First stop, we'll stay in sunny Florida to check out @servicedog_molly, the one out of the 20+ girls I timelined for this project that actually made me mad on the internet. Cathryn is a type 1 diabetic with a service dog from Heads Up Hounds, a program that trains rescues as diabetic alert dogs.
Name: Cathryn Blackwood
Age: 23
Occupation: office grunt for insurance firm
Address: 3600 Crescent Lake Blvd, Orlando, Florida (parents' house)
I love when they dox themselves for me. Per voter records this is still her address.
Cathryn's personal insta (@catbrook97) dates back to 2013 when she has left her home to spend the summer in Tennessee as a camp counselor at Eagle Rock, which is some kind of Christian camp. Her interests are Jesus, babies, and food. She works in retail and nothing interesting happens in her life.


No one should ever be #soexcited to go to Lakeland unless their interests include "way too many goddamned swans."
Absolutely no mention of any health issues (other than that she's growing fatter by the day and her diet is absolutely shit) until February 2018 when, lookin' like Mama Cass Elliot, she turns 21 and . . .
SERVICE DOG FUNDRAISER Y'ALL. Alas, YouCaring is no longer active and we can only see a little of her story - in 2011 at age 14, she got real sick and was diagnosed Type 1 Beetus. I don't know much about the beetus but apparently it's not that odd to be diagnosed Type 1 in your teens. She also has an insulin pump and a glucometer when she starts the fundraiser so looks like for once, one of these girls is telling the truth.



In June we're introduced to Molly, a husky/aussie mix she has been tentatively matched with. Cute little thing she is.



After some more fundraising, she announces in July that she's completed the training course to learn how to handle her new service dog and is returning to Orlando with this fuzzy ball of adorable.



And it looks like Molly is doing her job. So why am I picking on some actually sick girl who has a program-trained dog?


Because it quickly becomes obvious that Molly is not alerting to anything. Molly is anxious as all hell to begin with an Cathryn can't wait to start dragging this terrified animal to Disney, traumatizing her even more. Her "alerts" are her desperately trying to get comfort from a handler who is ignoring her distress signals. Mind you, Cathryn was not going to Disney every day before this - she had a few random outings here and there. After she gets Molly, she's there all the fucking time. You can actually see the dog becoming more and more fearful as this fat cunt keeps dragging it around Disney for attention.





Lifting its paw like that is a huge anxiety sign, for all you non doggo people. So is the hunched over "low" stance.






Here, Cathryn acknowledges her dog is scared shitless but that's just too bad because fatty boom boom needs people to know she's sick. The storm trooper thing she's talking about is insanely loud. It's uncomfortable for
humans. She also doesn't heel.

Here's a thought: if your dog is
that terrified of fireworks, don't take it to fucking Disney.
If the dog ever alerted to her blood glucose (rather than just to the scent jars), it is now so traumatized that it does not.


She and Amber are planning a meet up.
With every other attention-seeking munchie in Florida, apparently. Showing she has no control over her scared animal. And those aren't "bleps." Dogs lick their noses like that when they're anxious.




This Ariel is lucky she didn't get her face snapped at. That is not a happy dog.

Magic dog makes her A1C go down. Brags about her 'work ethic' when this dog is giving every sign she's miserable.
Do you notice that in these posed group shots Molly is never fully laying down on the ground like the others? That's because she's tensed up and prepared to have to bolt.
Let's not blame Cathryn for all this dog's problems. This is a photo from her rescue showing that she was always scared out of her mind. They should have never attempted to train this animal for public access.
Paw tucked under = another anxiety sign.

Cat opens an etsy shop. Now you, too, can put a cape on your dog and take it to disney!

In this post, Cat tells us that this dog was found wandering the streets and was returned to the shelter by one owner for behavior issues.

Ears back, clearly darting her head.
Now you may be wondering why, in this age of wonderful technology, she has a dog instead of a CGM. The answer is: she has both! Why rely on a scientifically calibrated piece of medical equipment? Your dog begging for chicken is DEFINITELY more reliable an indicator of your blood glucose than that silly thing!

Darting head around, not looking at her handler, licking her nose.
growing ever fatter, she is aware this dog is fucking terrified of life, admits she fucked up by dragging her to disney all the time, and was going to wash her out and send her back to the
scammers program but was too selfish because a Dexcom doesn't get as much attention.




Despite swearing that Molly was no longer anxious, the dog is still giving every conceivable signal that she is: licking her nose, low stance, side eyeing, pinning her ears, darting her head around, leaning away. . .








Also I've never seen someone with their CGM on their forearm like this. I always see them on the back of the arm or something.
God, 23 going on 47 year old divorcee trying to get back in that dating game.
She stopped updating both her accounts in 2020 except for very rare occasions and I can't help but wonder how many comments she's deleted that said "dude your dog scared out of her mind." Most recently, selling masks. While also bragging that both of her jobs are still paying her. Don't worry, for every two you buy she'll donate one. Maybe. If she feels like it. Wow, what a very generous person.

That's all for this enraging fatass. Let's move on.
Next, service.dog.harlow (also d/b/a @mygoldenember) who is not Jaquie but wishes she was. There are multiple Harlow golden retriever service dogs with Disney-obsessed handlers on Insta, but this one is the only one who actually insinuated herself into the Floridian flock. She lives in Chicagoland and is part of this group of women who spend a suspicious amount of time traveling to visit each other (although she's far from the most egregious example.) Her posts are sporadic which means this is nice and short.
Name: Hailey Gould
Age: 21
Occupation: doggy daycare attendant
Address: she’s too boring to bother
Also, everyone say hello because Hailey is reading this! I announced in part 2 that she had volunteered as tribute and she wiped her account in the two days since then and moved to a new one. How quaint. I'm not new here so here is what her account used to say.
Starts in Spring 2017 (right when Jaquie really peaked) with the usual puppy pics galore and talking about how she was training and socializing it. In this early photo she explains that her puppy not wanting to train or listen to commands was actually her trying to alert to a migraine attack.


Sat on my lap = “DPT”


Worst migraine ever, time to write an insta caption.

Dramatic post about her POTS and how she has to live every moment like it's her last. Bonus lols because she obviously used talk-to-text to write this caption so half of it is gibberish.
"my doctor isn't cooperating with me!" lol

Here we learn that the reason she actually needs this puppy is she's moving off to college and wanted to have a pet in her dorm
Yeah, this teacup poodle and morbidly obese pug are also "service dogs"
Obligatory explanation for why she can do fun things one day but needs to be excused from life when something she doesn't want to do happens. Also dyes the dog's hair for POTS awareness but really because pay attention to me.

Fishing for GP diagnosis and toob, TMJ, anxiety attack

lol I cannot stop laughing at this tiny poodle "service dog"
Going to demand antibiotics and steroids for a sinus infection and refuse to leave until the doctor does what she tells him to do. If that doesn't work, daddy will come yell at the doctor for her.
Grandpa died #sponsored
"normal people sick" and mental health woes
As 2017 draws to a close, Hailey reflects on a year of successful munching: getting a shiny new POTS diagnosis, bringing her puppy to school, and continuing to whine about her health getting worse and seek new diagnoses. She takes the next semester off to "focus on her health."
Dog is sick, takes it out to a public (not dog-friendly) historic site and makes it work anyway
Scores an appointment with a rheum to fish for EDS diagnosis and with Dr. Blair Grubb, who seems to be the Trevino of the midwest. He is the one who gave the other Hailey (Wagers aka HailHailFail/thegoldenhusky, morbidly obese serial dog abuser and BPD poster child) her diagnosis and port.

All kinds of attention-seeking going on here. Shih tzu "service dogs' and half of them are genderspecials but all are young, female and white. What a surprise.
Cheap wheelchair at the aquarium

Sending her friends to screech because a lyft driver didn't want multiple large shedding dogs in his
privately owned vehicle. All you have to do is get in touch with the driver through the app before he comes to get your ass and say "I have a dog is that okay?" and let them decide to cancel the fare and re-assign you or take you on.
Oop, there’s the schnauzer that keeps popping up - you'll see more of him in the future. You ready? He’s got kidney disease but he’s a medical alert dog. And yes, this poor sick dog got dragged to Disney. He was thankfully replaced by a healthy poodle and has been “retired”. Let me stop myself before I fall down that rabbithole.



Since Hailey is not in Florida, she has to settle for dragging her puppy to Disneyland a few times instead of Disney World. Standard crouching next to dog/picking 60lb retriever up photos to really show she has fucking nothing wrong with her.


"If it wasn't for my dog I wouldn't be here."

Of course, no munchie's life is complete until she drags her dog to the mecca.




Early onset tremors that are progressing.

Chronic pain, and now doing that annoying "[word] [long rambling caption about that word's relation to their own sad story]" format that every one of these twats has begun doing for some reason.

Hanging out with Amber/thedisneygolden


Dropped out of school because too sick

Not to sick to Disney, tho! (the second photo is actually from yet another one of these girls' accounts but I'm including it here, hanging out with Amber in Disney!)

Oh look, it's Alex and her mutant dog.

Dyed her dog in memory of Susan Grill who, the more I read about it, I'm leaning hard towards "faked her death." Apparently she had hella lawsuits from trying to extort money from disabled people after "donating" dogs to them and also Disney was getting ready to countersue for her frivolous lawsuit against them.
she now works at a boarding kennel which, having done this myself, is a whole lot of physical labor every day for little pay. More meet ups with the squad.





Hi Harlow! None of us hate you, just your owner.


Most recently Very Sick Hailey has announced she got a new pup, a pedigree Brittany spaniel she wants to do all kinds of sports with.

