Autism you witnessed IRL - share your stories

[A Friendly Hoovy]

Back in middle school I was friends with a kid who was a high-functioning autist. Most of the time he was pretty normal (though you could tell by his speech patterns that he had some sort of disability) and he was generally a fun person to be around. Anyway, he was a complete Pokemon sperg, and would get mad if you made fun of any of the designs, or implied that his favourites were bad in any way. The guy carried an old fanny pack of Pokemon cards around, and every once in a while he would take a stack of cards out and start reading them out loud to himself. He also once freaked out at a couple of classmates who were antagonizing him about Pokemon, until a few of us had to literally drag him away before he started throwing punches.
Reminiscing about this dude makes me sad though, because his story did not end well. A couple of years after I lost contact with him, there was some sort of "choking game" where you would asphyxiate yourself to get a bit of a high. Well, he did this, and what with him being retarded, he couldn't figure out how to get the belt (or whatever he used) off his neck, and passed away.
Whenever I remember him and think of how tragically his life ended, it does give me a bit of a smile to imagine him talking God's ear off about which Pokemon are the best, and how his would totally win every fight.
Godspeed mate, Godspeed.

 

[DDBCAE CBAADCBE]

I have a co-worker who is an obese muslim. Anyways he get's hilariously salty if you ever use the phrase "When I was your age", "You kids these days", or "back in my day" regardless of what age the person saying it is or the context. He whines about every little thing said to him but goes on long ranting tiraids about this.

 

[PepsiVanilla]

At a past job long ago with an autistic coworker and another coworker, we were having some kind of conversation about food and the other coworker mentions that he won't eat broccoli but his wife does. Maybe 10 or 15 minutes later when we had long since moved on to another topic, autistic coworker blurts from out of nowhere "Does your wife like it raw?"

 

[An Sionnach Seang]

there's an autistic man who occasionally rides on the tram; his speech patterns, thick glasses and slightly mongy face give him away but he seems easy-going, good-natured, and generally likeable
one trip he was sat right behind me, innocently humming to himself in a completely tuneless and microtonal fashion; it took all my self-control not to cringe or laugh

one day on the train I encountered a 10ish year old child, shepherded by his father, who looked like a youthful Michael Gove with a bowl cut and thick glasses, appeared to be physically healthy but let out long drawn-out "nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng"s (which were what drew my attention to him in the first place), habitually jumped up and down on the spot, flapped his hands around, and licked his father's face, most likely due to severe autism

he and his father got off at the same station as me, and he tried running after me up the stairs "nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng"ing while the father told him to stop; when his father caught up with him at the top of the stairs, I was well down the street, and the kid was pointing in my general direction and yelling "YAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

for what it's worth, I have a similar effect on dogs - when I go past their houses they go fucking mental and start barking their heads off

 

[C.U.N.T.]

13 years old and on school camp.
There was this guy who looked like a ventriloquist's doll, or an old-timey marionette. He had really thin arms and legs, egg-shaped body, strange doll-looking face and hair like Simple Jack. I don't really know if he was actually autistic or not but he definitely wasn't good socially and wasn't quite right. He was a bit of a smart-ass too, but a cowardly one.
I don't know what started it but he's obviously pissed off someone and a circle gathers to egg them on to fight.
This motherfucker legit starts trying to do the Mortal Kombat reverse leg sweep, which makes everyone howl hysterically. The other dude is a bit befuddled but still pissed off so he punches him and pushes him away.
Marionette boy gets a bit of distance between them and unironically starts to charge up a hadouken. Everyone's sides go even further into orbit. He sits there charging for a good few seconds before unleashing a mighty "HADOUKEN!!!", veins in his forehead bursting, voice cracking and everything. I honestly can't remember what happened afterwards (well, pretty confident that no energy ball came out of his palms) but I think the other guy just abandoned the fight as it was too ridiculous. I almost passed out from laughing so fucking hard.

 

[2007 Ford Five Hundred]

There's this guy named Zach in my math class and he's THE textbook definition of an autist. I'd say he's high functioning enough to be put in a normal class, but it's obvious that he's an exceptional individual. He basically does everything you'd expect an autist to do. This includes talking in that monotonous tard voice, rocking back and forth while muttering bouts of random-access humor to himself (I remember him muttering "jocks" to himself repeatedly during one class), leaning back onto the table behind him and spreading his arms all over it and playing random videos (notably the Wizards of Waverly Place Spanish lesson video and the John Cena meme) at very high volume. He even did this DURING class, which led to the professor telling him to turn off the volume. You'd think he'd learn to use earbuds or at least stop watching videos in class, but he continued to do this for the entire semester. Eventually the professor gave up and just sent him out in the hall to watch his videos, where he ended up missing part of the lecture thanks to that. While he hasn't chimped out like Liev (yet), I once saw him chewing on the plastic straps of his backpack. No, I don't know where that came from.

 

[Trigger Me Timbers]

Godspeed mate, Godspeed.

Godsped m8, Godsped

 

[Travis Touchdown Cumsock]

A co-worker once threw a literal temper tantrum like a small child because he wasn't happy about his performance review. Literal, jumping up and down throw himself onto the floor kicking screaming and crying tantrums. At his boss. He also throws hissy fits when I leave anything in the station he doesn't like, and he bitches when I don't leave the station before it's even time for him to start anyway.

There's quite a couple of employees in the workplace who have autism spectrum disorders, but this is the only one who acts the stereotype.

 

[Dr. Henry Armitage]

Guy at my local game store talks incessantly about anime and Bernie Sanders. I made the mistake of telling him I like JoJo and this lead into him telling me his favorite anime and which anime girls he likes the most. He then got mad at me because I was trying to run a GURPS game while he was talking and Loudly announced he was going to buy pants at goodwill and left. unfortunately he didn't stay gone.

 

[BrunoMattei]

Guy at my local game store talks incessantly about anime and Bernie Sanders. I made the mistake of telling him I like JoJo and this lead into him telling me his favorite anime and which anime girls he likes the most. He then got mad at me because I was trying to run a GURPS game while he was talking and Loudly announced he was going to buy pants at goodwill and left. unfortunately he didn't stay gone.

Tell them you like Violence Jack and then show them this:

They'll stop talking to you then. Or possibly bring up their love of guro. It's a 50/50.

 

[Guts Gets Some]

In elementary school, I had to stay at after school programs because my mom thought I was too young to stay by myself. This was before and after every single school day, and even during the summer.

The regular days, a lot of normal kids also stayed, but it was obvious there was always a 3/4 ratio of handicapped vs normal in it. It was thought of more as a way to babysit the handicapped kids. And my school had a ton of them.
But funny enough, the ones in the program always seemed to be mentally handicapped vs the ones in wheelchairs.

I remember thinking how weird it was back then, why some of them acted the way the did. The hardcore handicapped were just basically animals doing their own thing in the corner, but the ones who could talk and interact, would flip on a dime sometimes and weird me out. It's akin to being trapped in a cage with a volatile dog, where sometimes they're nice and other times they will maul you. And you can't reason with them or read them.

I remember too, the first time I heard the word "autistic" and how it made no sense to me. "Artistic?" I thought; it made no sense. And it didn't really make sense until I discovered CWC.

The summer time was a different experience. These kids, at initial glance, seemed more normal, but then you'd learn they were schizophrenic or something, so yeah; I was happy when I finally got old enough to stay home at summer.
Real life autism experiences stopped around middle school; wherever the elementary school kids went after, it wasn't the same place, so we didn't cross over after that. It was also when I could start staying home alone.


Honestly, most of them were pretty harmless, and the real troubles were some of the normal kids. One little piece of shit I was friends with in 4th grade; probably one of the worst kids I've ever met in my life as I came to know in later years; he actually got this handicapped girl (who was 14+ and still in elementary school) to strip for him between the barracks. He called me over to it, to which once I saw what he was doing, I ran away, freaked out she would tattle that I was part of it.

And he apparently had her do this so often, she eventually started flashing her bush to kids throughout the school. Such a thing happened to almost every group of boys once, me included, yet again. And since she was mentally handicapped, they couldn't reprimand her. So that was another reason I was glad to get away in middle school.

Yeah.... that little shithead kid is no doubt a serial killer now. He was 9 at the time, doing that; I can't reiterate it enough.

 

[Just Here for A and H]

I remember back in 2012, I was waiting at the bus terminal for the bus heading to the factory district for work. Minding my own business, like a sensible person does at a bus terminal.

Suddenly, this panicked-looking guy comes running. The guy seemed like he was looking over his shoulder for someone the whole time and he was darting through the crowd. For who-knows-what reason he zeroed in on me and says 'I have to tell you something' and goes on this 5 minute-long hushed rant about how 'this city is the blueprinted for the global corporatocracy' and how 'they're turning us all into cattle'. He called some stuff about social credit, to his credit, though I can't remember the specifics.

He went on for a while, looking over his shoulder the whole time. Guy didn't seem crazy (though he probably was), just REALLY spooked by something. He stops mid-sentence and does that kind of 'duck/tuck' 'try to get a better look at something' movement (we've all seen it in movies at least, even if I explained it badly), then half-shouts 'oh shit' and runs onto the nearest cross-country bus. Never saw him again. RIP Leaf-Terry.

Sometimes I wonder why he picked me. He made no attempt to engage with anyone else.

 

[teat]

High functioning autistic coworker at a gas station would regularly get upset with customers, he was threatened several times by customers to get punched or even shot.
Other coworkers, including myself, complained to management SEVERAL times about his tantrums and how if he pissed off the wrong customer, he would endanger all of us.
gun stores 5 min away + angry impulsive customer + convenience store = i might get fuckin shot because of this sperg.

He once shouted in Spanish at a latina looking woman for not answering him in 0.2 seconds about a fast food product. She was speaking english to him before this.
She was SUPER offended, and rightly so. I told him to go to the back while I comforted this poor crying woman and gave her a free food item for the trouble.
My other coworker was in the back organizing stock, and told me the autistic coworker was having a fucking breakdown about losing his job and was hitting himself hard in the head repeatedly.

 

[FuckedUp]

High functioning autistic coworker at a gas station would regularly get upset with customers, he was threatened several times by customers to get punched or even shot.
Other coworkers, including myself, complained to management SEVERAL times about his tantrums and how if he pissed off the wrong customer, he would endanger all of us.
gun stores 5 min away + angry impulsive customer + convenience store = i might get fuckin shot because of this sperg.

He once shouted in Spanish at a latina looking woman for not answering him in 0.2 seconds about a fast food product. She was speaking english to him before this.
She was SUPER offended, and rightly so. I told him to go to the back while I comforted this poor crying woman and gave her a free food item for the trouble.
My other coworker was in the back organizing stock, and told me the autistic coworker was having a fucking breakdown about losing his job and was hitting himself hard in the head repeatedly.

Was it this guy, by any chance?

 

[teat]

Was it this guy, by any chance?

Same size as the guy. He was a huge dude, my mere mortal brain cannot imagine the tard strength he possessed.

 

[Liber Pater]

I once knew someone who had their name legally changed to a character from the MLP universe and never showered. Would hang around the library and use public computers to play browser-based flash games while loudly narrating the gameplay to themselves. They were somewhat of a local/personal lolcow.
There was also someone I went to school with who was an autistic (I think) exhibitionist. The only person I've ever encountered who can successfully "helicopter" their dick, and it was done silently and completely unprovoked.
The same school had a second exhibitionist/public onanist as well, but I don't know for sure if he was actually exceptional or just liked to jack off.

 

[Monika H.]

I once knew someone who had their name legally changed to a character from the MLP

Speaking of MLP, I had an encounter with a somewhat "civilized" brony late this January, in a hotel I was staying at for a three days work conference in the capital.
Guy in his late teens, oddly clean and with fashionable clothes (dress shirt and male cardigans) who openly carried a Twilight Sparkle plushie in the lounge and the restaurant.
The weirdest thing was that he was accompanied by a woman, who was quite pretty and fashionable too.
At first I assumed she was his girlfriend, but she looked in her mid-20s and there was a certain resemblance so I figured out she was his sister.

Now, dude was clearly autistic, he was clean and pretty but he was very rigid in his movements and talked in monosyllabes while the sister talked to him.
He never tarded out save for his plushie open carrying and stilted movements, but the woman would sweet talk him, cut him his steak and food, and would fucking glare at everyone who dared looking at her beloved aspie for more than two seconds.
She was as cold and icy with waiters and staff as she was warm and thoughtful to him.

Just weird because when I met her in the smoking room without her aspie she was pretty cool and we even chit chatted about the city and the hotel.

 

[I Love Beef]

Ah, now my memories awaken.

At an anime convention on Saturday night a few years ago, I was out making rounds to see what party rooms were open and what everyone was doing until I came across a group of other convention goers singing. I know that anime convention = 99.9% chance of exceptional in most Kiwi's eyes, but for someone who is full on die hard anime fan whore like myself, what they did that night made me feel very, very old and cringe deep down to the pits of my soul. They were all singing Let It Go from Frozen. FUCKING FROZEN. AT A FUCKING ANIME CONVENTION. And these weren't kids, these were like coeds in their early twenties/college age goers.

I'm probably going to sperg out oldfag full time myself, but if you go to a big anime convention that has wild as fuck parties at night and you go singing Disney songs instead of bombass shit like Through The Night from Outlaw Star or Love Will Hurt You from Tenchi Universe or Row Wow Fight Da Powa from Gurren Lagan, throw away your fuckin' pass and pack up and leave. It should be law that if you sing that song, you instantly lose your fucking anime fan card after singing one of the most overrated songs from the most overrated CGI Disney princess garbage you could possibly witness.

 

[Barry Scott]

Ah, now my memories awaken.

At an anime convention on Saturday night a few years ago, I was out making rounds to see what party rooms were open and what everyone was doing until I came across a group of other convention goers singing. I know that anime convention = 99.9% chance of exceptional in most Kiwi's eyes, but for someone who is full on die hard anime fan whore like myself, what they did that night made me feel very, very old and cringe deep down to the pits of my soul. They were all singing Let It Go from Frozen. FUCKING FROZEN. AT A FUCKING ANIME CONVENTION. And these weren't kids, these were like coeds in their early twenties/college age goers.

I'm probably going to sperg out oldfag full time myself, but if you go to a big anime convention that has wild as fuck parties at night and you go singing Disney songs instead of bombass shit like Through The Night from Outlaw Star or Love Will Hurt You from Tenchi Universe or Row Wow Fight Da Powa from Gurren Lagan, throw away your fuckin' pass and pack up and leave. It should be law that if you sing that song, you instantly lose your fucking anime fan card after singing one of the most overrated songs from the most overrated CGI Disney princess garbage you could possibly witness.

This rant is more autistic than the people in the story. Sounds like they were all having a fun time while you were sperging out with your gatekeeping.

 

[WhiteLivesMatter]

Office mate who added her own sound effects to everything she did ("ta-dah!", "uh-oh!", "bump-pah-dah!", etc.). I couldn't handle that shit, and had to move jobs.

Oh god, you just reminded me of one of my classmates. She acts like a complete child. I'll call her "Miss Autism" because that's the name I chose for her in my mind.
The problem is, she is really hot, and everybody thinks that she's really cute when she acts like that and they keep enabling her.

• She used to flirt with her boyfriend in the middle of classes! Like, the professor is teaching and these #couplegoals are being affectionate with each other in the middle of the class!
• Makes childlike noises, "whoosh!" "bam!" "tada!" when speaking.
• Overall, act like a child. She was throwing paper balls in the middle of the class last year at age 21!!!
• The worst thing I hate about her, is that she keeps cheating in every exam. EVERY. DAMN. EXAM. And has a better gpa than me. Makes me lose my hope in all of the justice in this world and believe that everything is obtained through lying and cheating.

Yeah, not many fun-to-tell stories, but autistic nevertheless. Can't wait to see how miss autism would turn out in her 40s and 50s when she's no longer attractive and is just an old cheating hag with a mental age of a 6 year old and nobody finds her behaviour cute and funny anymore.