Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

[BlueArmedDevil]

I sometimes check and see what former OOP exalted developer Holden Shearer gets up to and he seems to have finally gone off the deep end.

 

[Patty Hitler]

This is my lolcow. I don't know her personally, but I check her Tiktok from time to time and it never fails to disappoint.

 

[Buxinator]

Recently I got a blast from the past. While browsing on Facebook, I was greeted with the anniversary of a "friendship" I almost forgot. So I decided to go back and have a good chuckle with some old posts. Basically it's a dude I met in a group for authors and writers, who is in an early retirement and wanted to become the king of german horror story telling. Some basic background information about this guy, because it is important for the story and supports the giggles.

The has two daughters but is devorced, since his ex-wife found out that she is attracted to women, betrayed him for several years and decided to get rid of him as soon as the daughters left home and went their own way.
Like every lolcow, he was/is very narcisstic, start writing his first book and already calling himself the king of german horror literature, sharing his ideas all over Facebook and thinking that someone big will play with him. He has/had a group of approx. 10 people following him like a cult, which sucked his toes and kept motivating him.
He only wrote one book, more were planned but never realized. Basically the plot is about the eternal fight between heaven and hell, with a chosen won, who will turn the tide. It incluced bloody battles with lots of blood and gore, dead babies and a "hot" lesbian sexscene with some bondage (girl getting tied to an St. Andrews cross, titty and clit rubbing from behind, laying down, getting fucked with a strap-on and simultaniouesly getting her toe sucked).

I first met him in a group, where he introduced himself and uploaded a short story to show off and pretended, that this is a masterpiece. Turned out, that it wasn't. Poorly written, full of errors and a horrible boring plot. What happened was a series of sperg outs, where he flung shit like an enraged monkey, tried to use his fans to get infos, dox and dirt on his critics, who where jealous, failing with it, because not everyone is showing his/her powerlevel on the internet and waging a minidjihad against the admins, who were too lazy to ban him.

Later on the rage quitted the group and left, but joined another group with the same attitude, but this time it got worse. He finished his first draft of his epic novel, decided to extend it and make a triology out of it and was looking for a publisher. One member of the group was indeed a publisher and decided to have a closer look. And here the fun part begins. The publishing company consisted of three progressive, lesbian feminist, who read his draft and, suprise suprise, denied it. They were polite in the denial but it was enough for the guy to wage a complete jihad against them. Not only calling them ugly fat dykes (which is even more funny because one of the women was skinny as fuck) but also telling them, that they should get fucked by a real man to get to their senses. He also wrote some E-mails, in which he threatened to pay them a visit, kill their pets (cats and dogs), then burn their houses down and fuck them first in the pussy, then in the ass and them force feed them their own shit. Guess what happened? The womend sued him and the was punished by the court.

During the court trial the layed low, besides some facebook posts in which he was ranting about the unfairness of the judicial system and so on. After the trial he was banned from the group, because he was messaging a female admin, starting dirty talk and sending her dickpics including the description of things he would do to her. She saved everything and posted it in the group and everyone had a good laugh. It was around that time, when I got ahold of the final draft of his manuscript, therefore I send him a friend request, which he accepted. I did something like a commentary reading of it, recorded it and shared it with friends via a USB-Stick to be on the safe side. It was really boring and more or less a cheap trashy copy of a movie that tried to impose as Gods Army.

Fast foreward a few months and somehow he found a publisher. He was happy and his fanclub was already asking for signatures, meet ups and a release party. But then reality came around the corner and the success wasn't coming. The few copies were sold out but the demand wasn't high enough to reprint it, therefore it is lost. Somehow this event cured him from sperging, and the isn't quite active on the internet. Usually he is posting a youtube video with songs from Iron Maiden or Judas Priest and stays away from art. Somehow sad, because it was always a pleasure to see him sperging out and making a fool out of himself.

 

[NerdShamer]

Recently I got a blast from the past. While browsing on Facebook, I was greeted with the anniversary of a "friendship" I almost forgot. So I decided to go back and have a good chuckle with some old posts. Basically it's a dude I met in a group for authors and writers, who is in an early retirement and wanted to become the king of german horror story telling. Some basic background information about this guy, because it is important for the story and supports the giggles.

The has two daughters but is devorced, since his ex-wife found out that she is attracted to women, betrayed him for several years and decided to get rid of him as soon as the daughters left home and went their own way.
Like every lolcow, he was/is very narcisstic, start writing his first book and already calling himself the king of german horror literature, sharing his ideas all over Facebook and thinking that someone big will play with him. He has/had a group of approx. 10 people following him like a cult, which sucked his toes and kept motivating him.
He only wrote one book, more were planned but never realized. Basically the plot is about the eternal fight between heaven and hell, with a chosen won, who will turn the tide. It incluced bloody battles with lots of blood and gore, dead babies and a "hot" lesbian sexscene with some bondage (girl getting tied to an St. Andrews cross, titty and clit rubbing from behind, laying down, getting fucked with a strap-on and simultaniouesly getting her toe sucked).

I first met him in a group, where he introduced himself and uploaded a short story to show off and pretended, that this is a masterpiece. Turned out, that it wasn't. Poorly written, full of errors and a horrible boring plot. What happened was a series of sperg outs, where he flung shit like an enraged monkey, tried to use his fans to get infos, dox and dirt on his critics, who where jealous, failing with it, because not everyone is showing his/her powerlevel on the internet and waging a minidjihad against the admins, who were too lazy to ban him.

Later on the rage quitted the group and left, but joined another group with the same attitude, but this time it got worse. He finished his first draft of his epic novel, decided to extend it and make a triology out of it and was looking for a publisher. One member of the group was indeed a publisher and decided to have a closer look. And here the fun part begins. The publishing company consisted of three progressive, lesbian feminist, who read his draft and, suprise suprise, denied it. They were polite in the denial but it was enough for the guy to wage a complete jihad against them. Not only calling them ugly fat dykes (which is even more funny because one of the women was skinny as fuck) but also telling them, that they should get fucked by a real man to get to their senses. He also wrote some E-mails, in which he threatened to pay them a visit, kill their pets (cats and dogs), then burn their houses down and fuck them first in the pussy, then in the ass and them force feed them their own shit. Guess what happened? The womend sued him and the was punished by the court.

During the court trial the layed low, besides some facebook posts in which he was ranting about the unfairness of the judicial system and so on. After the trial he was banned from the group, because he was messaging a female admin, starting dirty talk and sending her dickpics including the description of things he would do to her. She saved everything and posted it in the group and everyone had a good laugh. It was around that time, when I got ahold of the final draft of his manuscript, therefore I send him a friend request, which he accepted. I did something like a commentary reading of it, recorded it and shared it with friends via a USB-Stick to be on the safe side. It was really boring and more or less a cheap trashy copy of a movie that tried to impose as Gods Army.

Fast foreward a few months and somehow he found a publisher. He was happy and his fanclub was already asking for signatures, meet ups and a release party. But then reality came around the corner and the success wasn't coming. The few copies were sold out but the demand wasn't high enough to reprint it, therefore it is lost. Somehow this event cured him from sperging, and the isn't quite active on the internet. Usually he is posting a youtube video with songs from Iron Maiden or Judas Priest and stays away from art. Somehow sad, because it was always a pleasure to see him sperging out and making a fool out of himself.

Ironically, this could provide an decent horror story if he actually killed and raped people for rejecting his glorified doorstop.

 

[Buxinator]

Ironically, this could provide an decent horror story of he actually killed and raped people for rejecting his glorified doorstop.

True, but I think due to his issues with rage you'd see him a long time coming. Also for sure he'd send dickpics to his victims and write something like: "I'm coming for you and I'll stick it right up your whoremouth!"

 

[NerdShamer]

True, but I think due to his issues with rage you'd see him a long time coming. Also for sure he'd send dickpics to his victims and write something like: "I' coming for you and I'll stick it right up your whoremouth!"

Kind of reminds me from one of the crazies in Outlast, but that guy was really fucked up in the head.

 

[Rungle]

Posted a story about a guy named Tim last year, he did some pretty fucky things later.
Quick summary: Guy has a voice as if he had swallowed several bees, sends unsolicited nudes to girls on Instagram, got pushed around by her boyfriend, claimed nudes are photoshopped.
Guy has one of those autism councilors now telling him how to act like a decent human being.
This did not help at all since he'd constantly lie that he had a girlfriend way out of his league.
Turns out he tells everyone in class he got catfished and are asking for money or less they'll release his nudes.
Guy jokingly tells him that he should release his own nudes.
"Yeah... I should run this by my council friend, but she's sick at the moment"
A day later he sends his nudes to another, girl in school.
The girl tells everyone that Tim is a creep.
Guys from another class mock him.
Tim tells me they want him in a special class but their parents refused this.
"Can you believe that? Everyone is acting like I'm some kind of retard!"
Tim is still in my class.
Fucker lied to me about an internship position not being available anymore so he could take that position.
Later hear he broke his wrist trying to push a washing machine on a wagon.
Tim was awfully insured and his internship nor school don't want to pay for his medical bills because it's not IT related, the guy had to get a loan.
Turned out he also send a friend of mine a message on WhatsApp that the might be bisexual but he didn't know what to do with totally having no prior conversation with him whatsoever about this.
I'm afraid that I'm gonna be in the class of a future serial rapist/killer.
I should ask his autograph or other personal belongings of him so I can sell them later for profit just like in Hannibal.

 

[Buxinator]

I should ask his autograph or other personal belongings of him so I can sell them later for profit just like in Hannibal.

Ask for a dickpic with an autograph. If he gets famous for some shit, you can sell it and make a decent amount of money from it

 

[BlueArmedDevil]

5 star general keyboard warrior

 

[irishAzoth]

My favorite dead beat mother:
Orinthia Enriquez
her irrational fear of Canadian cops are making her dementia and anxiety go overboard.

She has a son that her baby daddy has custody over. She deleted all her videos with her son so she can mask her channel as a TTC single mom channel sadly she either privatized them or deleted them. Not once has she mentioned him

(side note this girl is 20 years old and she looks like she's pushing 30)

 

[bothiggedyhog]

mine is repzions girlfriend. still not enough notoriety to be a full cow and he blocks her internet privileges when she says stupid crap so there's not a constant flow of posts but i admire her shameless cucking of him.
if you see this maya, while you're searching your own name attached to repzions girlfriend, keep up the good work, keep it public, tone down the nazi shitposting

 

[Ciscoipphone]

The levels of spergery, passive aggression and powerlevelling I have to deal with daily, this is on the discussion of whether or not you should rinse raw chicken

 

[Massively Strong Greed]

Remembered another one. This girl was a weeb artist, super into Hetalia and yaoi ("boys' love") in general. She would apparently write yaoi fanfiction about my best friend at the time and I, which I luckily never saw.

 

[Caramelized Squid]

had this absolute idiot of a chick in my year level when I went to high school.

So Celine was easily 200kg at age 16. She constantly over shared and never knew when to shut up. Some notable moments:
- She would constantly show off her fucking slit wrists at any and all moments just to get a crumb of attention.

- Her mum was a druggie so she lived with her grandma who she constantly talked shit about. No regard for the poor, frail, elderly woman who had to feed this beast.

- In year 11 she was determined to loose weight so did she exercise and eat right like everyone else? Fuck no! Why do that when you can become bullemic and fucking talk about it non-stop. She once told my friend how upset and angry she was because on the weekend she went out to lunch in a nice restaurant and some poor man, eating his food, yelled at her because she would eat the food and then spit it out in a vomit bag in a packed restaurant full of people. How dare he!

- She also tried to say our IT teacher tried to sexually assault her because he kicked her out of class. I don't know why anyone would believe that this man (or any man) would want to be a foot near this beast let alone sexually assault her.

- She would fucking sing everywhere even though she sucked at singing and no one wanted to hear it.

In the end she dropped out of school and I haven't heard from her since

 

[Banworld]

In school I shared a class with a guy known as 'Squirrel Kid'. Squirrel Kid earned his name for his buckteeth, and the squirrel impression he'd do with them. He thought it made him likeable, when in reality it only made people laugh at him more.

Squirrel Kid was obsessed with cowboys, to the extent that he would tell me that the insult 'son of a gun' was the worst thing you could say to someone as it implied their father is an outlaw. He rode a moped to school, and would ask everyone else who did if they wanted to start a 'motorcycle gang'.

Our teacher was an unhinged lesbian who just stopped showing up to school halfway through the year, so people were given full reign to fuck with Squirrel Kid. One day, Squirrel Kid announced that he was going to kill himself, excused himself to another room, where, through the window, we watched him pulling on his own tie in an attempt to 'hang himself'.

Someone got the idea to use a wedge to block the door, and trap him in the room, and he had to climb out through the window to get out. Afterwards, he said that we'd feel bad for laughing at him when he got home and threw himself out of his window, to which my friend replied 'Don't you live in a bungalow?'

Squirrel Kid makes videos on YouTube to this day, he's been making 'cowboy movies' for years, and has yet to learn the basics of scriptwriting, cinematography, editing or even basic composition. Many a good evening has been had by putting on his videos with a few drinks.

 

[NerdShamer]

In school I shared a class with a guy known as 'Squirrel Kid'. Squirrel Kid earned his name for his buckteeth, and the squirrel impression he'd do with them. He thought it made him likeable, when in reality it only made people laugh at him more.

Squirrel Kid was obsessed with cowboys, to the extent that he would tell me that the insult 'son of a gun' was the worst thing you could say to someone as it implied their father is an outlaw. He rode a moped to school, and would ask everyone else who did if they wanted to start a 'motorcycle gang'.

Our teacher was an unhinged lesbian who just stopped showing up to school halfway through the year, so people were given full reign to fuck with Squirrel Kid. One day, Squirrel Kid announced that he was going to kill himself, excused himself to another room, where, through the window, we watched him pulling on his own tie in an attempt to 'hang himself'.

Someone got the idea to use a wedge to block the door, and trap him in the room, and he had to climb out through the window to get out. Afterwards, he said that we'd feel bad for laughing at him when he got home and threw himself out of his window, to which my friend replied 'Don't you live in a bungalow?'

Squirrel Kid makes videos on YouTube to this day, he's been making 'cowboy movies' for years, and has yet to learn the basics of scriptwriting, cinematography, editing or even basic composition. Many a good evening has been had by putting on his videos with a few drinks.

Somewhere, an Texan is crying over this.

 

[EspieBun]

Man, I have so many stories about so many people I've met. I'll start with someone I knew in my high school years. I've never written one of these before, so sorry for any confusing writing/grammar and walls of text.

Putting under a spoiler because it got very long, but I had a lot to say about her.

Spoiler: tumblr in the wild

There was a girl who was two or three years my senior, and was a full on transtrender, mentally challenged type, with all the worst bells and whistles. We'll call her Kay.

I was part of our school's GSA that I joined with some friends for club credit, and that's where I met Kay.

Kay was basically everything people make fun of when it comes to "cute uwu soft bois"; white like printer paper, tall and lanky, probably got called a boy on accident as a child and fucked her whole life up. She was agender, and wanted to be called by it/its pronouns. She had this horrible deep-fried short hair from overdying that flipped from black to bleached blond on a days notice, along with acne scars that could be seen from across the room. She had an actually fairly masculine face and body, but it got canceled out by the most nasally and feminine voice with a laugh that sounded like nails on a chalkboard.

She was also super autistic, though she claimed she was ADHD (why not both), and would chew on those silcone stim toys loudly and obnoxiously, and flap her hands during our meetings. She wouldn't stop fidgetting in her seat, even standing up and walking around to "stim" while somebody was talking. When you would talk to her, she would stare absently at you, and when she was bored, interrupt and go on a sperg about whatever.

Kay was also a very forward "aromantic asexual" that would get visibly upset if you talked about intimate relationships or romance since "she couldn't feel that", but then she would turn around and draw explicit pornography of her OCs and show it to our peers (more on that later). She basically stole an entire GSA meeting to explain to a group of mostly disinterested teenagers the concept of queerplatonic relationships and why they were just as valid as romantic.

She was also a hardcore otherkin/fictionkin, obsessed with children's cartoon characters. I know this because she gave me her tumblr blog and had a page of about 30-40 characters of various origins (ex. Danny Phantom, Jack Frost (RotG), Fucking Pajama Sam), along with unique tags for each of their aesthetics and posts. Some of this stuff would leak into her real life, like dying her hair black to blond to white depending on her current character obsession.

I should also mention that Kay was an artist! It wasn't anything special, just your typical SJW style art of trans-postive fanart, as well as being a furry. And while I never saw it, a classmate claimed that she had shown them explicit porn of her characters that ranged from regular nsfw to weird guro shit. Fun stuff.

Going back to the asexual thing, Kay also had a "QPP" (queer-platonic partner) at our school, a person who was equally batshit, and they were like super BFFs. But something happened between them and they stopped being friends and cut ties. Kay's QPP had gotten a more normal girlfriend and ditched Kay's crazy ass... and this is when Kay kinda lost it?

A friend of mine that was closer with Kay said she just got progressively crazier. My friend said that Kay had tried to come on to her and her friends multiple times, even though Kay was 18-19 and they was 15-16. (So much for being asexual)

Other people who knew her would testify saying talking to Kay was a dangerous game, that she was volatile and could go from nice and calm to being absolutely batshit and angry, yelling and cursing, then having an autism meltdown and giving herself scratches or whatever.

I hung out with Kay a few times because despite all the autism and weirdness, she was nice enough to me and could sometimes be interesting to talk to. Once GSA was over, I didn't see her anymore since we didn't share classes. She graduated, and I thought that was the last I'd ever see of her.

.... Except I didn't. Kay stuck around like some kind of disease. She would show up to school events DESPITE already having graduated. It was definitely uncomfortable because her prescence made a lot of our peers weirded out. The one time I tried to be friendly and greet her at an event, she said she could not recognize me and blamed it on her ADHD, despite the fact we had literally hung out multiple times, exchanged numbers, and had texted on occasion.

Anyway, I could say a lot more about her, but this post is long enough as it is. I still have some of her current social media so every once in a while I check on her - she still is a weird otherkin, still a furry, and still a uwu transgender using they/them. She still draws furries for money, and recently bought a fursuit. At some point she also started claiming the Disabled card, which AFAIK is connected to having weak bones or something. She's not nearly as active as she used to be online.

 

[Spangled Drongo]

This woman I know from university is the most delusional person I've ever met - she's a munchie who claims at least 8 different disabilities/illnesses and her gender identity/sexuality changes every week. Claimed to be lesbian at one point but then tried to steal my man, when I called her out on it she said "actually I'm bi". Also she claims indigenous heritage despite being white as snow.

She's at least 35 and has never worked a day in her life - just hops from degree to degree accumulating student debt, and spends her government allowance on gambling, meth and junk food. A mutual friend, bless his heart, has had to bail her out multiple times after she squandered her rent money at the casino. Being diabetic she's ended up in the ER multiple times after eating whole pizzas and guzzling Mountain Dew, and does it to herself on purpose to get out of attending classes.

 

[NerdShamer]

This woman I know from university is the most delusional person I've ever met - she's a munchie who claims at least 8 different disabilities/illnesses and her gender identity/sexuality changes every week. Claimed to be lesbian at one point but then tried to steal my man, when I called her out on it she said "actually I'm bi". Also she claims indigenous heritage despite being white as snow.

She's at least 35 and has never worked a day in her life - just hops from degree to degree accumulating student debt, and spends her government allowance on gambling, meth and junk food. A mutual friend, bless his heart, has had to bail her out multiple times after she squandered her rent money at the casino. Being diabetic she's ended up in the ER multiple times after eating whole pizzas and guzzling Mountain Dew, and does it to herself on purpose to get out of attending classes.

The couch surfing lifestyle eventually catches up to people; although, in her case, she's going to be dead or in prison if she keeps this up as opposed to just getting kicked out.

 

[Actinidia]

I heard from mutual friends that a high school classmate, who was about the most basic white girl imaginable other than being one of the "fat kids" (read: about average size by today's standards, quite tubby by 90's), has declared for this Pride month that she is "nonbinary", because of course she has. We are ~40. I miss when a midlife crisis meant buying a Corvette.

I think it's driven by the fact that she has been fired from or otherwise alienated everyone at every job she's qualified for/capable of doing in the entire state and needs a source of income that doesn't require you to contribute anything to society. Thus becoming a persecuted trans person who can now demand gibs online. Gonna take a lot of gibs, she went from somewhat fat to spherical in the 20something years since.

She'll remain a personal lolcow, since being a 400 lb fictionkin transtrender just isn't that unusual in the extremely online anymore.