“I Faked a Pregnancy To Scare Off My FWB”
I’m a 36-year-old woman. In early 2019, I was going through a horrible breakup. I just could not recover from the betrayal my ex caused (cheating, mostly). I was constantly thinking of ways to get revenge on him for the pain he caused, which I now know was not productive. Three months after the breakup I went online to purposely seek out men in his community to make him jealous (my ex lives over an hour away). I met “Alex” and we hit it off. Even though I was still secretly plotting revenge on my ex, I did enjoy Alex’s company. However, after a few months and the complications from a long-distance relationship, I didn’t really want to see Alex anymore (I was over my ex at that point). So I thought I could scare Alex away rather than tell him the truth, and so I lied and told him I was five months pregnant with my ex’s baby. Surprisingly, this did not scare him at all! He was shocked but wanted to see me still, even though we were mostly just friends with benefits.
Well, fast forward to present and he wants to move to my city in a few months! He thinks I have a 6-month-old baby (I claimed to have given birth last October and even sent fake pics), which of course I don’t! What should I do? I’ve been torn between telling him the truth that I was never pregnant and only trying to scare him away or telling him that I gave the baby over to his dad recently (he would never know). I’ve started to have feelings for Alex now that are stronger than just a FWB, which he mostly was since we started our “relationship” last June. What do I do? – Faked a Baby
Oh my. I mean, what if you actually told Alex that you gave your fake baby to the dad and you two proceeded with a relationship? You’d just… keep up the lie? Pretend you have a child out there you never see and have no relationship with at all? Most people might find that… odd. Alex would probably find that odd. Or, would you create a fake relationship with your fake baby? Maybe even have “phone calls with your ex” to check in on your baby and “visitation” with your fake baby every few months? I guess that could work for a while? But then, what if things get more serious with Alex — you have these strong feelings for him now, after all, and the feeling seems kind of mutual – and he wants to meet your baby? Would you borrow a baby from someone else? Ooh, I know! Maybe you could adopt a baby! It would have to be a baby who is currently six months old, of course. Or at least, looks six months old? Seems doable! I know lots of people are adopting pets right now with the pandemic and all so they have some company during quarantine. A baby is kind of like a pet. It’s great company and, in your case, would help cover your tracks in this lie you’ve gotten yourself all wound up in. Yeah, I think this could totally work out. What with the pandemic, there are probably a lot of babies who need homes right now. It shouldn’t be tooo hard to find one. And then just think of all the cute baby clothes you could buy – fun!
Ok, so, in closing: Definitely adopt a six-month-old baby, tell Alex you can’t wait to see him, and then enjoy the fruits of your labor in a totally fulfilling romantic relationship – a real FWB-turned-serious love story for the ages – AND the companionship of a little quarantine baby for yourself. Win-win. Oh, and I mean, I know you’re over your ex now and everything, but imagine when he finds out that you have a serious boyfriend AND a cute baby and you’re really happy – omg, the jealousy! Even when you’ve gotten over someone, it’s still pretty satisfying and exciting to create a little jealousy, you know what I mean?
I definitely think this is a super healthy scenario and will work out in the best way for everyone, but in case you aren’t quite ready to be a mom yet, you could probably just tell Alex the truth – that you have some very serious unresolved issues that you need to deal with — with the help of a therapist, preferably — and are not anywhere near emotionally available for a relationship with a cat, let alone an actual human adult, but you wish him the best, the end.
Good luck!
Also, P.S. I don’t really advise adopting a baby.
I’m a 36-year-old woman. In early 2019, I was going through a horrible breakup. I just could not recover from the betrayal my ex caused (cheating, mostly). I was constantly thinking of ways to get revenge on him for the pain he caused, which I now know was not productive. Three months after the breakup I went online to purposely seek out men in his community to make him jealous (my ex lives over an hour away). I met “Alex” and we hit it off. Even though I was still secretly plotting revenge on my ex, I did enjoy Alex’s company. However, after a few months and the complications from a long-distance relationship, I didn’t really want to see Alex anymore (I was over my ex at that point). So I thought I could scare Alex away rather than tell him the truth, and so I lied and told him I was five months pregnant with my ex’s baby. Surprisingly, this did not scare him at all! He was shocked but wanted to see me still, even though we were mostly just friends with benefits.
Well, fast forward to present and he wants to move to my city in a few months! He thinks I have a 6-month-old baby (I claimed to have given birth last October and even sent fake pics), which of course I don’t! What should I do? I’ve been torn between telling him the truth that I was never pregnant and only trying to scare him away or telling him that I gave the baby over to his dad recently (he would never know). I’ve started to have feelings for Alex now that are stronger than just a FWB, which he mostly was since we started our “relationship” last June. What do I do? – Faked a Baby
Oh my. I mean, what if you actually told Alex that you gave your fake baby to the dad and you two proceeded with a relationship? You’d just… keep up the lie? Pretend you have a child out there you never see and have no relationship with at all? Most people might find that… odd. Alex would probably find that odd. Or, would you create a fake relationship with your fake baby? Maybe even have “phone calls with your ex” to check in on your baby and “visitation” with your fake baby every few months? I guess that could work for a while? But then, what if things get more serious with Alex — you have these strong feelings for him now, after all, and the feeling seems kind of mutual – and he wants to meet your baby? Would you borrow a baby from someone else? Ooh, I know! Maybe you could adopt a baby! It would have to be a baby who is currently six months old, of course. Or at least, looks six months old? Seems doable! I know lots of people are adopting pets right now with the pandemic and all so they have some company during quarantine. A baby is kind of like a pet. It’s great company and, in your case, would help cover your tracks in this lie you’ve gotten yourself all wound up in. Yeah, I think this could totally work out. What with the pandemic, there are probably a lot of babies who need homes right now. It shouldn’t be tooo hard to find one. And then just think of all the cute baby clothes you could buy – fun!
Ok, so, in closing: Definitely adopt a six-month-old baby, tell Alex you can’t wait to see him, and then enjoy the fruits of your labor in a totally fulfilling romantic relationship – a real FWB-turned-serious love story for the ages – AND the companionship of a little quarantine baby for yourself. Win-win. Oh, and I mean, I know you’re over your ex now and everything, but imagine when he finds out that you have a serious boyfriend AND a cute baby and you’re really happy – omg, the jealousy! Even when you’ve gotten over someone, it’s still pretty satisfying and exciting to create a little jealousy, you know what I mean?
I definitely think this is a super healthy scenario and will work out in the best way for everyone, but in case you aren’t quite ready to be a mom yet, you could probably just tell Alex the truth – that you have some very serious unresolved issues that you need to deal with — with the help of a therapist, preferably — and are not anywhere near emotionally available for a relationship with a cat, let alone an actual human adult, but you wish him the best, the end.
Good luck!
Also, P.S. I don’t really advise adopting a baby.