Well now there’s allegations about me, so I guess I need to issue a statement. First off, hello. It’s been a while since we’ve talked. I’ve been pretty quiet and absent from social media and content for a good bit now (since early June to be exact - there’s reasons and I will get into them through the course of this letter, since I guess I can’t seem to avoid it).
Let me be clear, I am not happy about sharing all of this. I’ve shared most of my life with you, successes, failures, embarrassing moments, painful ones, lots and lots of stuff. You know when I shit my pants, you know when about my issues with impotence. But I’d like to have some level of privacy in my life. Some line where I am allowed to keep parts to myself. It’s an issue I’ve had with this relationship with y’all (the audience for a long time). I have trouble finding the line, but for my sanity I need to.
There’s an allegation out there that I sexted with a member of the community in the past. This is partially true, but I need to clear some things up. Until these last few weeks, I had no idea about the Ryan stuff. None. None of us did. We found out when you did. The accusation this person made about me knowing, is just not true. I’ve kept silent on the subject of him and Adam, not out of some sort of guilt or complacency, but out of horror and pain. It also hits very close to home for me and the reasons I’ve been absent these last few months.
I don’t have a well-documented list of events, hence my timelines are by memory, so forgive me if they are a little foggy.
I’ll start by saying that I’m not sharing any of this to disparage anyone.
Griffon and I were headed toward divorce years ago. Without getting too far into it, as it’s really no one's business but ours, we recognized it and did everything in our power to stop it. We tried multiple therapists, and many other things. One of our last attempts to right the ship was polyamory. For the last year or so we were together, we opened the relationship up. We didn’t do this lightly. We read multiple books about it, talked to people from that community, and even proactively got and started seeing a poly therapist to help us navigate (and when that wasn’t a good fit, we got a different poly therapist).
We tried to be as ethical and fair and kind to each other as possible in the process. That meant total communication, even when painful. This is another thing I need to refute from that report. When Griffon and I were together, I never kept things secret from her, nor she from me, and I always communicated that with the people I saw, as did she.
In that process we dated new people, and we both learned a lot about social media. I’d been married for about 22 years at that point (across two marriages obv), and had never dated with social media before. Tinder, snapchat, instagram, bumble, these were all ways people now met and expressed interest to each other, and in ways I’d never experienced before.
I was told this is how people dated now in the modern era, so I gave it a shot. Ultimately I found it to be an unbalanced and unrewarding way to meet and date.
I never set out to date people from the community, but I did meet a few. People would approach me constantly, from inside and outside of the community. I met and dated a few women during this time. I definitely talked with women who were familiar with Rooster Teeth. I did have a lot of insomnia in those days, and I definitely remember talking to a kind woman from Australia who approached me, and flirted with her, as she did with me. I saw this as nothing more than two consenting adults who were getting to know each other.
In the process, but not because of it, Griffon and I decided to separate and eventually divorce. I met and dated people in that time as well. I was newly single and extremely lonely and heartbroken and was pretty receptive to kind attention. Ultimately, in the process I decided that dating people from the community wasn’t for me. I felt at a huge disadvantage spending time with someone who already knew so much about me, and I so little about them. It left me feeling pretty exposed and uncomfortable, so I started hiding the Rooster Teeth part of my life, and only dating women from sites like Tinder and Bumble, where we met on equal footing.
Eventually I met my current girlfriend who knew nothing about RT or the community.
And that’s it. I never groomed anyone, I never approached anyone or manipulated them. I never did any of the unacceptable shit others have done. At every step I tried to be ethical and communicative and honest with people. When someone approached me out of interest, and I was interested in them, I got to know them. I thought I was being a single, consenting adult, getting to know others. I was just trying to navigate dating with a bunch of scary and exciting new social media platforms, and ultimately I hated them, and stopped.
None of this is why I’ve been silent, but I recognize that my silence will be interpreted as such, so here we go.
I had a complete and total nervous breakdown in June. My battle with alcohol addiction (still not drinking btw, still haven’t fucked that up), divorce, rebuilding my life from the ground up, taking the new role in the company, the (what felt like weekly) new controversies at RT, the political climate, the BLM stuff, all left me in a really raw and diminished state. Then, in June (and I’m not going to talk about it in detail probably ever - I just fucking can’t), there was a family tragedy that was more than I could bear. I took an immediate leave of absence from RT (Luis and Jordan were very kind and supportive of this, and everyone at RT has been incredibly patient with me, - I cannot thank them enough). With a lot of help from therapy and close friends and family I’m trying to put myself back together. It’s slow, and often feels impossible, but I’m working at it every day.
I’m not sure how to end this other than to say, I’ve never tried to be anything but ethical and honest with people, and I’ve never tried to take advantage of them or my status. If I missed that mark, I can only apologize and continue to try and grow and be better than I was.
If you do view me as a villain, take it out on me. Not my daughter, girlfriend, ex-wife, or co-workers. And regardless of how you feel about me, I love y’all.
Alert! Alert!