In October 2017, Alexx gets the last of the diagnoses she's been chasing for two years, gastroparesis. On her way home from her appointment, she swings by starbucks for a drink then IKEA for lunch, lol. She trains her tiny dog to close drawers for her because she can rock climb for hours but drawers are just too much strain on her poor EDS joints. And Oliver barks at a baby. "He's a dog not a robot!"
very compliant with her gp diet
There are other dogs and that is why Oliver is not following commands on this particular day.
There's a part three where I'll get more into detail with alexx's weird network of service dog owner-trainers, both professional and amateur, explaining just how dumb their claims are if you break them down and strip out the rampant personification. For now let's just stick with the basics. Phoenix the rescue dog was a migraine/asthma alert, mobility, and guide dog for her handler. Her handler isn't blind or low vision, she claimed the dog needed to guide her when she was disoriented from mental health shit, which is not what guide dogs actually do. Dogs don't understand navigation or traffic. They follow the handler's lead. Phoenix has some pretty visible joint issues (see her splayed legs when she sits) that may be behavioral, often looks uneasy, and her owner's tactics for forcing compliance range from ineffective to appalling. None of this matters because after a few years of being trotted around as an accessory, Phoenix died a sudden death at a young age. As for the photo caption, Neither Alexx nor Jess needs to use the handicap door button. Alexx decides to add it to her list of things to train him anyway, somehow. Oh, and yes, Jessica is a young fat white woman.
You walked around in 95 degree heat and desert sun for hours without hydrating and your heart rate spiked. That's the very rare and dangerous condition known as "being a mammal."
dog shits on the floor of the mall. LOL ACCIDENTS HAPPEN GUYS!
Her trainer starts an IPO course and Alexx wants in. What could possibly go wrong with teaching a dog with obedience issues that it is okay, even desirable, to bite people who approach him sometimes and then take said dog to Disney? Thankfully Oliver is too dumb and stubborn to learn anything.
There are sounds and that is why Oliver is not following commands on this particular day.
sushi and ice cream
Dogs fuss at the end of a movie. Both girls claim it's Important Service Dog Business and not just dogs seeking attention. Phoenix is giving alerts to Jessica and Oliver is doing "light pressure therapy." The girls play IRL munchie olympics for a while and then freak out because someone else is playing with their dog in the mall and only
they may play with their dogs in the mall. #ShortTermMemoryProblems (and yes, fellow dog training nerds, I see everything that's wrong in that first picture and i am MOTI about it but we'll save that for now)
Dog goes to a concert, ends up in her lap again, def a task
A GP-friendly meal of sushi and buttered popcorn. Jessica has switched from a martingale she doesn't know how to use to a halti and light mobility harness she doesn't know how to use and is now doing "forward momentum pulling" on a dog with fucked joints. Harness isn't even adjusted properly. Oliver ends up in Alexx's lap yet again. It's almost like he's a lapdog or something.
Over on Jessica's account, Alexx wants her doctor to give her pain killers that WORK!
Another movie ends with these two playing with their dogs off-leash at the mall. I always assume the trend for working dogs off-leash in public places is a bid to have an ACCESS ISSUE!!!!!! they can scream about on instagram. Most business owners and employees know not to kick someone out because of a service dog now, but most would also assume the ADA says your service dog must be leashed in public (it does not). Same when they work their dogs "nakey" - there's absolutely no reason not to mark your service dog as a service dog unless you're trying to bait people into questioning its presence.
She goes to TopGolf ~10 times over the course of a few months; the dog never comes. N/S as to why she is in less danger of drinking rancid goat milk in this particular public place than others.
GP-friendly charcuterie platter and pulled pork sliders.
Alexx gets a sponsorship with a dog gear brand, tries to explain why she needs a service dog. "I CAN'T SMELL SPOILED GOAT'S MILK." Nailed it. Now claiming he knows a fall response lol. Also mentions hoping he learns to alert to mold. Mold is everywhere, dipshit.
Finally, Ollie is going back for another board-and-train, this time to learn the smoke and gas leak alerts that will truly save Alexx's life one day.
Three weeks later: lol j/k stupid dog is too stupid for nosework. He learned the very, very beginning steps of alerting to the rotten egg/gas leak smell but he overall has no clue what he's doing and Alexx doesn't reinforce anything at home.
Snow exists and that is why Oliver is not following his commands on this particular day.
Necessary service dog is taken to Biosphere 2 where he ignores her because he'd rather eat ants.
Another day, another sushi platter. It's seriously all this kid eats.
"He's ever so vigilant and curious, it's hard to get and keep his attention."
Here, someone who has a pet shih tzu asks what it's like to work with one, since theirs is so stubborn and impossible to train. Alexx answers that he's very stubborn and doesn’t listen and gets bored easily and half asses things all the time but it’s just because hes soooo smart. She doesn’t have any problems with him tasking, though! Not specified: because he never actually has to do a task. He’s strictly ornamental.
At last, her final year of high school ends and Alexx announces that she can't graduate because she didn't attend her junior year and instead spent the year chasing diagnoses and claiming to be too stressed out to keep up with coursework. She has at least another semester of high school before she gets her diploma. lol
Brings the muppet to another con. "Esmeralda the Pink Poodle" is exactly what you think. A service poodle whose owner dyes her pink, takes her to disney, and screeches at anyone who looks at her. The owner claims she has POTS and mentions medical alerts but the only described "task" I saw in my admittedly brief browse of her profile was that when her handler cries, Esmeralda licks up the tears for her. Why? Because munchie logic.
And what do you know, owner is a young, fat, white woman. It's almost like there's some kind of pattern here, but what could it be???
Planning a Disney trip, spending money on expensive nerd-crap (she buys a LOT of expensive nerd-crap), and subtly showing off that medical alert bracelet.
There's a cup of congealed nacho cheese on the ground and that is why Oliver is not following commands on this particular day.
You say sassy smirk, I say glassy-eyed vacant stare.
So far the mop has ended up in her lap at almost every movie or show she attends and she always has a different reason for why he ended up there.
Ooo back-to-back crossovers with others from my Florida project - this is why she got lumped in with them originally. Gryffindogs is Mel Lucas, the fat butch obsessive dog trainer/competitor who was friends with Phoebe until Phoebe had her miracle healing saga and tried to convert Mel's religion. She started off claiming muh autism and wearing noise blocking headphones at Disney. At the start of her most recent account she was claiming mostly obesity-related diseases like Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease and admitting her weight was causing all her issues. About a year ago she started seeing Trevino, starved herself stupid (at one point claimed a hilariously impossible 60 lb loss in two weeks or something like that) and got the standard Trevino port-feeding tube-barbie cart combo in record time. She also constipated herself with high doses of opiates to the point of getting an ostomy. She spent most of the last few months in the ICUs of several Central Florida hospitals for many sepsis-es and wound fuckery incidents. (The results of this contest she's entered are so amazing they are the entire reason I need a third post)
And FlyWithNimbus is Cassie, a mom of two tater babies and one functional child. Rather than be brave Hartley-esque super mom of disabled kids, Cassie needs ALL the attention. She mentions them only when she needs to show that she is much sicker than her 5 year old non-verbal tube-fed son who can't sit unassisted. Pops off to Florida every few weeks to go to Disney with her dog, leaving the kids at home with Dad. Cassie is far too sick and disabled for any job, but spends 40 hours a week grooming her dog and sewing it new outfits. At one point she relocates her family to central Florida to make it easier for her to take the dog to Disney - no really, that's actually the reason she gave. Both Mel and Cassie have long histories of buying, burning out, and discarding service dogs. Oh and yes, both are young, fat women.
claiming her EDS hands are too fragile to use chopsticks but just fine to rock climb.
Six! Debilitating! Conditions! Her safe foods include ice cream and club sandwiches and she's posted herself eating foods from the no-no list. And where's the goat milk her dog must protect her from?
Finally, Oliver gets his opportunity to show his skills and save Alexx's life! By repeatedly ignoring her commands and investigating a scorpion she thought was a cricket. It was only a matter of time before she maybe could have stepped on it, thank god he
ignored informed her. But stupid fucker didn't try to eat it, at least.
The poodle is an active breeder bitch but also a service dog. Nothing says "this dog is my lifeline" like having it out of commission for months at a time to gestate, whelp, and nurse a litter of puppies for you to shuck. The mal's profiles are mostly locked down but she hangs out with voodoo, does IPO, owner chimps if questioned about the dog. Both handlers are fat white women, but one is middle aged. Wow, something new and different.
Sully belongs to the same woman as the other poodle. Over on Furball's page Alexx complains of migraines
Phoenix looking miserable as always. Don't worry dear angel, the sweet release of death will find you soon. Alexx tags celebrities in her pics.
Back at her old summer camp as staff
Dog is too lazy to walk short distances.
Eventually Alexx will learn that posting all this stuff she eats is contradicting her gastroparesis story, but not yet.
Jesus christ. Alright. pretty sure kismet is a pet; mythicalherok9 is an autism/psych SD for a queer autistic spoonicorn; Jakobi is another poodle from the same breeder as the other two, owner constantly out of spoons but uploads timelapse videos of her washing, drying, combing, and banding the dog's coat for like 6 hours straight; asl.pack is a mobility poodle for an enormous fatass who complains of weak joints, pray to god that she's not bearing her weight on that spindly SOB; azservicepaws is a multi-purpose service poodle for fibromyalgia and lyme disease lmao; specialsnowflakes owner never stated what the dog was for but it's retired now so whatever; desertk9's account is locked but she has a business page where she makes/sells service dog gear; Abby and Voodoo are the bitework mals; and Victor's owner claims migraines and vertigo, dyes the dog neon colors, then loses her mind when people look at it. All owners young, white women, only one is a healthy weight. If you don't know what goes into grooming a poodle in show coat, go watch some youtube videos, then come back here and laugh because all these women claim they can't even wash the dishes due to low spoons. Maybe get a dog that doesn't require full-time staff.
There's a corgi present and that is why Oliver is not following commands on this particular day.
As per usual, all these dogs are owned by young, fat, white girls, most with neon hair.
The chihuahua looking thing is a "diabetic alert and EDS service dog" for an enormous t1d deathfat pre-vet student. She has thank god let the poor thing retire and replaced him with a Leonberger that she takes to Disney all the time.
And because it's always grand to show how incestuous this community is, let's say hello to Alex and Levi the Mutant Golden while we're here.
Alexx goes to a school dance for the first time in years. Remember when she said she had a semester to make up because she didn't attend her junior year? She didn't attend this year either, this time blowing it off to hang out exclusively with other spoonies and really integrate into their culture of utter stagnation.
Diet is still impeccable.
After eating a meal of GP friendly indian food, Alexx allows the dog to go off-leash and "find mom" in public. Because just working him off leash isn't enough, you have to send the dog unattended to wander the store if you want maximum potential ACCESS ISSUES!!!! drama
petting the dog is now tactile stimulation for grounding and anxiety attacks.
Everyone here is training but ollie would prefer not to. Yes that's a cane corso, yes it's a "service dog", yes her owner won't put her on a leash in public. Cane corsos are intentionally bred to look intimidating because they're primarily guard dogs. She's absolutely baiting people into complaining that the enormous demonic looking dog is not on a leash and they feel this is unsafe and must be illegal, so she can REEEEEE about the ADA.
it is now three years since she got Oliver and he still only knows how to bark at milk. This post marks a full year since his last board and train, where he didn't learn to bark at gas leaks. All she's done since then is decide that normal things she does like pet the dog and put him on her lap are now very important tasks.
OTHER PEOPLE FAKING SICK MADE THE LINE TO BUY MY OVERPRICED NERD SHIT WAY TOO LONG. I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO GO FIRST!
"stimming"
Here's where Alexx realizes, finally, that her GP act needs some work, and she starts to mention skipping meals, forgetting that normal people have to eat, "I can only eat this one thing from this one restaurant" etc etc.
Kids are playing so Ollie is distracted.
While in orlando she meets up at Disney with Mel Lucas and Goodboy Godric.
Disney trip with her family - her older brother was in the College Program so they all came to visit for a week. Mostly post pics of the dog dressed up in ridiculous costumes. she had her dad clear the area of other photo-takers so she could get the perfect picture of her favorite toy.
GP-friendly beignets and chocolate sauce.
A few weeks later, off to another convention. Unlike her dog who can't wait in line unless she's sitting and patting him, she sure has a lot of stamina.
August, 2019, Alexx entered her third consecutive senior year of high school, this time at a special school that caters to the, err, "academically ungifted." And she's already staying home sick.
Oliver turns four, she can't wait to see what he accomplishes before his next birthday. Spoiler alert: she never takes him for another board-and-train, she stops posting videos of his milk barking skills, and he accomplished absolutely nothing before his next birthday except completing another circle around the sun.
Time for the long-delayed senior year Disney trip she tried to grift. She, her friend, and the dog go to Disneyland. Alexx gives away that she's abusing her disability pass to repeatedly ride all the rides that people queue for hours to get on once, and they eat Alexx's ultimate safe food, sushi (and also deviled eggs and a tuna poke bowl under that rice cracker tent). I don't feel comfortable posting other pics from this simply because they're really not important to this timeline and her friend seems like a very nice and normal girl.
In February 2020 for Ollie's annual "gotcha day" post, she admits her reason for leaving school the first time was mostly depression and social anxiety and that being the girl with the service dog made her feel special. Why the fuck are this dog's front feet at a 180 degree angle? Is that normal?
Just before the parks were closed by Rona-chan, Alexx goes on a school trip to Disneyland. There she tries the blue milk which is mostly made of coconut oil, sugar, and assorted artificial flavors and stabilizers blended with ice, which is why Alexx - and everyone else who tries it - complains that it has a very strange silky/oily texture. No actual milk, goat or otherwise. I wonder if the dog barked at it. Again she abuses her disability pass to get herself and her friends on all the good rides without queueing for hours.
She has increasingly given up on trying to prove her dog is anything more than ornamental
Abusing her DAS to get on the good rides again
Omg my friend maaade me eat! Silly gastroparesis!
Alexx turns 20, has her tonsils out, eats ice cream cake.
Thanks for structuring your entire life around my endless need for attention at the expense of everything else!
As far as I can tell she left school again - she never says anything about finally finishing or graduating against all odds despite her terrible health woes. Now she works as a dog washer for the munchie/service dog handler/poodle breeder mentioned earlier.
Holy shit this kid is a full IDPol bingo card. Shelter pit bull SDIT for a young white obviously female spoonie who calls herself Caden (he/him!!!!), wants to train the dog for vauge psychiatric and mobility tasks, hopes she can work the dog off-leash soon, #blacklivesmatter
As if I have summoned her, Alexx has just this week broken her long streak of barely posting and rarely mentioning health to discuss her invisible disabilities and how she has to smile through the pain and that's why she can do all the fun things she wants to do but none of the icky boring adult stuff.
She starts with her anosmia. She doesn't trust smoke alarms because machines can fail, unlike a dog who is trained to sometimes bark at milk and one day, god help him, he'll learn to sometimes bark at smoke too! She showers a lot because she can't tell if she stinks. Pleasant.
Migraines, constant pain she has to smile through, completely debilitated her, no treatments worked, pain only went away during hospital admissions. Her friends are tired of her shit. Does not mention whether or not she ever finished high school so I'll take that as a no, lol.
Anxiety: school made her anxious and she would panic at the mere word, took several mental health professionals to convince her this was in her head, this is why she has short-term memory loss.
Social anxiety: because she needed seven diagnoses if she wanted one for each day of this awareness week but she only claims Six! Debilitating! Illnesses! Points out the obvious: that having a service dog of a non-standard breed that you dress in silly costumes, when you yourself look and act perfectly healthy, whose sole trained task is ridiculous, draws a fuck ton of attention and judgement and unwanted interaction with strangers. Also reinforcing that she once again did not finish school, she mentions she only missed scattered days, but doesn't mention completing. Her school closed in March for covid, so if she didn't graduate (again) she's not technically lying. Bonus points for including an infogram that cheerfully points out every one of her claimed symptoms except no-smelly syndrome and migraine is caused by anxiety. Good job, dumbfuck.
I'm very much enjoying how few fucks that little retard is giving, and his glassy eyed stare and underbite brings me much joy.
