"I've never been able to date men. Id sleep with them, then as soon as they treated me chivarlously or sweetly, like a woman, id clam up and ghost them. it's like the only love i can process between me and a man is gay love."
I'm not sure what her idea of "gay love" is, but there are a lot of straight men in the sea, who will treat you a million different ways, both in and out of the bedroom. But instead of going where she's got a chance of success, she's foisting herself on the gays.
"the thought of never been accepted as a (potentially, most likely) gay man, the idea of being rejected by a community and history i long so much for...i think id break me. the idea that i could transition and still be refused gay love, its my bigges fear about transition"
Buckle up, sister.