It was Thursday, January 17, 2019. I had started feeling the contractions of early labor. Just crampy and feeling overall crappy. I had also started my bloody show, making me feel compelled for one last Mama pampering session, just in case we went into labor over the weekend. I went and got my nails done, picked up my cute and comfortable nursing bra to wear during labor from Target, and then went and got my lady bits waxed. There’s a lot you cannot control with labor, but feeling and looking my best was the one thing I knew I could control. That night was a tough one. I was awake most of the night with irregular contractions.
January 18, 2019; Friday. A cold night in the dead of winter in Indianapolis, Indiana. Fresh snow blanketed the ground in sparkling, frosty white. A huge snow storm was due to come blowing in. My irregular contractions continued as the power went out in our area, not for a little bit, but for HOURS. Glenn and I were getting nervous because we knew Luna was coming and it was getting pretty cold in the house. With the power out we would no longer have access to hot water to fill the birthing tub or heat to keep the house warm! Thankfully, that was not the case. About 3pm the power was restored and stayed on for the remainder of our birth (thank goodness!). Around 7pm that night we felt the contractions were getting intense enough that we wanted the midwives to head over, especially since it was about to start dumping snow! As soon as the midwives (Brandi and Joi) arrived, it was time for our first ever doppler during our pregnancy. Our original game plan was to not use a doppler (and we had no ultrasounds) at all during pregnancy and birth, but moving to Indiana changed that. Since Indiana is a licensed midwifery state, they legally required us to use the doppler during birth (where in Las Vegas our midwife was comfortable and competent to use a fetoscope instead to check Luna’s heart rate). So up until this moment, only our midwives had heard Luna’s heartbeat (via the fetoscope- she always hid from Glenn and I when we tried to listen lol). They took out the doppler and placed it on my belly. Loud and clear as ever was the sound of our little lady’s heartbeat. The sound overwhelmed both Glenn and I and we both cried. It was such a special experience and I think well worth the wait. After finding that Lunas heart was strong, the midwives suggested that I try getting in the birthing tub. Once it was filled with warm water, I got in and from that moment on I was in the tub for pretty much the rest of the birth. (This was not something I thought I would be doing since I am not a bath lover, I find the pruning of my digits to be quite painful. But, guys, the pain relief I got from the water and the warmth was enough that leaving the water was OUT OF THE QUESTION!).
Once I was situated in the tub, we placed all of my pregnancy and birthing crystals, that were able to be, in the water. (This was very important to me as I feel a deep connection with crystals and their healing properties.) We also used Himalayan sea salt lamps, Palo Santo, essential oils (lavender and lemon grass – my favorite combo) and Christmas lights to create the ambiance that we wanted for our birth. During the labor, we had a birth photographer, Piper, capturing the moments of our labor. We were so lucky to have met her so soon after moving to Indy! She is a very talented photographer and stayed with us for so many hours capturing some beautiful and life changing moments
At first the contractions had been bearable and fine. I even felt they were a bit exciting, just knowing that the time had come for me to birth my baby! As labor intensified and the contractions quickened, they were so intense and NOTHING like I had thought they would be! I had the thinking, that since I had studied hypnobirthing so much and so hard that I could and would have a pain free (but very intense) birth where I breathed my baby out, instead of pushing. I could not have experienced anything more different! Labor, and my experience, weren’t even close to what I had thought! My contractions were extremely painful and made me moan and scream out; at times, uncontrollably. To be completely honest, eventually it felt like my butt was birthing her and I was in so much pain in that area! LIKE SO PAINFUL! They were strong and powerful! I would try to remind myself that each one was bringing Luna closer to being in our arms.
We tried to put the hypnobirthing tracks on, but I found myself getting lost in the words and having to restart the track over and over. Instead, what ended up being my birth soundtrack was Glenn’s meditation/breathing app that just plays a sound every time you need to breath in and breath out. The simplicity of it was perfection for me.
Halfway through Saturday, when I thought Luna had to be near making her grand entrance, I kept checking to see if I could feel her head (not knowing yet that it would feel VERY different when her head was within touching rage). At this point, I allowed Brandi to do the first vaginal exam I had had thus far in my pregnancy, to see how I was progressing. The exam was one of the worst experiences and I hated Brandi in that moment as she had caused me so much pain, and what I believed to be, unnecessary pain in what was already a tremendously painful situation. We found that I was not progressing as fast as I should have been for having been in labor for over 24 hours at that point. At this, Brandi suggested that I try relaxing in bed for a little to get some sleep. (HA! I don’t know how one would relax and sleep through such an intense and painful situation).
Glenn helped me to our shower, where I knelt on the floor with the birthing ball in front of me for about 10 minutes and then we laid in our bed together for what felt like forever, but was really only around 20 minutes, before I just couldn’t take the pain and had to get back in the birthing tub. I felt that I could only fully relax in the water. Knowing that I needed to get my body and mind to surrender to the process and relax enough to allow Luna to begin her decent. The water was the only option, because at this point, I was also starting to be over it all and just wanted Luna in my arms already. I was starting to doubt myself, starting to doubt that if my choice to do it naturally was the right choice, and if I had to strength to birth a baby without medical interventions. Several times, with complete seriousness, I told Glenn that this was all his fault. Several times I told him I wanted to go to the hospital and just have a C-section and be done with it all. To which Piper, our photographer and friend, told me about her C-section and how this was not an easy alternative to what I was experiencing (in the moment I thought anything would be easier than what I was going through). Thankfully, Glenn knew how important it was to me, to us, to birth Luna at home without unnecessary medical interventions. He knew I didn’t really want to go to the hospital and I am truly grateful that he stayed strong for us in the moments I was not, and doubted my own strength.
On Saturday evening it snowed so much. It was beautiful watching as I lay in the birthing tub with Glenn. Brandi, the main midwife, was making sure everything was moving along smoothly. Making sure Luna and I were still okay. Every time they’d check her heart beat and tell me it was strong and Luna was doing amazingly, I’d breathe a sigh of relief and think how proud I was for her for doing so well after such a long time laboring already. Kristen, the birth attendant, made sure that the water in the tub stayed nice and warm and got me ice water and ice-cold rags for my neck. Sometime on Sunday, during the second half of my labor, Rachel arrived (the stand-in midwife in case we went into labor while Brandi was out of town for our estimated delivery date). I had only met Rachel once before this and I had immediately connected with her. She reminded me of the midwife I had to leave behind in Vegas. I was so overwhelmed with gratitude when Rachel showed up. This was a complete surprise, as we went into labor before our main midwife Brandi left town. She was exactly what was needed and who I wanted to help me get through the coming hours of labor. She showed up at the perfect time and when I was at my weakest. She was so quick to jump in, to coach me and help guide me through the contractions. She let me squeeze her hands (so ungodly hard- I don’t know how I didn’t break any fingers during this all!), massaged my shoulders and played with my hair as I rested between contractions. She encouraged me to drink my green juices/smoothies, coconut water, and water as often as I could to help keep my strength up. She felt like the best doula Glenn and I could have ever asked for! Rachel kept reminding me how strong I was and that soon I would be meeting our little lady Luna.
To be honest I did not fell strong, I did not feel brave, I didn’t feel powerful or like a beautiful birthing goddess. I felt scared, in tremendous amounts of pain; I felt exhausted, completely. I cried, I screamed, I moaned, I cussed and said, “my butt” and, “oh God” more times than anyone can remember. Birthing Luna was the HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER HAD TO DO! Thankfully, I had Rachel, the other midwives, and Glenn there to help me and keep me strong. Allowing me to relax enough for my body to dilate and surrender to the process. Allowing my body to begin moving Luna down to meet us.
At 3:43pm on Sunday, January 20th, my water broke. As soon as this happened a sense of calm came over me. I knew I just jumped another hurdle and Luna was that much closer to being here. The pushing started at 5:11pm. Once I began getting the urge to push, the act itself made me dry heave and gag. It was terrible. I was told by the midwives that this was normal and meant the urges were getting stronger. At this point I was outwardly yelling, “I surrender, Luna, just get out of me! GET OUT!”.
Luna came earth side at 6:34pm. Her heart beat strong and never wavering. She was the brave one. She was the strong one. The final pushes were painful, but the drive I had to just GET HER OUT of me was more powerful. I instinctively got in a squatting position in the water, the one that came most naturally. I pushed, HARD! Over and over. All the while gagging and dry heaving. I could feel her head descending and making the progress and then, when I couldn’t push any more, she would slide right back up. The midwives said this was good, as she was stretching me and would likely mean less tearing. One HUGE push later and out popped her head. Brandi told me to reach down and feel her head, but I just wanted to get her out! Glenn reached down and felt her little head and I think that was a magical and crazy experience for him. After a few more ridiculously painful and hard pushes, all while roaring powerfully to get through the pain, out came our beautiful daughter. I reached down into the water and grabbed her while Brandi helped get the cord from around her neck. I puller her up onto my chest and sat back into Glenn’s arms. Luna took her first few breaths and then just stared up at the both of us, silent, soaking in the world. It was seral and magical, as if she had known us all along. We rubbed her vernix into her skin and then she let out a few big cries. Glenn cried and I was just in so much shock and awe over this being that I had grown now being in my arms; this little being that I didn’t think I would get to have (if you know my husband and I), as we were not initially planning on creating a human family. Instantly I think we both fell so deeply in love with her. Like she’d always been ours, always been the plan. The universe has a funny way of working itself out. We waited until I birthed the placenta and the umbilical cord had stopped pulsating and then Glenn cut her cord at 6:50pm.
After the birth, I was helped out of the tub and onto our couch where I nursed Luna for the first time. She had a strong latch and immediately nursed! I was so relieved as she came early and I worried my body wouldn’t be producing colostrum quite yet. But my body is amazing and it did! In these moments I felt amazing. No pain. No tiredness. No fear. Just powerful, intense, amazing love for my daughter and my husband and tremendous gratitude to my birthing team. Rachel the midwife made me rotisserie chicken and broccoli and fed it to me while I nursed Luna. She was still so motherly to me after the birth. This was so meaningful to me. Once Luna was done nursing they took Luna to be measured and check and I was checked out as well. I got through my 40+ hour labor with NO tears (I credit that to my daily intake of collagen!). After Luna and I were checked, and I urinated, and the team had cleaned up 95% of the birthing gear, the team left.
Then it was just the four of us; Glenn, Marley, Luna and I.
And so, this miraculous journey of parenthood begins.
Luna Elva Ramirez was born on January 20th, 2019; the night of a super full moon blood wolf total lunar eclipse. Luna came into this world on her own time frame, on a day that couldn’t have been more powerful and fitting for her namesake. We named her Luna well before she decided to be born on a day with such a special lunar event. We chose Elva as her middle name as it is Glenn’s Grandmothers first name and also means leader of the elves (which added to the magical nature of her name and spirit). She weighed 6 lbs 8 oz., was 19.7 inches long and her head measured 12.5 inches. Our little Aquarius star child came 1 week early to make her big debut on a such a powerful astrological event.
