Stupidest Comic Book Storylines

HOLY SHIT. That storyline was hot garbage. Originally, the writer wanted Peter to be the father of Gwen's super-bastards, until Marvel though that it would be a MUCH BETTER IDEA for a man in his 40s/50s to knock up a girl barely out of her teens. Norman Osbourne's O-Face will haunt me forever.
Marvel mandate? I suppose if that's true then it clears J Michael Strazynski (of Babylon 5 fame) from one terrible comics plot - and it really is one of the worst ideas from pre-SJW Marvel.

Doesn't exculpate him from his stupid (and I believe unfinished, something he was notorious for) plot with Superman walking across America though.
 
A guy I know swears up and down DC bringing Jason Todd back was a stupid idea.

Didn't they have a phone number you had to call if you wanted him killed off?

Forgot to mention these:

Marvel's stay dead policy (its why Psylocke, Colossus, and Jean Grey didn't come back for a while)

Donna Troy being murdered by a Superboy Prime robot in Graduation Day

Joe Quesadas self insert Carlie Cooper

That one two issue Marvel series in 2005 with the gay superhero who dies one issue later

The Harley/Ivy controversy

Sebastian Ballesteros aka male Cheetah. Goes against the entire mythos. Thankfully Barbara Minerva snuck into his house where he was sleeping naked and she murdered him.
 
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HOLY SHIT. That storyline was hot garbage. Originally, the writer wanted Peter to be the father of Gwen's super-bastards, until Marvel though that it would be a MUCH BETTER IDEA for a man in his 40s/50s to knock up a girl barely out of her teens. Norman Osbourne's O-Face will haunt me forever.

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Editorial wanting to avoid doing anything that could possibly make Peter look like he's in his 30s was painful. JMS did a very good job making him a responsible adult; Mary Jane, who editorial had tried to get rid of forever, finally fit in well with his superheroics; he even wrote Aunt May as something other than a ball and chain around Peter's neck. Painful they decided to revert him to an early 20s guy living with his aunt.

Unrelatedly, while the overall storyline isn't sooo bad (I don't like Dan Slott's style but the story in broad strokes, I mean), something else funny Spider-Man related: Doc Ock at one point took over Peter Parker's body and had total control. Peter was just a kind of anaemic ghost in the background who could only watch and sometimes complain.

One of Doc Ock's first goals was to bang Mary Jane. However, she sensed something was off and refused his advances. It then occurred on Ock - Wait! I have all of Peter Parker's memories! They've had sex thousands of times! All I have to do is think of one of those occasions and sort myself out with that imagery. [Jerks it furiously while Peter Parker's ghost wails NOOOOO!] Well, that's that taken care of... Although I've a feeling I might need to take care of it again in a few hours eheheehehehh.

Also since Ock had been engaged to Aunt May at one point I seem to recall someone saying he'd intentionally called to mind images of banging Aunt May (particularly awful given she was usually drawn to look 1,000 years old) to freak out ghost Peter.

I don't know if this is all awful or just awfully funny.

Didn't they have a phone number you had to call if you wanted him killed off?

Yes. It was a narrow win for 'die'. Years later, it was revealed a lot of the calls had been from some guy with an auto-dialler.

The circumstances surrounding Todd's death were otherwise stupid. His mother was performing illegal abortions in Iran (they retconned this to some fictitious country but it wasoriginally Iran). Joker was for some reason there, too. To extract Todd's location, he threatened to tell the authorities about the abortion operation. The mother gave up Todd's location. By some contrivance I can't remember she then listened to Joker beating Todd to death with a crowbar and just kind of swallowed and moved on.

Also, Joker became Khomeinei's ambassador to the UN.
 
Yes. It was a narrow win for 'die'. Years later, it was revealed a lot of the calls had been from some guy with an auto-dialler.

The circumstances surrounding Todd's death were otherwise stupid. His mother was performing illegal abortions in Iran (they retconned this to some fictitious country but it wasoriginally Iran). Joker was for some reason there, too. To extract Todd's location, he threatened to tell the authorities about the abortion operation. The mother gave up Todd's location. By some contrivance I can't remember she then listened to Joker beating Todd to death with a crowbar and just kind of swallowed and moved on.

Also, Joker became Khomeinei's ambassador to the UN.

Lmao shit they made his mom evil?
 
This wasn't a popular story but fuck The Authority: Revolution. It starts off with a somewhat interesting concept of the Authority ruling America and having to come to terms with a revolution by golden age war time heroes however this plot is dropped 4 issues in for a far less interesting one involving :
Henry bendix (the leader of stormwatch a predecessor to the authority) returning.

Character wise the Authority was ruined. The Ellis/Millar Authority was a morally grey group which showed both the pros and cons of a politically active super team. In comparison this iteration of The Authority are smug unlikeable leftists who are so much smarter then everyone who are only good because the villains are all racist, homophobic capitalist nazis.

While the art isn't necessarily too bad it has a critical lack of action scenes and its a definite step down from Quietly's art; hell it cant even maintain the same level of quality as Nguyen's previous work on the authority.
 
That one two issue Marvel series in 2005 with the gay superhero who dies one issue later
Are you referring to Freedom Ring? I only read his debut issue and thought it was okay. I only found out years later that they both killed him off and that he was gay. It’s kind of funny that they never brought him back amidst all the SJW nonsense Marvel’s been shitting all over their brand, but I guess “Freedom Ring” is just too pro-America for communist tastes. Not to mention, ruining existing characters by forcing them to be gay is a much deeper cut than using a relative unknown.
 
Are you referring to Freedom Ring? I only read his debut issue and thought it was okay. I only found out years later that they both killed him off and that he was gay. It’s kind of funny that they never brought him back amidst all the SJW nonsense Marvel’s been shitting all over their brand, but I guess “Freedom Ring” is just too pro-America for communist tastes. Not to mention, ruining existing characters by forcing them to be gay is a much deeper cut than using a relative unknown.

I remember that. He appeared in one issue, then died the next, The character was gay, but the didn't go the r3tarded Iceman route of "LOOK AT ME AND HOW GAY I AM NOW! I AM GOING TO SUCK ALLLLL THE DICKS! WHOOOO!"

His name wasn't from patriotism, but a pun. He called it "a free, dumb ring".
 
I remember that. He appeared in one issue, then died the next, The character was gay, but the didn't go the r3tarded Iceman route of "LOOK AT ME AND HOW GAY I AM NOW! I AM GOING TO SUCK ALLLLL THE DICKS! WHOOOO!"

His name wasn't from patriotism, but a pun. He called it "a free, dumb ring".

Yeah, I remember finding that bit amusing. I’m just referring to current year and how they wouldn’t do enough research into a character that existed for two issues to get that.
 
A bit of an older one, but a pretty infamous one: Avengers #200. For those unfamiliar, Immortus' son Marcus takes Carol Danvers to Limbo, impregnates her, erases her memory, then sends her back to reality. Oh, and he uses mind control to get her to fuck him.. Bear in mind, she has no memory of any of this and therefore has no idea why she's suddenly pregnant, a fact made even stranger when she gives birth a couple days later. To Marcus. During this whole thing, the Avengers are congratulating her on her pregnancy and her new child, in spite of the fact that she doesn't understand why any of this is happening and clearly isn't happy about it.

Then Marcus grows to a full grown adult in a very short period of time and Carol decides to take off with him to parts unknown with a very clearly romantic/sexual element to this pairing.

So, we've got mind-control rape, quasi-incest, and the Avengers sitting idly by while one of their own takes off with a guy that, at no point, seems remotely trustworthy.

Ignoring any of the feminist critique of the issue as being misogynist or whatever, the story's still pretty awful. The fact that one of their team shows up mysteriously pregnant in a manner that's biologically impossible is seen as a cause for celebration, when it should rightly be seen by them as a cause for alarm. Marcus telling Carol that he wooed her in Limbo with his charm and mind control machines, without any suggestion in the story that maybe that's a little inappropriate; in fact, the story seems to almost suggest their tryst was romantic, even while explicitly mentioning that mind control machines were involved. The Avengers basically just going "welp, what you gonna do?" when Carol and Marcus take off. Everyone's just so out-of-character throughout the story, and the story itself is pretty dumb.
 
Ignoring any of the feminist critique of the issue as being misogynist or whatever, the story's still pretty awful. The fact that one of their team shows up mysteriously pregnant in a manner that's biologically impossible is seen as a cause for celebration, when it should rightly be seen by them as a cause for alarm. Marcus telling Carol that he wooed her in Limbo with his charm and mind control machines, without any suggestion in the story that maybe that's a little inappropriate; in fact, the story seems to almost suggest their tryst was romantic, even while explicitly mentioning that mind control machines were involved. The Avengers basically just going "welp, what you gonna do?" when Carol and Marcus take off. Everyone's just so out-of-character throughout the story, and the story itself is pretty dumb.

This did get addressed later in Avengers Annual #10 (best known as Rogue's first appearance). Carol goes into a coma and loses her powers due to Rogue's touch. Spider-Woman finds her unconscious body being dumped off a bridge and takes her to Professor X, who uses his powers to awaken her and repair her fractured mind. The Avengers show up and Carol rips them a new asshole for letting her walk off with Marcus without question. He took her to his Limbo dimension, but despite all his efforts, he still rapidly aged and died. Carol eventually figured out how to use his machines to get back home, but got attacked by the Brotherhood, since she has been on the top of Mystique's shitlist.

I think this could easily be retconned to "Marcus's machines brainwashed Carol AND the Avengers", because I honestly cannot believe that Steve, Tony, or Hank wouldn't have been like, "Waitaminute - this shit smells fishier than Brianna Wu's Porsche seat!"
 
This did get addressed later in Avengers Annual #10 (best known as Rogue's first appearance). Carol goes into a coma and loses her powers due to Rogue's touch. Spider-Woman finds her unconscious body being dumped off a bridge and takes her to Professor X, who uses his powers to awaken her and repair her fractured mind. The Avengers show up and Carol rips them a new asshole for letting her walk off with Marcus without question. He took her to his Limbo dimension, but despite all his efforts, he still rapidly aged and died. Carol eventually figured out how to use his machines to get back home, but got attacked by the Brotherhood, since she has been on the top of Mystique's shitlist.

I think this could easily be retconned to "Marcus's machines brainwashed Carol AND the Avengers", because I honestly cannot believe that Steve, Tony, or Hank wouldn't have been like, "Waitaminute - this shit smells fishier than Brianna Wu's Porsche seat!"

Yeah, I thought about mentioning the Avengers Annual in my comment, but I figured it was long enough already. It did a pretty good job of at least letting Carol point out that the whole situation was pretty fucked up. I feel like Claremont was personally offended by what the team writing Avengers #200 did to one of his favorite characters, so he was kinda lashing out in Annual #10. In the end, I suppose the whole thing led to some really solid story lines in Uncanny X-Men using both Danvers and Rogue, so it worked out alright.
 
A bit of an older one, but a pretty infamous one: Avengers #200. For those unfamiliar, Immortus' son Marcus takes Carol Danvers to Limbo, impregnates her, erases her memory, then sends her back to reality. Oh, and he uses mind control to get her to fuck him.. Bear in mind, she has no memory of any of this and therefore has no idea why she's suddenly pregnant, a fact made even stranger when she gives birth a couple days later. To Marcus. During this whole thing, the Avengers are congratulating her on her pregnancy and her new child, in spite of the fact that she doesn't understand why any of this is happening and clearly isn't happy about it.

Then Marcus grows to a full grown adult in a very short period of time and Carol decides to take off with him to parts unknown with a very clearly romantic/sexual element to this pairing.

So, we've got mind-control rape, quasi-incest, and the Avengers sitting idly by while one of their own takes off with a guy that, at no point, seems remotely trustworthy.

Ignoring any of the feminist critique of the issue as being misogynist or whatever, the story's still pretty awful. The fact that one of their team shows up mysteriously pregnant in a manner that's biologically impossible is seen as a cause for celebration, when it should rightly be seen by them as a cause for alarm. Marcus telling Carol that he wooed her in Limbo with his charm and mind control machines, without any suggestion in the story that maybe that's a little inappropriate; in fact, the story seems to almost suggest their tryst was romantic, even while explicitly mentioning that mind control machines were involved. The Avengers basically just going "welp, what you gonna do?" when Carol and Marcus take off. Everyone's just so out-of-character throughout the story, and the story itself is pretty dumb.
Wait... Now let me see if I'm following this right... This Marcus guy is the son of some guy called Immortus, but Marcus somehow travels back in time and fucks his own mother (Ms. Marvel) after brainwashing her. Then she paradoxically gives birth to Marcus and runs off with him? And she does this soon after he's born and then they go to space to watch her son/husband fuck her past self? And if I further understand this, he quickly dies of old age and she dumps herself back on Earth? So how does he become the son of Immortus? I'm not really a Marvel buff outside of common knowledge, so forgive my ignorance, but when I tried to duckduckgo this shit all I got was that Marcus was a Centaur who lived in ancient Greece, who was bitten by a werewolf, then became a cyborg and finally merged with a Venom symbiote.
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I assume it may be a different Marcus, but it would be funny if it was the same guy, at least to me.
 
Wait... Now let me see if I'm following this right... This Marcus guy is the son of some guy called Immortus, but Marcus somehow travels back in time and fucks his own mother (Ms. Marvel) after brainwashing her. Then she paradoxically gives birth to Marcus and runs off with him? And she does this soon after he's born and then they go to space to watch her son/husband fuck her past self? And if I further understand this, he quickly dies of old age and she dumps herself back on Earth? So how does he become the son of Immortus? I'm not really a Marvel buff outside of common knowledge, so forgive my ignorance, but when I tried to duckduckgo this shit all I got was that Marcus was a Centaur who lived in ancient Greece, who was bitten by a werewolf, then became a cyborg and finally merged with a Venom symbiote.
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I assume it may be a different Marcus, but it would be funny if it was the same guy, at least to me.

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Nah Marcus looks like Luke Evans.

I'm genuinely wondering if the writers thought up this story while drunk or high.


Remember when Spider Man got molested and never mentioned it again?

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I get what they were trying to do but it came off as so ham fisted. I think they did something similar with Just Say No.
 
Wait... Now let me see if I'm following this right... This Marcus guy is the son of some guy called Immortus, but Marcus somehow travels back in time and fucks his own mother (Ms. Marvel) after brainwashing her. Then she paradoxically gives birth to Marcus and runs off with him? And she does this soon after he's born and then they go to space to watch her son/husband fuck her past self? And if I further understand this, he quickly dies of old age and she dumps herself back on Earth? So how does he become the son of Immortus?

It gets a little tricky to explain. Marcus never went back in time, and Carol wasn't ever actually his mother.

Limbo's a place in the Marvel Universe that exists out of the universe proper; it's technically outside of space-time. For various reasons that would take a while to explain, Immortus resides in Limbo. He did the whole interdimensional space rape deal with Marcus' actual mother, took Marcus' mom back to Limbo, then she went back to Earth after Marcus was born. Immortus later disappeared and was presumed dead. Marcus decided some time after Immortus' disappearance that he wanted to leave Limbo, but since he was born in Limbo, he wasn't able to do so. His solution was to be "born" on Earth, and his mechanism for doing so was the plot of Avengers #200. Technically, he wasn't born, and Carol wasn't his mother; it was just a way to enter normal space-time. However, the consequence of this was his life being rapidly accelerated once he entered.

I'm not sure if that actually explained anything; almost anything Immortus-related is incredibly confusing.
 
Yes. It was a narrow win for 'die'. Years later, it was revealed a lot of the calls had been from some guy with an auto-dialler.
There wasn't any rules any one voting multiple times as long as they paid for each vote. The phone numbers were 900 numbers so calling either of them to "vote" you have to pay for it. DC done it that to have only the more commited of Batman fans voting and to keep people from screwing with it for shits and giggles with a free vote.
 
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It gets a little tricky to explain. Marcus never went back in time, and Carol wasn't ever actually his mother.

Limbo's a place in the Marvel Universe that exists out of the universe proper; it's technically outside of space-time. For various reasons that would take a while to explain, Immortus resides in Limbo. He did the whole interdimensional space rape deal with Marcus' actual mother, took Marcus' mom back to Limbo, then she went back to Earth after Marcus was born. Immortus later disappeared and was presumed dead. Marcus decided some time after Immortus' disappearance that he wanted to leave Limbo, but since he was born in Limbo, he wasn't able to do so. His solution was to be "born" on Earth, and his mechanism for doing so was the plot of Avengers #200. Technically, he wasn't born, and Carol wasn't his mother; it was just a way to enter normal space-time. However, the consequence of this was his life being rapidly accelerated once he entered.

I'm not sure if that actually explained anything; almost anything Immortus-related is incredibly confusing.
I wish that didn't make sense to me, but it sort of does... Still if she was "pregnant" and gave birth to him, that still sounds an awful lot like she was his mother in a weird cosmic sort of way.
 
Ock had been engaged to Aunt May at one point

Speaking of stupid story lines, this was probably the low point in Gerry Conway's otherwise terrific Amazing run. Aunt May randomly inherited a nuclear reactor from a dead relative and Doc Ock wanted it, so... he tried to marry her. It actually tied back into an old Stan Lee story wherein Ock boarded at Aunt May's house for a while and she was nice to him. Also, I might be mixing up my story lines here, but I think the nuclear one ended with Hammerhead getting caught in the blast of the reactor blowing up and later showing up as a 'radiation ghost'. I'd still probably take this over any other Spider-Man story pumped out in the last decade.

Lastly, re: Batman - Death in the Family. I've never been a huge fan of that one. It starts off with Jason Todd wanting to find his mother, so they get a hold of his father's little black book. The book is filled with names like Lady Shiva, the world's deadliest assassin... yet Todd's father is a low level random goon, so it never makes sense why he'd have any connection to half the women in his book. It has all kind of globe trotting and wacky adventures as they try to find his mother, including Joker becoming ambassador for Iran, yet also features Jason Todd being brutally beaten to death with a crowbar.

The tone throughout the arc is so bizarrely inconsistent that I've always wondered if the juxtaposition was Jim Starlin's commentary on the older, light-hearted Batman stories being murdered by modern darker plots.
 
No mention of the Archie Sonic comics? These were filled with dumb storylines. Here's a page from the one where Sonic and his girlfriend argue.
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Issue 178 has always stood out to me as the dumbest. In this one, Tails and Sonic have a dispute. Here's a particularly funny page from it.
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Here's Sanic getting punched.
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the Beyonder

I gotchu, fam. *clears throat*

The Beyonder first "appeared" as a disembodied voice in Secret Wars #1. He teleported several heroes and villains into space, declaring that the side that won would "have their greatest desire fulfilled", then destroyed a sector of a solar system and reformed it into Battleworld. Doctor Doom found a way to siphon Beyonder's power into himself, but was tricked into relinquishing it, but eventually found a way back to Earth with the help of Molecule Man, whom Doom helped to release his full potential as the most powerful metahuman in the Marvel universe

However, a few months later, the Beyonder showed up on Molecule Man's doorstep, wishing to know more about humanity and desire. MM told him to go out there and experience life in order to understand the nature of desire. See, the same accident that gave MM his powers also opened a "pinhole" into the dimension that the Beyonder lived in. Actually, Beyonder WAS the dimension. Everything that existed in there was just his vast energies and nothing else. Once the pinhole opened, he could see how "incomplete" humans were and the desire that comes from this. As a result, the Beyonder also began to feel incompleteness and desire, previously thinking he was complete due to being all that was in his dimension. Hence, his "Secret War" was an attempt to fully understand desire.

This resulted in the Beyonder taking various human forms before finally settling on one based on Captain America with slight alterations in hair color and style. In his travels, he empowered a writer who went amok, turned a building to gold after Luke Cage explained the value of money, had Spider-Man showing him how to take a dump (no, seriously), started a life-improvement cult, became a pro wrestler, became a superhero, was taken under the wing of a gangster who treated him to a gang bang with several hookers, fell in love with Dazzler but was rebuffed, killed and revived Death herself, and eventually got so frustrated with humanity and the lack of his desires being fulfilled that he went nuts and slaughtered the New Mutants.

His killing of Death earned the ire of the greater powers in the MCU, especially Mephisto; for if Death did not exist, then no one can die and there are no souls to collect. Despite a failed attempt that almost destroyed half of the universe, Misty wasn't done with the Beyonder. Beyonder then decided that he couldn't beat them, so he would join them, and thus sought to become reborn as a human. Since being born "the old fashioned way" would be too time consuming and messy (as he put it), he built a machine and tested it by resurrecting the New Mutants. Then he used the machine and became an ordinary human, but he freaked out and reclaimed his powers from the machine. However, he realized that he desired humanity too much and tried again, this time relishing having limits like getting winded from running and unable to lift anything heavy. Then Mephisto came calling at his most vulnerable, but Beyonder was able to reclaim his power and scare Misty away.

So Beyonder realized he needed to revise his plan lest his enemies kill him. He was now going to be reborn as a human, but then have the machine feed his power in his developing new body, making him a human but with his power intact. This is when Molecule Man and every MCU hero struck, resulting in a battle that literally cut a scar across the universe, and MM used his power to TELEPORT EVERY LIVING THING OUT OF THE WAY of the Beyonder's attack, but it still incapacitated the heroes long enough for Beyonder to start the machine's process. However, before it could be completed, MM defeated the fail safes and destroyed the machine, killing the Beyonder while it was still a fetus. His energies were rerouted back into his dimension or else it would have destroyed everything, resulting in the creation of the New Universe. The aftermath resulted in the Earth nearly breaking in half, but MM combining his power with the Silver Surfer repaired everything, with MM faking a loss of his powers so he and his girlfriend could live in peace like he did before Beyonder showed up.

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE! A few years later, it was revealed that the Beyonder reformed into his own reality, and was actually an immature Cosmic Cube, which are essentially "eggs" for the energies of a race called the Beyonders. Part of his energies "escaped" his incubation dimension during the accident that gave Molecule Man his powers, thus leaving Beyonder ( a "child" compared to the Beyonders) incomplete and unstable since there was no Cosmic Cube to act as an "egg" and finish developing correctly. So with the help of another entity that developed from a Cosmic Cube, Beyonder and Molecule Man merged to become a complete entity and left to learn more.

Then the combined entity came back later, "spit out" Molecule Man, and became an insane woman named The Maker for some reason. The End. Also, then Bendis decided to be a r3tard and explain that the Beyonder was "really" an insane Mutant Inhuman (hence his godly powers), but everyone chose to ignore this because it was stupid and made no sense.

Oh, and the Beyonder race, so powerful that they could not exist in our reality, finally reared their freaky alien heads and almost destroyed EVERY reality in the MCU, resulting in the 2015 Secret Wars saga.
 
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