Today BLM B-town rebooted the organization and removed Vauhxx Booker. This was due to Vauhxx using BLM as a launching pad for his political campaign as well as his year-long sexist misogynistic harassment and abuse. I have always been the main recipient of this targeted abuse from him.
The demoralizing fact of mental abuse is that there are no physical scars to point to as proof. But there are tons of messed up incidents, conversations and situations that build over time to show that the person perpetrating them is abusive. And when your abuser is a charming social justice activist who is oppressed himself in our society it can make it even tougher to speak out and even harder to be believed.
Anyone who knows me knows I am a strong opinionated black woman who has zero problems talking about the issues I face, but that doesn’t mean I cannot be a victim of abusive behavior. And yes, I am this so-called “bad victim” who yells back at her quiet disarming abuser when he tries to gaslight me or treat me in a way I reject. But I am still the wronged party.
Yes, I have gone off on Vauhxx, and called him every name in the book & worse, but this was in response to his attempts to provoke me through sexism and misogyny. He has a power-hungry personality, who used my talents and the talents of others to elevate his status for his eventual city council bid. His gaslighting responses to being called out on sexist behavior are always “not a chance” “you are imagining it” “I love women” “I have strong powerful women in my life so I could never treat them the way you say I am.” BUT NEVER has he stopped and asked why I or others feel his behavior was sexist, why his word choice was misogynist or why it can be true that he can “love women” or “have strong women in his life” and still treat other women in a sexist way and in particular, treat me that way.
I can give you the deep dive on his abuse towards me but honestly it is painful and consists of stuff that I am embarrassed I let go on this long. I can make a laundry list of his offenses and honestly maybe I should!
Maybe people should know he was permanently banned from the BackDoor for harassing a DJ to the point of tears and for alleged misconduct against other patrons over a long period of time. During his banning he called the police on the queer club, something a BLM activist should know better than to do.
Maybe I should share that he insulted my wife in our own home calling her “the enemy” in regards to her white skin even though my wife is a Queer Jewish woman with intersectional struggles of her own. He insulted my wife in our own home!
Or should I tell you that during a heated exchange with him about him breaking internal agreements in BLM he used the phrase “all lives matter” towards me insinuating that I was too light skinned to be in Black Lives Matter. This situation, more than the dozens of other smaller situations, was the most harmful as I a lighted skinned Black woman have had my personal identity questioned this way many times in my life. But I NEVER thought it would happen in a Black lead organization. And as a strong black woman I do not tolerate attacks against my skin color or racial background.
Or should I tell you about all the times the women and femmes in our group did the lion share of work for events like “A Seat at the Table” or our political Voters Guides only for Vauhxx on social media to act as if the outcome was all because of his work. Yes, there are tons of these stories many of them documented & witnessed but because some are subtle like the gaslighting I mentioned above this could all just appear like he’s just a difficult person to work with or that our personalities don’t mesh.
Well that could be, can be, and is true. But it’s the subtle way of talking to you, that way of second guessing you, of sowing doubt in your mind and the mind of others about his behavior and yours that pushes all of this into abuse. Gaslighting is insidious and literally makes you feel crazy, because it is a cumulative effect. 1 or 2 incidents of odd behavior turns into a year of telling you that you are crazy for thinking he could ever be sexist or say something sexist, or that maybe you just don’t get him. Or that he “never talks badly about you, so why is it that you call him sexist”. But one word here or there changes something from just things that people say to a targeted attack on your personhood.
And again I’m not an easy target as I’m skilled at recognizing this behavior. YET it took me a year to be able to talk more freely about his abuse & call it what it is. Truthfully I’ve been scared, I’ve been unsure & I’ve been unwilling to “hurt the movement” by exposing Vauhxx’s behavior.
He is already threatening me as he sees me as his target. Yes I know this might affect his candidacy for city council and might mean we do not elect a black man. Believe me I have wrestled with all of that and in the end, in order to be a strong black woman I have to speak my truth & I have to talk about what has happened. Not just for myself but also to help ensure that BLM continues to thrive.
I am happy to be a part of our newly rebooted BLM B-town but truthfully am looking forward to the day when I can pass the work on to younger more revolutionary black leaders, who get why we have to be the right people in the right places at the right time for the right reasons. Because if our motivations are tainted, we doom the whole movement to fail.
This past year has been rough, the last few months and weeks have been some of the worst of my life. Filled with panic attacks, second guessing myself, seeking spiritual help and guidance, and feeling trauma responses and triggers every time I’ve had to interact with him. I am sure we have not heard the last of his backlash and others will either join him or us in a game of he-said-she-said. That’s how it happens when you are a woman who comes forward to say, I was abused I was harassed and I was never valued by this person. But I am here talking about it; I was harassed and mentally and emotionally abused by Vauhxx Booker. And I will not take it anymore.