Army References

I don't have any friends or relationships with people in general, but I'm trying to join the army, and for a job that requires a certain level of security clearance. One requirement for the position is three character references that go back at least 5 years. Since I don't have anyone I can really put down (and family doesn't count), could I just make up three people, buy burner phones, and then put on a fake voice for each of them? I don't know what sort of things they ask the references or if I'd get caught up in a lie.
This would be an absolutely retarded decision. You're getting character referenced as part of a security clearance, yet think they won't bother to even verify that the people they're talking to even exist? Just be honest and tell the recruiter that you moved for college and fell out of contact with your old friends or whatever, so you don't have anyone who can cover the full five years. Ask them if you can list one person who covers say 2014-2018 and another that covers 2017-2020 or something. Worst case they'll find a different position for you with less strict requirements, the recruiter's still going to want to make his quota for the month.
 
Last edited:
Don't lie about past drug use. Any polygrapher worth their salt will sniff you out. If they catch you lying about that, forget it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Rafal Gan Ganowicz
I don't think that I can do too much damage to anyone when I'm just pushing paper around a desk. The army recruiter straight up told me that I should lie about having taken certain medication and smoking weed in the past.

Dying for Israel is gay.

I'm gonna graduate with a bachelor's soon anyways. I'll just find a job that way I guess.

Can't you cheat those tests by clenching your butthole?
So you want a deskjob ostensibly operationally supportin troops in the field, and you think they are "dying for Israel"and therefore "gay"???
You really ARE a disgusting bucket of smegma.
Pretty much the only job that fits your character is, ironically, a recruiter
 
I don't think that I can do too much damage to anyone when I'm just pushing paper around a desk. The army recruiter straight up told me that I should lie about having taken certain medication and smoking weed in the past.
Not sure if troll but...
Honestly, the armed forces are better off without you. The fact that you publicly solicited help for your stupid fraud shows how much of a piece of shit you are. Rate me MATI all you fucking want, you will become another Fort Hood casualty. You absolute piece of shit, people will die because of a valorless scumbag who lied his way into a position. I will personally dox you and rat your faggot ass out to the Army. May your post-college job search be fruitless, you lying sack of shit. Entitled greedy pricks like you deserve a lifetime of flipping burgers.

EDIT:
lol.jpg
behold, your faggotry immortalized by Google. Also, haha fat.
 
Last edited:
Don't lie about past drug use. Any polygrapher worth their salt will sniff you out. If they catch you lying about that, forget it.
Polygraphs are mostly just an excuse to sweat someone in an uncomfortable environment for hours at a time, their effectiveness for lie detection is highly questionable.

I'm gonna graduate with a bachelor's soon anyways. I'll just find a job that way I guess.
Asking how to cheat the security clearance process on KF of all places probably makes you a bad fit for any job that requires a security clearance.

Pretty much the only job that fits your character is, ironically, a recruiter

Recruiters have to be good at lying, so that unfortunately disqualifies OP as well.
 
The recruiter said that I only need to lose like an inch off my waist to join, which is pretty doable in a couple weeks.

But I can't find another job that pays as well.
>Army
>Pays well

Lol, you're in for a major surprise if you do actually manage to get in.

Half of the sub-minimum wage pay you'll get after working 80 hours a week will go to buying shit for the Army (e.g. go pay 40 bucks to get your named sewed on this new dick plate that you'll never actually use!). The rest will go to the alcoholism you'll need to escape your miserable existence which will revolve around trying to avoid getting maimed or killed in training when not trying to avoid getting maimed or killed fighting for Israel. If you're dead set on enlisting, take the minimum enlistment of three years, and then gtfo and immediately use your GI bill to get a BA in some field you want to work in. No matter how much retiontion tries to suck your dick, do fucking not reup. The bullshit you'll experience as an enlisted man is nothing compared to the bullshit you'll experience as a non-closet psychopath NCO.
 
So you want a deskjob ostensibly operationally supportin troops in the field, and you think they are "dying for Israel"and therefore "gay"???
You really ARE a disgusting bucket of smegma.
Pretty much the only job that fits your character is, ironically, a recruiter
Jeez, you guys are really sensitive about your lame job killing children in foreign countries. promoting homosex worldwide and being wellfare queens. I wasn't saying that people in the army are gay because they die for Israel, I'm saying that it's gay to want to die for Israel.
Not sure if troll but...
Honestly, the armed forces are better off without you. The fact that you publicly solicited help for your stupid fraud shows how much of a piece of shit you are. Rate me MATI all you fucking want, you will become another Fort Hood casualty. You absolute piece of shit, people will die because of a valorless scumbag who lied his way into a position. I will personally dox you and rat your faggot ass out to the Army. May your post-college job search be fruitless, you lying sack of shit. Entitled greedy pricks like you deserve a lifetime of flipping burgers.

EDIT:View attachment 1667760 behold, your faggotry immortalized by Google. Also, haha fat.
Wow, you really got me there. I bet I'm the only person who has applied to the army who's slightly overweight. That'll be sure to pinpoint me.

>Army
>Pays well

Lol, you're in for a major surprise if you do actually manage to get in.

Half of the sub-minimum wage pay you'll get after working 80 hours a week will go to buying shit for the Army (e.g. go pay 40 bucks to get your named sewed on this new dick plate that you'll never actually use!). The rest will go to the alcoholism you'll need to escape your miserable existence which will revolve around trying to avoid getting maimed or killed in training when not trying to avoid getting maimed or killed fighting for Israel. If you're dead set on enlisting, take the minimum enlistment of three years, and then gtfo and immediately use your GI bill to get a BA in some field you want to work in. No matter how much retiontion tries to suck your dick, do fucking not reup. The bullshit you'll experience as an enlisted man is nothing compared to the bullshit you'll experience as a non-closet psychopath NCO.
Honestly, this whole army thing seems like a scam for low IQ losers lol.
 
Jeez, you guys are really sensitive about your lame job killing children in foreign countries. promoting homosex worldwide and being wellfare queens. I wasn't saying that people in the army are gay because they die for Israel, I'm saying that it's gay to want to die for Israel.

Wow, you really got me there. I bet I'm the only person who has applied to the army who's slightly overweight. That'll be sure to pinpoint me.


Honestly, this whole army thing seems like a scam for low IQ losers lol.
That's because it is. Just bluntly ask your recruiter about his quota. I'm guessing he/she is likely an E6 (staff sergeant) right? They're pretty much taking it in the ass themselves where if they don't meet their quotas for recruitment they can actually get article 15s themselves. That's why they'll outright tell you to lie about shit in order to get you in.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Rafal Gan Ganowicz
>Army
>Pays well

Lol, you're in for a major surprise if you do actually manage to get in.

Half of the sub-minimum wage pay you'll get after working 80 hours a week will go to buying shit for the Army (e.g. go pay 40 bucks to get your named sewed on this new dick plate that you'll never actually use!). The rest will go to the alcoholism you'll need to escape your miserable existence which will revolve around trying to avoid getting maimed or killed in training when not trying to avoid getting maimed or killed fighting for Israel. If you're dead set on enlisting, take the minimum enlistment of three years, and then gtfo and immediately use your GI bill to get a BA in some field you want to work in. No matter how much retiontion tries to suck your dick, do fucking not reup. The bullshit you'll experience as an enlisted man is nothing compared to the bullshit you'll experience as a non-closet psychopath NCO.
He says he'll have a BA soon. In Canada, that makes you an officer. As a chairborne 2LT, this lump of ambergris will be even more likely to endanger troops in one fashion or another (imagine him in QM selling gear to the locals, etc). I really hope @Cristobal's Colon carries through with his threat to dox this smudge.

ETA: @mr.moon1488 is dead right about psychopathic NCOs. We have a shit job, and abuse shitbags. Really hope you meet a few of our ilk on your OCS.
 
  • Thunk-Provoking
Reactions: mr.moon1488
You'd absolutely get caught up in the web of lies and it will absolutely come to bite you back in the ass eventually.
Also I don't think I've ever imagined a more retarded concept... Asking kiwis of all people to be your fake references. LOL!
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Cristobal’s Colon
You'd absolutely get caught up in the web of lies and it will absolutely come to bite you back in the ass eventually.
Also I don't think I've ever imagined a more retarded concept... Asking kiwis of all people to be your fake references. LOL!
Let's be his references...and rat his ass out to the interviewers.
 
  • Late
Reactions: Rafal Gan Ganowicz
WOW WHAT A PRESTIGIOUS ORGANIZATION WHAT A SHAME I WONT BE A PART OF IT
 

Attachments

  • 8a56cee5f9b7fd8c760b8ae502d68626.jpg
    8a56cee5f9b7fd8c760b8ae502d68626.jpg
    44.4 KB · Views: 27
  • article-0-12748505000005DC-84_1024x615_large.jpg
    article-0-12748505000005DC-84_1024x615_large.jpg
    107.5 KB · Views: 21
  • GAY-MILTARY.jpg
    GAY-MILTARY.jpg
    50 KB · Views: 16
  • obama_gay_military.jpg
    obama_gay_military.jpg
    191.4 KB · Views: 18
>Army
>Pays well

Lol, you're in for a major surprise if you do actually manage to get in.

Half of the sub-minimum wage pay you'll get after working 80 hours a week will go to buying shit for the Army (e.g. go pay 40 bucks to get your named sewed on this new dick plate that you'll never actually use!). The rest will go to the alcoholism you'll need to escape your miserable existence which will revolve around trying to avoid getting maimed or killed in training when not trying to avoid getting maimed or killed fighting for Israel. If you're dead set on enlisting, take the minimum enlistment of three years, and then gtfo and immediately use your GI bill to get a BA in some field you want to work in. No matter how much retiontion tries to suck your dick, do fucking not reup. The bullshit you'll experience as an enlisted man is nothing compared to the bullshit you'll experience as a non-closet psychopath NCO.

Yeah, the successful ex-military people I know did a few years, got their college paid for, got a clearance, and then hopped to private sector DoD contractors, law enforcement, etc. There's really no reason to stick around and deal with the bullshit when the military effectively pays you to train for a better job.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: mr.moon1488
WOW WHAT A PRESTIGIOUS ORGANIZATION WHAT A SHAME I WONT BE A PART OF IT
I've had a change of heart. In these uncertain times, a bachelor's degree hardly guarantees a job. I see how having no friends can hurt your job prospects and I want to be of help. Call my cell: 844-276-9243. We can discuss the references from there.

Kind regards,
Cristobal's Colon
 
  • Semper Fidelis
Reactions: inception_state
I've had a change of heart. In these uncertain times, a bachelor's degree hardly guarantees a job. I see how having no friends can hurt your job prospects and I want to be of help. Call my cell: 844-276-9243. We can discuss the references from there.

Kind regards,
Cristobal's Colon
Thanks for the number. I'll be sure to go to every disgusting bathroom in town and write that on the wall followed by "Call for a good time". I'm sure you'll get a lot of diverse hires!
 
Thanks for the number. I'll be sure to go to every disgusting bathroom in town and write that on the wall followed by "Call for a good time". I'm sure you'll get a lot of diverse hires!
So you'll finally erase your number from the wall?
 
Back