Shitty Beauty Hacks & Bad Advice You've Seen Online or Heard IRL - How do I make my hair grow faster? How do I get rid of stretch marks? How do I whiten my teeth naturally? Etc.

[BansheeQ]

In continuing with the lemon craze I have a very vivid memory of myself and my friends using "Sun In" hair product to lighten our roots as we were broke ass college students who didnt want to spend money on a salon, needless to say we all managed to come out with an assortment of orange roots and had to be saved by a brunette box dye. Brad Mondo would'nt have been impressed.

 

[OttoWest]

OMFG I'm reminded of the photos of that woman who burned the front of her nose off with black salve because she didn't want to get her tiny skin cancer spot treated by a doctor, and was stuck looking for plastic surgery afterwards. I don't even know how the hell you fix all that missing cartilage. Some people are insane with how much they will suffer to avoid reality. Graphic photos here.

And ugh! I'm fairly certain fabric softener, considering it's a laundry penetrating chemical which is incredibly concentrated, would fuck up your scalp and skin, perhaps even giving you dermatitis among other issues. It's also an endocrine disrupter, and there are people who are against using it even for clothes. (I don't use it because I heard it damages clothing over time).

Fabric softeners leave behind residue on your fabrics creating a waxy layer that absorbs body oil and odors. You want to soften sheets and towels? Use a cup of white vinegar in the wash instead or get a set of dryer balls.

 

[Cowboy Boot]

Last winter I got fed up with my dry-ass legs and poured a little olive oil in a bath per Pinterest's advice. It just made my bath greasy and I smelled like breadsticks for two days. I warned my future bf, then date, about my DIY gone awry and he made a big show of sniffing me when I entered the car. "What's that heavenly smell? *sniff* Eau de Olive Garden?". Good times.

Since then I have stopped taking beauty shortcuts and now use my ointments, which are effective yet greasy

 

[A borscht-on]

"Use mashed-up banana or avocado as a mask on that dry, parched hair of yours. The moisturizing properties will change the whole game!"

Right. Won't do a damn thing. And good luck properly rinsing out any of that pulpy, thick, nasty gloop.

(On a somewhat-related note, last year, those Garnier hair masks were being touted as a miracle solution for dry hair as well. Since they were inexpensive, I bought three different flavours, figuring Why Not. Utter cheap garbage that actually gave me dry, flaky scalp!)

 

[183 baras]

Dunno about America, but my shithole's part of the internet is obsessed with mayonnaise. People cook, bake and fry with it, they add mayo to mayo and put it in jello. But why should you only eat it, when you can put it on your face?

Short answer is NO, DROP THAT SHIT YOU RETARD.
A relative of mine saw this stupid ass advice about mayo face mask and tried it out. Aaand everything went south real quick, like at the same very moment, when she finished applying it. After she washed her face in a hurry, it was bright red, because mayo has vinegar in it and bunch of other chimical shit.

 

[Mr. Bung]

A friend of mine convinced someone who was really naive that rubbing your own semen on your face will cure your pepperoni face.
To be fair, my friend didn't think he was THAT naive until he came in the next day peeling it off asking " Is this supposed to happen? "

I actually read an article a few years ago about a woman who would use semen on her face, but as a serum rather than an acne treatment.

 

[Wheezy Asthmatic]

I actually read an article a few years ago about a woman who would use semen on her face, but as a serum rather than an acne treatment.

A celebrity did, yeah. Don't remember which one. Probably Gweneth Paltrow

 

[Petronella]

A while back when it was trendy to use that Nivea shave balm as a primer, my old roommate tried it and said it made her makeup smear off like an hour later.

Edit: She also talked me into trying a coconut oil hair mask and that shit made my hair so greasy I had to wash it with Dawn. Young and dumb.

 

[soft breathing]

The whole "put toothpaste on a pimple over night and it will be dried out and gone by the next morning" thing was HUGE when I was still at school. Yes, I've tried it too, like the dumb shit I was, and it was a disaster. It looked like the toothpaste burned away the upper layers of skin on my chin and everything was swollen and pus started to ooze out a few days later. Amazing.

There was also a "put a raw egg in your hair" craze. No idea if it really does anything good. But the smell was horrendous. And some 200iq people were rinsing their hair with hot water to get it all out... Yeah. Yeaaaah.

And well..
Ever had a friend or s who's 'working' for an MLM and they're trying to sell you a product and tips that only work with that certain product? Yeah. They're also the worst.

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

The whole "put toothpaste on a pimple over night and it will be dried out and gone by the next morning" thing was HUGE when I was still at school. Yes, I've tried it too, like the dumb shit I was, and it was a disaster. It looked like the toothpaste burned away the upper layers of skin on my chin and everything was swollen and pus started to ooze out a few days later. Amazing.

There was also a "put a raw egg in your hair" craze. No idea if it really does anything good. But the smell was horrendous. And some 200iq people were rinsing their hair with hot water to get it all out... Yeah. Yeaaaah.

And well..
Ever had a friend or s who's 'working' for an MLM and they're trying to sell you a product and tips that only work with that certain product? Yeah. They're also the worst.

There was this MLM shampoo company, I think it was called Monat made people's hair fall out.

 

[Medical Hawaii]

Personally I love charcoal soap and facewash, but that's because it tends to keep my skin from breaking out much. I have oily & sensitive skin, so anything that strips the oil down to a normal level and doesn't destroy my skin is good. Motherfuckers using that shit on their teeth, no thanks.

On another note, I made the mistake of buying a bubbling kanolin clay mask once. My face looked like I'd been rubbing cherry Kool-Aid on it for days, I thought I was going to have to go into the dermatologist.

Have you tried double-washing? Instead of using too strong of a cleanser that tries to accomplish everything (removing sebum, dirt, oil, hydrating, etc.) at once, it entails using two gentler products. For oily skin, try using first an oil-based cleanser to remove excess oil, makeup, etc. (oil attracts oil; make sure it's non-comedogenic so it doesn't clog pores further!) and then finishing with a gentle gel cleanser to leave skin fresh. Some might suggest a foaming face wash instead of gel, but foaming cleansers are often the harshest; they often have too strong of surfactants and too high of a pH level to clean away impurities while not stripping away the good stuff your skin needs.

 

[GinnyPotter]

Here is a lovely story about a bullshit hack my mother was sold because she had no idea about how to take care my hair.

I'm adopted and have very (stereotypical black person) kinky curly hair. My mother had a hard dealing with my hair, same with my sister and brother.

When we were really young, she would put beads in our hair, braid it, basically keep it natural but she put a lot of work and time into it. The products she used were simple and our hair was always beautiful and healthy.

As we got older, life started to get harder for her and our hair care fell by the wayside. So she started taking us to the salon to get our hair chemically straightened (relaxers).

My sister has much less curly hair compared to mine so straightening hers was easy. Mine was horrific to deal with. We would get to the salon when they opened and would be the last ones out. Some days we would spend eight hours in the salon. The stylist would switch between my sister and I. Having an easy time with her and then get to me and use so much chemicals I would get burns and scabs and blisters. Mind you I was barely 8 years old at the time.

We did this every six weeks for years. It was at a military base so they used the bare minimum of products and cost a few hundred dollars (not including the huge tip my mother would make us give the stylist afterwards when all I wanted to do was get the fuck away from her). Even when the chemical started burning, they would use this 'spray' that supposedly was made to keep it from burning your scalp so you could get it straighter and straighter. The chemicals would be left on for at least 30 minutes, sometimes longer. That also doesn't include the burns from the iron because they hair to use that after the chemicals have sucked all the life out of your hair.

It wasn't until I went to cosmetology school years later when I learned that you only can leave the chemicals on for no longer than 15 minutes and do not reapply in between. If you don't get your hair as straight as you want, oh well. The longer you keep it on, the more likely the chemical will burn your skin. You're also supposed to get deep conditions between relaxers so your hair doesn't dry up and break off, which is what happened to me and I ended up just shaving my head when I got older because the damage was just too great.

There's no such thing as a product that keeps the chemicals from burning (so God only knows what kind of shit they were spraying on my head.) My scalp would be raw and bleed for days, I hated how they styled my hair and my mom didn't want spend an hour styling it everyday so it only looked pretty in the salon but never again after we got it straight. They would also sell us tons of shampoo and shit to use to get the same styles from the salon at home. (Which is fine but if you're not willing to put time into your hair, it's completely pointless to purchase.)

My brother also had an afro so my mom took him to get corn row. He had sensory issues so he couldn't stand the tightness of them. He would fuss with them and they started breaking off his head. When he got them taken out, he had huge chunks of his fro missing.

Long story short; kinky and curly hair is hard to deal with and there are no hacks to make it easier. Learn how to deal with it and keep it healthy because having to shave your head because you really have no choice is a bummer. (Although after I shaved it and started taking care of it myself it grew and was beautiful again)

Stylist are specially trained to deal with curly and kinky hair. Find someone who knows what they're doing.

When I was in school, they would always send me the black woman and have me do relaxers on them. Some of the burns on these woman were horrific. The scars they had were heart breaking because a ton of these woman were quite older and had been doing this all their lives.

I'm not saying relaxers are terrible but if you don't get them done correctly and realize they are a huge commitment, you shouldn't get them. It's not just a quick, "make your hair straight" hack. In order to get the relaxer out, you have to just cut off your hair. Once the damage is done, there's nothing you can do.

 

[Blop]

I'm not saying relaxers are terrible but if you don't get them done correctly and realize they are a huge commitment, you shouldn't get them.

I’m glad your poor head made it through all that torture. The pain Black women have gone through for their hair is insane. My Black friends have all given up relaxers and weaves and have been growing out their natural hair. It’s a lot of work but so much healthier (and really beautiful, too).

 

[supremeautismo]

This is a little off topic, but needs to be said: Fuck Proactiv. Never worked for me nor anyone I know who used it. The mud cream was the only thing that did anything, and that alone could be found for way cheaper. You lied to me, Claire's representative. You fucking lied.

 

[lonelygorl15]

In my younger years, I tried the apple cider vinegar thing in my hair. It stunk horribly and made my hair feel like straw. The woman that does my hair now is an absolute magician with balyage, but has very weird health beliefs. She told me Pantene shampoo has floor wax in it, and that I should detox my armpits with activated charcoal and stop wearing deodorant. She is also very "anti chemical", but wears a shit ton of makeup, is covered in tattoos, and smokes cigarettes. I don't get it but a good hair dresser is hard to find.

 

[Dysnomia]

Similarly, I've heard people say 'Cetaphil will fucking KILL you! It's made with petroleum products [or something]! Instead, rub coconut oil all over yourself!'

I'm not a scientist, but I think if actual oncologists advise skin cancer patients to use Cetaphil on their skin, it's probably fine.

Someone was posting all over tumblr a couple years ago that coconut oil will make white people's hair disintegrate over time. I don't know if that is true or if it was a bad decolonization effort after all the whining over Shea Moisture being marketing to white ladies. The black owned company stated that they had to start marketing to other demographics to maintain shelf space.

My grandmother grew up in the Depression and thought EVERYTHING gave you pneumonia. I was constantly being told I was gonna get my death of pneumonia for doing just about anything.

One of her favorites was Vick's Vaporub. If you put this on your body and went outside you would get pneumonia. My mom said she used to try this in order to get out of going to school and it never worked. Going to bed with wet hair also gave you pneumonia. But I guess when you slept in a cold house with an iron bedwarmer stuck under your mattress going to sleep with wet hair was not the best idea.

Also, washing your hair during your period would kill you. I have no idea why this is so.

 

[nenko]

In highschool, someone once told me to use hairspray as fixing spray if I was ever in a pinch.
Not recommended.

 

[White bubblegum]

Not too exciting, bur I've been told to dig a blackhead out with a pair of tweezers. No.

 

[Medical Hawaii]

Not too exciting, bur I've been told to dig a blackhead out with a pair of tweezers. No.

comedone tool and salicylic acid

how could one even remove it with tweezers haha

 

[183 baras]

Not much of a beauty hack, but I remembered I have a very interesting book lying around. Someone gave it to my grandma as birthday present: big, heavy, with golden printed name on it. Seems like a good book, no?

Weeeell, no. It's written by a guy who like to treat everything with urine. First part of that book is some mumbling about energies, chakras and body types, but the more pages you turn, the more it gets straight up bizarre. There a whole chapter with letters from his "fans" who treated all the illnesses known to this world with a what? Urine! Tumors, tummy aches, high and low blood pressure, this list can go forever. All those people, middle aged and old are drinking urine, drop it in their eyes, boil it, make enemas, floss with it. Some give it to their relatives, young and old to help. Usually after a nice warm urine enemas they write in every little detail of how much worms, sand, jellyfishes came out of them. Some managed to get something like sea urchins.
Of course, there are no sand or jellyfishes up their asses, usually it's just an odd reaction of urine with their own gut lining, so you can get where it's going. Don't believe me? Google Doctor Malakhov.