Shitty Beauty Hacks & Bad Advice You've Seen Online or Heard IRL - How do I make my hair grow faster? How do I get rid of stretch marks? How do I whiten my teeth naturally? Etc.

Letora

Monoamine Oxidase A
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Nov 23, 2019
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If there's anything I've noticed in my many years of interneting, it's that (usually) women, but sometimes men too, love to perpetuate unproven, ridiculous advice for beauty, hair and health. Most of these claims can immediately be disproved just by testing them with a tiny bit of logic, and others are easily Googled, though if you're not particularly good at search engines you'll just find garbage articles that perpetuate the same myth. It seems the moment one random woman says something, multiple women start parroting it around forums without verifying it. A lot of people clearly are just wanting the idea to work so they are claiming/convincing themselves that it did.

I've noticed in particular, the topic of "how to grow your hair long" has the most full-of-shit answers of all of them. I don't know if it's women's tendency to lop off their hair on a whim and then immediately regret it, having not reflected on how long it takes the hair to grow back, or what, but there are so many women desperate to speed up hair growth and looking for some magical advice.

Every time I see someone ask a question about speeding up hair growth it makes me roll my eyes. The answer is: don't be malnourished, and wait for it. Also your maximum hair length is determined by genetics and how long your growth phase is. You can't change that no matter what. There's some good advice like "don't rip your hair out like an idiot by brushing the shit out of it," which is something that for a long time was another myth spread to women: "brush your hair 100 times a day before bed."

Some suggestions about hair that I've seen:

"I got good results by massaging my scalp with hemp/coconut/etc. oil once a week and washing it out the next day. The oil keeps the scalp moist of course and the nutrients soak into the follicle."

First of all, I can't imagine how gross and greasy everything your hair touched would be if you're leaving your scalp soaking in oil for an entire day, not to mention how greasy you would look. Secondly, what "nutrients" are supposedly being absorbed by your scalp from oil? Third, why does your scalp need to be kept unnaturally moist? Fourth, a lot of oils are comedogenic meaning they clog pores and cause acne. Have fun with scalp pimples/folliculitis. Fifth, I'm assuming she would have gotten the same amount of hair growth without oiling herself up like a lunatic every week.

"Get your hair trimmed once a month because it will stimulate your hair to grow."

Hair is dead. It doesn't have "sensors" that detect when it has been cut. It's just a chain of dead cells. Also you don't need to get a haircut once a month, just when you get enough split ends that it looks shitty.

"Take biotin or skin and hair supplements to make your hair grow faster. I take [insert gummy vitamin here]."

Unless you are nutrient deficient or malnourished, this will do nothing. In fact, over-supplementing biotin has been shown to cause acne, so have fun with the pimples. Gummy vitamins are also incredibly expensive considering how little of the vitamins they actually contain. To make them tasty they use less. It's better to just take pills.

"Don't wash your hair in hot water and finish your showers with cold water to close the hair cuticle."

Cold water doesn't close the hair cuticle. There's no reason to worry about this at all.

"Only wash with conditioner and don't use shampoo because shampoo is bad for your hair." or "Shampoo has sulfates in it which are bad!! Only use sulfate-free shampoo!"

Wtf? Conditioner is an oily product. It doesn't contain soap. Can you wash oil off with more oil? No. Adding oil to your greasy-ass head won't remove the grease. If you have oily hair in general, there isn't a need to use conditioner. Shampoo is simply soap, and it removes excess oil and dirt from your hair. Sulfates are a detergent (soap). There's nothing wrong with sulfates. I'm sure these people are walking around with stringy, limp hair by avoiding using soap on it.

"Silicones are bad for your hair! They damage it! Don't use hair products with silicones!"

This is one thing that I am kind of glad people are noticing, but not for the reasons they say. Silicones are heat protectants and they make your hair slippery, preventing you from ripping it out as much from your hairs getting tangled. They also have a consequence of making your hair look oilier. If you have oily hair, try not to use a hair product that adds silicones to your scalp because you'll be one oily mofo once your natural scalp oil builds on top of it, but they are great for the length of your hair that isn't touching your scalp. You'll brush through way easier. They're harmless and just sit on your hair, and, guess what, you can wash them off with a proper shampoo.

My personal favorite: "If you stop shampooing your hair and only use water you won't have to shampoo it anymore! The only reason you're getting oily hair is because you keep stripping your hair of all its oils by shampooing it! It may take months to adapt but it'll be worth it! This is how humans used to naturally live."

Again, your scalp does not have any sensors that tell it when too much oil has been taken off of it. It does not increase production of oil because you cleaned it with soap. I have never talked to a person who had success with not shampooing. Every person has eventually gone back, after months of looking like a grease-trap with limp, dirty hair. Even Freelee the Banana Girl stopped doing the no-poo thing after months of looking like an unwashed hobo on her channel.

"Wash your hair with baking soda mixed in water and rinse it out with apple cider vinegar. It will improve scalp health, strengthen hair, and enhance shine, etc."

Do not do this. It does not work. Baking soda damages your hair and irritates skin. The ACV is acidic and can dry out your hair and cause breakage. Why the fuck are you mixing up baking soda mixtures like a chemist and pouring stinky ass vinegar on your head in the shower instead of just using a normal shampoo?

These are just some examples of the hair ideas I see spread. I would like to hear what you guys have seen. I will post more when I remember them.
 
Oh boy. The charcoal nose strips that peel out all your sebaceous filaments are annoying, those little dots on everyone’s nose are normal, not blackheads.

I also super hate the popularity of charcoal now as a whitening agent, it ruins the enamel of your teeth and tastes disgusting. It can make you more susceptible to tooth decay too. Use regular toothpaste and get semiannual cleanings if you want to avoid stains.

Basically anything where charcoal is touted as a miracle cure all when in reality it’s just useful for drug overdoses and barbecue.
 
Pinterest and the like are obsessed with apple cider vinegar and baking soda as if they’re some kind of miracle cures that can do anything. No, they’re just a mild acid and a mildly basic, abrasive substance. They work in situations where just about any mild acid or a mildly basic or abrasive substance would do the job.
 
I know someone who would use Preperation H to "cure" her puffy eyes. She's partially blind now.
Haha all those it Works! Wraps my neighbor used to sell were just preparation H on Saran Wrap and she got SO mad when I pointed it out - but she switched to LuLaRoe shortly thereafter so now she has closets full of stinky leggings instead of vitamins and wraps lmfao

also I want to hear more about these normal sebaceous filaments because I’ve been trying to get rid of mine since a kid asked me what those black specks were on my nose in middle school
 
My Grand-Aunt told me that putting dove-feces on your face makes your beard grow faster. Seriously.
Tbf she was 90 at that time (and lived to exactly 100). She survived both world wars, so of course she was a little bit on the crazy side. I didnt take her advice btw.
And I miss her...
 
Hair masks out of food products like fucking mayonnaise. Dont put mayonnaise in your hair, t's fucking disgusting, and you can buy hair masks for like 2 bucks at the store.

Castor oil for eyelashes and other eyelash products. Doesn't make them grow and you get shit in your eye.

I've also noticed a lot of beauty gurus using 100 difference skin products on their face. Like they'll moisturize, do masks, serums, oils, like girl that's just too much.
 
We actually have a thread about a person that shared her life changing elixir; Jillian Burke, the creator of Jilly Juice. Red cabbage, water and metric fuckton of salt. Toxic amounts of salt. She swore it killed parasites in your body and insisted it cured everything from aids, being gay and regrowing limbs. The fucked up part was her insane followers that would feed this fermented concoction to their children; it gives you explosive diarrhea that she and her followers called 'waterfalls'.

Of course her obsession with diarrhea had nothing to do with her being a proud corpophliac.
 

I heard that using hair conditioner on your face will help moisturize and soften your skin. @Letora ,any thoughts on that?

HAHA. My question to our gorl would be why not just use lotion? Lotions are formulated with skin in mind, so they include ingredients like hyaluronic acid which is helpful for skin, and doesn't do anything for hair. Meanwhile, conditioner is formulated with hair in mind, so it includes things like silicones, which do not benefit the skin in any way. It's just a waste of conditioner.

If she wants to use random objects as moisturizer she could just smear butter on her face while she's making a snack in the kitchen.
 
What do you think about co-washing, where you use conditioner to wash your hair? It’s supposed to be good if your hair is wavy or curly. I tried it for a while but the whole curlygirl method takes way to look so I decided I was fine with a little frizz.

Honestly, I think it's a silly idea for the same reason I listed above: conditioner isn't a soap. People with curly/frizzy hair need to clean their hair and scalp properly too. My question would be: what is the difference between using a shampoo and then using conditioner, versus just applying conditioner? I would answer that the only difference is that the second option leaves your hair improperly cleaned. If you feel you need more conditioner, apply more, after you clean your hair. I think it's one of those things where people are demonizing soap again.

Anecdotally, my sister has dry wavy/frizzy hair, the complete opposite of mine. She had curly hair as a baby. My mother used to jokingly call her a "broom." She tried the curlygirl method in desperation, being constantly dissatisfied with the state of her hair and seeing all the miracle stories posted online, perhaps hoping she would sprout some defined curls. She didn't see any benefits, developed bacne from the conditioner running down her back (though this can mitigated by washing your back with soap after conditioning), and after a while she quietly switched back to expensive salon shampoos and conditioners that she swears do something great for her hair. I would personally not spend that much on shampoo and conditioner, but I do not share her hair.
 
My mother used to tell me if you pull out a grey hair 6 will grow in its place.

Shaving will make hair grow back thicker, darker. This isn’t true

Lemons (or any citrus fruit) on your skin/hair is good/will make it lighter/whatever. Do yourself a favor and get a vitamin c serum and a packet of bleach/developer instead

I’ve heard of using toothpaste on zits, which I definitely did as a teenager and don’t recommend.

Using urine on acne like a toner.

I think a lot of these beauty myths probably live on because of teens who can’t afford different beauty products or people trying to make something from what they have at home, which I support, imo beauty (or rather general grooming) is too consooooomerised. r/makeuprehab comes to mind.

I definitely enjoy makeup and beauty and I don’t think there’s any thing wrong with enjoying it, it can be fun and creative and a good self soothing activity, plus there’s nothing wrong with adults wanting to look their best or do crazy/intricate makeup or grooming routines, but I do think it’s getting pushed on girls younger and younger through social media. Like 9 year olds have multilayered skincare routines, or a bunch of Sephora makeup and whatever, which seems like, really young. I’m not a parent (yet) though, but I dunno seems like a way that companies are setting up life long customers with younger and younger girls with the help of YouTube, Instagram.

I’m not saying you should pull an Eminem and pour hydrogen peroxide on your hair to bleach it, or wipe urine all over your acne, I’m 100% behind doing research especially when it comes to skincare, or hair care. I think OP is right that if you google a lot of these DIY beauty tips you just get something else that reinforces it, plus Pinterest and Facebook where ‘recipes’ are shared probably millions of times a week, and I’m not one to educate the masses. I imagine these types of DIY beauty things will continue to exist, again, because of younger people and people who don’t want to or can’t buy the next new thing that’s going to make your life 100% better and then you’ll be beautiful and happy and popular or whatever the line is being used today

The myth that you need to buy something instead of using the gift of desperation to use what you have is particularly rampant in today’s ‘beauty world.’
 
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A friend of mine convinced someone who was really naive that rubbing your own semen on your face will cure your pepperoni face.
To be fair, my friend didn't think he was THAT naive until he came in the next day peeling it off asking " Is this supposed to happen? "
 
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