- She shows us 2 possible intros for the mythical day “when she starts cooking.” One of them is slightly less annoying than the other, because one is shorter, and has no weird fake horn blasts.
- Is it just me or does the “hey guys hey” part just keep getting longer and longer?
- She forgot a knife and goes to get one. Can only find a butter knife. Because the kitchen still isn’t unpacked. Of course it’s not. Why would it be? She’s only been home for days. She says she knows what we’re thinking and she didn’t do it because she was depressed and watching some fucking show instead.
- Those fucking Extreme Beans. She offers us a beauty bite of them. We do not want it.
- It’s her first meal of the day. Goddammit, is this what we’re doing again?
- She did eat a smoothie tho. She opens a La Croix and makes fun of people who likes to listen to the sound of cans opening.
- Says she bought the cooking show intros as an investment and admits to having chubby man hands.
-The broccoli is a keto recipe. She forgets the two beauty bites she gave us before. Broccoli ingredients include a fuck-ton of cream and cheese and cream cheese. The chicken came from Farm Boy. It’s pre-marinated.
- She asks for guidance from viewers about what “Alabama chicken” might be, despite eating it in her own face. The chicken is tender, and “not too salty.”
- More gross eating noises that make me want to punch her while she tells us she’s looking for ways to not be “a raging bitch.” She says she’s using CBT techniques to help manage anxiety “naturally.” She uses humor to cope because she’s going through some shit.
- She went to Farm Boy with Granny Warbucks. She says grocery shopping gives her huge anxiety.
- Her food is balancing on some damn kit and “a book [she’s] read five times.” Must be a book of fart jokes.
- Dumb story about the impulse buys by the front of the store creating a bottleneck. Thank Jeebus we’re halfway through, because this shit is boring and the eating sounds are gross. Of course, Chantal had to be rude to a woman who looks at actual nutritional labels.
- Lol, she says she “used to”eat whole blocks of cheese and calls that broccoli “a little bit” of cheese. It is not a little bit. Also, she burps because she’s incapable of sipping carbonated beverages.
- Demonstrates deep breathing for us, because clearly we’re too stupid to know how. She got caught deep breathing in the bread aisle by a kid who asks her mom if she’s going crazy. Then admits to disliking kids. Tries to play it off as “kids are so honest! Tee hee” but she hates kids for saying out loud that she’s fat.
- Sorry! No napkins!
- Positive self-talk works, you guise.
- Also, she has a very exciting paper cut. These are clearly the only two things that happened today. She promises that she will make something “more exciting” tomorrow. Exploding chicken? Who knows.
- Claims the mangoesare now ripe and she’s gonna cut em up and freeze em and toss em into smoothies. Also, she’s going to use the carrots in a “carrot mash” and for juicing. Because she’s totally gonna use the juicer, y’all.
- Claims she was craving broccoli “really badly.” HAHAHAHAHA
- Explains La Croix. Earlier she called it“an unsweetened, refreshing ocean breeze.”
- That’s it. Tomorrow she will be home all day to fix up her kitchen and will do a video of herself cooking. I probably should have chosen to recap that shit. BYEEEE
Maybe someday I'll stop doing it for free
