Adult friendships - Do (most) adults have healthy friendships?

[PaleTay]

The older I get, the more I see people whose friendships are based on the #ConsumeProduct mentality, or who cannot tolerate each other while sober. They seem similar to the friendships in Brave New World, where no one "belongs" to each other but they simply encourage each other to engage in unhealthy behavior.

From university onward, I've noticed a lot of people lack support systems and there's a lot of petty drama and jealousy. For example, I've seen groups of people abandon their blackout drunk friend fairly frequently, and a lot of women especially have no one to talk to if their dog dies or they're sad about a breakup. Disturbingly, there's a trend of people reporting their "friends" to HR for minor jokes or comments.

I think these types of friendships contribute to cancel culture, the rampant mental illness in society, and a lot of the Anifa/BLM radicalization as people lack a healthy support system.

 

[TFT-A9]

Friendships based on stupid, shallow shit are pretty dumb and engender a weird, warped form of loyalty - not to people or even ideals, but to products. Perfectly emblematic of CONSOOMERIST society tbh.

Though honestly, I sometimes wonder if people have just forgotten how to be friends.

 

[thick internet digit web]

This is why i don't bother with any of that shit. I dropped out of school and since have been shitposting and the closest thing i need to a friend are people i do shit with on gmod, and i am perfectly happy. When i meet someone who i know is solid maybe i will think otherwise but good qualities in people is rare now.

 

[Celebrate Nite]

The older I get, the more I see people whose friendships are based on the #ConsumeProduct mentality, or who cannot tolerate each other while sober.

>based on the #ConsumeProduct mentality,
The #ConsumeProduct mentality isn't really an "adult" thing specifically. Kids in school pull that shit all the time, even when I was growing up. If you didn't have shit like Pokemon Cards or those Finger Skateboards then you weren't part of the "in" croud.
>who cannot tolerate each other while sober
This is one of the reason why I'm Anti-Alcohol. When you live in an area like i do where majority of people love the bar scene and can't function properly or even go on a date without getting a bit buzzed, it gets really annoying, especially when you're trying to find someone to chill with that DOESN'T like those things.

Then again I was never Mr. Popular to begin with. Whatever friendships I did have they were quickly ended due to either some bullshit drama with other people or because I caught on that one or more of those "friends" were just using me for the shit I owned.

a lot of women especially have no one to talk to if their dog dies or they're sad about a breakup.

Are you sure? Especially about that "break-up" part? I've known plenty of women that either talk to their best girl friend(s) about it or talk to their past ex that they are still friends with for some reason about it. I've never met a woman that literally had ZERO friends, especially the cunts with bad attitudes.

Disturbingly, there's a trend of people reporting their "friends" to HR for minor jokes or comments.

Those people either have no sense of humor and/or want to get in with the higher ups. They are the reason why there is no fun allowed at work, especially office jobs.

 

[Red Hood]

A good friendship shouldn't matter what you're doing, you're generally having a good time. Fishing, playing poker, couch co-op on an old beat-em-up game. You'd come through for a friend if they were in a bind.

There's nothing wrong with bonding with people around a common interest. You don't even have to be talking all the time. Me and some friends get together for a monthly motorcycle ride and then grab breakfast and shoot the shit.

 

[softsleeper]

Maybe living a relatively boring life is the key to successful friendships, at least that much I can assume given my personal circumstances. I was never the type to party, neither my husband or the majority of my closest circle. Without powerleveling too hard, I've moved a sizable distance from many of them since I married (is part of our friend group). Most time spent together is over discord playing games and talking daily. I'd say I'm fortunate enough to speak freely and know I can trust them as much as they do me. Granted we're well aquainted and have known one another for nearly a decade, so it's not quite the same as attempting to strike up a newer friendship.

I've made a few new friends this year, talk often enough when we can. Part of being an adult is being able to decide who you can keep close and keep at a healthy distance, especially with the insane political climate. I'd rather stay on the same page and sperg out about some fandom bullshit than be caught in drama over my personal stances on social issues and get outcasted. I realise now I can never be fully honest with some people outside the surface level basics, unless it's an exceptional situation. Is that healthy? Probably not, but I'd much rather keep my lower-level friendships civil. Even if everything falls apart, I'm thankful I have people in my life I can turn to that wont reject me, which is incredibly comforting during times like this.

Best you can hope for is to find people that aren't part of that mob mentality who are there for you as a person. Hate to sound boomer about it, but it's a lot harder to find that in CONSOOMER woke lefty groups than the right.

 

[PaleTay]

Are you sure? Especially about that "break-up" part? I've known plenty of women that either talk to their best girl friend(s) about it or talk to their past ex that they are still friends with for some reason about it. I've never met a woman that literally had ZERO friends, especially the cunts with bad attitudes.

What I mean is really shallow interest, they'll call her ex a fuckboi, creep, asshole or whatever but they'll get really uncomfortable and try to leave if the girl is in tears over her ex for example. I've had quite a few tell me essentially that, or girlfriend's friends trust me more than her about personal stuff after meeting me once.

 

[Sage In All Fields]

Most people are utterly boring and uninteresting. I've never been a big friends guy since I'm extremely incompatible with everyone around me, but I try to look after the ones I have. I do wonder how similar this is to other people's experience.

 

[Queen Elizabeth II]

A lot of people are just more vapid and capricious than they were even a few decades ago. Why invest in a relationship of any kind when you can bin them off and something far more appealing is just around the corner?

Better yet, why invest in anything other than yourself? Why have a conversation when you can preach to the world via Twitter or Instagram and ban any dissenting opinion from your sight?

 

[Zero Day Defense]

Friendships based on stupid, shallow shit are pretty dumb and engender a weird, warped form of loyalty - not to people or even ideals, but to products. Perfectly emblematic of CONSOOMERIST society tbh.

Though honestly, I sometimes wonder if people have just forgotten how to be friends.

Would be consistent with us forgetting how to love.

 

[Samson Pumpkin Jr.]

A lot of people are just more vapid and capricious than they were even a few decades ago. Why invest in a relationship of any kind when you can bin them off and something far more appealing is just around the corner?

Better yet, why invest in anything other than yourself? Why have a conversation when you can preach to the world via Twitter or Instagram and ban any dissenting opinion from your sight?

most people are not politically active. they have strategic ignorance and know, either from instinct or propaganda, to cut somebody out if they have dangerous opinions. they don't go on twitter or facebook to get social interactions in a serious way or even to preach about politics. You're only really speaking to a fringe group of people that are the majority of people irl

 

[Queen Elizabeth II]

most people are not politically active. they have strategic ignorance and know, either from instinct or propaganda, to cut somebody out if they have dangerous opinions. they don't go on twitter or facebook to get social interactions in a serious way or even to preach about politics. You're only really speaking to a fringe group of people that are the majority of people irl

What is posting a selfie if not preaching about oneself?

It doesn't necessitate someone listening for the intent to be readable.

 

[Frostnipped Todger]

Getting older, I'd say I have less friends, but the ones I have are far closer. I always joke that my Dunbar's number is 10, because every new friend seems to push someone else away. Having said that, the friends I have would (literally) cross the ocean if I needed them, and I would do the same for them. I realised this at my wedding last year, my wife had 70ish guests, and I had 12, but every one of my guests had travelled at least 500kms.
I think another factor is the roll-on effects of 3rd wave feminism, where women were told "you don't need no man" and it was accepted that being a party girl was the only role for a woman in their 20s and 30s. I think I'm part of the first generation (I'm 45) that is now seeing these women desperately seeking a partner, or a child, because the unfortunate reality is that a guy wanting to settle down probably doesn't want someone in their 40's.

 

[Pampered Degenerate]

Is that a new euphemism for prostitution?

 

[Bitch Kitten]

Get some hobbies besides binge drinking and make better friends

 

[DeadFish]

America is youth friendly and harsh to old folks

 

[HumanHive]

Only children have “friends”.

 

[Spastic Colon]

Other than my significant other, I have zero friends. I thought I had friends when I was younger, but it turns out that they were mostly superficial. After losing (what I thought) a good friend because I posted a "both sides are wrong" take on an issue on social media, I gave up. I realized that most people don't really care what you think. They want you to be a sounding board for them. If you are echoing back what they say, they like you. The moment you disagree, they ditch you because they aren't looking to have any real discussions. They want validation, not actual communication. And there's the "you're either with me or against me" mentality that has ruined everything.

That's how I ended up on a hate forum where I can say whatever I want. I have zero expectations of being liked and I don't have to self-police out of fear of losing a friendship.

I do miss having friends sometimes, but I have family so it isn't like I'm alone. I've kind of accepted that I'm too much of a weirdo to have friends. I could have friends if I wanted to go the phony route. But, if someone doesn't like who you really are, what is the point? That's too much work.

 

[verygayFrogs]

Friends? The fuck are those. The only thing I have to that is crippling depression and loneliness with a side of severe trust issues due to backstabbing with a tall glass of basically catering to the "friends" I did have before they abandoned me like everyone else did.

The pandemic made me realize how alone I am and I think this place helps me not be as alone

 

[Zig-Zag the Grand Vizier]

I don't think I've ever had friends. Not as a child and not as an adult. As soon as you are too inconvenient to interact with, people don't care to be around you no matter what age. Alternatively, as soon as you are in a life-changing crisis, people are already too preoccupied with their own tragedies to spend any more of their energy on heeding yours. I don't think it's out of a malicious intent, it's just human nature.