Let’s speak frankly about benzodiazepine dependency. We use that word in the UK rather than addiction for exactly the reason being discussed: people freak out “I AM NOT A DRUG ADDICT” whilst having every one of the features of addiction to benzodiazepines. People still think you can’t get addicted to prescription drugs. Everyone with a repeat script for tramadol and/or diazepam knows better, to their cost.
I dgaf about JP. I don’t agree with a lot of his opinions, but that means fuck all to anyone but me, and I certainly wish the guy no harm. This is why his daughter’s apparent unwillingness to face the fact he was dependent on benzos is actually a problem. I have been in all flavours of 12 step groups, I have been in inpatient rehab briefly for a managed detox, and I have been inpatient for disordered eating. If it is stupid and harmful to me, I have tried it and liked it.
Does that make me a bad person? Doesn’t fucking matter as long as I’m sober and well whether I’m a bad person or not. If addiction is born of moral failing, well then I’m fucked but I work real hard everyday to do better. I have learnt a lot from the help of those who started me down a clean and sober path. I doubt JP is doing Twelve Steps, and I agree it is not the way forward for everyone, but some of what happens in [Shit Thing] Anonymous is pretty relevant to everyone living the struggle.
Step One is “we admitted we were powerless over [life-fucking thing] and that our lives had become unmanageable“. There’s no dancing on the head of a pin there about whether your addiction is psychological or physical, because the reason you are sat there is it doesn‘t fucking matter. Your life is unmanageable because of the thing. Your life is swirling down the pan and you cannot stop doing the thing, even though you want to, and the reason you can’t stop doing the thing does not matter to your long term recovery.
What matters is that you are going to try your damndest, with whatever help you need and can get from medics and groups (you absolutely must not stop long term benzo use cold turkey. People fucking die doing that. You do not do that so JP is 100% correct to have first approached medics about the detox. Benzos are fucking poison and coming off opiates is a fucking cakewalk in comparison in my experience) , to stop doing the thing and to stay stopped.
The biggest thing you need to do this, especially outside of a program or if you start moving away from a program, is accountability. That means your partner, your family, your friends need to be willing to ask you hard questions and keep tabs on you. I have some pretty shitty restrictions on my life because I need to be accountable. I get an allowance like a fucking child because I have a gambling problem that is a real monkey on my back and having limited access to money and zero access to a credit card stops me losing thousands. The benzos I am prescribed for emergency use only are not held by me but by my spouse and they are hidden somewhere in the house away from the regular medicine cabinet. I have been a rare and responsible drinker for many many years, but there’s still a line marked on the bottles and he opens them to check now and then. I don’t get to open my own mail in case there’s drugs in it. There are friends who cannot be trusted not to offer me coke, so I don’t see them alone. If I‘ve been seen skipping meals or claiming to have eaten earlier for a few days in a row, I have to eat under supervision and get weighed. There are no scales allowed in my house so I have to get weighed with a set he keeps at work. I get looked at for cutting marks regularly.
I live a life full of shame, and some of it feels like punishment for shit I haven’t done in twenty years or more. But I am not entitled to the kind of blanket trust that someone who has not repeatedly attempted to destroy their life is. This is what accountability looks like in recovery. It fucking blows. And if there is not someone or several someones prepared to be this kind of a dick to you in recovery - especially in the early years - you are being given a fuckload of rope to hang yourself with. You are being given the opportunity to continue to lie to yourself about the extent of your problem. And that is exactly how you built the issue into a problem in the first place.
Saying your dependency “is only physical” isn‘t effective accountability. Otherwise, when you detox from opiates, you would never relapse. Except relapse in opiate recovery is sky high, amd in alcohol recovery even worse. So there were other reasons you used the thing you used, and there is not going to be a long term solution for you that doesn’t involve confronting that. I didn’t enjoy the endless therapy to let me sleep at night. I did enjoy swallowing benzos and floating off all warm and dozy instead. But only one of these things was a long term solution, so I had to do one and quit the other.
JP has anxiety. Anxiety is shitty, I should know. Panic disorder is shitty. I cannot even imagine how he is feeling trying to support a spouse through a terminal illness. But no matter how good and reasonable his initial reasons for benzo use were, he is now dependent and admitting that they are making his life unmanageable. That means he needs to fully commit to recovery. The reasons he started taking them have not necessarily gone away.
It doesn’t matter how good the reason was for getting on the bus; when the bus is hurtling straight off the cliff, you have to get off. He must get clean and stay clean. I wish him all the best with this. God knows, he may not find it easy. He may have to do this more than once. But it can be done.