Isn't the summary of this report "Found two intoxicated dummies. Both lied to us, so we separated them for the evening"? I can practically hear the detective sighing & rolling her eyes as she writes it.
Having read the police report, here is my current head canon of what happened; I think this is a pretty reasonable read of the situation, and accounts for both party's, erm, "eccentricities":
Logan had been being annoying all day, probably having a manic episode, wanting to spend time with Lowtax, saying she wanted to kill herself because he wouldn't, etc. She got drunk as a result to cope, because she's an alcoholic. No, not 11 bottles of 12 abv beer drunk, but reasonably tanked. Lowtax was exhausted with her ass, popped pills, drank booze, and went to bed early -- the same way he deals with any conflict that he can't ban someone over. He probably didn't tell her he was going to bed early, so when she came downstairs to see why he wasn't answering her manic, crazy, suicide bait texts anymore, she found him passed out. She probably nudged him several times, likely in the back, with her foot to wake him up so she could continue her manic-sperg in person.. Dude does have back problems, despite how he wildly oversells it to hide his addiction, and she probably nudged him a little too hard in the wrong area, which woke him up in pain. Being woken up painfully and suddenly from an Ambien and box wine slumber probably resulted in enough disorientation and adrenaline for Lowtax to grab and push Logan back to make her stop. She was drunk and her coordination as off, so she fell backwards to the floor. Lowtax at some point probably says something like "OUCH YOU CUNT THAT FUCKING HURTS" in response to Logan's prodding, to which Logan replied, sarcastically, "oh, like a knife in the back?" implying that he'd betrayed her by not spending time with her or coddling her outburst.
The cops get called and find a drunk Logan, a drunk/high Lowtax, text messages from Logan saying she wanted to kill herself, but no marks on either person. Both Logan and Lowtax say the other is at fault, but refuse to truly press the issue and demand an arrest since Logan knows she technically instigated and Lowtax knows he technically pushed a woman violently to the floor, so neither wants to go to jail. The cops, who have probably been out to the Kyanka resident enough as is, just throw their hands up, tell Logan they'll take her to a hotel since it isn't her house she's in, and leave Lowtax to sleep off his booze and drugs.
- 2005 - Marries his first wife Megan in a marriage that would last for about a decade and produce two kids
You should mention how Lowtax and Megan met. There was a goonmeet at Lowtax's house. Megan was the girlfriend of some relatively popular-ish local goon that attended. As an aside, I don't remember if she was a goon yet at this point herself, but she was, at some point, either before, during or after, a goon as well, under the name CrazyYellow (jesus I think I broke my comma key there).
Anyway, she either dumped her goon boyfriend for Lowtax, or cheated on him with Lowtax first before dumping him. There was some very minor forum drama over it; Lowtax banned Megan's ex over it. Possibly perma, but I think just regular.
Anyhoo, wild to think that there was a point in time where Lowtax was such hot shit that he could cuck a popular goon, steal his girlfriend, ban him and face no real repercussions over it.