- Joined
- Sep 20, 2016
Okay, I decided it was my turn to do a re-cap of one of this deathpig's videos, and potentially spare others the agony of watching it. It got kind of long; forgive me:
She starts out by showing off her new wigs. The first one is an ombre-effect with black roots and burgundy ends; the second is the long, blonde one we've already seen her wear. She only paid $50 for the dark one on Amazon, to which Bibi responds in what I assume is disgusted disbelief from off-screen. Chantal informs him that it's a lace-front, and normally they go for $5000; some are more like $500, so the one she bought is a great deal. She doesn't tell us how much she paid for the blonde one, but she doesn't like how long it is.
Mostly, her wig-talk is boring, but what fascinates me (based on the previous two vids where she was wearing them) is that she seems to have absolutely no idea how to put on a lace-front wig, or why having a lace-front is preferable to a regular wig, or what the purpose of the lace front even is. It's like she heard that lace-fronts were the best wigs, and that was that.
Given how fucking dumb she is, she also probably has no idea that any wig requires styling to look good, and will eventually need to be washed. She keeps stroking the dark one with her fingers and says she used some dry shampoo on it to reduce the shininess, but it already looks like she's eaten a few fried-chicken dinners while running her greasy fingers through it.
Now, that said, it should come as no surprise that virtually every bath and body product she ordered smells like food. No--seriously, they all fucking do. It's kind of amazing.
From Lush:
--I Love Juicy shampoo, scented with mango, papaya, kiwi, and pineapple; she even says she loves it because "It smells like juice!" It's formulated for oily hair, and, as she says, "It blasts through the grease." The thing is, I doubt Chantal actually has oily hair; I think she just ends up with days on end worth of accumulated food grease residue in it. Good to know something will blast through that shit, though.
--Candy Rain conditioner, which, she takes pains to point out, is vegan. Like you even fucking care, Chantal. But this could be foreshadowing for a new vegan cycle once she's moved into the House of Stairs. Anyway, not only does it have candy in the name, but it's got a bunch of foody-sounding ingredients in it, and smells sort of like confectionery, and keeps her hair smelling like sugary crapfood all day.
--Skin Shangri-La moisturizer. Apparently, lots of people ask her about her skin-care routine. Well, she swears by this stuff for the dry skin on her massive, bloated face, and it has a "light, light, vanilla smell."
--Sunny Side-Up shower jelly. It's an Easter-themed product that looks like a hard-boiled egg and smells like jelly beans. (And it's vegan.)
On to the box she ordered from Yves Rocher:
--Raspberry-Peppermint shower gel
--Passionfruit-Ginger shower gel
--Mango-Coriander shower gel
--Pomegranate-Pinkberry shower gel
--A kit that includes soap, a perfume mist for her hair, and a body lotion, all in Raspberry-Peppermint scent
--Raspberry lip gloss
--A makeup remover that must be pretty darned effective, given that it does not smell like food.
--Another spray mist for her hair that she describes as smelling "fruity-perfumey"
--A tube of shea butter lotion that she is, at first, visibly annoyed by because she didn't order it; she assumes it must be a freebie (because reading packing slips is hard). She tries it on her hands (which she claims are "so dry from overwashing"), and it must smell at least vaguely foodlike because she decides it's okay.
The empty box is now for the cats, because packing shit to move? What's that?
Her Penington's order starts off with a "sexy, sexy" 44D bra and a pair of size 4X panties in a light brown color that can only remotely be considered sexy when worn by the kind of woman who would be sexy even in a potato sack. In fact, now that I've thought of potatoes, that's pretty much what color these undies are; some might call it café-au-lait; I call it Burbank Russet.
The panties are sheer, and fucking enormous--so enormous, even Chantal can't help but laugh at how huge they are. But she assures us she "likes them extra roomy." Sure, Chantal.
The rest is boring: an ugly dress in a shitty polyester fabric that she will wear as a top; some utterly forgettable jewelry; and two pairs of boring, black, slip-on shoes, because we know she's too fat to cope with zips, laces, buckles, etc. Her shoe size is 9 Wide, because, as she tells us, she has wide feet. Yeah, Chantal, they're wide because, like your hands, they're FATTY FAT FAT. One pair has a chunky sole with a decent tread, and Chantal fancies that she's going to wear them to walk on trails. Right, Chantal. The trail from your car into Pizza Pizza's much-abused restroom, once the quarantine lifts and thet re-open.
[Digression: One of the pairs of shoes is dressier than the other, and reminds me of how a male friend refers to ballet flats as "bread-pan shoes." When he first told me this, he didn't know that the real name for them was ballet flats, only that he kept seeing them on fat women whose fat feet were bulging out the tops of them like risen dough, so bread pan shoes they were.]
Mostly, her wig-talk is boring, but what fascinates me (based on the previous two vids where she was wearing them) is that she seems to have absolutely no idea how to put on a lace-front wig, or why having a lace-front is preferable to a regular wig, or what the purpose of the lace front even is. It's like she heard that lace-fronts were the best wigs, and that was that.
Given how fucking dumb she is, she also probably has no idea that any wig requires styling to look good, and will eventually need to be washed. She keeps stroking the dark one with her fingers and says she used some dry shampoo on it to reduce the shininess, but it already looks like she's eaten a few fried-chicken dinners while running her greasy fingers through it.
Now, that said, it should come as no surprise that virtually every bath and body product she ordered smells like food. No--seriously, they all fucking do. It's kind of amazing.
From Lush:
--I Love Juicy shampoo, scented with mango, papaya, kiwi, and pineapple; she even says she loves it because "It smells like juice!" It's formulated for oily hair, and, as she says, "It blasts through the grease." The thing is, I doubt Chantal actually has oily hair; I think she just ends up with days on end worth of accumulated food grease residue in it. Good to know something will blast through that shit, though.
--Candy Rain conditioner, which, she takes pains to point out, is vegan. Like you even fucking care, Chantal. But this could be foreshadowing for a new vegan cycle once she's moved into the House of Stairs. Anyway, not only does it have candy in the name, but it's got a bunch of foody-sounding ingredients in it, and smells sort of like confectionery, and keeps her hair smelling like sugary crapfood all day.
--Skin Shangri-La moisturizer. Apparently, lots of people ask her about her skin-care routine. Well, she swears by this stuff for the dry skin on her massive, bloated face, and it has a "light, light, vanilla smell."
--Sunny Side-Up shower jelly. It's an Easter-themed product that looks like a hard-boiled egg and smells like jelly beans. (And it's vegan.)
On to the box she ordered from Yves Rocher:
--Raspberry-Peppermint shower gel
--Passionfruit-Ginger shower gel
--Mango-Coriander shower gel
--Pomegranate-Pinkberry shower gel
--A kit that includes soap, a perfume mist for her hair, and a body lotion, all in Raspberry-Peppermint scent
--Raspberry lip gloss
--A makeup remover that must be pretty darned effective, given that it does not smell like food.
--Another spray mist for her hair that she describes as smelling "fruity-perfumey"
--A tube of shea butter lotion that she is, at first, visibly annoyed by because she didn't order it; she assumes it must be a freebie (because reading packing slips is hard). She tries it on her hands (which she claims are "so dry from overwashing"), and it must smell at least vaguely foodlike because she decides it's okay.
The empty box is now for the cats, because packing shit to move? What's that?
Her Penington's order starts off with a "sexy, sexy" 44D bra and a pair of size 4X panties in a light brown color that can only remotely be considered sexy when worn by the kind of woman who would be sexy even in a potato sack. In fact, now that I've thought of potatoes, that's pretty much what color these undies are; some might call it café-au-lait; I call it Burbank Russet.
The panties are sheer, and fucking enormous--so enormous, even Chantal can't help but laugh at how huge they are. But she assures us she "likes them extra roomy." Sure, Chantal.
The rest is boring: an ugly dress in a shitty polyester fabric that she will wear as a top; some utterly forgettable jewelry; and two pairs of boring, black, slip-on shoes, because we know she's too fat to cope with zips, laces, buckles, etc. Her shoe size is 9 Wide, because, as she tells us, she has wide feet. Yeah, Chantal, they're wide because, like your hands, they're FATTY FAT FAT. One pair has a chunky sole with a decent tread, and Chantal fancies that she's going to wear them to walk on trails. Right, Chantal. The trail from your car into Pizza Pizza's much-abused restroom, once the quarantine lifts and thet re-open.
[Digression: One of the pairs of shoes is dressier than the other, and reminds me of how a male friend refers to ballet flats as "bread-pan shoes." When he first told me this, he didn't know that the real name for them was ballet flats, only that he kept seeing them on fat women whose fat feet were bulging out the tops of them like risen dough, so bread pan shoes they were.]
Yeah, I'm fucking done here. No wonder I never watch this sow, preferring to let others do it so I can read their reports on her latest atrocities. But whoever has been predicting a new vegan/fitness cycle once she's moved?I think you might be on to something.
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And she's even using conditioner? If you use conditioner and your hair still looks like that then it's probably completely dead. Speaking from experience here. Time to shave it off, Cuntal. Just wear wigs all the time.
