Rumors suggest Kim Jong Un has died - Kim-Yo Jong poised to become first female dictator of North Korea

[Boris Blank's glass eye]

In keeping with tradition, How many more absurd claims will be added to his obituary?

"He communed with the animals, and in return they granted him secret sexual powers"
"His blood had healing properties, he added a drop of blood daily to the nation's water supply"
"He ran a 1 minute mile daily"

"He could have eaten the food production of the whole country alone, but out of the pure goodness of his heart, he ate only half."

 

[Consenticles]

Given best korea's obsession with saving face, would they even admit that he was? I'd wait until they say he "has taken a leave to his private villa to rest and recover after his surgery" or something along those lines.

If it is anything like the deaths of his father and grandfather, they will wait until a new leader has been picked to announce the death in an official capacity. This is strategic to prevent outside invaders from taking advantage.

 

[Green Man]

In keeping with tradition, How many more absurd claims will be added to his obituary?

"He communed with the animals, and in return they granted him secret sexual powers"
"His blood had healing properties, he added a drop of blood daily to the nation's water supply"
"He ran a 1 minute mile daily"

No doubt his obituary will be filled with shining examples of his prowess at hoops, in spite of being 5'7" and rather portly. Nothin' but net.

 

[Ow The Edge]

Did Un eat all her food or something? Because I have a hard time believing someone that gaunt belongs to the Fat Kim dynasty.

 

[Zbk3VmLfujjzjxBd43tL]

I'd absolutely believe Fatboy had a heart attack at 36. The fat fuck loved his McDonalds (flown in from China weekly), drank almost a whole bottle of Hennessey a day, and was a chain smoker. Do doctors in North Korea believe in "healthy at any size" and shit? Or was it all part of a long-term Chinese plot to have him assassinated, just have his Chinese doctors tell him he has a healthy lifestyle and then when he gets a heart attack "accidently" mess up.

 

[Judge Holden]

Swear on my fuckin yeast, if North Korea winds up with a scary waifu dictator when all this is over then we might actually have reached maximum chaos in this timeline.

And depending on how november goes, we would go into 2021 with either a high probability of her and drumpf having a torrid affair that gets leaked to the public in his final year in office, or an extremely high probability joe malarkey biden trying his gropey-sniffy act on her and swiftly getting a polonium needle in his groin, all while harambe looks down from valhalla and wonders how the fuck his untimely death led to this bullshit

 

[Fluffy Yaks]

God what a year this has been and we aren’t even halfway through.
Can’t wait to see the official statement.

 

[soft kitty]

That's pretty optimistic. I'm not getting my hopes up and I'll wait for official confirmation.

If he actually is dead though, then good riddance.

 

[Scarlett Johansson]

Hahaha

 

[Judge Holden]

Can’t wait to see the official statement.

Assuming there will even be an official statement and that the various military bigwigs in NK wont immediately go full warlord and rip the country apart in an attempt to seize power for themselves.

After all we have had pestilence, warnings of impending famine, and the general spectre of mass death, so why not round out the horsemen with the most militarised state on earth going into a nightmarish civil war featuring all the nukes and nerve gas and other WMD surprises the norks have been hording these past seventy years?

 

[din_far]

Do doctors in North Korea believe in "healthy at any size" and shit?

It appears he believed there were long-term health benefits by trying to look more like dad. Such as the generals being less likely to depose him. Maybe he should have smoked less cheese.

 

[Exigent Circumcisions]

The Trump curse is real.

 

[Green Man]

I'd absolutely believe Fatboy had a heart attack at 36. The fat fuck loved his McDonalds (flown in from China weekly), drank almost a whole bottle of Hennessey a day, and was a chain smoker. Do doctors in North Korea believe in "healthy at any size" and shit? Or was it all part of a long-term Chinese plot to have him assassinated, just have his Chinese doctors tell him he has a healthy lifestyle and then when he gets a heart attack "accidently" mess up.

My guess is that they just don't have the medical talent required to treat that kind of shit. When most of your populace is working the fields while actively starving to death, it doesn't give anyone a whole lot of time to crack open some anatomy textbooks. Then again to hear North Korea tell it, all of their citizens are highly educated. From what I understand implanting a stent really isn't that complicated of a procedure for even an average surgeon. It's routine surgery and very seldom goes wrong when a well-trained and educated surgeon performs it. But you know, North Korea, so they probably just practice on pigs for six months and get a doctorate.

2020 has now convinced me that we live in simulation, everything around us is just a holograph projected by some alien supercomputer.

 

[Stoneheart]

Assuming there will even be an official statement and that the various military bigwigs in NK wont immediately go full warlord and rip the country apart in an attempt to seize power for themselves.

His sister is to well connected for that. only another Kim could start a civil war, and his aunt and her gang is way to stupid and to hated for that.
That only leaves one possible pretender...

 

[Judge Holden]

End of kimvangelion. You can (not) survive heart surgery

 

[Florence]

I wonder how @Autphag feels about this.

 

[bigbombguy2222]

So how long until we get to see videos of norks "crying" over this fatass?

 

[Y2K Baby]

A tragedy has befallen all mankind.

 

[Neil]

Guys, it's time. The past 9 years...it's all been leading up to this.

Dennis K. Rodman.

He's the perfect man for the job. The perfect man to fuck Kim Jong Un's sister's brains out, knock her up, and take over North Korea.

Think about it. He's Kim Jong Un's best friend.

He's the one American that Kim actually likes.
I bet, with 100% certainty, that Kim, on his deathbed, gave Rodman his specific blessing to knock his sister up and take over.

The Rodman Dynasty is neigh. The Rodman Empire is all but certain. All he has to do is take the torch from his bestie, Kim, and fuck the shit out of his sister.

All Hail Supreme Leader Rodman. Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces Rodman. Marshall Rodman.

He's coming for that little slanted, pixelated, bleached white asian juche coochie, Ms. Kim Yo-Jong.

Or should I say,

Rodman Yo-Jong.

And you're gonna fucking like it.

 

[MrLeftwardSlopingPenis]

Fuck me I hope so, that manchild is a degenerate who ate too much of the NK food supply.