Taika Waititi to Tackle 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' for Netflix - Example #8092 on how creatively bankrupt the entertainment industry is

Woke Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I can see it now...

Augustus Gloop will be all about body positivity. No shame in being a fatty! Screw the haters!

Violet Beauregarde will be an e-thot catering to all the inflation fetishists. They're a valid orientation as well, bigots!

Veruca Salt will just be a spoiled white girl. The only white child actor in the movie. Her dad will be a speechwriter or aide to Trump for extra....salt (sorry)

Mike TeeVee will be a /pol/ user. They'll make him an alt-right shitposter, and possible incel.

Charlie will become Charlene. Everyone will constantly fawn over how STUNNING AND BRAVE he/she is.

Wonka is clearly a MAP.
 
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Scratch This Nut said:
Since it’s gonna be animated maybe it’ll be good.
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I highly doubt that not unless they got the people from idk, the Boondocks to do the animation. Which I have to say, now that I think about it, if they did the Boondocks-esque version of this...I honestly might be down for that. If you're going to go nuts, you might as well go all in.
 
Rice Is Ready said:
My favorite part of the original was the old grandpa or uncle or whatever he was. All bed ridden and sickly untill you get a free trip to the chocolate factory now you feel fine gramps?
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it used to be a thing to call or email jim rome and make him go way off topic on shit like grandpa joe. He knew people were trying for that angle but it made good radio.
 
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The Fool said:
Yeah yeah I know it's popular to shit on Tim Burton films

That one had a shit ton of passion put into it from the writers to the set design to the prop makers to hiring people to literally train real squirrels. It was also more accurate to the book than the original film. It's a really impressive film and definitely not something they just shit out like so many others.
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The Tim Burton film was better at catching the insanity of Rod Dahls books the issue was johny dep hamming and people were used to the original.

Here are my predictions
  1. The oompah Loompahs will be slaves or will be refugees rejected by the U.S. with a sly H1B1 joke thrown in there for good measure.
  2. Charlie will be ethnically divers and identify as a women. There will be a heavy theme that white men need to step out of the way. Bonus points if wonka is giving it away because the corporate world would only bring in another white guy
  3. The factory will either be green or turned green by the end of the movie.
  4. The Wonka vision is going to be about tik tok or youtube, bonus for flossing, double bonus don't read the comment
  5. The everlasting gobstopper will have something to do about solving world hunger, bonus if they mention patent trolls.
 
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Diabeetus said:
Charlie is going to be black. Calling it right now. Then, when people are upset about it, smug assholes are going to bring up how Roald Dahl wanted Charlie to be black, but the book executives said not to make him a nigger.

It's so blatantly transparent and I fucking hate how predictable everything's become.
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I agree, also Willie Wonka will be a black women with implications that they shut down the factory because people couldn’t handle a strong black female who was a science genius at making candy.
Autumnal Equinox said:
Woke Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I can see it now...

Augustus Gloop will be all about body positivity. No shame in being a fatty! Screw the haters!

Violet Beauregarde will be an e-thot catering to all the inflation fetishists. They're a valid orientation as well, bigots!

Veruca Salt will just be a spoiled white girl. The only white child actor in the movie. Her dad will be a speechwriter or aide to Trump for extra....salt (sorry)

Mike TeeVee will be a /pol/ user. They'll make him an alt-right shitposter, and possible incel.

Charlie will become Charlene. Everyone will constantly fawn over how STUNNING AND BRAVE he/she is.

Wonka is clearly a MAP.
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I bet Veruca Salt will be Vernon Salt a spoiled white boy.

And maybe Mike TeeVee will be made female and a gamer (Like the Burton remake) because girls can be gamers too.
 
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Netflix made a deal with Dahl's estate in 2018. The Waititi pact marks the first steps in developing the works, which Netflix is pushing as an "animated event series." The company is seeking high-profile names to adapt stories such as Matilda, The BFG and The Twits, among others.
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I suppose it's been 15 years since the last (filmed) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory adaptation so it's about time for Hollywood to mi1k that cow again but it hasn't yet been four years since Spielberg's BFG film, which was a box office disappointment, so would there even be much of an audience for a BFG remake so soon after the "original" film?
 
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It's a sad world we live in when the Tim Burton version becomes the second best version of the Charlie and the chocolate factory story. I'll take creepy daddy issues bordering on pedo Willy Wonka over whatever the hell Hollyweird is gonna do to butcher this story AGAIN.
 
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