who could fart on command.

There was a guy like that in my high school. Claimed that it was because he had broken his asshole when he fell out of a tree. He was a ginger neckbeard with a bowl cut.

 

[Pinot Pierrot]

Though I didn't need to, I decided to spend my college freshman year living on-campus. I had never lived in a dormitory before, so I figured it was one of those experiences that shouldn't be missed out on. What a naive bastard I was.

My roommate was a lanky Chinese kid who didn't understand hygiene or personal space (my parents gossiped that he must be from one of those regions where people only shower once a week). I'm not sure if he actually smelled bad because I would breathe with my mouth around him, but his long, unwashed hair was slick with oil; when he wanted me to check something online with my laptop, he would lean over until his nose was practically touching the screen, with his greasy hair draping over my keyboard and hands. I quickly opted for the rest of the year to sleep on the couch in the common area, just so I didn't have to deal with him every night. I only go back inside to grab a change of clothes and bathroom essentials, and every time I do I see piles of his stuff strewn about carelessly with the occasional box of half-eaten food. The place smelled.

Life in the common area itself wasn't actually too bad. Unlike the rooms, it has air-conditioning that worked half the time as opposed to not existing in the first place, and I'm the type to like cold air. A couple times the RA would ask questions about why I'm not sleeping in my room, but it was only twice out of the entire year. It's not uncommon for students to study or do their homework overnight, so I would pop my laptop open, spread out my homework and notes on the table, and play some JJBA episodes before dozing off without looking too out-of-place. Granted, it was a miracle my laptop didn't get stolen while I slept, but I can't say the same for my filtered water pitcher - two of them, both disappearing within a couple days of leaving them in the public fridge. Must be a hot commodity.

There was also a prankster who left a thumbtack in my shoe. I wasn't even aware people did that anymore until I felt the prickling sensation, but my calloused feet saved me - the pin didn't break my skin.

Those instances of thievery and the one prank aside, most of the people within the dorm were mindful of others, the only exception being the loud gaggle of Chinese exchange students that would hang out in the common area around midnight (very insular group, couldn't find myself ever being a part of them). I can sleep through the noise, but you can tell they were around before you even enter the building. They would also stand outside of the entrance to have a cigarette, regardless of if there were any windows open for the secondhand smoke to blow inside.

One time, they cooked for themselves using the common area's kitchen, spilling a jar of fermented bamboo shoots in the process. The common area reeked of the stuff, so I ended up being the one to wipe the mess up since they didn't. Couldn't really do anything about the pot of cooked rice they left out though, and nobody claimed it until the contents inside have already turned into an exciting tableau of feathery mold days later.

I spent the rest of my college years commuting. No points for guessing why.

 

[edboy]

In the 80's, 2 girls killed themselves in the girl's locker room bathroom in some suicide pact after school hours. Years later, a lot of teachers who taught in the building right next to it claimed that they felt a "coldness" touch them when they stood there after hours.
It became such a common complaint that the school moved after-school tutoring classes that were taught there across the school.

One of the students from photography class ended up taking a pic of what he said was a ghost in the building with a Polaroid camera. (I saw the picture, and it was admittedly pretty spooky looking even though I didn't believe in ghosts). It freaked the fuck out of the teachers that taught there, and like half of them wanted to move their classes elsewhere. The school didn't let them move, so they had "teacher assistants" (just students who volunteered) that would stay with the teachers after hours. When this happened there were a lot of jokes about student-teacher "relations" happening after class among a lot of students.

Throughout my sophomore year all the way to my senior year, the buildings were put "under construction", and were just kind of left sitting there with white tarps and stacked up chairs blocking the entrances.

 

[The Last Stand]

I remember coming back from class, walking back to my dormitory to notice three to four cop cars outside in the front.

During that, I saw this basketball player just run from the entrance to his hallways. He looked like he was in a rush; I didn't think anything of it. Five minutes later, our counselor walks in asking if we saw this basketball player run in the building. I pointed to his direction. Another minute passes, three cops fitted with armor, one with a shield, starts coming in Rainbow Six Siege style in that same direction.

Then he starts running out the building and all these cops start chasing him. He was fast; one cop literally tripped while chasing him. They eventually caught him and put him in the back of a car.

The cop tripping was the highlight of the whole chase; I was dying of laughter for five minutes straight.

 

[millais]

Though I didn't need to, I decided to spend my college freshman year living on-campus. I had never lived in a dormitory before, so I figured it was one of those experiences that shouldn't be missed out on. What a naive bastard I was.

My roommate was a lanky Chinese kid who didn't understand hygiene or personal space (my parents gossiped that he must be from one of those regions where people only shower once a week). I'm not sure if he actually smelled bad because I would breathe with my mouth around him, but his long, unwashed hair was slick with oil; when he wanted me to check something online with my laptop, he would lean over until his nose was practically touching the screen, with his greasy hair draping over my keyboard and hands. I quickly opted for the rest of the year to sleep on the couch in the common area, just so I didn't have to deal with him every night. I only go back inside to grab a change of clothes and bathroom essentials, and every time I do I see piles of his stuff strewn about carelessly with the occasional box of half-eaten food. The place smelled.

Life in the common area itself wasn't actually too bad. Unlike the rooms, it has air-conditioning that worked half the time as opposed to not existing in the first place, and I'm the type to like cold air. A couple times the RA would ask questions about why I'm not sleeping in my room, but it was only twice out of the entire year. It's not uncommon for students to study or do their homework overnight, so I would pop my laptop open, spread out my homework and notes on the table, and play some JJBA episodes before dozing off without looking too out-of-place. Granted, it was a miracle my laptop didn't get stolen while I slept, but I can't say the same for my filtered water pitcher - two of them, both disappearing within a couple days of leaving them in the public fridge. Must be a hot commodity.

There was also a prankster who left a thumbtack in my shoe. I wasn't even aware people did that anymore until I felt the prickling sensation, but my calloused feet saved me - the pin didn't break my skin.

Those instances of thievery and the one prank aside, most of the people within the dorm were mindful of others, the only exception being the loud gaggle of Chinese exchange students that would hang out in the common area around midnight (very insular group, couldn't find myself ever being a part of them). I can sleep through the noise, but you can tell they were around before you even enter the building. They would also stand outside of the entrance to have a cigarette, regardless of if there were any windows open for the secondhand smoke to blow inside.

One time, they cooked for themselves using the common area's kitchen, spilling a jar of fermented bamboo shoots in the process. The common area reeked of the stuff, so I ended up being the one to wipe the mess up since they didn't. Couldn't really do anything about the pot of cooked rice they left out though, and nobody claimed it until the contents inside have already turned into an exciting tableau of feathery mold days later.

I spent the rest of my college years commuting. No points for guessing why.

At one point in college, I was basically living out of the various libraries because most of my flatmates were total slobs and the walls were paperthin and one guy was always shittily practicing guitar/singing in his room and bringing over his noisy drunken friends to party in our common area and kitchen. I would only return to the apartment to shower and change clothes. At one point, some of the flatmates were so lazy about taking out trash that they actually brought in a second kitchen trash can just to extend the length of time they could wait before being forced to do trash removal. Also we never paid for trash bin service like we were supposed to; instead we just illegally dumped our trash in other businesses' dumpsters at odd hours of the night.

Living out of the library was kind of amusing. Towards the end, I became totally shameless about plopping down in the most comfortable chair or seating area to play computer games whenever I had finished studying or reading, which resulted in many dirty looks from people who were still trying to get shit done. I remember one time, I had one of the best conference rooms in the library all to myself and was intensely engrossed in a close match of Red Orchestra 2 where I was carrying the team, when a whole bunch of people burst into the conference room at once and said they had booked the space for a graduate level seminar and needed me to leave, and I brushed them off for like a full minute with idle small talk while running to a safe hiding spot in the game, and then sprinted a few floors up with my laptop and bag to find the nearest available chair with a desk surface, so I could immediately return to the match, which I thankfully had not missed much of.

But not all my flatmates were so bad. One friend had this external hard drive with an HD BluRay rip of what seemed like every movie ever pirated in the history of the world, and a few of us made a tradition of going to the biggest lecture hall on campus at night to use the big digital projector, sound system, and fifty-foot screen to watch all those classic films that are best appreciated on a really big screen. We weren't the only people who did that kind of thing, but we did it the most, so most of the time we would always be able to snag the biggest lecture hall for movie nights. The few times we had to downgrade to the music department's lecture hall due to other people using the biggest one for their movie nights, we felt kind of bad because sometimes people showed up at the music lecture hall intending to practice on the grand piano there, but we were already there first, watching a movie. We would invite them to stay for the movie, but nobody took up the offer. It was always really fun due to the quality of the digital projector and sound, though the lecture hall seats were not that comfortable and it was hard as hell to balance beer bottles and ice cream and all the other snacks on those tiny, wobbly fold-out desks bolted to the chairs

 

[The Great Citracett]

Not my story, but a friend from work likes to tell this one.

This was probably around 2010. Junior or maybe senior year of high school. English class. There was this one super quiet, scrawny, spergy kid who kept to himself and never really talked or did much of anything.

One day, the homework assignment was to write a speech and read it out loud in front of the class the next day. Surprisingly, the spergy kid actually did it. Speech order was picked at random and after a few kids had presented, it was his turn.

He heads to the front of the room, paper in hand, and steps up to the podium to read his speech.

He pauses, takes a deep breath, and grips the podium tight with both hands. Then, at full volume, with all the excitement and intensity of a 90s X-treme sports announcer, screams:

"IN THE WORLD... OF WAAAARCRAFT!"

The class is stunned into silence for about a second before erupting into laughter. The kid grabs his paper and bolts from the classroom. The elderly, soft-spoken teacher tries to call him back and calm the class but he ran straight out of the school and stayed home for a week or so. Apparently there was concern he might come back with a gun and shoot up the school, but he was just back to his usual self like nothing happened.

Nobody knows what his speech was about beyond the opening line, he took it when he ran home and never turned it in.

 

[Big Nasty]

I remember this time when we got an assignment to submit a one-page handwritten presentation on a subject of our own choosing the next day.
One kid turned in a paper where half the page was a badly-drawn Metallica logo and rest was crammed full of comical spelling errors such as "Jemas Hifell" and "Laars Utrick".

 

[Consider Lizärds]

I remember this time when we got an assignment to submit a one-page handwritten presentation on a subject of our own choosing the next day.
One kid turned in a paper where half the page was a badly-drawn Metallica logo and rest was crammed full of comical spelling errors such as "Jemas Hifell" and "Laars Utrick".

Two great usernames there, if anyone is a lurking.

 

[Broseph]

I remember this time when we got an assignment to submit a one-page handwritten presentation on a subject of our own choosing the next day.
One kid turned in a paper where half the page was a badly-drawn Metallica logo and rest was crammed full of comical spelling errors such as "Jemas Hifell" and "Laars Utrick".

Was this in high school?

 

[tasty humane burger]

Funny story.

One of my friends used to have a bunch of us over and we would drink shit loads of vodka from like 6pm onwards until we crashed out on her living room floor. One time I drank waay too much and spent the next morning experiencing my first proper hangover and I ran into her garden to be sick. After I puked, I sat down to get some air. It was heavily raining. As I sat there, her next door neighbour came out for a smoke. It was one of the school lab technicians who was well respected. I knew he wouldn't care that I was in such a state as he had literally seen us drunk in her garden before. But, following him, was this arsehole teacher I really hated and who I knew would be a snidey about this. What's worse, I had him first period Monday. They said hello and I stammered some pleasantries to them before running inside embarrassed.

This teacher is worthy of his own post in this thread for being completely unhinged and psychotic. He would slag off anyone and everyone. Lucky for me, I was one of his favourites, so I got off easy. I walked into his class first thing Monday morning and he announced to everyone that he saw me the day before, sitting in my soaking wet pyjamas beside a puddle of my own sick suffering from the 'jakey shakes'. He brought it up at almost every opportunity, if I passed him in the corridor he would allude to it. It was truly mortifying.

Spoiler: bonus

The same friends parents were also friends with married teachers from my school. They were probably two of the best teachers at the school and I was taught by both of them in my senior phase. I was invited to one of their family parties in the last few months of my school days and shared a bottle of wine with them and my friend. It was great.

 

[Big Nasty]

Was this in high school?

No, middle school.

 

[Brain Power]

One time, my school gave activity booklets to some classes, and the first page had a disclaimer saying something like this: "We've tried to make this book as gender-neutral as possible, but since spanish uses masculine as neutral, we're forced to use that. We're sorry if someone gets offended". I was around 10-11 years old, and my reaction to that was, and still is: "Wut? Who wrote this shit?"

 

[bigoogabaloogas]

You know things are going to be fun whe a person with dyed hair and those nose rings and looks like a man but sounds like a women shows up for a class

 

[slimes]

I'm pretty sure my senior class was the class that got pranks banned after they released chickens into the school.

There was also this guy who wore the exact same pair of Tripp pants every day to school for the entire year, and the girl who cosplayed Yuna for her school ID picture. She came to school in cosplay decently often, but I think she dropped out. I kinda wonder what she's up to now considering the insanity she got up to when we were classmates.

Most of the shit that happened was so long ago that I have a little trouble remembering... I know we duct taped a freshman to the wall when we were given the chance to decorate for spirit week. He was cool with it, it was funny, and the teachers had a fit.

 

[ForgedBlades]

Was thinking about this yesterday and had a good chuckle.

Our friend group had this borderline sped orbiter going back to grade school. He was dumb as a post and extremely gullible. Senior year my buddy and I had lunch with him.

I don't even remember how it started, but we were somehow able to convince him that my buddy's grandfather fought in WWII for the country of "Gerussia" which was aligned with the Axis. Once the bait was taken we spent a month playing off each other, regaling the kid with absurd lore we created completely off the cuff about the history of this fake country; details about its monarchy, its economy, its occupation during the war, and it's eventual collapse. I think my favorite day was when he sat down and told us that he asked a teacher about it, who told him it was fake. We had to talk him out of it by creating this elaborate conspiracy theory that the Kennedy administration wiped its existence out of the history books during the Cold War.

Speaking of teachers, I can't believe I haven't told this story before.

The guy who taught freshman American history at the time was the football coach. Saying that this guy was the epitome of a dumb jock is an insult to dumb jocks. In my 31 years on this earth, I can honestly say this man was the stupidest person I have ever come across. How he was able to obtain a degree and a teaching certification speaks volumes about the education system in America.

During football season he would show a movie every Friday so he could spend the day going over the playbook or strategy or whatever for that night's game. They weren't even educational films, but football movies. I remember we watched Remember the Titans at least twice that year.

Anyway, one movie day he calls me up to his desk. I was generally his go to guy because the rest of the class gave him a run for his money in the IQ department. He's holding a receipt. He tells me he bought lunch for the eight people in the social studies department and wanted to know how to calculate how much each person owed him. I was confused, thinking it was some kind of prank. I grabbed the calculator in front of him and said, "Uhh... well, you just take the total down here at the bottom and divide it by 8." .

Dude looks up at me with this expression like I just split the atom and deserved every single Nobel Prize for this unprecedented mathematical discovery.

Guy was a real winner.

 

[soft breathing]

I'll just quote a story from school I've already posted in the autism you've witnessed IRL thread for shits & giggles since it fits here and someone might get a chuckle out of it because of it's absurdity.

I have another story from like 8th grade.

Short back story:

We always had one day in December where the whole school would go either swimming, skiing, ice skating, hiking etc.

This was also the age where people thought drinking alcohol was cool. A lot of people were already used to beer etc. (keep in mind - this happened in Germany back then, kids are allowed to drink at 16 here, so someone drinking a beer at 14 wasn't a big deal) And since we went with younger and older kids, someone always had something alcoholic on them they spread through the class.

Now the real story:

There was this kid who was like 15ish and always seemed slightly exceptional. Short for his age, always fidgety, in hindsight he was probably on ADHD pills or something. And he always tried to mingle with the "big" kids and be a cool and tough guy.

Well, someone brought a bottle of Jaegermeister and the kid fucking BEGGED them to let him take a sip or two once we arrived at the indoor swimming pool. So they let him drink a bit, it wasn't much really from what I saw.

And then the kid jumped into the water, seemed totally fine, swam around for a bit and then all hell broke lose.

It seems like whatever meds he was taking didn't mix well with even the slightest amount of alcohol plus him being a short, skinny fuck also didn't do him any favors... And he started to throw up violently. Everywhere around him into the water. People were screaming, running out of the water, nobody wanted to jump into the puke-water to save him from drowning since it seemed like he passed out, it was complete madness.

Well. It ended with one of the pool guards jumping into the water and him being brought to the hospital. The swimming pool and day was ruined for everyone. And we never had one of those special days in December anymore. The kids who gave him alcohol also got suspended from school for over a month.

I've never seen him around on the same school again - since Facebook etc wasn't a thing back then I don't know if he changed schools or what happened to him.

 

[tampax pearl]

I put lube on the bottom of someone's shoe and on the floor where their foot was gonna go to try and make them slip. They didn't slip. The principal came in wearing high heels and slipped on the lube spot, twice. Once while walking into the room, the other while walking out. Thank god nobody snitched.

 

[Sigma]

When I was in middle school, I was interested in parkour esque maneuvers which meant mostly jumping down stairs and going places I wasn't supposed to. One time when I was in one of those moods, I jumped over the side of a railing and almost landed on a adult's head. I probably wouldn't have heard the end of it if I did so I decided to cut back on it from then on.