Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Cheesegirl78]

I like the David Bowie picture.

There, I said my nice thing for the month. Glad I got that out of the way.

 

[Cock wombler]

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That's roger from American dad and no one will convince me otherwise

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

Tess pretends she looks like her fan art
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She gave herself weed for Valentine's, and made Jolene give her a gift, too
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She posted photos from something called Hunger Magazine, which is hilarious both because of the name and because I've never heard of it.
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The photos she chose to share aren't much like the photos the "magazine" was promoting
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These are worse than usual. There is literally no hiding her girth or jowls.

 

[America's Giggling Gigolo]

So in addition to all the money she spends (where the HELL does she get it?) on makeup, fillers, tacky nails, etc we learn she is also buying weed. How long has this been going on? Marijuana is quite an expensive vice. I'm sure her children must be so filled with gratitude, so proud of their badass mom, as they eat stale, day-old popcorn for dinner while mom gets high and gorges on Tony Roma's.

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

So in addition to all the money she spends (where the HELL does she get it?) on makeup, fillers, tacky nails, etc we learn she is also buying weed. How long has this been going on? Marijuana is quite an expensive vice. I'm sure her children must be so filled with gratitude, so proud of their badass mom, as they eat stale, day-old popcorn for dinner while mom gets high and gorges on Tony Roma's.

Nah, she's gone to a few events for Lowell. I'm pretty sure they send her free PR shit

 

[JambledUpWords]

I'm sure her children must be so filled with gratitude, so proud of their badass mom, as they eat stale, day-old popcorn for dinner.

She only has Bowie living with her at the moment. Even so, like most things to Tess, he’s a prop to use. The kid looks like he gets fed, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she neglected to feed him every once in a while.

 

[sperginity]

She posted photos from something called Hunger Magazine, which is hilarious both because of the name and because I've never heard of it.

she looks like a fuckin couch. like 3-4 people could sit on her stomach comfortably.

 

[Water-T]

So in addition to all the money she spends (where the HELL does she get it?) on makeup, fillers, tacky nails, etc we learn she is also buying weed. How long has this been going on? Marijuana is quite an expensive vice. I'm sure her children must be so filled with gratitude, so proud of their badass mom, as they eat stale, day-old popcorn for dinner while mom gets high and gorges on Tony Roma's.

Some of the stuff, like makeup and fancy ice cream, were freebies in exchange for promotion on Tess' IG. I suspect the rest is from feeder paypigs who ether meet her in person or get access to private cam shows.

she looks like a fuckin couch. like 3-4 people could sit on her stomach comfortably.

I would not be surprised if there is a TV Guide, a remote control, and $3.50 in change stuck in her folds.

 

[cactus]

I would not be surprised if there is a TV Guide, a remote control, and $3.50 in change stuck in her folds.

How old that TV Guide? And I believe she might be the Loch Ness monster as well.

 

[Punkinsplice]

How old that TV Guide? And I believe she might be the Loch Ness monster as well.

that'll be three fiddy.
she looks like shit, and even pro photography and makeup can't hide it now.

 

[JambledUpWords]

 

[multiverse]

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Bowie is two. His "gender presentation" is chosen entirely by you, his mother. You are forcing him into this weird genderqueer box when he's just a baby. Maybe worry more about potty training your almost four year old and less about his "gender presentation".

And you just said outright you don't give a shit about dying early and leaving your youngest alone (having already abandoned that 14 year old).

She knows she's in bad shape; no one healthy would talk about early death as an inevitability. Her road to early death is self-inflicted, but she acts like she deserves the same reverence people have for cancer patients. So brave for eating herself to death, there was nothing she could do!

 

[SnarkySperg]

Geez, I'm gone for two days and come back to so fucking much to unpack.

They open with 'we took the measurements of three women' then at no point actually tell us what those measurements are, likely because it would blow the idea that they are all the same size out of the water. I expect it is yet another example of Tess being booked for a job on the basis of fake measurements /size then showing up and wrecking the plan for the day. So they avoid telling us the real measurements and pretend it's the clothes' and manufacturers' fault.

It seems like they wanted a video that would get them views and only hired Tess because she'd give them those views. Nobody gives a shit about BuzzFeed staff, but they might care if they have a Z-list celeb there.

How old that TV Guide? And I believe she might be the Loch Ness monster as well.

Loch Tess Monster seems like a decent nickname for her.

Also, she got weed for Valentine's Day? I don't necessarily have an issue with parents smoking weed, but not when their children are around (and I guarantee you Tess isn't going to think 'hey, Bowie's, here, maybe I should wait til later to smoke'. She definitely doesn't care and abso-fucking-lutely has smoked with him around) and not when you're fucking homeless, shacked up with your nanny, and abandoned one kid already, presumably in part because you couldn't afford to feed him.

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Ah yes, resorting to ad hominems. Doesn't explain WHY she should be ashamed of herself, just says 'no, u' when called on her shit. She can't disprove it and she fucking knows it so she sinks to the level of personal insult.

Also, LMFAO at 'gender is a social construct'. Fuck off, Tess. I feel like she's building up to saying 'my baby is trans and you monsters forced him to come out before he was ready'. Poor Bowie.

 

[multiverse]

Bowie took a shit in the toilet for the first time, so of course his mother shared this with her 2 million followers.


"One step closer to potty training"? YOUR SON IS ALMOST FOUR. He should have been "closer to potty training" at two, and fully trained by this point in his life.

This lazy narcissist bitch is the worst in all the ways.

 

[SnarkySperg]

Bowie took a shit in the toilet for the first time, so of course his mother shared this with her 2 million followers.
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"One step closer to potty training"? YOUR SON IS ALMOST FOUR. He should have been "closer to potty training" at two, and fully trained by this point in his life.

This lazy narcissist bitch is the worst in all the ways.

Uhhh. I have friends with kids and the ones who overshare (as in, they have posted about it on Facebook) have all started potty training by the time their kid is two. And in at least one case, the kid made it clear that's what he needed on his own around that age, with zero prompting or encouragement from his mom. How delayed is her kid that he hasn't done something to lead to his being potty trained? Even by Tess standards this is ridiculous and makes me wonder what else the kid is behind with.

I repeat: Poor Bowie. Kid has no chance.

 

[multiverse]

Uhhh. I have friends with kids and the ones who overshare (as in, they have posted about it on Facebook) have all started potty training by the time their kid is two. And in at least one case, the kid made it clear that's what he needed on his own around that age, with zero prompting or encouragement from his mom. How delayed is her kid that he hasn't done something to lead to his being potty trained? Even by Tess standards this is ridiculous and makes me wonder what else the kid is behind with.

I repeat: Poor Bowie. Kid has no chance.

She has no idea what she's doing, because Beth did the heavy lifting for her from when Rylee was born until he was two. It's likely Beth started training Rylee and he was able to figure out the rest by himself when his drunk child-mommy got pissed about changing diapers.

Ryann probably thought toddlers potty trained themselves - I mean, Rylee did, right?

 

[LetThemEatCake]

I thought Bowie was way younger than nearly four ... but I looked up his date of birth - 6th June 2016. So yep. Kid's a few months short of four years old! He's socially and developmentally retarded if he's only just learning to crap in an actual toilet. Well done, Tess, well done!

Doesn't surprise me a trashy, self-involved mother who lives a chaotic lifestyle (that's the modern term for being a useless shitsack who bounces around various housing scenarios, dumping other kids on random strangers as she goes) hasn't any interest in teaching her kids basic skills appropriate to their social and physical development, but instead focuses on stuff like his hair and bragging online about his 'gender identity' 'choice'. Something that doesn't exist in that age group, therefore is nothing more than a figment of Tess's imgaination and ego and takes no work at all.

 

[multiverse]

Jesus christ just when you think her "parenting" can't get worse: not satisfied having snapped at someone in the comments AND having slapped at them in her Stories for daring to politely hope that her son is not harassed for looking like a girl - Tess decides to bring her three year old into the argument directly to prove da haters wrong once and for all!


Tess, he is a a fucking toddler. Toddlers don't know anything on their own. Their lives revolve around seeking praise and security from the adults in their lives. If you told him that long hair was Bad, and that when he has it he looks like a fag and fags are bad, he would demand his hair be cut and live in fear of anyone thinking he was a girl.

Kids parrot whatever is going to make them get praise and avoid pain, and only a fart sniffing self centered asshole thinks that their little Barley Unicorn or Manley NotGay Jones IV thinks exactly like their mother does because they're so enlightened and advanced and independent.

Also: The kid shits his pants at age four, his opinion on anything is invalid.

 

[Trombonista]

Ugh, that looks like a LOL Surprise doll.

 

[Dorsia.Reservation]

Bowie took a shit in the toilet for the first time, so of course his mother shared this with her 2 million followers.
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"One step closer to potty training"? YOUR SON IS ALMOST FOUR. He should have been "closer to potty training" at two, and fully trained by this point in his life.

This lazy narcissist bitch is the worst in all the ways.

For everyone who thinks Jolene is this kids saving grace/raising him....
She isn't or is doing a totally shit job of it.

One kid pawned off on a random ex, the other developmentally delayed and she is on the cover of Parents magazine.

What a world!